The Story of Us
by bdd4evr
Summary: JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. Mostly T but some chapters will be rated M - will warn. Femslash - Emily/JJ. Chapter 32 is up - Please read and review.
1. By Your Side

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: The story is rated M but not all chapters will be M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat. **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

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The consistent sound of the ventilator was starting to drive Emily Prentiss crazy. Though she knew that it meant life for the woman lying in the bed before her, she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to continue listening to it. She'd been sitting in this same room listening to the rhythmic whooshing sound over and over for the past 6 hours. As she was watching the now familiar white, accordion shaped, air bag compress and expand over and over again, she found herself reminded of the song "Machinehead" by the band Bush. She kept hearing Gavin Rossdale's voice singing the familiar refrain in her head.

"Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out." she whispered her plea to the patient before her. "It's okay to let the machine work for you right now, Jareau, but I expect you to stop this bullshit sometime soon. We have a life to lead and a son that needs you. I need you."

Jareau was one Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Emily's wife and the mother of their infant son, Henry. Both Emily and JJ were Supervisory Special Agents for the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit in Quantico, VA. Emily was one of the unit's profilers and JJ the unit's press liaison. The two women worked and lived together, spending almost every waking hour with one another. While most couples, no matter how much they loved each other, would end up suffocating under the constant presence of their partner, Emily and JJ wouldn't have it any other way. That's why Emily sat here now in this Minneapolis hospital holding the hand of the woman she loved, listening to the ventilator help JJ breathe, watching JJ's life displayed in the many machines that kept track of JJ's vital statistics, willing JJ to wake up.

Emily couldn't help but remember the last time she was in a hospital room with JJ. The circumstance was a much happier one, as it had been the day their son was born. Thoughts of Henry played in the profiler's mind. The little boy looked so much like JJ she would melt every time her son looked at her with the same bright blue eyes that he shared with his mother. She sighed as she thought about him having to spend extra time with Amanda, the live-in nanny they had hired to look after him. The two agents were gone so often it was really their only choice once it had been decided that JJ would return to work rather than be a stay-at-home mom. It's not what JJ wanted and Emily felt that was JJ's decision to make. Which is not to say they hadn't argued about it.

She knew she needed to leave JJ's side if only for a few minutes to check on their son but she was afraid once she left JJ would wake up and find herself alone. As much as Emily wanted JJ to regain consciousness, she didn't want her to be alone when it happened. Emily had decided to go make the necessary phone call when her friend Penelope Garcia walked into JJ's room.

Garcia, as the team affectionately calls her, was the BAU's technical analyst and JJ's best friend. She was JJ's maid-of-honor at their wedding and godmother to their son. Emily immediately realized that their Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner must have arranged to fly Garcia in from headquarters for moral support. That and Garcia would have gone crazy, and thusly made Hotch crazy, waiting to hear updates on JJ's status back in Quantico. Hotch knew how much the blonde media liaison meant to the computer wiz and Emily was grateful to have Garcia to lean on. Yes the rest of her team was here too but Garcia was the one person she wanted to be here the most.

"Oh my sweet girl!" exclaimed the zaftig blonde woman, going pale and tears welling in her eyes at the sight of JJ lying in a hospital bed, hooked to a ventilator with what appeared to be dozens of tubes connected to her body. Surrounded by all these machines, JJ looked tiny and certainly didn't give off the appearance of the tough FBI agent that she actually was.

Emily stood up and hugged their friend without letting go of JJ's hand. She didn't want to lose contact with her wife even if it was to comfort someone so important to the two of them. Garcia had always been supportive of their relationship, JJ having told Garcia about them right after their first date, so it was no surprise that she would be here now. Emily was just sorry that Garcia had to make the trip for this reason and that she had to see her best friend like this.

"Has she improved at all, Em?"

"She's about the same since they moved her to her room. The doctors don't really expect much of an improvement for the next 24 to 48 hours. That's a long time from now and this has already been a hell of a long day. Five hours of surgery, 12 hours of recovery." replied Emily retaking her seat at JJ's side. "At least now that she's in her own room I can sit with her. I'm just not sure if I'm going to make it through this."

"You will. You have to. For both of you. For Henry. Speaking of which, I called Amanda right after it happened so she didn't see it on the news. It's all over the place, Em. It's big news when an agent gets shot, especially on live TV. Henry's fine. Amanda is making sure he doesn't see any of the footage. He may only be 5 months old but he still doesn't need to see his mom getting shot."

"No, you're right about that. He doesn't. I was actually just telling myself I needed to call Amanda and check on him when you walked in but I didn't want to leave JJ. Thanks for taking care of that for me."

"Em, Amanda says she loves you two and hopes that JJ will be home soon. She's been trying to call you but it's going straight to voicemail." Garcia said

"I shut off my phone. I didn't want to have it go off when JJ's surrounded by these machines. Plus I really don't want to hear from my mother or hers for that matter." Emily stated. "Mrs. Jareau means well but she just doesn't get JJ. And you know she's not my biggest fan. I'm sure Hotch called her and I expect to see her here any moment now. It's been almost 24 hours since JJ got shot." Emily continued with a quick glance of the clock hanging on the wall.

Emily's whole life had changed about 24 hours before. The team was in Minneapolis looking for an unsub that was targeting blonde-haired, blue-eyed women in their mid- twenties to early-thirties. Emily had noticed at JJ's initial presentation in their conference room, how remarkably the unsub's seven victims resembled the woman standing before her. She had made a mental note to keep a close watch on her wife while they worked on this case. Hotch understood Emily's concern and had paired the two women together, knowing that if Emily could keep an eye on JJ, Emily would be better able to focus. Not that she would have been sub-par if she weren't with JJ, that was not something Agent Prentiss was capable of, but she would be more at ease knowing that JJ was safe.

So when JJ was standing at the temporary dais that the Minneapolis Police Department had placed on the steps in front of their station, telling the local media about the person they were seeking in the murders of these women, Emily was watching. Emily was always a little awed by the way JJ controlled her press conferences. She knew she could never be as relaxed as JJ was given both the circumstances of the press conference and the questions being hurled at her in such a rapid-fire manner. JJ stood at the podium in her crisp white shirt and black slacks, blond hair falling about her shoulders, taking question after question without even breaking a sweat. Emily thought JJ was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen and she still couldn't believe that this was the person that she shared her life with.

Emily was watching her lover proudly when all of a sudden JJ paused. This strange look appeared to overtake JJ's face, a combination of shock and pain. Emily's eyes narrowed wondering what was wrong when she noticed a bright red spot start to appear on JJ's white shirt, just above her right breast. Emily watched JJ look down at the spot that was starting to get bigger then look up to meet Emily's eyes before collapsing on the steps she was standing on. Emily pushed her way through the crowd yelling at people to get the hell out of her way. By the time Emily was able to get to her wife, JJ was losing a lot of blood despite the efforts of Hotch, who had been standing about 10 feet away from the liaison, to try to stop it by putting pressure over the chest wound Emily could hear taking in air. Emily had never seen such fear in JJ's eyes as she reached….

"Emily?"

Emily was snapped out of her thoughts of that horrible morning when Garcia placed her hand on Emily's shoulder.

"What? I'm sorry. I was just remembering how this whole mess started. Did you ask me something?"

"Yes. I asked how you were doing? I'm worried about you."

"Thanks but I'm more worried about JJ. And Henry. I've just been sitting here, holding her hand, thinking about our life. Trying to remember the way she says my name, the way she laughs, how much she loves our son, how much she loves me. I can't stand seeing her this way and I'd give anything to switch places with her."

Emily looked up at Garcia who now had tears running down her face unafraid to show the emotional toll this was taking on her. Garcia could only imagine how devastating this was for Emily. She knew how much her friends loved each other. And she knew that, if JJ died, Emily would be left a shattered mess. Garcia just prayed that didn't happen.

Emily, seeing her friend crying, stood up a second time and hugged her friend, again never releasing the hold she had on JJ's hand.

"I don't think have any tears left, Pen. I feel like I've been crying forever."

Just as Emily said that, JJ's cardiovascular surgeon, Dr. Neil Harden, came in followed closely by Aaron Hotchner and JJ's mother, Donna Jareau. The sight of her only daughter lying so helplessly in her bed staggered Mrs. Jareau and Hotch placed a hand on her elbow to help steady her. Donna looked at Emily and gave her a polite smile before heading to the other side of JJ's bed and taking JJ's other hand. Emily winced at the sight of Hotch's shirt. He had blood, JJ's blood, down the front and both cuffs, though they were rolled up, were tinged dark concealing the blood that was on those as well.

"The nurses in the monitoring station say that Agent Jareau's vitals have remained relatively stable. That's good news. Mrs. Jareau wanted to me explain what we should expect over the next few days so I thought I would come in and talk to all parties involved." Dr Harden explained. Dr. Harden knew of the relationship between the two agents and was not going to keep Emily out of the loop. That and he knew that Agent Prentiss held Agent Jareau's advance medical directive and power of attorney allowing her to make any necessary medical decisions on the other woman's behalf.

"Agent Jareau…" he continued

"JJ" Emily interrupted. "I'm sorry but can you please call her JJ."

"Very well, JJ has suffered a tremendous amount of trauma but she is relatively lucky. I say that only because I have seen much worse damage done by bullets. It nicked her right lung but missed the major blood vessel that lies right there that supplies blood to her heart. If it had hit the Superior Vena Cava, we wouldn't be standing here in this room right now. The bullet also exited cleanly without bouncing around inside of her doing further damage. It did fracture her left scapula as it exited but missed her spinal column."

Emily looked over at Garcia and noticed she subconsciously had her hand placed over the scar that remained from her own bullet wound and brush with death. Emily gently placed her hand over Garcia's to provide a little comfort to her blonde friend.

"So what's next, Dr. Harden?" asked Hotch

"Well, although JJ has been very lucky to this point, she was shot and has suffered damage to her right lung. The ventilator will help her breathe. We drained the blood that had been filling her lung and were able to repair a great deal of the damage during surgery but she would not be able to breathe on her own at this point. Her lung capacity is only at about 25-30% right now. But she does appear to be getting stronger which is a good sign. If she continues to improve, we will be able to remove the vent, even if she hasn't regained consciousness."

"Do you think that will happen, doctor?" asked Donna Jareau

"I'm optimistic that it will. There are no guarantees but she is doing about as well or maybe even better as anybody else I've ever seen that's been shot in the chest. She's young, strong, and incredibly healthy so that works in her favor too. But I don't know when that will happen. Today? Tomorrow? The day after? No one but the good man upstairs knows the answer to that question." the doctor answered.

"What can we do in the meantime?" asked Emily trying to find hope in the doctor's answers.

"Do what you've been doing, Agent Prentiss. Sit by her side, pray, talk to her. It's been my experience that the ones that make it are the ones that have the most to live for."

"Do you think she can hear me?" asked the dark-haired women

"Yes I do." replied the surgeon. He'd been doing this for a long time and many of his patients, once they had regained consciousness had told him the sound of their loved ones voices kept them alive.

"You two have a son together, right?" asked the doctor

"Yes. Henry."

"Then talk to her about Henry. About your life together. I assure you it will help. Now if you will excuse me, I have surgery scheduled to begin in about an hour. I'll be back to check on Agen…on JJ, later this afternoon."

They all thanked the surgeon for his time and watched him leave. Hotch and Garcia left to go give the rest of the team an update on JJ's condition leaving Emily in the room by herself with JJ's mother.

Ignoring the other woman, Emily stood up and kissed her wife gently on her forehead.

"See that baby, the doctor is optimistic and so am I. I know you will recover from this, Jareau. You have to. He says you can hear me so I'm going to remind you that I love you very much. That your son does too. He's doing okay, Jayj. Garcia checked with Amanda and he's fine." Emily said, tears that she thought she no longer had forming in her eyes. "I love you so much, sweetheart."

"Keep telling her that, Emily." JJ's mom said.

Emily looked up at the older blond woman more that a little shocked that she would encourage Emily to do so. To say that Donna Jareau was unsupportive of the relationship that Emily shared with her daughter would be an understatement. Donna had an extremely hard time accepting the fact that her daughter was involved in a gay relationship. She had an even harder time with it than Emily's own mother, which was really saying something.

"Don't be so surprised, Emily. I know how my daughter feels about you. Yes I am still having a hard time dealing with it but it doesn't mean that I don't know that JJ loves you very much. What is most important to me right now is her health. And if you talking to her and reminding her of your life together will help get her through this, well then that's all that matters."

"I have to say it makes me happy to hear you say that. It's all that matters to me too, Donna. I do love your daughter more than anything, except maybe our son but it's a really close race between those two. And I will sit here and talk to her until she wakes up even if it takes days. She means everything to me and…" Emily's tears finally won the battle they were fighting and she couldn't contain them anymore.

Donna Jareau moved over to the other side of JJ's bed and wrapped Emily in a warm embrace. She knew that Emily loved her daughter but, until this very moment, she didn't really know how much. Emily finally released the hand she had been holding for hours to hug JJ's mom, sobbing into the older woman's shoulder. Donna patted Emily's back and smoothed her hair while shedding her own tears. After a few minutes, Donna could tell that Emily was starting to compose herself again and she gently broke away from the embrace to look Emily in the eye.

"I'm going to go sit in that chair over by the window and I want you to talk to my daughter. I can't leave her but I want you to pretend that I'm not here. You are the only one that she'd want to hear from right now. You remind her of what's she's missing and what she needs to get back to." Donna told Emily honestly.

"Thank you, Donna. It means the world to me to have you realize that. I'm going to sit in this chair and talk to her. I'm going to tell her a story….the story of us."

**Please read and review**


	2. The Blonde Blur

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: The story is rated M but not all chapters will be M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat. **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

After watching Donna Jareau take a seat in the chair that looked out of the window in JJ's hospital room, Emily resumed her position in the chair next to JJ's bed and took JJ's hand again. She told Donna she would tell JJ about their story, the story of how Emily and JJ came to be. And she would continue to talk to her and tell her stories until JJ finally woke up from this terrible nightmare. Emily didn't know where to begin so she decided to start with the first time she saw the beautiful blonde.

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Emily couldn't have been more excited to find out she had been assigned to the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit. It had been her dream since she first decided that she was going to join the FBI right out of Yale. Her mother, Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss, wasn't very happy with the choice her daughter had made but that wasn't surprising since the Ambassador was hardly ever happy with any of Emily's choices.

Emily's first day enthusiasm, however, had been tempered by the reaction to her arrival by the BAU's Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner. She knew Hotchner from when he ran security clearances for her mother before she had gone to college but, although he recognized her from back then, he appeared to have no idea she had been assigned to his unit. He was polite in his dismissal but it left her both confused and a little hurt. It was during this meeting with Hotch that she first laid eyes on the woman that would one day become her wife. This blur of blond hair whisked into the unit chief's office to let him know the team was ready for their briefing.

After Emily had convinced Hotch to give her a chance and she officially joined the team, it was the blond haired blur that gave Emily her orientation to the team's procedures and protocols. Emily could still remember the first words ever spoken to her by the woman she would eventually marry:

"I'm SSA Jennifer Jareau, the unit's press liaison. Everybody calls me JJ." she said with the most dazzling smile Emily had ever seen as she reached out to shake Emily's hand.

Emily already knew working with this woman was going to be the death of her. Since joining the FBI 10-years earlier, Emily love life had certainly paid the price. With the long hours and commitment the Bureau required, finding time to date had been a challenge. But when she did find herself attracted to someone, that someone was always blond haired, blue eyed, and female. She also couldn't help but notice that JJ had a rather nice figure too. However, Emily was nothing if not professional so she tried to push those thoughts out of her mind and focus on the bureaucratic drivel that JJ had to impart to her. God, she even made this boring stuff interesting. Yes, indeed, Jennifer Jareau was going to cause many, many problems for the dark haired agent.

She and JJ became relatively fast friends. JJ had an innate ability to make people around her comfortable. And because JJ was best friends with the team's technical analyst, Penelope Garcia, Emily had quickly accepted Garcia's friendship as well. The three were the only female members of this unit and they protected one another. Emily loved that the three of them had an easy friendship. Most of the women she'd encountered since joining the Bureau were competitive, catty, petty or just plain bitchy. But not these two women, these two were different. They were each other's touchstone, each other's lifeline and they had happily let Emily into their alliance. JJ had eventually let it slip to Emily that the agent she had replaced, Elle Greenaway, wasn't very friendly with the two blondes and so Emily was a breath of fresh air as far as both JJ and Garcia were concerned. Emily couldn't imagine not liking these two women but she believed JJ's account of Elle.

The closer she got to the two women the more Emily found herself wanting to protect them both, especially the younger blonde. And that thought was never more present than when fellow profiler Derek Morgan was arrested while visiting his family in Chicago. As the team worked to prove Morgan's innocence, they had uncovered a hidden secret about his childhood. Emily realized she would do anything to protect JJ should the young woman ever be in the same situation. Emily, of course, hoped that would never happen but she knew she would always be there for JJ if it did.

It was when Emily was in Golconda, Nevada hunting for the most prolific serial killer the team had ever encountered, that Emily realized how attached – and attracted – she was to her friend. The team had left JJ and Garcia back in Quantico while they flew out West. Though Emily was busy trying to break this case before another body was found, the fact that JJ wasn't with her left her feeling rather lost. When the team broke for the day and went back to their respective motel rooms, Emily found herself thinking of nothing but JJ. Normally when they went back to their rooms, Emily would read over her notes and the case files. But alone in that motel room, no matter how hard she tried to focus on the case they were working on, JJ's face kept popping up in Emily's mind.

At first she figured that she missed her friend and the easy banter that they shared. Emily soon realized that it was more than that when she started to feel a longing for her friend in a most unexpected area. Emily was gay, and yes she knew at first she had a strong physical attraction to her young co-worker, but she thought that she had successfully removed those thoughts from her brain when she and JJ had become close friends. She had been attracted to friends before but not friends that she had to work so closely with. This was not a good idea in her head. Before Emily did something she felt would have been totally inappropriate considering where she was, Emily took a cold shower to relieve the tension that was starting to build deep inside of her.

Once they returned from Nevada, Emily and the rest of the team were given a couple of days off. Emily was actually happy for the extra time to sort through the thoughts that she had been having about JJ – to compartmentalize them. It's what Emily always did to help her work through any difficult situation she found herself in. She had really missed JJ while she was out of town but after what she had started to feel in that motel room, she figured the time away from her was for the best. She had just returned from a run and was thinking about hopping in the shower, when there was a knock on her door.

Emily looked through her peephole to find JJ on the other side. She opened the door, not able to hide the wide smile that spread across her face. JJ flashed Emily a smile that made her heart skipped a beat. Holding a bottle of wine in one hand and a brown paper bag from its handles in the other, JJ canted her head to one side and said to Emily

"Miss me?"

Emily's heart was singing at the sight of the woman who had dominated her thoughts over the last few days.

"As a matter of fact, I did." replied Emily happily, letting JJ into her home.

"I missed you too." JJ said reaching around and giving Emily a hug despite her hands being full.

"I just got back from a run, JJ. I really need a shower."

JJ didn't seem to care as she wrapped her arms around her friend, holding the embrace for a good minute. Feeling JJ's strong arms around her, smelling her citrus scented shampoo was doing a number on Emily and she realized she needed a shower – a cold one - for more reasons that just the run she had returned from. She began to wonder if JJ was doing this to her on purpose?

"Why don't you make yourself at home while I run upstairs and get in the shower. Then we can break open that wine you have in your hand and whatever you have in that little brown bag" Emily said really wanting to get away from her friend to compose herself before JJ could read her feelings on her face. Though she wasn't a profiler, JJ was a smart woman and she had certainly picked up a lot just constantly being surrounded by them.

"Sounds good, Em."

After Emily was upstairs and in the shower, all she could think about was the blonde downstairs. Emily hadn't failed to notice the tight blue jeans and snug fitting sweater her friend had shown up in. Emily's body was humming and the familiar yearning she'd been struggling with for the past few days had returned with a vengeance. Tonight might very well be the night that JJ finally succeeded in killing her. After her shower, Emily threw on a clean pair of loose fitting sweats and a Yale t-shirt and went back downstairs.

She found JJ in her kitchen. This was not the first time JJ had been to her condo so she knew where to find the things she needed to prepare a nice spread for her and Emily. JJ had found the corkscrew to open the bottle of Merlot she had brought allowing it to breathe. Emily allowed herself to watch JJ as she was in the process of setting out a plate of cheese, crackers, grapes, and apples. JJ was sashaying to whatever song was playing in her head and Emily couldn't help herself from staring at the younger woman's ass.

"Hey that's quite a spread you brought." Emily said

JJ turned around slightly embarrassed at having been caught dancing around her friends kitchen.

"Caught me." JJ said a hint of redness touching her cheeks.

"Ha! It was very cute Jayj. What song were you hearing in that head of yours?"

"Whenever, Wherever by Shakira" replied JJ. "It was the last song I listened to before I turned my car off."

"You ah, you move well, JJ" Emily told her beautiful friend honestly. Oh god, Em, what are you doing? Are you flirting with her? What exactly are you expecting here? In the few months that Emily had known JJ, they had never really discussed the particulars of their love lives other than in general terms and the fact that working for the BAU didn't really allow them to have much of one.

Emily found it rather funny actually that, although she trusted JJ with her life, she didn't trust her with her deepest secret. Emily had spent time growing up in parts of the world where being gay was considered more of a sin than actually committing murder, so she was always reluctant to let anyone know that she was a lesbian. Emily found that JJ was somewhat of an enigma herself when it came to her sexuality. Emily had assumed she was straight but sometimes, like when she embraced her earlier this evening, Emily wondered if perhaps JJ wasn't as straight as Emily thought she was. Emily had always presumed that was wishful thinking on her part. Now that she was finding it increasingly difficult to hide her feelings for the blonde, she found that she actually hoped this was one profile she had gotten wrong.

JJ smiled at Emily as she poured the Merlot into a couple of wine glasses and headed into Emily's living room. The brunette followed behind bringing the plate of goodies and the opened bottle of wine with her. Considering the feelings Emily was having difficulty hiding, she was afraid to cozy up with the blonde on her couch. But they soon found themselves just enjoying the good wine, good food, and the friendship that they shared. Sitting here in her living room, laughing with JJ and talking about all the latest office gossip she'd missed while she was out on assignment, made Emily relax. She knew then she would make it through this night with her feelings still hidden, but how much longer would she be able to keep it that way.

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Emily smiled as she remembered and related the time before she had actually acted on her feelings for the woman who was now laying helplessly in this hospital bed, the woman she loved and so desperately wanted to come back to her.

"So you had your reservations before you actually went out with my daughter." Donna stated rather than asked the profiler.

Emily had forgotten that JJ's mother was sitting behind her and had been listening to her talking to JJ about the time she started to realize the feelings she had for JJ were more than just friendship. Emily thought that she probably should be slightly embarrassed by her revelations but she wasn't, not even a little bit.

"Of course I did, Donna." Emily said without turning to face the older woman. "I fought them as long as I could but there came a time when I had to take a chance. I'm so very glad that I did. What your daughter and I share is very special and I don't think that JJ could ever find someone that loves her as much as I do. I know I'd never be able to."

"I guess I never realized how much thought you gave it before you acted on your feelings. I just sort of thought…"

"Thought what, Donna?" Emily said finally turning around to look at JJ's mother. "Thought that this started as a whim, that I couldn't control my hormones or something. It was a huge internal struggle I waged every second of every day for quite a while. I was scared to death that she was going to laugh at me, that she was going to reject me, and worse, that I would lose the best friend I'd ever had."

"Emily I didn't mean to upset you. I just didn't realize…"

"You're right, Donna. You didn't realize. You didn't realize what happened because you didn't want to know. You never wanted to understand. And that really upsets your daughter. How do you think it makes her feel to have her own mother reject her for something that she can't control? Neither you nor her father came to our wedding. He's not even here now, when his only daughter is in the hospital seriously injured. You didn't even support her when she was going through perhaps the most wondrous time of her life. She really wanted to share her pregnancy with you and you weren't there. And the worst thing, Donna, you've never seen your grandson. You think knitting him booties and seeing pictures of him compensates for you not seeing him. JJ has told you she would take him to East Allegany but it's never a good time. How do you think that makes her feel? How do you think it makes me feel? I'm the one that has to console her when she cries over you and James. When her brothers tell her what great grandparents you are to their kids and yet you've never asked to see Henry."

Even though it wasn't the right time or place, Emily couldn't help but rant about all the things that upset her about JJ's family but she was trying to do so with as soft and calm a voice as possible so she didn't upset JJ. Emily knew JJ loved her parents but she also knew how much it hurt her not to have them support something that was so important to her – her family. Besides Emily hadn't told Donna anything that wasn't true or that JJ herself hadn't said to Emily at one time or another.

Donna Jareau stood up and said curtly, "James isn't here because he's working and can't get away right now. He's planning on flying out this weekend. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to call him and give him an update on his daughter's condition."

Emily watched JJ's mother walk out the door before turning back to her wife. Hanging her head and blowing out a puff of air she said to JJ "Well I guess I just blew away any good will that was starting to build between me and your mother, Jayj. I'm sorry."

Emily swore that she could see a slight smile forming at the corners of JJ's mouth despite the tube that was taped in place. Emily knew that JJ would have been happy that Emily had finally said all the things to JJ's mother that JJ had wanted to but didn't because she didn't want to make things worse than they were.

Emily kissed the hand that she'd rarely let go of for the past several hours. She was exhausted and her butt was sore. She knew she should get up and walk around but she couldn't bear the thought of leaving JJ alone. So she kissed JJ's hand one more time and leaned forward, laying her head on JJ's bed, to try and get in a bit of a nap. Emily knew she would probably wake up with a sore back and neck but there was no way she was going anywhere.

**Hope you liked this chapter. Please review.**


	3. Support

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: The story is rated T but some chapters will be M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat. **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

*************************************

Emily felt someone tuck the hair behind her ear and whisper her name.

"Mmm, Jayj" said a sleepy Emily

"No honey, it's me, it's Garcia."

Emily raised her head and immediately regretted it. Her neck was stiff and her lower back was in the same condition. Realizing where she actually was made it even worse. She was still holding JJ's hand and JJ was still lying unconscious in her bed.

"Ow!" Emily exclaimed. "I knew I was going to regret lying down in that position. I'm too old for this shit. How long was I sleeping?" she added slowly stretching her aching body.

"I'm not sure, Peaches, maybe an hour or so? I poked my head in when Mrs. Jareau left and saw you sleeping. You could use the sleep so I didn't want to wake you. I should have realized you would wake up hurting."

"I knew that was going to happened when I laid my head down but I was so tired."

"Of course you are, Em. Not only had you been awake for over 24 hours, but this has to be taking a tremendous emotional toll on you as well. Why don't you go to the hotel for a little bit? Get some…."

"NO!! I am not leaving her. Not until she finally wakes up and even then I'm not so sure." Emily said a little harsher than she intended to.

"Emily, I understand, I really do but you need to get some real sleep. Take a shower, change your clothes, and you need to eat something. When was the last time you ate?" asked her friend with great concern. "You need to stay strong for JJ, Em. You can't let yourself break down."

"Penelope, please don't make me leave her." Emily said with tears in her eyes. "I couldn't bear the thought of something happening and me not being here. Please don't make me, please don't make me go."

Garcia pulled Emily up and out of her chair and into her warm embrace. She held her friend with all her might knowing how deeply pained she was. Emily sobbed into Garcia's neck and held on tightly to her friend. She looked up when she heard the door open and saw Derek Morgan poke his head in.

Although she knew the rest of her team was here, she hadn't seen anybody but Hotch or Garcia since she'd been watching over JJ.

"Hey, can I come in?" asked Morgan

"Of course you can." Emily said pulling away from Garcia and turning her back to Morgan so he wouldn't see how much of a wreck she was. Emily Prentiss was as strong and emotionally collected as they came but this was tearing her apart. She wasn't going to let her team see her break. She grabbed a couple of tissues from the box on the table next to JJ's bed and wiped her tears before turning back around.

"I brought you a Diet Coke and a sandwich." Morgan said "I know you haven't eaten anything since yesterday morning when the team gathered for breakfast and prepared for…" Derek broke off.

"Prepared for JJ's press conference. It's okay, Morgan, I can't pretend it didn't happen."

"How is she doing?"

"No change really. Her color seems a little better but that could just be my imagination. I keep staring at her monitors hoping for a sign she's improving. I haven't see Dr. Harden since this morning. I'm hoping he'll come in soon and take a look at her." Emily said looking down on JJ, smoothing the hair on her head.

"Em? We're feeling a little helpless here. Would it be okay if Rossi, Reid, and I went back to the station and helped find the guy that did this?"

Emily looked up at Derek. In all her worry, it had completely slipped her mind that this whacko was still out there. The team had been here at the hospital for over 24 hours waiting on news about JJ and had left the investigation to the locals. The team, at least everyone but her, should be out trying to find this brazen asshole. Anyone with nerve enough to shoot a federal agent, on TV no less, would have the balls to go after anybody. They had to find him before he hurt or killed somebody else.

"Of course. I wouldn't expect you guys to just hang around here. Take Hotch and Garcia with you."

"I'm not going anywhere, my darling. I'm staying right here and keeping an eye on my girls." Garcia interjected. "You are not going through this alone. Nope. I'm not going to face the wrath of JJ if she found out I let that happen."

"Hotch won't leave either. He said it was okay with him if we left to join the search but only if it was okay with you." Morgan relayed

"Go. Seriously, I would rather you all channeled your energy into finding the bastard that shot JJ and killed those other women, than sit in the waiting room feeling like me…helpless."

"Okay but only if you're sure it's all right." Morgan said and then turned to Garcia "You'll call me, Baby Girl, if there is any change?"

"Of course I will. Any excuse to feed the sweet tooth I have for my chocolate boy toy."

Emily smiled at their exchange, longing for something, anything that made things seem like they were back to normal and that her wife, the woman she loved with every fiber of her being, wasn't lying in this hospital bed seriously wounded.

Morgan turned back to Emily, the sad look on her face haunting him. He was going to do everything in his power to find this son of a bitch and when he did, he'd better pray that there were other people around or Morgan's face would be the last one he ever saw.

"You know were gonna find him right, Em?"

"I know you will," Emily said giving her friend a hug. "Thanks for the soda and the sandwich...for everything. Now go, go find this bastard", the look on Emily's face told Morgan she knew what his plans were, God help them both.

After Morgan left, Garcia resumed her pursuit of getting Emily to take a break with dogged determination.

"I think you need that break, Prentiss. I can watch after JJ for you and promise I will call you if there is even a microscopic change."

"No, Garcia. I'm going to try to eat this sandwich Morgan brought but that's the best I can promise. I will not leave her side."

"God damn, woman. You've every bit as stubborn as JJ says you are" an exasperated Garcia claimed

Emily smiled and laughed lightly. It was true she was a stubborn woman so she couldn't argue about it. She had exasperated JJ more times that she cared to admit during the course of their love affair.

"There is a shower in there" Emily said pointing at the bathroom in JJ's private room "If you have someone fetch my ready-bag from the hotel, I'll take a quick shower. As for sleeping, well I'm doing that here and I don't want to hear another word about it."

"Morgan went and got your ready-bag for you a little earlier. I brought it in with me." Garcia said pointing to the black bag on the floor by the end of the bed. Emily hadn't noticed it before now. "I had a feeling I wouldn't be able to convince you to leave. Now go freshen up and I'll watch over our favorite blonde princess."

"I only wish she'd wake up if she were to be kissed by her true love." Emily said as she glanced over at JJ. "Thanks Garcia. I'll make it quick."

"Em, please take your time. I'm not going anywhere."

And with a resigned sigh, Emily walked into the bathroom in JJ's room to take that much needed shower. She stripped out of the clothes she'd been wearing for more than a day, finally realizing they were every bit as bloodied as Hotch's, and started the water. As she waited for the water to warm up, she looked at herself in the mirror and didn't like what she saw. She had dark circles under her eyes. She looked tired and wan. Her eyes were puffy from crying.

"Damn it, JJ, look what you've done to me. I always knew you'd be the death of me."

Emily stepped into the warm shower and tried to let the water work the tension out of her tired, aching muscles. Considering she was in a hospital and not at a hotel, the shower wasn't half bad. She wished she could have taken a nice, long, hot one but she hurried through it so she could get back to JJ, not even taking the time to wash her hair.

After drying off and throwing on a fresh pair of khakis and a t-shirt, Emily brushed her teeth and ran a quick brush through her hair. Funny how cleaning yourself up can make you feel better. Emily walked back into JJ's room to find Garcia sitting in "her" chair and talking to JJ.

"I was just reminding her that she owes me lunch and I plan on making her keep her word" Garcia said as Emily came out of the bathroom.

"Oh yeah, the bet."

"Damn, Skippy, the bet. I told her Jordan Todd wasn't going to make it and she was going to have to come back from her maternity leave early."

Emily smiled at the thought. She remembered how ticked off JJ was when Emily returned from Alabama after the case involving the traveling Romani murderers. Emily wasn't sure if JJ was more pissed off that Agent Todd had faltered or that she'd lost the bet to Garcia. Emily knew JJ had really been chomping at the bit to return to work, but she also knew she hated to leave their son. It was her Catch 22.

"Thanks for watching over her Garcia. The shower was really appreciated. I feel better already. God, I just wish she'd wake up."

"She will, Em. She will. You have to believe that." Garcia encouraged. Garcia paused before deciding if she wanted to ask Emily her next question.

"Emily, can I asked what happed with Mrs. Jareau? She seemed kind of upset when she walked out of here a little while ago."

"Yeah, I'm sure she's pissed at me. I kind of laid into her about her lack of support and consideration regarding JJ, our relationship, and our son."

"Oh my god, Em. What happened?"

"It actually started with a fairly innocent comment that I probably shouldn't have taken offense to but I couldn't help myself. All of a sudden all the things I've wanted to say to her for a long time came rushing out. I've seen the woman three times in the three years I've known JJ and only once since we've been married."

"I know, Em. JJ's parents, well, they're kind of old-fashioned. I think they really are having a hard time reconciling your and JJ's relationship with their own moral values."

"JJ and I have strong morals."

"I know you guys do, Em. I'm not making a statement about your relationship. I'm simply trying to explain their reaction to your relationship with their daughter. JJ grew up in rural America. I'm sure the Jareau's haven't encountered very many gay people in that small town of theirs. So to have their daughter marry a woman, well, it had to be a little shocking for them."

"Okay, Pen but JJ is a grown woman. It was Jayj that opened the door to our relationship, not me. I'm not some evil, wanton woman that seduced their chaste daughter. Oh how fucking little they know about their own kid."

Garcia smiled, "The worldly city slicker that came into town and stole the farmer's daughter's virginity?"

"Yeah, that's me." Emily laughed. "First of all, James isn't a farmer and secondly, about JJ being a virgin, well, no comment." It actually felt good to laugh, Emily thought.

"What really gets to me though is the fact that they've never met their own grandson, Garcia. Jayj wanted to take him home for Christmas but they said they thought he was too small to travel. So we told them we would fly them to Virginia then all of a sudden they said James was sick. She tried to take him for a visit in January but it wasn't a good time. Be upset with me, don't like me, I don't care but don't take it out on my little boy. He's completely innocent in this whole mess."

"Oh Em, I know it upsets both of you but you need to unite with her family right now."

"I know it wasn't the time or place but I'm…fuck, I don't know what I am. I'm hurting over JJ. I'm angry. I'm angry that some asshole shot the woman I love. I'm angry with JJ. I just want to wake up and find that this is all just one big fucking nightmare but I know that's never going to happen and it's killing me."

Garcia stood up and walked over to Emily, looking her in the eye.

"Why are you angry with JJ?"

"Because, if she had decided to quit the BAU and stay home with our son or at the very least take a desk job, she would never have been shot. I feel guilty for feeling this way but it's true. We argued about this very thing while she was pregnant and right after Henry was born."

"She loves her job, Em. Just like you do."

"I know she does. And that is why I let it be. But the fact of the matter is, if she had taken herself out of the field, she's be home right now, with our son, and not suffering like she is. This is breaking me, Pen. And there isn't anything I can do."

"Yes there is, Em. Like Dr. Harden said, keep talking to her. Keep reminding her of what she has to live for. If she _can_ hear you, what you're saying right now – the I told you so – that isn't helping."

Emily looked over at JJ and it pained her. JJ's brow was furrowed, which it hadn't been before. Could JJ actually hear Emily ranting? Was that JJ's way of arguing with her for the hundredth time about this very subject?

"You're right." Emily said moving back over to JJ's side. Leaning down to place a gentle kiss on her wife's head she said, "I'm sorry, honey. I know this isn't your fault. I'm right here and I always will be. I'm not going anywhere."

Garcia patted Emily on the back saying, "I'm going to go check on the team. My laptop is out there. Hotch is watching it. God knows I don't want him touching anything. Not only don't I want him trying to access my data bases but do you know how much video footage I have of Morgan on that machine?"

Emily laughed slightly never taking her eyes off of JJ. Emily noticed that JJ's brow unfurrowed after she had kissed her. Could she really hear everything that was being said in this room? Even if that were remotely the case, Emily would have to take care not to say anything further about being angry or upset. Garcia was right; JJ didn't need to hear the "_I told you so's_" right now. Emily was angry but she knew she needed to stay calm for JJ's sake. She needed to throw her anger towards the unsub and her feelings for JJ's family into one of her little neat compartments for right now. She had a task at hand that was far more important.

Emily took JJ's hand in hers and rubbed the back of it with her thumb.

"I love you, baby. Please come back to me soon. I would love nothing more right now than to see those gorgeous blue eyes of yours. To see that wicked smile that you love to give me." She leaned back over and gave her love another soft kiss on her forehead.

Emily sat down and suddenly realized she was actually famished. Opening the bag that Morgan had brought her, she smiled as noticed it was from a local deli and not the hospital. Turkey and Swiss on wheat, mustard, no mayo, a bag of Baked Lays, and a small container of cut up fruit. The man had even remembered napkins and a fork. This is why she loved working with profilers, they always paid attention and knew what to get when they bought in food.

Emily took a bite of her sandwich. She hadn't realized just how hungry she was until she took that first bite. She was so hungry that this sandwich, slightly stale in some parts, slightly soggy in others, tasted like a gourmet meal. She opened her Diet Coke to wash it down. After a couple of bites, she felt good enough to continue,

"So…do you remember our first date?"

**Thanks for all the encouragement to keep going. Hope you liked this chapter. Please review!**


	4. Revelations

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: The story is rated T but not all chapters will be M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat. **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

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Emily had mixed emotions when she thought back to the days leading up to their first date. It may have not started out with a happy event but it sure ended with one. She had been having an awful time keeping her feelings hidden from her friend for a couple of weeks and it was getting harder and harder every day. Then came Super Bowl Sunday and her team, except Jason Gideon, a senior profiler who was with the team at the time, was going to gather at The Auld Dubliner, a local Irish pub, for the big game. Emily had intentionally distanced herself from JJ in this social situation afraid that after a few drinks in her, she might not be able to keep herself from hitting on the girl. So while Emily preoccupied herself by hanging out with Garcia, Morgan, Hotch, and Hotch's wife Haley, JJ was having a good time kicking ass while playing darts. Emily didn't know that JJ was such a fantastic dart player and wanted to watch her friend play but the tight jeans JJ was wearing along with the short red shirt that kept riding up and exposing her deliciously defined stomach was too much for Emily to handle. They were all having a great time dancing, drinking, and blowing off some steam. Hell even Dr. Spencer Reid, the department's resident genius, was enjoying a drinking game involving Star Trek trivia with some people he'd met there.

The evening was cut short by a horrific case that took the team to rural Georgia. The case involved what initially was thought to be two unsubs that were murdering people in their homes and releasing videos of the murders on the Internet. During the case, JJ uncovered a potential witness, a man who had reported a prowler outside of the initial victims' home and Hotch sent her and Reid to go speak with him to see if they could learn any further details other than what was written in the police report. After JJ and Reid left, Emily returned to the local FBI field office with the rest of the team and was watching the shocking video of the latest victim being ripped to shreds by dogs when the local police detective recognized the dogs in the video. The detective thumbed through his notes to find the name of the owner of the dogs, a Tobias Henkel. Emily still remembered the look on Hotch's face when he realized that was the name of the person JJ and Reid had been sent to talk to.

Emily was sick with worry during the hour drive out to Henkel's home. She had tried JJ's cell phone repeatedly but could not reach her. When they arrived it was dark and JJ and Reid were nowhere to be found. Hotch and Gideon searched Henkel's home while Morgan, Emily and a couple of other police officers searched the barn that was out back. Guns drawn they entered the darkened barn calling out their colleagues' names. JJ pulled her gun on the group as they entered. She was obviously in shock, disoriented, and quite shaken. Only the sound of Emily's voice brought JJ around,

"JJ, look at me"

Even though Reid had been kidnapped by Henkel, who as it turned out had dissociative personality disorder and was actually acting on his own, Emily was more than a little relieved that JJ was okay - a little scared, disheveled, and bloodied, but okay - and vowed to keep a watchful eye on her. That did, however, lead to JJ pulling her gun on Emily…again! Emily had been watching JJ in the bathroom at Henkel's house. She watched as her friend leaned against the bathroom sink and canted her hips. Emily was enthralled with the sight before her and she didn't realize she had startled JJ; that was until JJ pulled her gun on her for the second time. Emily knew she needed to get JJ out of that house to help clear her head so she took JJ with her to question Henkel's former NA sponsor. Emily took the time away from the team to talk a little to her friend about what was happening but what she really wanted to do was hold her and tell her that everything was going to be all right.

JJ put on a brave face and tried to hide the fact that she was struggling with what had transpired after their discovery of the unsub even going so far as to try to get Morgan to verbalize what she felt; that she was to blame for Reid being imperiled. Emily was especially worried about JJ's psyche when the unsub sent live video feed of Reid's torture to the team. Emily could tell that JJ was beating herself up about this. When Henkel posted the final murders he'd committed on the web, JJ had forced Garcia to show it to her in an effort to prove to herself how tough she was; that if she couldn't handle this tough situation, she would need to get out of the field.

After Reid had been rescued they all boarded the jet to head back home. Gideon and Morgan kept a watchful eye on Reid, Emily and Garcia watched over JJ, and Hotch kept vigil over all of them. Emily had never been so worried about her teammates before. She hadn't been with the team when Elle was shot so this was her first experience with any of them missing or being put in harm's way. Knowing it was inevitable in their line of work, she wasn't looking forward to ever feeling this fearful again.

When they landed back home, Emily grabbed JJ's ready bag and walked her to her car. Emily was still watching for any outward sign that JJ was ready to admit she was struggling with what had happened to her or Reid.

"JJ, let me take you home. It's late and you're tired. Tomorrow is Saturday and we can come pick up your car whenever you want. I've got no plans."

"No, Em, I'm fine. Don't be silly," JJ said flashing her signature smile "I'll call you tomorrow, maybe we can grab some lunch or something."

Emily looked JJ over carefully. The profiler in her knew that JJ was anything but okay. She may have been smiling but it wasn't coming anywhere close to reaching her eyes. The friend in her, however, knew that JJ was one that needed her space. She hated to be crowded or mollycoddled. Though she may have looked fragile, JJ was very strong and hated to be treated like she was made of glass.

"Okay, JJ, you know where I am if you need me." Emily said as she put JJ's bag in her car, gave her a hug, and watched her go, knowing that JJ was hurting both physically and emotionally. Emily sighed and headed for her own car.

Emily arrived home, took a quick shower and changed into a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt she liked to sleep in. She went downstairs, cut up an apple and some cheddar cheese for a light snack, and was going to watch a little TV when her cell phone rang. She knew who it was even before she looked at the display: JJ

"Jay…" she started to say but stopped when she heard her friend crying.

"Em (sob), I (sob)…"

"JJ are you home?"

"Yes" JJ managed to choke out.

"Stay there. I'm on my way. I'll be there as soon as I can, babe."

_Goddamnit, Prentiss_, Emily chastised herself. _You knew she wasn't okay and you let her go home by herself anyway. You should have insisted that you stay with her._

Emily ran upstairs threw on a pair of jeans, a bra, and a t-shirt and headed over to JJ's house as fast as humanly possible. She really didn't care if she got pulled over, she was more than ready to pull out her FBI credentials and use them to her advantage. Good thing it was late Friday night so traffic was light heading out of the city. She made the 30-minute trip from DC to JJ's home in Woodbridge, VA in about 20 minutes.

Emily decided to try the door handle first before she knocked and found it unlocked. She let herself in to find JJ sitting on her couch. She was crying and, telling by the box of tissue and the many used ones around it, she had obviously been doing so for quite some time. Emily sat on the couch next to her friend and wrapped her arms around her letting JJ brake down and cry on her shoulder.

After several minutes, JJ had calmed down enough to try and speak. She sat up and turned to face Emily and the sight broke Emily's heart.

"It was all my fault, Emily. Reid was abducted and tortured and it was all because I didn't stay with him."

"JJ, it was Reid's decision to split. He told us that himself. This is not your fault. This isn't even Reid's fault. This was Henkel's doing. You know you can't blame yourself." Emily said handing JJ a couple more tissues.

"The look on Morgan's face. He blames me for this. He already doesn't consider me an equal to the rest of you because I'm not a profiler…."

"Morgan can be an ass, JJ," Emily interrupted. "He doesn't mean to be but he can be especially when he's stressed. He was worried we wouldn't find Reid alive. But he didn't have a right to make you feel like it was your fault. And what's more, I guarantee that if it were you two out there by yourselves; he would have done the same thing Reid did because that's Morgan."

"I should have known better." JJ said wiping her nose and the tears from her eyes with the tissue.

"Maybe but so should have Reid. You'll know better next time, JJ. I know you will never let this happen again." Emily brushed the hair that was hanging in JJ's face away and pushed it behind her ear.

"I don't know if I trust myself in the field again, Emily."

"Stop it. Stop it right now. This was an unfortunate thing that happened but you can't let it ruin you. You're stronger than that. You're a hell of an agent, JJ. And you can't let this make you start doubting that."

"That's easier said than done, Emily."

"Look at it this way, JJ. Reid left you out there by yourself without back up. What if you hadn't been able to protect yourself against those dogs? What if Henkel had been in the barn instead of out in the field? You might have been the one kidnapped, hurt, or worse and that would have killed me. I'm actually kind of pissed off at Re.."

JJ's lips crashing down on her own interrupted Emily's sentence. The kiss was powerful and hungry. Emily opened her mouth when JJ's tongue demanded entrance. Emily knew this was wrong but she couldn't have stopped it if she tried. She'd wanted her friend for so long, she was powerless to fight against it. The warmth of JJ's mouth, the sweet taste of her, was wonderful and caused the synapses of Emily's brain to go haywire. Emily was completely lost in the kiss. It was everything that she'd imagined and more. One hand gently held the back of JJ's neck and the other was on JJ's hip. Though Emily wasn't quite thinking clearly, she was able to concentrate on not letting that hand start to roam over the beautiful woman who's mouth was on hers.

JJ, however, was not showing any such control. Emily started to feel JJ's hand move from her hair, down her back, and start to make its way under her shirt sending shivers down her spine. That caused Emily to pull back out of the kiss. She immediately missed the contact with JJ's lips.

"JJ, we need to stop," Emily said breathlessly.

"Why, Em?"

"Because this is a horrible idea considering what you've been going through."

"But I want you, Em" JJ said in a lustful whisper

"God JJ, you have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that." Emily said looking into JJ's eyes. Emily noticed that her friend's eyes were not their normal bright blue color but rather the color of the deepest part of the ocean.

"You had to have known, Emily."

"JJ until a few minutes ago, I wasn't even sure you were interested in women."

"You're a hell of a profiler, Prentiss." JJ laughed

Emily smiled and rested her head against JJ's. Emily felt JJ's hand start to snake under her t-shirt feeling the warm skin beneath it. Emily reached behind her to stop JJ's hand from going any further.

"JJ, we need to talk about this."

"No Emily, you need to take me to bed."

"I'm telling you this right now, that is not going to happen. Not until we talk about things and figure out what this is. I've wanted you for weeks now, JJ. A little while longer isn't going to kill me," stated Emily truthfully.

JJ sighed and turned away from Emily in frustration.

"JJ, look at me." Emily said to a slightly rejected JJ.

"JJ, please."

When JJ turned back around, Emily could see tears forming in her eyes.

"Aw, Jayj, I'm not saying this to hurt you. I would love nothing more than to take you to your bedroom right now and make love to you for the rest of the night."

"So what's the problem? I'm…"

"The problem is, JJ," Emily interrupted, "tonight wouldn't be enough. I don't want just one night. I want you, all of you, and not just your body. I'm thinking long haul here, Jayj. And for that to happen, we have to make sure that it's right. You and I have too much to risk for it to be a one night stand."

JJ smiled shyly and then looked into Emily's eyes.

"Long haul, huh?"

"Yeah, long haul. Like you and me, relationship type stuff." Emily said awkwardly

"So what are we talking here? Dating?"

"Well, yes, ideally there would be dating. Would you be open to that?"

"Seriously, Em, I'm going to recommend to Hotch that you retake your profiling classes. And I'd like to go on record right now that I really should be a profiler because I knew you would be rather receptive to that kiss."

Emily smiled and could feel herself blushing. Had she really been that obvious to the blonde? She thought she'd actually been doing a bang-up job of hiding her true feelings.

"Jayj, all kidding aside, before we go any further, we have to make sure this is real. You do realize just how much we'd have to lose if we were to go out and not have it work? We work together, at a place where not only is intradepartmental dating frowned upon, but cause for dismissal. And I'm sure that goes doubly for same sex relationships. Plus there's the fact that we need to have each other's backs when we are in the field. I already let my emotions get to me as it is where you're concerned."

"You'd need to put this into one of those nifty little compartments you were telling me about, Em."

"There isn't a compartment big enough to hold how I feel about you," Emily said tilting up JJ's chin so she could look into her eyes.

Emily leaned down and gently started kissing JJ again. Except the kiss didn't stay gentle. It turned heated again rather quickly and this time Emily allowed her hands to roam a little. They were in JJ's hair and then ran along her sides. Emily broke from JJ's lips and started to kiss along JJ's jaw line and down the side of her neck. JJ started to moan when Emily began sucking on the sensitive flesh of her neck.

Emily made herself pull away before she went too far to stop.

"Fuck" JJ said exasperatedly

"Sorry, I shouldn't have started up again. I'm serious, Jayj. I want us to give this a real try. I think we might be worth the risks – both professionally and personally."

"I know the professional risks. But _personally_?"

"Jayj, you're the best friend I've ever had. If we make a try at this and fail, I would lose that. I don't make close friends easily. You're too important to me to just throw it all away. So what do you think? Do you think we're worth taking a shot?"

JJ looked at Emily, "I, um, hadn't really considered our friendship, Em. I wouldn't want to lose you as a friend either."

"I know. That's why I mentioned it. And that's why I won't have sex with you. We have to be able to look at each other in the morning. It's has to be for the right reasons."

"I think we have a shot at something special, Em. I think it might be worth the risk."

"I do to, JJ. But I'm not kidding, no games, no bullshit. There is too much on the line for both of us. We have enough drama at work; we don't need it in our personal lives too. We're risking an awful lot to be together. But I want you to know, I think it's going to be worth it too."

Emily kissed JJ again but this time chastely as to not overheat the blonde again.

"So about that date…"

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Emily smiled when she remembered that conversation with JJ that night, the night when they decided to embark on this relationship. They had kissed a little more and had fallen asleep on JJ's couch wrapped in each other's arms but not before Emily had formally asked JJ out. They had set a date for the following Friday. Emily hadn't been sure she was going to make it through that week but she wanted to make it special and that required time.

"JJ, honey, I still get butterflies in my stomach when I think about how nervous I was on our first date. It seems like it was just yesterday…"

**Hope you liked this chapter. Next…their first date. Please review.**


	5. The First Date

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: The story is rated T but not all chapters will be M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat. **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

************************************************

Emily had awakened the morning after their talk to find herself on JJ's couch with the lovely blonde in her arms. Nothing in her life had ever felt this right. Emily was stroking JJ's arm and thinking about the kissing and touching they had done before they both had fallen asleep when she felt JJ begin to stir. All of a sudden JJ bolted upright, scaring Emily more than a little.

"Babe, are you okay?" Emily asked, gently placing her hand on the small of JJ's back.

JJ's eyes were wide open and she looked a little lost until she finally realized where she was and whom she was with.

"I'm sorry. I, um, sometimes…" JJ started and then stopped.

"You what, Jayj? Talk to me." Emily said rubbing small circles on JJ's back.

Furrowing her brow, JJ said, "I, um, sometimes…I sometimes have nightmares and for a second I didn't know where I was."

"It's okay, sweetie. I have them sometimes too. I think it'd be scary actually if we didn't given the line of work we're in. Was it the dogs?"

"No. I'm lost in the woods and I can't find my way out. I can hear people calling me but I can't find them. Em, it's the same nightmare – or at least some bastardized variation of it – that I've had since I was a little kid."

Emily sat up a little and tucked JJ's hair behind her ear. It made her sad that JJ looked so lost, so childlike. She reached up and pulled JJ to her to give her a soft kiss on the lips.

"Honey, I'm here. You're not lost anymore. I promise."

Emily then kissed JJ again, this time deeply. JJ more than eagerly accepted the kiss from Emily then turned and pushed Emily back down on the couch so she was on top of her. Emily would never have guessed that JJ could be so aggressive. The night before it took everything she had to get JJ to stop at second base. "_Second base? When did I become a hormonal teenager again," _thought Emily. JJ sat up straddling Emily's lap and looked wickedly into Emily's eyes as she slowly started to grind against Emily.

Emily found herself temporarily lost in the moment, getting wetter by the second and wanting so desperately to make love with JJ but knowing they needed to wait.

"God Jayj, you're killing me. I need to get out of here before I …"

"Before you what?" JJ asked leaning back down to kiss Emily's neck

"Before I do this…" Emily said as she flipped JJ over and switched positions with her deftly gaining the upper hand. Emily shared a passionate kiss with JJ, one that was all lips, and tongue, and teeth. Emily moved down to JJ's neck and nibbled lightly there before pushing herself off the blonde and into a standing position. The dumbstruck look on JJ's face was a priceless combination of shock and amusement mixed with being more than a little pissed off.

"I told you, JJ. Date first. Sex later. I'm not sleeping with you…yet."

JJ started to pout and Emily pulled her up onto her feet and into an embrace. Emily started to trail light kisses along JJ's neck again and whispered seductively into her ear, "I promise soon (kiss), really soon (kiss) you and I will make (kiss) love (kiss) and it will be amazing." Emily laughed as JJ groaned. It felt kind of nice to know that she was going to be the death of her for a change.

The week between asking JJ out and actually going on their date was the longest week of Emily's life up until then. They hadn't even been called out of town for a case to distract her from thinking about it. Her midterms at Yale hadn't made her this nervous. Emily had never been a great dater. She considered herself somewhat of a geek and always felt like she was two seconds away from saying something that would make the whole evening crumble. Knowing this about herself made Emily want to make everything as perfect as possible for her date with JJ, the most important date of her life in her opinion.

Emily had tried to keep her distance from JJ that week. She had already been fantasizing enough about JJ prior to kissing her but now that she had, damn, she couldn't stop thinking about it. Needless to say, Emily had run a lot that week…and taken several cold showers.

Friday finally came and Emily was excited. She had hope that all her plans for a wonderful evening would go off without a hitch. Just after lunch she heard a squeal come from the direction of JJ's office, which is located outside of the bullpen where Emily sat. Emily, Morgan, and Reid all jumped up and ran to see what was causing the commotion.

"Who are they from, JJ?" they heard Garcia demand from her friend. "Let me see the card."

Halfway to JJ's office, Emily realized why Garcia was screaming but had to play it off.

"It's none of your business, Garcia."

"Jayj, you act like you get flowers everyday. So...who are they from?!"

"What's going on? Is everything okay?" Came the questions from both Morgan and Reid.

Then they all saw the gorgeous bouquet JJ had on her desk. Two-dozen of the most perfect red roses they'd ever seen. So happens, Emily's bad luck had Garcia in JJ's office at the time they were delivered.

"Wow, Jayj, someone thinks a lot of you," said Emily playing along with the rest of the gang. "Hot date?"

JJ simply blushed and said, "Something like that."

"Read the card," Emily suggested. JJ just looked at her like she was from another planet.

"Come on, Jayj, read the card," they all said as one

"Fine," said JJ turning about 10 shades of crimson. Emily loved watching her squirm.

"It says, '_Today I caught myself smiling for no reason…then I realized I was thinking of you. Can't wait until tonight. Me' _There are you satisfied?"

"Jayj? Me who's Me? That's not fair! I tell you whenever I have a date," exclaimed Garcia

"Sounds serious, JJ" Reid said with a touch of sadness in his voice. Emily winced a little remembering JJ telling her how the two of them had once gone to a football game. Reid seemed to think it was a date, JJ just friends. She certainly didn't mean to cause him any pain, especially right now so soon after his abduction.

"Come on guys leave her alone. She'll tell us when she's ready." Emily said. She watched Spencer Reid leave like someone had just kicked his puppy mumbling something about having to get back to work.

"Shush, Em. Don't give her the easy way out." Morgan said, "Who's the guy?"

"Yeah, Em, don't be a party pooper," chimed in Garcia

Forgetting about Reid at least for now, Emily looked at JJ with a big smile on her face, "Yeah Jayj, who's the _guy_?" Emily said having a little too much fun with this for JJ's liking.

Looking Emily dead in the eye, JJ said "No one special. Just someone that wants to get in my pants and that's so not going to happen."

The smile quickly fell from Emily's face as she realized she better have JJ's back and soon if she had any hope of ever getting JJ into bed.

"All right you two. Give her a break." Emily said quickly ushering Garcia and Morgan out of JJ's office. Their date was quickly approaching and she didn't need JJ to be pissed off when it happened.

Garcia and Morgan left muttering something about going to Garcia's office and searching her databases for any information out there about this mystery man that JJ was dating.

"Emily, can I ask you a question for a sec?" JJ asked Emily hoping she sounded businesslike to anyone that still may have been listening.

"Sure, Jayj" she said closing the door to JJ's office.

"Em, thank you, they're beautiful." JJ whispered, her cheeks blushing ever so slightly

"They pale in comparison to you."

JJ had a full on blush going now. "So Me…the reverse of Em, huh?"

"Ah you caught that. I was hoping you would. I meant what I said, JJ."

"I know you do. You certainly know how to woo a girl, Prentiss."

"You ain't seen nothing yet, baby."

Emily had arranged to leave work at 3 o'clock that afternoon, a couple hours earlier than JJ. Emily had hundreds of hours of vacation time on the books so why not? She knew Friday night traffic could be rough and she needed to get home, shower, change, and then drive back over to Woodbridge to pick up JJ. Their date was in DC but Emily wasn't about to let JJ meet her at the restaurant. Not on their first date – it wasn't acceptable in Emily's book.

Emily got home and immediately poured herself a glass of wine. She needed a little something to take the edge off; her nerves were starting to get to her. The restaurant they were going to was dressy casual. Emily just wanted someplace nice where they could relax and enjoy each other's company. So after a quick shower, Emily settled on a nice pair of dressy black jeans, low-cut red blouse, and black boots. She knew that red was her color and wanted to look her best. After doing her hair and make-up, Emily grabbed her leather jacket, hopped back in her car and headed to JJ's house. Traffic was nightmarish and she was happy she'd decided to leave work a little earlier than normal. Hotch hadn't even asked why, he probably just assumed she was headed out of town to see her mother.

She knocked on JJ's door at exactly 6:30, their reservations were at 8 so that gave them plenty of time to leave JJ's and head back over to DC. Emily knew by the time this night was over, she would have made the trip from DC to Virginia six times that day but JJ was worth it. She had thought about doing something on Saturday so she didn't have to worry about work and the traffic to and fro would be lighter, but she didn't want to wait one day longer than she had to.

Emily's jaw just about hit the floor when JJ opened her door. JJ had decided to wear a simple but gorgeous black dress. It had a deep v-shaped neckline in the front, and an equally deep v-shaped back, it was tight across her torso and ended about three-inches above her knees. She wore black leather boots with a three-inch stacked heel that started just under JJ's knee leaving about five or six inches of tanned skin exposed.

Emily swallowed hard.

"Like what you see?"

"Jesus Jennifer. I have to be able to focus when I'm driving."

"I'll take that as a yes." JJ said as she leaned in to give Emily a kiss. They stood just inside JJ's door for quite a while kissing.

"You can take that as a yes too."

"That's the first time you've ever called me Jennifer."

"I'm sorry, I…"

"Don't be sorry. It's nice. I've always thought it was kind of ordinary, never really liked it very much. But coming from you, it's nice."

"There's nothing ordinary about you, Jennifer," Emily said recapturing JJ's lips with her own. "God, I've wanted to do this all week." Emily said as she broke away from JJ.

"Me too. I've missed you."

Noticing the healing wounds from the dog attack on JJ's arm, she traced her fingers along them and bent down to give them a light kiss.

"These are looking better now."

"They're fine, Em."

Still tracing along the marks, Emily was relishing the feel of JJ's soft skin beneath her fingertips.

"We need to go now, Jayj, or I'm not going to want to leave here."

"You know that'd be okay with me. You're the one insisting on the date."

"I just want to do it right, JJ. You deserve to have it done right." Emily said to the woman she knew she was beginning to fall in love with. She noticed the roses were proudly displayed on JJ's table in the hallway. "I see you got the flowers home okay."

"Yeah, Morgan found me a box and helped me pack it so it wouldn't tip. Of course, he tried again to get me to reveal who sent them to me. They really are beautiful, Em. And the card means the world to me."

"You're welcome, I'm glad you liked them. Now lets get out of here before I change my mind and we stay in and order take-out."

The both reapplied the lipstick that had been mussed up. JJ grabbed a warm winter wrap, black with a faux fur collar, and her purse and they headed out to Emily's Lexus with Emily walking JJ to the passenger side and opening the door for her.

"You are mighty gallant, Agent Prentiss."

"Hey Jayj, how 'bout you just sit back and enjoy the experience." Emily said with a smile

The ride back to DC was relatively calm. Traffic was heavy but moving. JJ and Emily listened to music and had some nice conversation. Emily kept looking at JJ out of the corner of her eye and couldn't believe the vision that was sitting there. Emily found herself wanting to touch her and reached over to stroke JJ's bare, toned and tanned thigh. It was the first time Emily had touched JJ there but she knew it wouldn't be the last. The conversation stopped while Emily gently caressed JJ's thigh, the song Eternal Flame by The Bangles playing through Emily's stereo system. Emily glanced over at JJ, hoping that JJ was actually listening to the lyrics, and could see that she was enjoying the contact as Emily's thumb gently rubbed the outside of her exposed thigh and her fingers teased the inside of it. It took every ounce of willpower Emily had not to let her hand travel up JJ's leg and tease her opening; she wasn't going to take it that far. They both laughed when the song changed to Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On.

"Oh thank God we're here," Emily said pulling up to the restaurant.

"I wish you'd let me show you what you're doing to me, Em."

"Probably the same thing you're doing to me."

After Emily found a place to park, she undid her seatbelt and moved over to get close to JJ – at least as close as the center console would allow. She undid JJ's seatbelt and pulled JJ towards her. The two kissed trying to release some of the energy that had been building on the ride back to DC. Making out in a car made Emily feel like a kid again. She didn't want to keep her hands off of JJ but she forced herself to.

She and JJ had made their 8 o'clock dinner reservations with enough time to spare to enjoy a glass of wine in the bar. Emily had picked the perfect place for dinner. The atmosphere of the restaurant was dark, quiet and intimate. Emily loved the way that JJ sat right next to her and wasn't afraid to show people that they were together. Emily had dates in the past that wanted to give the impressions they were friends and nothing more. But not JJ, JJ was comfortable letting people know she was _with_ Emily.

"JJ, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"When did you know I was gay?"

"Fairly early on, Em. I have a pretty sensitive gaydar."

"Then why did you wait so long to, ah, make your move?"

JJ chuckled a little "Em, you were so guarded at first I didn't want to let you know I saw through it. I didn't want to embarrass you and I didn't think you'd be interested in someone on your team. When I realized you had feelings for me, I tried to let you make the first move, but you never did and I'm not sure you ever would've. You're actually pretty shy, Emily." Emily startled when JJ started to run her fingers along her thigh.

"God JJ." Emily said as she turned to nuzzle the side of JJ neck

After finishing their dinners and sharing a dessert, Emily paid the bill and they left the restaurant. "I have someplace I'd like to take you JJ."

"Please tell me it's back to your place."

"JJ, I can't sleep with you tonight. I really want to but I can't."

"God Emily, I'm dying here."

"Jayj, all in good time, all in good time. Come on, let's go."

Shortly after leaving the restaurant, Emily pulled up in front of the Old Post Office Tower in the heart of DC. Luckily, this time of night, parking was not an issue. Located on Pennsylvania Avenue about halfway between The White House and the Capitol building, the Old Post Office tower was one of the tallest landmarks in the city. An actual former post office, the building was now used mostly for retail and tourism and was part of the National Park Services.

"Ah Em, it looks like its closed."

"It is. Hang on." Emily said as she pulled her cell phone out of her jacket pocket. She walked just out of JJ's range to have a conversation. A few minutes later, a nice looking older gentleman wearing a security guard uniform came to the door.

"Hey Bill, how are you?" Emily said to the guard giving him a big hug. "_This_ is Jennifer."

"Nice to meet you, Jennifer," Bill said "Take good care of this one. I've known her since she was a kid."

JJ smiled at the man. He looked at Emily like he would have looked at his own daughter.

"Nice to meet you too, Bill. I promise I'll take good care of her. She's mighty special isn't she?"

"Yes she is."

Bill let them into the darkened building that was now closed to the public.

"Be careful. There are running lights but that's about it right now. I left the power on for the elevator though. Have a good time." Bill said before adding, " and Emily, you're right, she _is_ beautiful."

Emily flashed a wide smile back at Bill, grabbed JJ's hand and led her into the glass elevator that would take them to the observation deck. On the ride up, Emily explained that Bill used to work on Emily's mother's security detail when Emily was a young girl. Bill was specifically in charge of watching over Emily for several years and the two had become quite close. After Bill retired, he got bored and got a part-time gig as a security guard. Since she'd moved to DC, Emily met with him a couple of times a month for lunch or dinner. She was actually closer to Bill than she was to her own father.

"So he obviously knows you're gay."

"Obviously. He was one of the first people I actually told, JJ. He means that much to me."

"He seems to really love you, Emily." JJ said moving over to where Emily was standing.

"He does. We have a special relationship. I trust him implicitly."

"So...you told him about me?" JJ asked as she lightly pressed Emily up against the back of the elevator.

"Yeah."

"You told him I was beautiful, huh?" JJ whispered giving Emily a soft kiss on her lips

"Yeah."

"So, Em," JJ said pressing her thigh between Emily's legs "how many other girls have you brought up here?"

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Emily thoughts of that evening were interrupted when Dr. Harden came in to check on JJ's progress.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review.**

**AN4: Warning….the next chapter is rated M.**


	6. Want

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: WARNING: The heat is definitely being turned up. This chapter is Rated M. I can't stress that enough….RATED M. FEMSLASH - RATED M. You can't say I didn't warn you. *winks***

**AN4: Thanks to everyone that had read this story, especially to those that have taken a moment to write a review. They have been so kind and have really inspired me to keep going.**

**Okay that's enough…Hope you enjoy this chapter. Please read and review.**

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Emily hoped that Dr. Harden hadn't overheard anything she had been saying to JJ as she recounted the night that she took JJ to the top of the Old Post Office Tower. He came in, checked JJ over and told Emily that, while there hadn't been much improvement, she hadn't gotten any worse either.

"She's doing okay, Agent Prentiss. Lung capacity is a little higher, vitals are good, brain activity is good, very good actually. I would hope that means she is taking in everything you are talking to her about." Dr. Harden said before adding, "I'm headed home for the evening. The nurses know how to reach me if there's a need."

"Thank you Dr. Harden. I appreciate you checking on her before you left for the day."

"No problem. And I know this will fall on deaf ears, but you really should get some rest. It might be a couple of days or more before she rejoins us."

"I'll be fine right here. I'm not going anywhere until she's ready to go home."

"I figured as much but I had to make the suggestion. You'll relay this information to her mother when you see her?"

"Yes. Next time I speak with her, I'll give her an update." _If he only knew_, Emily thought

"Good night, Agent Prentiss." Dr Harden said turning to leave. "By the way, my wife and I went to the top of the OPO Tower when we were in DC last summer. The view is spectacular isn't it?" he added with a wink and a smile as he left.

Emily could feel her cheeks start to burn.

"Way to go, Jayj. You had to corner me in that elevator didn't you?" she said to her unconscious wife.

*************************************

Emily felt JJ's thigh press between her legs and JJ's mouth had moved from her lips to the soft skin of her neck. JJ slipped her fingers under Emily's shirt and started to caress the warm skin underneath when thankfully – at least as far as Emily was concerned – they reached their destination.

"Saved by the bell," Emily said as the elevator chimed their arrival at the observation deck of the tower. JJ groaned in frustration. The chill in the air of this February night was much colder up here than it was while they had been on the ground.

"Are you going to be okay up here, Jayj?" Emily asked, "I knew I should have told you to dress warmly."

"I'm fine. That's why I'm wearing these boots instead of strappy sandals. Besides, I have you to keep me warm, don't I?"

Emily wrapped her arms around JJ and said, "Of course you do," before pulling her back into a kiss

"Come here, Jayj, I want to show you something."

Emily led JJ to the most beautiful thing that JJ had ever seen. At this time of night, from up here on the observation deck, the entire city of Washington DC seemed to be made from lights rather than concrete, brick, granite, or marble. From up here you could see all the different landmarks of this historic city: the Washington Monument, the Capitol Building, and even The White House all bathed in warm yellowish hues. Emily stood behind JJ and wrapped her arms tightly around her waist just letting JJ take everything in. JJ had often been to DC but this was the first time seeing it from this vantage point.

"I love it up here," Emily said after a few minutes

"It's beautiful, Em. Just breathtaking."

"Yes, it is," Emily said as she pulled down the faux collar on JJ's wrap, brushed JJ's long blonde hair to one side, and started to kiss the back of her neck

"Do you come up here a lot?"

"Bill lets me spend time up here when I need to clear my head, when I need to think. For the past month or so that's been a lot."

"What do you think about up here?"

"The job, our cases…you."

"You never answered my question."

"Mmm, what question was that?" Emily was rather lost in the feeling of JJ's skin on her lips as she peppered tiny kisses long JJ's neck and across her exposed shoulders.

"How many other girls have you brought up here?"

Emily couldn't tell if JJ was kidding or not so she decided to answer her truthfully.

"You're the first, Jennifer."

JJ turned in Emily's arms to face her. "You've never brought anybody up here before?"

"Just Bill. Does he count?" Emily said with a big smile

JJ chuckled

"Jayj, since I've been in DC, I haven't dated anyone. At first I was too busy getting settled in with the job, the team, so who had the time. Then, once I realized I had feelings for you, I didn't want to date anyone else. I …"

JJ didn't let Emily finish that sentence. Instead she kissed Emily; kissed her for all that she was worth. They stood on that observation deck enjoying the feel of one's mouth on the other's, tongues so intertwined they didn't know where one started and the other one ended. It was Emily that finally broke from the kiss and placed her forehead against JJ's.

"You really need to stop doing that to me," Emily said trying to regain her composure

"Why? You seem to like it."

"I do and that's the problem. You're making it impossible to, um..."

"To what, Em?"

"To keep my hands to myself. To keep from wanting to take you back to my place and make love with you."

"And that's a problem because?"

"Jayj, it's our first date. I'm trying to be, I don't know, chivalrous."

JJ smiled and reached to hold Emily's hand

"Emily, you know it's not like you picked me up in a bar, right? You and I are friends; we have a history. I don't know…it's like we started at the fifth date. We already have feelings; feelings I'd really like to continue to explore if you'd just let us."

Emily blew out a puff of air and it was cold enough to see it. She stared at her feet not really knowing what to say about that. JJ was eight years younger than her, why was she so much more confident. JJ seemed like she knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to go for it.

"Have you ever been in love, Emily?" JJ asked, breaking the silence

"I'm not…I'm not sure" Emily stammered; eyes cast downward still afraid to look at JJ

JJ slowly lifted Emily's chin up so their eyes could meet. "Yes you are, Em. Don't be afraid of it."

"You frighten me, Jennifer. You make me feel things I've never felt before."

"That's not a bad thing, Emily." JJ said tenderly still looking into Emily's eyes.

JJ saw tears start to well up in those eyes when she leaned in to kiss Emily again. This wasn't an earnest and eager kiss like before. This kiss was meant to show Emily that JJ was falling in love with her too. It was JJ that broke the kiss this time, cupping Emily's cheek, she just stared at her and said, "You are so beautiful, Emily."

Emily hugged JJ and stared off into the night sky thanking whoever guided such things for leading Emily to this place and time with this particular person to hold on to. This person that was holding onto her like she'd never been held before, like Emily was the most important person in her life.

"Thank you for being you, Jennifer."

Off in the distance, Emily saw something flash across the sky

"Ooh, a shooting star."

JJ turned around quickly trying to see it but, of course, it was gone. Emily stood behind JJ, her chin resting on JJ's shoulder, both of them looking hard into that night sky trying to find another when one finally scooted across the sky.

"Wanna know what I wished for?" JJ asked as she grabbed one of Emily's hands that were wrapped around her waist.

"Tell me,"

"I'd rather show you."

JJ pulled Emily's hand to her thigh and ran it up her leg and under the dress she was wearing. Emily was putty in her hands and powerless to stop JJ from leading her hand to where she wanted her the most. Emily closed her eyes as she willingly slipped her fingers under the silken material of JJ's panties and into her heat.

"God, Jayj, you are so wet." Emily loved the feeling of JJ on her fingers

"You do this to me, Em" JJ said laying her head back and resting it against Emily's shoulder feeling Emily's fingers stroking her for the first time.

After a couple of minutes, JJ turned around to face Emily and started to remove the wrap she had draped over her shoulders.

"I don't want you to be cold."

"I'm not cold." JJ said lustily as she put her wrap over the railing

Locking eyes with Emily she slowly lowered her dress down her shoulders confirming for Emily what she'd thought all evening.

"One of the benefits of smallish breasts, you don't necessarily need to wear a bra." JJ said with a bit of a devilish smile.

Emily took in the sight before her. JJ looked beautiful in the light provided by the full moon; the running lights were the only other illumination. Emily suddenly felt like she was on fire and she took off her leather jacket and let it drop to the ground in front of her. Emily swallowed hard as JJ reached for her hand again and placed it on one of her breasts. Emily locked eyes with her as she gently palmed the perfect mound that was given her.

"God you're beautiful, Jennifer," Emily said as she kissed JJ lips then moved down her jaw and to her neck feeling JJ's pulse start to quicken as she continued to kiss there. Emily slowly moved to kiss further down JJ's chest until she reached the breast she had been gently kneading. JJ gasped when Emily took her nipple into her mouth and began to suck on it.

While Emily had her mouth on JJ's breast one hand was making its way down JJ's body feeling her soon to be lover trembling beneath her touch. Releasing JJ's nipple from her lips, Emily noticed it get instantly hard; the results of the moisture from Emily's mouth combined with the cold night air.

"You're shaking. Are you sure you're not cold?"

"I'm not shaking because I'm cold, Emily." JJ said as she reached to undo the buttons on Emily's blouse starting at the bottom. JJ splayed her hand across Emily's stomach feeling the muscles convulse beneath her fingers.

JJ's dress was tight enough across the torso to hold it in place despite being removed from JJ's shoulders. Emily alternated between nibbling, licking, and massaging each of the blonde's breasts. Emily slowly sank to her knees and knelt on the leather jacket that lay at her feet while she let her hands trail along JJ's stomach. Emily gently stroked along a leather-clad calf then up a toned thigh before reaching to remove the skimpy panties JJ was wearing. JJ used Emily for support while Emily took her panties off and stuffed them in the pocket of her jeans.

"God I want you so badly, Jennifer."

"I'm right here, baby. Make me yours."

Emily let all of her senses take in what was about to happen. The sounds JJ made when she was touched, the sight of the beautiful woman before her, the silkiness of JJ's skin as she touched her, the smell of JJ's lust, and then she went in for the taste. Emily moved forward to let her tongue tease JJ's opening causing her to buck into the touch and start to moan. Emily continued to explore JJ with her tongue while her hands slowly meandered along her inner thigh and moved up to stroke JJ's ass. JJ had one had grabbing at the railing behind her trying to keep herself upright while the other hand was pressing Emily further into her.

Wanting to get even deeper, Emily pulled one of JJ's legs up over her shoulder and wrapped her arm around the back of JJ's thighs to give her more support as JJ reached to hold the railing with her other hand too. Emily flattened her tongue and ran it the entire length of JJ's sex and probed her slit with the tip of it. She could hear JJ's breath begin to get ragged and could feel her shuddering with every stroke. Emily gently took JJ's clit into her mouth and rhythmically sucked and swirled around it, picking up the pace a bit when she felt JJ was close to her climax.

"Oh God, Em!" JJ screamed when she finally came

Emily happily licked up the fruits of her labor and then slowly lowered JJ's leg from her shoulder. She stood up to let the blonde lean against her while she came down from her orgasm. Grabbing JJ's wrap and pulling it around her since she was still pretty much naked from the waist up, Emily kissed JJ's neck and held her tightly until JJ could stand on her own.

"Are you okay, baby?" asked Emily

JJ answered Emily with a kiss; she could taste herself on Emily's mouth.

"That was amazing, Emily."

"I think we need to get out of here before you catch a cold." Emily said kissing JJ one more time.

"I'm not sure I want to leave here."

"Yes you do" Emily said seductively kissing JJ giving her a preview of even better things to come. JJ smiled knowing that this was not the end of their evening.

Emily helped JJ put herself back together, buttoned her own blouse and put her jacket back on. She looked up to find JJ scanning the ground for something.

"Whatcha looking for you?" Emily said tilting her head to one side and smiling knowing full well what JJ was looking for

"Um, my panties. Do you have them Emily Prentiss?" JJ asked noticing the sly smile on Emily's face

"I might."

"Can I have them back?"

"Maybe later but not right now. I kind of like the idea of you not wearing any."

"Ha! What happened to chivalry?"

"Chivalry be damned. You unleashed the lion now you have to deal with it."

Her legs still a little wobbly, JJ leaned against Emily the entire ride down the elevator and let Emily help her back into the car. She watched Emily go over to Bill to say goodbye and ask him to make sure he erased any security camera footage that might have record their tryst.

"Is he, um, going to take care of _that_ for us, Em?"

"I love that man. He ran a system scan the entire time we were up there. The cameras can't record while he runs it. Man's a genius."

"I think Bill just officially became one of my favorite people."

Emily leaned in and kissed JJ passionately, "Now…where were we?"

"I think we were headed to your place."

Emily smiled and threw her car in gear resting her hand on JJ's bare thigh and occasionally running it a little higher to remind JJ of what _lay _ahead. When they arrived back at Emily's condo, Emily parked her car in its spot and head over to the passenger side to let JJ out of the car. Emily pushed JJ up against the car kissing her and allowing her hands to roam over the gorgeous blonde.

"Emily, I think we need to take this to your bedroom. Now!"

Emily didn't need to be told twice. She grabbed JJ's hand and pulled JJ along behind her toward her home. As she fumbled with her keys to unlock her door, JJ was reaching around from behind her already working on undoing her belt. Not bothering to turn on any lights, Emily led JJ upstairs to her bedroom after JJ had dumped her wrap and purse on the entry hall floor. Even in the dark, Emily's bedroom was well lit. The entire wall across from her bed was glass and the curtains were open allowing the glow from the full moon to come in. JJ had seen Emily's view of the Capitol from her living room she just didn't realize that Emily's bedroom had the same view.

JJ moved towards Emily to unbutton the brunette's blouse pressing completely up against her to push it off her shoulders. Emily's creamy skin was luminescent in the moonlight that was pouring in through her windows. Emily sat on her bed to take off her boots and socks and looked up to see JJ getting ready to do the same.

"I, um, think you should maybe leave those on."

"Really Em? Add a little kink?"

"Jayj…"

"What? I'm just saying is all. You're the one that wants to do me with my boots on."

Emily got off the bed and moved towards the blonde; now a little shorter than JJ because she was in her bare feet. "Yes I do," she said to JJ lustily turning JJ around so she could help unzip her dress. She kissed the back of JJ's neck while slowing pulling down the zipper. They both let the dress fall to the floor. Emily almost came on the spot at the sight of JJ standing naked before her wearing nothing but her black leather knee-high stacked heeled boots.

"Goddamnit, Jennifer! You're so fucking sexy."

JJ smiled seductively and moved towards Emily. She grabbed the buckle of belt that she had already loosened and pulled it through the loops of Emily's jeans. JJ unbuttoned her lover's pants and lowered the zipper, helping Emily step out of them. Emily reached behind her and unhooked her bra letting it join the rest of their clothing on the floor.

JJ pushed Emily onto her bed and straddled her. Emily loved the combined feeling of JJ's wetness on her belly and a leather-clad calf on either side of her torso. Emily leaned up on one elbow and with the other had pulled JJ down for a kiss. They explored each other's mouths with wanton abandon only breaking the kiss when they were completely breathless. Encouraging her to move up by cupping her ass, Emily took one of JJ's breasts into her mouth and slowly began to suckle it while her hands roamed her lover's body. Emily was reaching between them to feel the wetness between JJ's legs when JJ grabbed her by the wrist to stop her.

"Uh-uh, you already had your fun. Now it's my turn." JJ said with a throaty growl.

JJ shifted her body downwards and started kissing and nipping along Emily's neck leaving small red marks wherever her teeth met Emily's skin. Emily loved the feel of JJ's lips and tongue running down her body. She watched as JJ took one of her nipples in her mouth. Emily felt wetness pooling between her legs lost in the feeling of JJ's tongue circling her nipple while her hand trailed down her torso and towards her wet heat. Emily raised her hips when JJ started to pull off her underwear.

JJ took a moment to look at the sight before her. Emily actually lying naked on the bed was better than anything her imagination could have ever dreamed up. She was taking in the milky white skin and firm supple breasts when JJ noticed a small dark mark just to the inside of Emily's hip bone. She strained in the moonlit room to make it out.

"What's this, Em? iF?" JJ said a bit surprised of her findings

"Ha! Not iF, JJ. It just looks like it. It's the Chinese symbol for integrity." Emily said of the small tattoo she had on the inside of her hip on the front of her pelvis.

"It's beautiful…and perfect. Just like you." JJ said tracing the symbol with her finger

JJ continued moving her fingers downward and started fingering Emily feeling her wetness. JJ coated her finger with Emily's juices and then brought it up to trace the outline of Emily's nipple with the wet finger before taking it in her mouth again to taste her lover for the first time.

"God JJ, I want you so badly. Stop teasing I can't take it anymore. I need you on me, inside of me."

"You taste so good, baby. I can't wait to go down on you."

Emily just sighed with anticipation as JJ began the agonizingly slow descent down her body. JJ kissed a toned tummy stopping to dip her tongue into Emily's bellybutton and swirl it around before continuing to move down her lover's body with her tongue.

JJ suckled Emily's tattoo and then sat up slightly bringing Emily's knees up with her and repositioned herself between Emily's legs. JJ licked behind one of Emily's knees and up along the inside of her thigh hearing the other woman moaning at her advances. JJ looked at the glistening mound before her taking in the sight of how wet Emily was for her before reaching out and running a finger along Emily's slit followed by her tongue.

Emily bucked beneath her as JJ fondled her and played in her folds. JJ had teased and worked her up good already and she could feel the delightful coil building deep in her belly. Emily sucked in her breath when JJ slipped two fingers inside her, palm up, so she could tease the nerve bundle just inside her opening. Emily felt like she stopped breathing all together when she felt JJ take her clit between her warm lips and tongue sucking on the beautiful pearl.

"Oh fuck, JJ…" Emily panted, " Jesus….Christ…almighty!"

JJ knew that Emily wasn't going to last much longer as she kept the rhythm steady with both her fingers and her tongue. Emily arched her back and JJ moved her free hand to her lover's hip to keep her in place. JJ could feel Emily contract around her fingers and finally heard her scream her name.

JJ continued to lightly move her fingers in and out of Emily and gently lick Emily's clit after Emily came. Finally she removed her fingers, flattened her tongue, gave Emily a few more passes along her slit feeling her shiver, before moving up Emily's body to hold her lover in her strong arms.

Emily's body was lightly bathed in sweat and she couldn't breathe but it was the best she had ever felt. The woman that she knew she loved – but was too afraid to say it yet – just gave her the most intense orgasm of her life and was now staring down at her with the most loving, tender look on her face.

"Emily, sweetie, are you okay?" JJ said cupping her face and placing gentle loving kisses along Emily jaw line.

"That was (pant) just (pant) amazing (pant)" Emily was finally able to say

"Yeah it was. I loved hearing you scream my name."

JJ stroked Emily's cheek with her thumb and continued to whisper sweet nothings to her lover. JJ knew she was falling in love with Emily too but knew Emily would freak out if she said so – at least right now - so she just relished being with her.

"Jayj?"

"Yeah."

"Will you spend the night with me?"

"I'm not going to make you climb out of bed to take me home, Em."

"I'm happy to hear that. I was going to offer to call you a cab."

"Humph. Nice, Em, real nice." JJ said with a grin. "Does that mean I can take my boots off now?"

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry baby, of course. Would you like a t-shirt or something to keep you warm too, Jayj?"

"I've still got you don't I?"

"Oh yeah. You got me all right. I just hope it's what you want."

"Couldn't you tell, Em?"

"Yes. But it's always nice to hear."

JJ sat up and hovered over Emily to look at her lover properly. "You're what I want."

Emily reached up to caress JJ's cheek, "You're what I want too."

JJ knew that was as close as Emily was going to get to saying I love you for right now so that meant the world to her. They kissed a little more, JJ removed her boots, laid her head on Emily's shoulder and they both fell asleep. Sometime later they both woke up still wrapped up in each other's arms and made love again.

**AN5: About Emily's tattoo, the Chinese symbol for integrity looks sort of like a lower case "i" followed by a capital "F" and underlined. **

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review…**


	7. Feelings

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: The story is rated T but some chapters will be rated M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat. **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

****************************************************

Having spent most of the night talking to JJ about the first time they'd made love, Emily sat in her chair smiling at the remembrance, when Penelope broke her thoughts.

"Good morning! It's nice to see you smiling, Em. What brought that on?"

"Oh nothing" Emily said feeling her cheeks getting flush "I didn't hear you come in."

Garcia, upon noticing the blush, realized what Emily was more than likely thinking about. Unbeknownst to Emily, JJ and her had spent a lot of time discussing the voracity of a certain dark-haired FBI agent that they both knew and loved. Emily might have hesitated to make love to JJ for the first time but, once that horse was out of the barn, there was no corralling it. Not that JJ had been complaining by any stretch of the imagination. No, Garcia knew they had both finally met their match in each other.

"Did you manage to get any sleep, Emily?"

"Yes some." Emily lied, she'd actually gotten very little. Sitting up in this chair wasn't exactly conducive to sleeping but there was no way she was going to mention that to Mama Bear; not unless she wanted to fight about leaving JJ's side again.

"Hmm…why don't I believe you?"

Emily smiled at her friend, "I appreciate the concern but I'm okay. I need to call Amanda and check on Henry though. Would you mind sitting with her for five minutes? I'll be right outside the room if you need to come get me."

"Go, Em. I called Amanda last night and again this morning but I know you'll feel better if you call and talk to her yourself."

"Thanks, Pen. I'll be right back."

Emily left JJ for only the second time since JJ had been placed in her private room after her surgery. She never even left when the various nurses had come in to check on JJ's tubes and bandages. The overnight charge nurse had brought her a pillow and a blanket and commented on Emily's devotion to her patient.

After a few minutes, Emily returned looking rather upset

"He's not sleeping well. Amanda says he was up all night crying and fussing. He's never gone this long without at least hearing her voice. I think he misses her." Emily said with tears starting to form in her eyes.

"Did you talk to him?"

"Yes but its not the same. He loves JJ so very much. When we're traveling, we've told Amanda to call us no matter what time it is if he won't settle down. Five minutes on the phone with JJ and he's soothed." Emily said, "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"When you get a chance can you see about booking them on flight here? Maybe if he can see me…"

"And his godmother."

"Yes, and his godmother, it will help. Besides, I miss him and it'd be great if JJ could see him when she finally wakes up."

"Consider it done," Garcia said. She looked over at Emily and knew she needed to bring a smile back to her face. She hated to see her friend so distraught.

"So what were you thinking about when I walked in?"

"Like I said, nothing"

"Nothing huh, Emily? I think I know that look. JJ gets the same one when she thinks of you in a particular way too." Garcia teased. "Any specific time Agent Prentiss?"

Emily just chuckled. Leave it to Garcia to want to talk about sex at a time like this.

"The first time."

"Ooh, _the_ tower!"

"Gawd, are you telling me JJ told you about the tower." Emily asked incredulously.

"Honey, JJ has told me all kinds of things. Come on, you know she told me about you two right from the very start." Garcia knew that Emily wasn't comfortable talking about the intimate details of her life so she held those discussions to when she and JJ were alone. JJ had no such compunction, she relished her sex life and wasn't afraid to say so, at least not to her best friend.

"Yes but I didn't know she…Oh never mind. I guess I'm not really surprised."

"If it makes you feel any better…she says you're magic."

Emily smiled even as she blushed harder.

"I was in love with her from that first date, you know. I fell hard."

"So did she, Pumpkin, so did she."

*************************************************

Emily awoke the next morning to find JJ still fast asleep. She sat up and afforded herself a good look at the beautiful woman in her bed. JJ was sleeping on her tummy with her face away from Emily. Emily pulled back the covers a little to sneak a peek at JJ's flawless body. Toned and tanned everywhere as far as Emily would allow herself to look since she didn't want to wake her. She could see JJ's muscles in her arms and back even as she was sleeping. Emily knew JJ worked out and ran a lot, took good care of herself by drinking plenty of water and eating right but she never appreciated that as much as she did right now.

She leaned down and kissed JJ's bare shoulder "Tienes mi corazón, Jennifer. Guárdalo seguro. Te quiero. Te amo.

Knowing that if she continued to stare at her lover, it'd been a long time since Emily had used that phrase she thought, it would be hard to keep her hands off of her so she decided to quietly ease out of bed.

Hers and JJ's clothes were all over the bedroom floor making Emily smile as she thought about the night she had spent with JJ. It was truly a memorable experience. She picked up everything placing JJ's dress and boots on the chair in her bedroom and went to put her stuff in the hamper checking her pockets first. She found JJ's panties and smiled again as she looked at the tiny piece of material that was JJ's undergarment before placing it with the rest of her things.

She got dressed in a pair of sweats and a tee and went into her bathroom to brush her hair and teeth. She opened the box of attachments for her Sonicare and pulled out a clean, unused brush head and laid it on a clean towel with her tube of toothpaste. She went downstairs but not before laying out a robe for JJ to put on after she woke up and closing the curtains in her bedroom. Emily was never bothered by the sunlight coming in, she could sleep no matter what, but she wasn't sure if it would bother JJ and she wanted JJ to sleep as long as she wanted.

Emily went downstairs, picked up JJ's haphazardly thrown wrap and purse, turned on some music, and went into her kitchen to start a pot of coffee. She looked in her refrigerator to contemplate making JJ breakfast and found enough to make a couple of veggie omelettes. Good thing they had been home this week which forced Emily to buy a few groceries otherwise it might have just been a couple of packs of instant oatmeal she always had on hand.

She had just finished chopping up some tomato, onion, and green peppers when she was startled by a warm body being pressed up against her.

"Jesus Christ, JJ, you scared me. You would think an FBI agent would know better that to sneak up on someone holding a knife."

"Sorry. I thought you might have heard me rummaging around upstairs."

Emily turned around to look at the blonde.

"I guess I was just wrapped up in my own head." Emily said. "Good morning," she added as she leaned in to kiss JJ. The minty-freshness of JJ's breath told Emily that she had found the brush head she had left her.

"You look good in my robe."

"Thanks for leaving it for me. And for leaving me the toothbrush."

"That head belongs to you now. Did you sleep well?" Emily asked moving over to the other counter where her coffee pot was.

"I did, thank you. I think it's the best I've slept in a while."

"Good. You hungry?"

"Famished. I'm not sure what I did last night but I sure worked up an appetite." JJ said with a wide grin.

Emily met her smile and handed JJ a large mug filled with coffee having spent enough time with her to know without asking that she would want it and that she liked it black.

"Let me finish these up and we'll get you fed."

"Need any help?"

"I'm almost done but you can grate a little cheese if you'd like while I prepare the eggs. There's also some juice in the fridge if you want some."

They finished making their breakfast and sat down to a nice meal, holding hands, and staring at each other both lost in the magic that is present at the beginning of every new relationship; both hoping against hope that this was one that would stand the test of time.

"God, Emily, that was the best omelette I've ever had."

"Jayj, I think maybe you were just hungry."

"Maybe but it was still delicious."

Emily smiled and ran her fingers lightly across JJ's forearm before pulling her towards her for a kiss. JJ ended up sitting in Emily's lap as the two sat in Emily's kitchen making out for several minutes. Emily pulled back to look at JJ.

"I need a shower. Care to join me?"

"Lead the way."

They took turns washing each other's hair which led to them having sex again before cleaning up, getting out, and helping dry each other off. JJ walked back into Emily's bedroom and suddenly realized all she had to wear was her dress from last night; she didn't even have a bra with her.

"This is going to be fun." JJ said aloud

Emily looked in her closet for something she could give JJ to wear settling on a tricot tracksuit and a t-shirt.

"I think this'll wo…" Emily started to say before realizing she was alone in her bedroom. "Jayj?"

JJ came walking back into Emily's bedroom carrying her purse. She reached inside and pulled out a pair of clean panties.

"Boy scout, Jayj?"

"Girl scout motto too, Em. And yes I was."

Emily chuckled "Were you expecting to need those Agent Jareau?"

"Hmm, maybe hoping is a better word."

Watching JJ drop her towel and put them on Emily smiled "I think there was more material covering your arm the other day than there is on you right now."

The smile faded from JJ's face and Emily realized that JJ wasn't quite ready to joke about what had happened to her in that barn. Emily cringed and wished she could take it back.

"JJ, honey, I'm sorry."

Knowing JJ was upset, Emily moved over to wrap her arms around JJ's practically naked body.

"That was really insensitive of me, JJ. I can't tell you how sorry I am."

"It's okay, Em. I know you didn't mean anything by it. I'm just not ready to joke about it. Not yet. I hated to have to kill them you know."

"I know Jayj but they weren't normal cuddly dogs. They would have ripped your throat out if you'd given them half a chance." Emily shuddered at the thought

"I know. I just don't want you to think I enjoyed doing that."

"Oh baby, I would never think that for a second."

"Okay. I just wanted to make sure you knew that."

"How can I make it up to you?" Emily asked seductively kissing JJ's neck and palming a breast.

"Hmmm. You can let me borrow your car."

Emily's head snapped up in surprise, "Okay. Not what I was expecting to hear."

"I need to go home and change." JJ said pulling away and starting to get dressed in Emily's clothes.

"You don't think this will work?" pointing to the clothes JJ had started to put on

"Are you going to want me to stay tonight?"

"I hadn't thought that far but I wouldn't mind."

"Then I'm definitely going to need a change of clothes. Just let me borrow your car. I'll go home, change, grab some clothes, tend to a couple of errands, and come right back."

Emily hesitated

"Oh My God! You don't want me driving your car do you?" JJ exclaimed

Emily just stood looking at her

"Seriously, Em. You trust me with your body and hopefully your heart but you don't trust me with an automobile?"

"It's not just an automobile, JJ. It's MY Lexus LS. It's my baby."

"You didn't mind me riding in your baby last night without any underpants, Em."

Emily just stared at her again

"I could drive you home and bring you back." Emily said hoping that would diffuse the situation. She just didn't like anybody driving her Lexus.

JJ looked at her like she was trying to say something without hurting her feelings.

"Emily, I, um…" JJ started and then stopped puffing out a breath of air. " I, um, would like a little time to myself. To think about what happened last night…and again this morning. I think you could use the time too."

Emily looked at JJ rather shocked to hear her say those words.

"JJ, do you regret what's happened between us?"

"NO! Not even a little bit. But the feelings I have for you are very intense and I need to sort through them. I can't do that with you here."

Emily started to fidget with her hands like she always did when she was nervous. But was it because of what JJ said, how she was feeling, or the fact that JJ wanted to borrow her car? JJ was looking at her with her beautiful blue eyes and Emily melted.

"Damn it! Don't look at me like that." Emily cried

"Like what?" JJ said playing it innocently

"You're going to win every argument we ever have aren't you?"

"I'm pretty much going to try." JJ said kissing Emily softly on the lips

After JJ finished putting on the clothes and a pair of sneakers Emily lent her, she ran a brush through her wet hair, and then Emily reluctantly gave her the keys to her car.

"Be careful, JJ."

"Because you're worried about me or your car?"

"My car!"

"Good to know where I stand, Prentiss."

JJ kissed her and got in the car to head towards home.

"I'll be back in a few hours."

Emily groaned as she watched JJ drive away

*************************************************

"She wasn't very happy you didn't want her to drive your car, you know," Garcia said. She loved listening to Emily's story of their first morning together.

"Look. I still don't like when she drives my car but I let her do it every now and again."

"And you make her a nervous wreck every time you do. She lets you drive her car all the time."

"Yes but there's a difference."

"And what's that?"

"I'm a better driver."

"You better hope she didn't hear you say that."

Emily smiled.

"I know she talked to you about us that morning but she's never told me what you two talked about. Can I know now?"

Garcia smiled and started to talk.

************************************************

After she hit the highway, JJ dialed her best friend.

"Good morning, Sunshine" Garcia said when she answered her phone

"Hey, G! You doing anything right now?"

"Not really. Just got back from my Saturday morning errands and was trying to figure out what I was going to do for the rest of the day."

"Wanna fill up an couple of those hours at my house?"

"Sure. You okay, JJ?"

"Yeah. I just need someone to talk to. I'll be home in about 30 minutes."

"I'll meet you there."

JJ answered the door for her friend about five minutes after she had arrived home.

"Is Emily here?" Garcia asked as she walked through JJ's front door

"No."

"Isn't that her car out front?"

"Yes."

"So Prentiss' car is here but she isn't?"

"Right."

"JJ you're acting a little strange. You call me over here to talk but you're not exactly talking. You have Emily's car in your driveway but no Emily. What's going on, sugar?"

JJ paced around her living room a little before she was ready to continue

"I had a date last night."

"Right! The flowers!!" Garcia exclaimed looking at the bouquet sitting on JJ's table

"Yes. The flowers."

"Something happen on that date, Jayj? You okay?"

"Garcia…the date was, um…" _Damn it_, JJ thought to herself_. You make your living with words why was this so hard?_

"Was what, JJ?"

"IwentonadatewithEmily." JJ was finally able to say but having it rush out all at once

"OH! Hmmm…"Garcia started

"Garcia?"

"Nothing Jayj, I was just thinking."

"About?"

"I have to say I think you two make a cute couple."

JJ stepped forward to give her friend a hug "Thank you!"

"Are you struggling with this JJ? I know Emily isn't the first woman you've ever been out with."

"I know. It's not that. It's just that it's Emily. She's one of my best friends and we work together. And I…" JJ stopped herself

"You what, JJ"

"You know me, Garcia. I don't fall for people. I always find a way to just keep it in the moment. To enjoy the company and then run before it starts to get too serious. To run before I get hurt. At least that's been my M.O. for the last few years."

"And you don't want to run this time." Garcia said rather than asked

"No."

"Do you love her?"

"Yes." JJ said simply

"And that scares you"

"Yes"

Garcia wrapped up her friend in her arms and hugged her hard. "JJ…Emily's not Kate. You need to stop being afraid of getting hurt again. One day you will meet someone who will never hurt you. Who wants nothing more than to make you happy. To love you unconditionally. Emily might be that person. Do you think she feels the same way?"

"Yes but she's not ready to admit that."

"Are you?"

"I came close last night but stopped myself."

"Why"

"Because I knew she wouldn't say it back. It's too soon for her. But I feel it already. I know we have a chance for something real and that terrifies the shit out of me."

"Don't be afraid of it, JJ"

"Ha! That's what I told her last night. I know you're right but I am. I have to be confident for her but I have my fears too. Who's going to help _me_ overcome _mine_?"

"Uh, Jayj…I think that's why you called me." Garcia said hugging her best friend again.

Garcia separated from her friend "So tell me about your date. Was there sex?"

JJ just smiled and laughed shyly as she looked at the floor

"There WAS sex. Spill it Jareau!!" Garcia exclaimed excitedly

************************************************

"So she spilled it." Garcia told Emily

"All of it?"

"Well no, not in any great detail. JJ does have her limits but I know you two had sex up on that observation deck that night and then went back to your place."

"I couldn't help myself. I tried but she's like my kryptonite."

"Ha! SuperPrentiss brought down by Jareau-ium!!"

Emily laughed. She loved Garcia and her naturally ability to always lighten a mood no matter how dark. Sometimes when they were on a case and things started to weigh them down a call to Garcia was all they needed to feel whole again. They all felt that way, even Hotch. Garcia was love!!

"So Emily, what were you doing while JJ was talking to me?"

**************************************************

_A few hours_!! Emily thought to herself. How long does it take to change and gather a few clothes? What was really bothering her was JJ's remark about needing time to think about what had happened between them. JJ seemed so confident when she finally broke down all of Emily's walls; first at her house the night they returned from Georgia and then up on the roof of the observation deck. Did she have the same worries that Emily had? If that were the case, they might be in trouble. What if neither of them were strong enough to make a go of this…thing. What was this? Was this love? Emily was fairly sure she'd never been in love. At least she knew she had never felt this way about anybody else. Sure she'd had sex and relationships before but was any of it truly love? If the way she felt about JJ was love, then the answer was definitely no.

Emily tried and failed miserably to stay busy and keep her mind off of things while waiting for JJ to come back. She wasn't going to call her. JJ said she needed some time to sort though things. Emily was going to respect that no matter how much it was killing her. JJ said she would be back and Emily had no reason to doubt that. As she was pacing and thinking Emily resolved herself to be upfront with JJ. To never hold anything back. That had been one of her biggest problems in past relationships…she had always been too afraid of getting hurt to say how she truly felt. She was not going to let that happen with JJ.

After four of the longest hours of her life, JJ called her to let her know she was headed back into the city.

"Hi baby" JJ said when Emily answered

"Hi Jayj, you okay?"

"Yeah. How 'bout you?"

"I've missed you" that's a start thought Emily to herself

"I've missed you too, sweetheart. I'm about 20 minutes away from ho…from your place. Are you hungry?"

"A little. Are you?" Had JJ almost said _home_, Emily thought

"Yeah."

"I would have gone grocery shopping but someone has my car."

"She's fine by the way. She drives like a dream."

"I know she does. Tell her I miss her too. I can order a pizza from the place on the corner you like. You could stop and pick it up on the way back."

"Sounds good. Mushroom and olive?"

"Perfect. I'll call it in. See you in a little bit."

JJ got back to Emily's place about 40 minutes after they spoke with their hot pizza. The two of them ate and drank a glass of wine mostly in silence neither of them knowing how to quite put what they were feeling into words. Emily picked up the plates and was cleaning up a little when she felt JJ's arms slip around her waist from behind.

"I really missed you this afternoon, Em."

Emily turned around to face her lover properly and kissed her. The two of them stood in Emily's kitchen kissing, their arousal starting to bloom again. JJ stopped to look into Emily's dark eyes, "Tell me what you're feeling, Emily"

"I'm scared," Emily answered truthfully

"I am too Emily. You said yesterday that I frighten you; that I make you feel things you've never felt before. You do that to me too, Em. But we can't continue to be afraid or we will never find what we both seem to be looking for."

"I know."

"Then tell me."

"How I feel." Emily stated trying to conjure up the right words to say to JJ so she knew what was going on inside both her head and her heart. Emily wasn't sure if she'd ever been this afraid to say how she felt before.

"Tell me what you're feeling, baby."

"Se que es pronto y aunque tengo miedo, creo que estoy enamorada de ti."

JJ softly chuckled "Not in Spanish, Emily"

"Je sais qu'il est encore trop tôt et je ne peux pas dire que je ne suis pas effrayée, mais je pense que je suis amoureuse de toi"

JJ sighed in frustration "In English please."

"What, your last name _is_ Jareau. I figured I was good with French" Emily joked

JJ smiled "You figured wrong. Tell me what you want to tell me. In English. Please."

Tenderly holding JJ's cheek in her hand, Emily closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath before saying, "I know it's really soon and I can't say I'm not scared, but I think I'm in love with you."

JJ kissed Emily fully and passionately on the mouth. Pulling away, JJ said tenderly, "I think I love you too, Emily," before resuming the assault on Emily's lips. "Take me to bed, Em, and make love with me."

"All night long, baby, all night long."

As they headed upstairs Emily knew that JJ had been right. They both needed a few hours apart to process what was happening between them. Emily didn't think she'd ever been this happy and it was all due to the wonderful woman she was leading upstairs to her bedroom. Emily had told so very few people in her life that she loved them. It felt good and she was happy that she didn't have to dance around her feelings. This is exactly what she meant when she said no games, no bullshit. Her and JJ were on the same page.

**AN: Translation for the first time Emily speaks Spanish: You have my heart, Jennifer. Please keep it safe. I want you. I love you.**

**AN: I hope I my phrases in Spanish and French were correct. My apologies if they weren't. I know it's never been said that Emily speaks French but, come on, doesn't it seem like she would. **

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…**


	8. A Little History

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: The story is rated T but some chapters will be rated M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat. **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

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After thoroughly enjoying each other over the course of several hours, the two lovers lay sleeping with Emily spooned behind JJ. Emily loved the feel of JJ's naked body against hers. She had one arm over JJ's waist the other under the pillow JJ's head was resting on. It was early morning and Emily was just starting to wake listening to the gentle sound of JJ breathing while she slept. As Emily listened however, she noticed that the light noises JJ had been making seemed to be turning into whimpers.

Emily was just about to gently nudge JJ when suddenly JJ bolted upright, startled and panicking. Clutching the covers to her naked body, JJ started to cry.

"Ssshhh. Ssshhh. Baby, it's okay. You're okay. It's Emily – you're safe with me." Emily sat up and held JJ. She rocked her lover gently and kissed her bare shoulders trying to provide as much comfort as possible to the shaken young woman. After several minutes, she felt JJ begin to calm down though she could still feel her trembling.

"I'm sorry, Emily."

"Baby, please don't apologize for something you can't help. Are you okay?"

"I think so. It was really bad this time."

"The woods again?"

"Yeah."

Emily got out of bed and went to her dresser to grab a couple of oversized t-shirts she usually liked to sleep in. She knew JJ was feeling very exposed right now and she wanted her to be comfortable.

"Put this on, babe. You're shivering." Emily said putting one on too as she tried to keep the true intentions of the gesture hidden from JJ. She climbed back in bed, sat up against the headboard, and drew her lover tightly to her. Even after putting on Emily's shirt JJ was trembling; still shaken by the nightmare that woke her from her slumber.

"God I hate when I wake up like this."

"At least you weren't alone, Jayj."

"I know. Thank you for being here."

"Sure baby." Emily said kissing JJ's forehead, "Tell me about the dream, JJ"

"I'm not sure I can."

"Yes you can. Tell me. It might help chase your nightmares away."

After thinking it over, JJ slowly began,

"I'm in the woods, surrounded by trees and fog. I can't find my way out. I can hear people calling my name…'Jennifer', 'Jennifer' but I can't see them. They sound so far away and their voices are getting further and further. I can hear the sounds of dogs barking in the distance. I'm crying and I keep calling after them telling them not to leave me but they don't hear me. They don't stop. The sky is getting darker and the fog is getting heavier. I can hear frogs croaking and it's so loud. They won't stop. I'm cold and the air is wet. The trees are starting to take on a life of their own. Their trunks look like they're laughing at me. And their branches seem like they are reaching out to grab me. I usually wake up just as they are about to touch me. It seems so real, Em."

Emily could see JJ breaking out in a sweat and starting to get upset again so she wrapped her in her arms and gently rocked her. After a while, JJ calmed down a bit and started to relax into Emily.

"Thanks for being here. For making me talk about it. I haven't in a long time"

"Anytime baby."

Emily settled back down into her bed bringing JJ down with her. The two lay there holding each other just relishing the fact that they both seemed to like where they were at this point in time. Emily could imagine spending every Sunday like this, wrapped in her lover's arms just kissing and talking and seeing where this road took them.

The two decided to leave the comfort of Emily's warm bed to venture out in the cool February weather both happy that it wasn't snowing. Emily took JJ to The Flea Market at Eastern Market near Capitol Hill. It was a lively open-air flea market that was open every Sunday and was a wonderful way to pass a day. Emily loved that JJ held her hand as they walked through the various vendors that displayed their wares. Emily delighted in watching JJ take everything in as JJ pulled her through the market. As JJ was talking to a seller about the various black and white photographs he had in his booth, Emily meandered over to a jewelry vendor. There she found a gorgeous piece that caught her eye, a simple sterling silver bracelet with blue topaz stones. She quietly bought it for JJ and slipped it in her pocket.

After dropping their purchases off at Emily's car, the lovers continued walking around the area stopping at a small, quiet café for lunch.

"Can't believe what an appetite you can build up shopping," JJ said "You hungry?" JJ asked opening her menu.

"Starved. Did you have fun?"

"It was a blast. We need to go back there soon."

Emily loved hearing "we" from JJ. This was a "we" type situation they had going on here she thought. She didn't want it to end but she knew that, come tomorrow, things would be different for them and they needed to talk about it. So after the waitress brought over the glasses of wine that they'd ordered when they first sat down, Emily decided now was as good as time as any to talk to JJ about going back to work in the morning.

"For the first time since I joined the BAU, I don't want to go to work tomorrow." Emily said reaching over, taking JJ's hand and interlocking their fingers together.

JJ looked up from her menu and looked at Emily.

"I was hoping to forget about that until then."

"We need to talk about it, Jennifer. Obviously things have changed between us and we have to discuss what that means as far as work is concerned."

JJ thought a moment before speaking "I don't think it means anything as far as work is concerned. I mean we – meaning the team – rarely discuss our personal lives as it is. Why should this be any different? At least for now."

"Do you think it's possible for us to put this aside while we're working?"

"I hope so. Do I think it's going to be easy? No. But possible? Yes."

"It was hard enough for me last week, Jayj. And all I'd done was kiss you. Now that we've, um, 'been together' it's only going to be harder."

JJ smiled at the way Emily whispered her last line

Emily continued, "We need to set some ground rules here because I'm not ready to come out to the team."

"Neither am I, but you do need to know something, Em."

"What's that?"

"Garcia already knows."

"That I'm gay!"

"Well yes but only because I told her about us."

"What? When? Oh crap…yesterday when you had my car. That's why it took you so long!" Emily said trying to keep her voice down though it was rising.

"Yes. I needed someone to talk to. She's my rock. She's not going to say anything, Em." JJ tried to reassure her

"You said you knew. Had you already spoken to her about me?"

"Surprisingly no. We'd never discussed it before. Which kind of amazes me now that I think about it." JJ joked

"Not funny, Jayj. I try to keep my sexuality private from most people."

"Emily, it's not like I broadcast mine all over the place. Garcia isn't going to out you – or us. She isn't like that. Yes I know she relishes the juicy gossip that comes her way and she was trying to pry the name of the person that sent the flowers out of me, but she also is one of the most protective people I know. She would never hurt me. Or you."

"I really hope you know what your talking about, JJ"

"I do. Gossip about other office personnel is grist for the mill but the BAU, we're her family and she'd sooner die that hurt any of us."

Emily looked at JJ skeptically – it was Garcia they were talking about.

"That and I know way too many of her secrets for her to go pissing me off," JJ added with a smile. JJ could see by the look on Emily's face that she didn't find it amusing.

Squeezing Emily's hand, JJ added, "Emily, Garcia has never broken my trust. She has guarded every secret I have ever told her with her life."

After the waitress came over to take their lunch order, Emily resumed the conversation, "So, Jayj, tell me some of your secrets."

"What do you want to know?" JJ asked

"Well, how old were you when you lost your virginity?"

"Sixteen"

"With a boy?"

"Yes. Kyle Mathis."

"Who was he…the high school quarterback?"

"As a matter of fact, yes."

"Were you the homecoming queen?"

JJ just stared at her.

"Oh my god! You were!"

JJ blushed

"I'm not surprised JJ. You're a beautiful woman, I would imagine you were beautiful in high school too." Emily could tell JJ was a little embarrassed so she changed the subject.

"Sorry. I guess we got off track a little. Tell me about, Kyle. Did you love him?"

"I suppose I did. You know, kids think they're in love to justify teenage hormones. But I think I did love him. We were together for a couple of years. He, um, even asked me to marry him before I left for Pitt."

"What? You were engaged once?"

"No, he asked but I didn't say yes. Emily, I wanted so badly to escape East Allegheny. I was suffocating there. Hell, even though the campus was well with driving distance, my scholarship included housing and I took it. I was finally free and didn't have to be Jenny Jareau anymore. If I'd married Kyle, I'd still be there. He's a very close friend of my brother Paul and they work together at US Steel. He married Susan Davis, another friend of ours from high school, and they've had four kids in eight years. I'm sure it's a good life but it's not the one I wanted. I always wanted something more; something different."

"Jenny?"

"Don't ask. I could never stand that name but it was either Jennifer or Jenny. Except on the soccer field. There I was always JJ."

"So you broke his heart?"

"It really was for the best. We dated for a few more months but it was never going to work out the way he wanted it too. It wasn't fair to him. I needed to find myself before I could commit like that."

"Did college help with that?"

"College almost destroyed me."

"Really, JJ? What happened?"

"Kate Gianelli"

"Oh!" Emily said as the waitress brought over their salads and their second glasses of wine.

"So who's Kate Gianelli, JJ?"

JJ hesitated and Emily could tell that Kate Gianelli wasn't a good subject for her.

"Kate was a year older and a teammate on my soccer team at Pitt. We hit it off almost as soon as I joined the team and she asked me to share her off-campus apartment after her previous roommate flaked." JJ started to explain. "She floored me. I had always felt an attraction to women. Changing in the locker room was always a bit of a challenge. Trying to keep my appreciation for the female anatomy to myself. But I had never acted on my feelings. I considered myself straight."

"Until Kate."

"Until Kate. We danced around each other for a year. Kind of difficult when you share an apartment. We realized we had feelings for each other and one thing led to another."

"Sounds kind of familiar." Emily said remembering how they had started

"I know and I don't want you to think that I make a habit out of doing that." JJ said with a slight smile. "It was my first experience with a woman and I realized that I rather enjoyed it. We fell in love – or rather I did."

"Sorry, JJ. Kate didn't return your feelings?"

"At first I thought she did. We lived together for a year and a half as more than roommates. I thought we were in love. At least until I caught her in our bed with our keeper."

"Keeper?"

"Goalkeeper on our team. I was supposed to spend the evening at a party for my grandmother but when it ended earlier than expected I went home to be with Kate. Turns out they had been having a relationship behind my back. I found out I was just a conquest for Kate. She told teammates and friends that it took her a year but she finally got me into bed. That it was all just a game. That I meant nothing more to her than just a really good fuck. Kate hurt me, Em. She completely devastated me."

"Oh, Jayj. I'm sorry, baby. I could never imagine anyone doing that to you."

"Yeah well. It had an impact, Em. I walk away from my last year of eligibility on my scholarship. Most people think I left Pitt because Georgetown is a better communications and journalism school but really I left because of Kate. I worked my ass off to pay for Georgetown. My parents were pissed that I left scholarship money on the table so they wouldn't help out, not that they could have afforded much anyway. But I couldn't stay and see her every day – it hurt too much."

Emily felt bad for JJ. She'd been hurt in the past too and could totally relate to wanting to pack everything up and get the hell out of Dodge.

"So what happened after you moved?"

"I decided to go back to men but discovered that I missed being with women. I've had a tendency to bounce back and forth since Kate. So you could say I, ah…"

"You're bisexual."

"More like I have a decided lack of preference. Men, women…it didn't really matter as long as I found you interesting and was attracted to you. Just don't get too close. Since then I've always just tried not to get hurt. I've run when it started to get serious. I've kept my heart so guarded. Until now."

"Why?"

"Because I love you, Emily. With others – and it's not like there've been a lot but there've been enough - they always felt more for me that I did for them. With you, I want to be with you. I can't stop thinking about you. Why do you think you're the first person I look at when I walk into a room? I've been in love with you for a long time. I just…I just was…"

Emily took JJ's hand, "Scared?"

"Yes"

"Me too."

"But Emily, I don't want to be scared anymore. The only place I want to run is into your arms." JJ admitted

Emily got up from her side of the table and squatted before JJ taking her face gently between her hands, "I love you too, Jennifer."

Emily kissed JJ softly on the lips – not giving a damn that they were in the middle of a restaurant with people staring at them – and reached into her pocket for the bracelet she'd bought at the flea market. Placing it on JJ's wrist and fastening the clasp, Emily kissed JJ's knuckles then pulled her into a warm embrace.

"What's this?" asked JJ

"There are three great things that can happen to you in your life. The first thing is for you to love someone. The second thing is to have someone love you. And the third greatest thing is to have the first and second thing happen at the same time."

JJ stared at Emily then down to the bracelet and then finally back to Emily not knowing what to say.

"I don't know. Hallmark card or something." Emily said

JJ laughed and then kissed Emily

"It's beautiful. And so are you." JJ said, "Thank you."

"Tomorrow when we're at work and you need a reminder that I'm in love with you, look at the bracelet and think of me."

The two decided to take a walk just enjoying the remainder of their Sunday afternoon together. They ducked into a few shops but mostly they just talked and walked. They held hands and kissed unabashedly. As evening approached, Emily knew it was time for their wonderful weekend to come to an end. With great sadness she drove JJ back home to Woodbridge. JJ tried to break the somber mood in the car by asking Emily a few personal questions of her own.

"So, Emily, how old were you when you lost your virginity?"

"Fifteen. John Cooley."

"High school boyfriend?" JJ asked

"Ah, no. My mother got a post in Rome. John's father worked for the State Department and was friends with my parents. He and his friend Matthew Benton were my constant companions for a while. I was trying to fit in and did something stupid."

"You had sex with him."

"Yes. Growing up, moving around all the time. It's hard on a kid, especially a teenager. I didn't know I was gay then. I didn't figure that out until much later. So I slept with him and have never regretted anything more. I hated it. Didn't have sex again until college."

"Oh Em. I'm sorry you didn't have a good first experience."

"You have no idea, Jayj."

"Tell me about it?"

"I will. Someday. But right now we are at la maison de Jareau."

Emily got out of her car and walked over to open the door for JJ. They unloaded JJ's overnight bag and the items she had bought at the flea market and went inside. They made love in JJ's bed for the first time and then lay there in each other's arms not wanting what they were feeling to end. Their love was new and fragile and both just wanted to wrap it up and protect it. To keep it safe and away from the prying eyes of people that probably wouldn't understand, and that included their friends that they worked with.

It was getting late and Emily knew she needed to head back to DC so she quietly got out of bed and, in silence, got dressed to leave. Neither knew what to say to the other; both felt tremendously sad. JJ threw on her robe to walk Emily to the door.

"I don't want you to leave." JJ whispered trying to hold back the tears she felt brewing

"You don't know how much I'd rather stay but we have to work tomorrow. We'll see each other there."

"It's not going to be the same. I won't be able to do this" JJ said kissing Emily

Emily groaned knowing full well that JJ was naked under the robe she was wearing. The two had made love several times over the course of the weekend and it still wasn't enough for either of them. Emily had never had such synchronicity with a lover before. Emily kissed the soft skin in the crook of JJ's neck; which was rapidly becoming her new favorite spot on this Earth. Breathing out a big sigh of regret, Emily withdrew and then leaned in and kissed JJ goodbye once more.

"Tomorrow is going to be so difficult."

"Yes it will be. Em, if nothing comes up to take us out of town, will you come over for dinner tomorrow night?"

"I'd love to."

"Good it's a date."

"I am worried about us being able to hide this from a team of profilers, Jennifer."

"Well that would probably be a good start."

"What's that?"

"You probably shouldn't call me Jennifer in the office."

"Probably not."

"It'll be okay, Em. Just remember to compartmentalize and it will be fine. I love you."

"I love you too, baby."

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"I can't believe you were able to keep that hidden from us for so long."

Emily had been lost in her thoughts and was startled at hearing the voice of their Unit Chief who had snuck in to check on them.

"Jesus, Hotch, good thing we're in a hospital. At least the Cardiac Care Unit would be close when one of you gives me a heart attack sneaking in here."

"I wasn't aware I was sneaking. I'll try to make more noise next time." Hotch said, a smile creeping onto his normally stoic features. "I brought you some breakfast. You must be hungry."

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…**


	9. New Fears

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: WARNING: This chapter is rated a slight M. ***Femslash*** If you don't enjoy…please don't read. **

**AN4: Thanks to everyone that had read this story, especially to those that have taken a moment to write a review. They have been so kind and have really inspired me to keep going.**

**Please read and review.**

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When Aaron Hotchner walked into JJ's room, Emily could tell that someone had convinced him to go get some rest. The bloodied shirt he had been wearing the day before was gone and so were some of the bags from under his eyes. You could tell he was still under a great deal of stress but at least he looked like he had been able to get some sleep and a shower. He could tell immediately that Emily noticed he's done a little cleaning up and he felt guilty for leaving.

"Garcia nagged me until I agreed to leave for a little bit."

"Humph. She can be rather persuasive can't she? She's the reason I got in a shower. She wasn't going to take no for an answer."

"I feel bad for leaving, Emily. It didn't feel right with JJ still in a coma."

"No worries, Hotch. It's my responsibility to sit here with her not yours."

"On a personal level yes, Emily. But she was shot in the line of duty. As the Unit Chief, I have to take the professional responsibility not you. I've also got three agents still out there looking for this guy and I'm responsible for them too. My biggest fear is that something will happen to them while I'm here."

"You can go help them. I told Morgan to take you with them when they left."

"Emily, JJ isn't just an agent or a media liaison to me. She is my friend and you know that. JJ is like a sister to me. I care deeply for her and my place is here."

"I know you care a lot about her, Hotch. I just don't want you to beat yourself up about her being here, you leaving, or about the guys out there looking for this creep without you. I just want to let you know there wasn't anything you could do about this."

"I knew she resembled the unsub's victims in this case, Emily. We all did. That's why you didn't want her out of your sight. I should have taken more precautions. Done the press conference inside. Had somebody else do it."

"You know JJ would have killed you if you did that."

"I know. That temper of hers."

"Ha! Yeah, well, we both have our moments."

"Speaking of which. I had a conversation with Donna Jareau last night." Hotch said

"Oh. I really shouldn't have laid into her Hotch. It wasn't the time or place for that conversation."

"I had Garcia book her into our hotel. She was here most of the night but I convinced her to go to the hotel with me and get some sleep. Maybe after some rest, cooler heads will prevail, Emily?"

"I'll try. I really will. For JJ's sake. She's the only reason why nothing was said to Donna before now. JJ felt it would sever the relationship irrevocably. She really does love her family. They may not get her…hell, they may have never gotten her, but she loves them. She wants to maintain the relationship. To have Henry get to know his grandparents. We both hope one day that will happen."

Hotch knew what it was to have high hopes for your child despite a fractured family. He rarely got to see his own son, Jack, much less have Jack spend time with anyone else in his family. He hoped one day he could mend the relationship with his ex-wife, Haley, whom he still loved deeply. If not, he hoped that one day he would meet another woman to fall in love with, to have more children with. This time one that understood the passion he had for his job and the demands of it; the long hours, the sleepless nights, the travel away from home, the pieces of self that it takes from you.

That's why he understood and admired the relationship that these two women shared. They had found in each other the one person in the world that truly understood what their jobs meant to them and would never make them choose between it and them. The hierarchy of the FBI strictly frowned upon fraternization within a unit but Hotch understood it and protected Emily and JJ as best he could. Though in the end he had failed in that regard, he did try. Of course that was once he had found out…a good three months after their relationship had begun. He smiled as he remembered how surprised he was to find out about this relationship that was going on right under his nose.

"I just wanted to bring you something to eat and to check on both of you. I'll leave you alone with her. I know it's probably easier for you to talk when there aren't prying ears to listen. This has to all be very personal and painful for you."

"I've remembered a lot about our time together. How we became to be. How two strong individuals finally stopped wanting to be individual entities and became one. She is my heart and my soul. And talking about our lives has helped me through this pain."

"She will pull through this, Emily. You must believe and have faith in that."

"Thanks, Hotch. And thanks for the," Emily looked into the bag Hotch had handed her, "muffins. Yum!"

"Figured something that could be eaten at room temp was probably best. There's an extra Splenda in the bag in case the one I put in your coffee isn't enough." Hotch said pointing to the Styrofoam cup he had also handed to Emily.

"Thanks for that too, Hotch. And thanks for being here to support JJ. It means a lot to me and I'm sure it will mean a lot to her too. And if she'd fucking wake up she could tell you that." Emily said with a half-hearted laugh. Hotch smiled at both of them and then turned to leave.

As he left Emily to be alone with JJ, he said, "You know…I'm still impressed that you two managed to keep this relationship hidden from a team of profilers for, what was it, three months?"

"I tell you, those were three of the best – yet hardest – months of my life." Emily said to Hotch as he left.

It was exhausting keeping a secret from the people you're in contact with the most – especially ones who's sole purpose in life is to read behavior. Emily opened one of the blueberry muffins and took a bite as she recalled the early stages of their relationship.

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The first few days after Emily and JJ had started seeing each could easily be described as both the best and the worst of Emily's life. It was so difficult to go back to pretending like they were just co-workers and close friends instead of lovers. If seeing JJ walk into a room was distracting for Emily before, well it was excruciating now. All she could think about was hurrying through her day so she could spend time with Jennifer at her place. Since JJ lived much closer to work, that's where they spent most of their evenings during the week if they weren't out of town on a case.

They had quickly established some ground rules. They would leave work at different times so as not to attract attention. In the first few days, it had been JJ to leave first since she didn't want Emily to sit in front of her house waiting for her. She realized that was not always going to be possible, so she gave Emily a key to her home and her extra remote for her two-car garage so people wouldn't see Emily's car out front all the time. Emily was a bit hesitant to take both the key and the remote but, in the end, practicality won out. They would go to JJ's house and cook dinner together. Then talk or watch a little TV before inevitably, because they were in that just together can't get enough of each other stage, ending up in JJ's bed. The hardest part of every evening was leaving after making love. All Emily wanted to do was spoon up next to her lover and fall asleep with JJ in her arms. But instead, she had to dress and leave the woman she loved for the long drive home.

It was JJ that first suggested Emily pack a second go bag. This one in case she fell asleep or just didn't want to head home. At first Emily was reluctant to do that, too. She already had a key; she didn't want JJ to think that she was invading her personal space. That she was moving in. But JJ didn't seem to care. She just wanted Emily to be there with her, holding her, sleeping beside her, and occasionally soothing her from her nightmares when one happened to wake her up.

The both relished their time together. In fact, JJ had stopped working her long, crazy hours to be at her home with Emily. This led to her falling a little behind in case reviews and she knew she'd better fix that before it became noticeable. So JJ started bringing some case files home with her; which had always been a viable option and one that was completely acceptable. Prior to her relationship with Emily, JJ preferred to keep her home life separate from her work life so she had rarely done it but now she had a reason to leave the office at a reasonable hour every day. She would discuss them with Emily as Emily prepared dinner. Emily surprised JJ with her skills in the kitchen – she could make more than omelettes. Emily had always liked to cook she just didn't do a lot of it before because she didn't have anyone to cook for.

JJ would read over the facts of cases while Emily would prepare sea scallops in a white wine sauce, chicken cacciatore, pad Thai noodles with fresh spring vegetables, and other dishes that quickly became some of JJ's favorites. The only thing Emily really had to get used to as far as JJ's eating habits were concerned was that JJ rarely ate red meat.

Going over the case files didn't lead to the most romantic of conversations, but JJ knew if she fell behind Hotch would want to know why and they weren't ready to clue their boss into their relationship. Besides, it was nice to bounce stuff off of someone for a change. JJ usually selected their cases by herself. Now she had valuable insight from one of the team's best profilers. Normally by the time dinner was ready, JJ was caught up enough to enjoy a nice meal and then relax with Emily for the rest of the evening.

Then there were the times they spent in the field on cases. They had decided that this is where professionalism must trump any feeling that they shared. It wasn't as hard as one would think considering that when they were working on a case it was often too grueling – and gruesome – to stir up any feeling of romance. They did allow themselves to spend some time together, especially if they were sharing a room, to hold each and sleep in one another's arms. Just no sex, which, needless to say, led to some very interesting plane rides home. Sitting across from each other. Touching each other. Fucking each other with their eyes. All done under the cloak of darkness so none of their team could see. It was all they could do sometimes just to make it inside JJ's house before they succumbed to their passion.

Most weekends, if duty didn't call, were spent at Emily's condo in DC. The city was much bigger than Woodbridge and they were less likely to run into someone they knew. They would go to museums, local flea markets, out to eat, take long walks but mostly they just relaxed with one another in the privacy of Emily's home. Neither had ever been so comfortable in a relationship before. The fears that had first presented themselves had dissipated and both were enjoying the feeling of being in love. That was until one night about five weeks into their relationship, when a whole new set of fears was dragged into Emily's world.

Emily was lying in bed with JJ tucked under her arm and resting her head on her shoulder. They had just arrived home from a case in Houston and Hotch had given the team Friday off for a chance at a long weekend. They planned on using the fact they could sleep in to their advantage and were just lying in bed talking. JJ rolled on her side and propped herself up on her elbow to begin kissing Emily which Emily happily returned. JJ shifted her body so that she was lying on top of Emily. Emily loved when JJ put her weight – all 115 lbs of her – on top of her.

"I love you," JJ whispered

"I love you, too, baby," Emily replied between kisses, "Hey Jayj, this case really got me thinking."

"About" JJ said as she stopped making out with Emily to listen to her lover

"Post traumatic stress disorder."

"Really?" JJ asked. Seeing Emily was serious, JJ said, "Okay. What about PTSD?"

"How do we prevent it in our line of work? We see the worst that humanity has to offer all the time but Roy Woodridge wasn't a bad man. He just couldn't get out of his head. He was fighting his own internal hell. I don't want that…for either of us. How do we prevent that?"

"We talk about things, Em. And we listen to each other. We're lucky. We have one another. Hotch has Haley. But the rest of the team…they don't have someone to be with like this. Someone to love."

JJ resumed kissing Emily and Emily started to let her hands roam down JJ's body and under the pajama top she was wearing when a thought occurred to her.

"Jen, let's go away for a weekend soon."

"Oh, Em, I'd love that. When do you want to go?"

"How about two weeks from today? Give us a chance to plan something nice."

"How about three weeks from today, Em?"

"Why three weeks, JJ? Got plans in a couple of weeks?"

Taking a deep breath because she'd been avoiding this conversation with Emily, JJ started "Well, you know my brother Paul?"

"Oh PJ?"

"Promise me you won't ever call him that to his face. He hates that as much as I hate being called Jenny."

Emily laughed. She loved to call JJ's brothers by their initials like JJ went by so Andrew was AJ and Paul was PJ. Emily had never met them but JJ had told her that they both loathed being called by those nicknames.

"Okay, so what about…Paul?"

"Well, Paul knocked up his girlfriend, because apparently they've never heard of birth control in this day and age, so he is getting married in two weeks. I have to go back home for his wedding."

"Oh. How come you hadn't told me until now, Jayj?"

"Because I want you to come with me and I haven't asked you because I didn't want to hear you say no."

Now it was Emily's turn to take a deep breath. "JJ, honey, you know that I would love to go anywhere with you…anywhere."

"Just not East Allegheny." JJ said rolling off of Emily and onto her back.

Emily sighed. This was not a good sign. "Babe, I'm just not a meet the family kind of gal. Please don't take it personally. I've never met _anyone's_ family."

"And this is why I didn't ask."

"You're disappointed."

"Yes but I guess I understand."

"I'll tell you what. I'll think about it. I won't make you any promises but I will think about it and let you know in a couple of days."

"Really, Em?" JJ said excited that the door wasn't shut all the way

Emily rolled on her side, propped herself up on her elbow, and leaned in to kiss JJ.

"Yeah, really. I do love you, Jennifer."

"I know you do," JJ said reaching up to cradle Emily cheek, "Em, I've never wanted to take anyone home to meet my family before. But I love you and I want them to love you too. Can you understand that?"

Emily leaned back down to kiss JJ and they didn't stop kissing and making love until well into the morning hours when the sleep deprived and sexually sated Emily agreed, on her own, to travel to East Allegheny, Pennsylvania to meet her girlfriend's family for the first time.

They both arranged to get some time off, of course using different reasons, and decided to drive to JJ's hometown rather than fly into Pittsburgh and rent a car. East Allegheny, PA is roughly a 4-5 hour drive from Washington, DC so they decided to leave early Friday morning so they could arrive by early afternoon. They took JJ's car, a 2007 Windveil blue Ford Mustang GT convertible, instead of Emily's Lexus so they could take turns driving. Emily made JJ insane whenever JJ drove the Lexus, especially if she was in it with her, and JJ didn't care if Emily drove her Mustang.

They stopped about halfway into their trip to grab a quick breakfast and to top-off both the gas tank and their travel coffee mugs. Emily's nerves really were starting to kick in.

"It's not too late to turn around," Emily said as they were getting back into JJ's car

"Yes it is."

"Tell me why I agreed to do this?"

"Because I made you cum a lot that night," JJ said with an eyebrow devilishly cocked

"Oh yeah. You and that talented tongue of yours." Emily smiled at the thought, "You know, if you had done that last night, I might have let you drive my Lexus this morning."

"We needed to sleep last night. Besides it wouldn't have been worth it." JJ said. She added when she saw the confused look on Emily's face. "By now the afterglow would have worn off and you'd be driving me crazy. 'You're driving too fast.' 'What's that noise?' 'It's my turn to drive.'" JJ said in her mocking Emily voice.

"I don't sound like that." Emily said feigning to be hurt by JJ's words

"You do when you're nagging me about your car," JJ said as she reached over to kiss her girlfriend. "But I love you anyway."

The continued on their way towards East Allegheny talking and singing to songs playing on JJ's stereo but as they got closer JJ observed that Emily got noticeably quiet.

"Talk to me," JJ said

"I'm really nervous, Jayj. Have you even told them you were seeing someone?"

"Not really, Em. I told them I was bringing a friend from work with me."

"JJ…"

"I know. I hated calling you that and when they meet you they will automatically think that you are just a friend because you are a woman. I've never told them that I'm gay."

"JJ, I've never heard you call yourself that before."

They were approaching a rest area and JJ took the opportunity to pull over and stop. They were about 60 miles from their destination and JJ wanted to clear up a few things. Pulling her car to a spot in a quiet area of the relatively deserted rest stop, JJ said

"Emily I don't ever want to be with anyone other than you. Ever. How can I possibly still think I don't have a preference when I obviously do?"

Emily looked at JJ. Emily didn't ever want to be with anyone other than JJ either. Even after only 7 weeks together, Emily knew that JJ was it for her. She never thought that she would truly feel that way about someone but she did and she just wanted to shout it from the rooftops. But she knew that neither of them was ready to come out. How could she expect JJ to call her anything other than a friend to her family when Emily wasn't ready to tell her family – or anyone else for that matter - either?

Emily reached over and took JJ's hand, "Jennifer, you know I don't ever see myself with anyone else either right? That I love you so very much? That you're it for me?"

JJ unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned all the way over into Emily's seat to kiss her.

"I'm nervous about this too, Em. Paul's wedding isn't necessarily the best time for this but I rarely get home these days and I really want you to meet my family. I want them to meet someone that I plan on being in my life for a very, very long time. I love you so much, Emily. Perhaps more than I've ever loved anybody. And I mean anybody." JJ said before kissing Emily again.

Emily had undone her seatbelt and had pulled JJ over to her as far as the center console would allow. Their kissing started to fog up the windows of JJ's car. It was getting rather heated in the Mustang.

"Come here," Emily said into JJ's mouth

JJ carefully moved over to the passenger seat, but whacked her shin on the parking brake nonetheless, straddled Emily and removed the jacket she had been wearing.

"This might settle the nerves for both of us." JJ said breathlessly as Emily unbuttoned the shirt JJ had on exposing the soft pink bra that JJ was wearing. Rising up on her knees, JJ brought her breasts to Emily's mouth. Emily lowed JJ's bra and gently took a nipple into her mouth and then moved her hands to undo the button and zipper of JJ's jeans. Slipping a hand into the wet heat of JJ's center, Emily started to deftly manipulate JJ's clit. Emily slipped two long fingers into JJ and started to pump in and out of her lover as JJ began to grind and rock against the welcomed intrusion of Emily's digits until they found their perfect rhythm.

"God, I love when you fuck my hand," Emily said as she locked eyes with dark, dark blue ones and watched JJ enjoy the pleasure that Emily was delivering to her. Emily used her thumb against JJ's clit and brought her to a climax rather quickly. This was neither the time nor the place for a long sexual encounter since, although they had parked in a remote corner of the parking lot, there were still cars occasionally entering and leaving the rest area.

JJ settled back down into Emily's lap and, once she recovered a bit from her own orgasm, started working on the belt that Emily had on, kissing Emily's mouth and neck as she was doing so. After undoing the belt and opening Emily's jeans, JJ slipped her hand into Emily's pants and returned the favor. Both ladies were panting as JJ rested her head against Emily's. "I love you, baby." JJ said, "I think we both needed that," she said with a slight chuckle.

"Not exactly enough but it will have to do for now," Emily said with a mischievous smile

"It's going to be a busy weekend, Em. This might be it until we get home."

"We'll see. We are staying in a hotel right? Nothing saying we'll be sleeping there."

"You have a one track mind, Emily Prentiss."

Emily smiled at JJ and kissed her again, "You don't seem to mind."

JJ smiled back before getting serious again. JJ cupped Emily's face in her hands.

"Em, I want my family to meet you but please try to understand if I'm unable to tell them about our relationship. I want them to know you as my friend – as a person – before their minds narrow once they discover how much you mean to me."

"Why do I think I'm going to hate this weekend?"

JJ put herself back together and got out on the passenger side. Emily got out after her and they both stood there in the now empty parking lot hugging each other for a few minutes. They kissed a little more, went into the surprisingly clean restroom to tidy up a bit, and got back in the car to finish the drive to East Allegheny. About an hour after their pit stop, they pulled up in front of the house that JJ had once called home.

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"At least Jennifer gave you a warning. We didn't know anything about the relationship you had with our daughter," Donna Jareau said entering JJ's room once again.

Emily, once again startled from her thoughts, looked up to see the clinched-jaw expression of a woman who really had to force herself to breathe the same air as hers. Emily wondered to herself how much of her already depleted energy this was going to take as she grabbed JJ's hand for strenght and support.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review…**


	10. East Allegheny

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: The story is rated T but some chapters will be M. I will warn you when I've turned up the heat. **

**AN4: A special thanks to my friend (you know who you are) that is always willing to let me bounce ideas off of her. And thank you to everyone that has been following this story (especially to those that have left such positive reviews)**

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

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Donna Jareau entered JJ's room with two cups of coffee in her hand and handed one to Emily.

"Good morning, Donna."

Mrs. Jareau handed Emily one of the cups she was carrying. "Good morning. I wasn't sure how you take your coffee so", she said reaching into her jacket pocket, "here you go." She pulled out sugar and sweetener packets in white, yellow, pink, and blue and some little creamer shots.

Emily could tell that JJ's mom was attempting to make an effort and Emily made a mental note to try and meet her halfway…for JJ's sake. Emily smiled, "That's exactly what JJ did the first time she brought me coffee." The memory of that moment, so sweet and caring, just like JJ, made Emily chuckle as she took the pile from JJ's mother.

"Thanks for the coffee" Emily said as she opened a little yellow packet, poured it into her coffee, and stirred it with the plastic stirrer that had also been handed to her. "And Donna, I'm sorry about yesterday. I had no right to lay into you about me and JJ and our relationship."

"Maybe, maybe not. I'm still getting used to my daughter being a, um, …"

"Lesbian?"

"Yes, a lesbian. I know that I've made it hard on you two but..."

"Donna," Emily cut her off, "Can we please not talk about this right now? I just wanted to apologize. Maybe we can talk about what I said a little later. All I have the strength to do right now is drink this coffee and talk a little to JJ."

"Very well, Emily. I understand." She then turned to her only daughter and said, " Honey, I spoke with your dad. He's trying to get her as soon as possible. He loves you and so do I," she said gently squeezing JJ's foot and then moving over to sit back in the chair by the window where she had sat the day before.

Donna had to be honest and admit to herself that she was impressed on how much this woman – a woman she tried so hard to dislike – really seemed to love her daughter. And she already knew that her daughter loved this woman very much. _Isn't that what every_ _mother wants, for their children to be happy and not to love in vain? _She asked herself. _Are you being shortsighted by not seeing how special this relationship is?_

Donna Jareau was a little surprised at herself. It was the first time she had just said relationship and hadn't qualified it by placing the word lesbian before it. As she settled into the chair she watched the dark-haired woman looking over her daughter and could hear her begin to speak.

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The town JJ grew up in was small, very small. As the arrived in town they passed a couple of churches, a cemetery and both the elementary and high schools.

"My dad's parents are buried in that cemetery. My parents still go to church there."

"Are they religious, JJ?"

"I guess they are. One thing they are for certain though is narrow minded," JJ replied softly

Emily grabbed JJ's hand. "This isn't going to be easy is it? For either of us."

JJ didn't answer her.

Emily could tell as they drove down the main street it didn't have a whole lot to offer. A couple of small family type restaurants, a drug store, a bank, a small grocery story, and a one screen theater that was showing a movie that was released the year before. It was quaint but in a forgettable blip on the map kind of way, not in a quaint way that would attract visitors. The town didn't have a hotel, or even a motel, so JJ had booked them in a hotel a few miles away. It seemed like a nice place to grow up but Emily could certainly understand why JJ would feel suffocated and want to leave so badly. JJ drove towards the end of the main street – her car one of the nicest they had come upon – and turned at the corner where two bars stood catty-corner from each other.

"They call this 'widow crossing' because during football season every man in town can be found right here drinking beer and watching the Steelers play; that includes my dad and my brothers."

"But you like the team in D.C, right?"

"The Redskins. Yes." JJ smiled widely. Her girlfriend knew shit about sports. "I've always liked to be a little different and started to really follow them when I went to Georgetown. Did not please my father."

As they made their turn and started to head out of the "business district" of East Allegheny, Emily saw a closed mechanic's shop that's sign read "Jareau and Son Auto".

"Must have closed the shop for Paul's wedding," JJ said quietly

Emily watched JJ carefully take in the town she grew up almost as if was the first time she'd ever been there. Emily was very concerned how big a toll this weekend was going to take on her girlfriend.

"That your dad's shop?"

"Yeah. It was my grandfather's business. My dad worked for him and now my brother Andrew works for my dad."

"Your brother Paul doesn't work there because they didn't want to change the sign to 'Sons'?" Emily said trying to break the mood she could see starting to overtake JJ.

"Hmmph. Maybe." JJ chuckled. She knew her girlfriend was trying to lighten the heaviness that was starting to permeate the car. "Really it's because Paul and my dad haven't always seen eye to eye so they'd never be able to work together. That's why he joined the Army out of high school. Served in Afghanistan for a while before finally coming home about 4 years ago. Still with the National Guard."

"Really? That's awesome," Emily knew JJ was proud of her brother. "I can't believe your brothers still live here."

"Yeah well, I guess they like the small town life. For me, it was suffocating. I couldn't wait to get out. To live somewhere where you had a little privacy and not everybody knew your business."

Emily could tell that JJ was really apprehensive about being here and, although she knew this weekend was going to be tough, Emily was glad she could be here for JJ.

JJ continued, "The whole town knew when I lost my virginity because Kyle was naïve enough to buy condoms from the local drug store."

"Oh no."

"Tell me about it. When my dad heard, he just about wanted to castrate Kyle. I knew the townspeople talked but it was the first time it really had been directed at me. I could literally feel every head turn towards me when I walked into a room. The whispers. The knowing smiles. Maybe it was all my imagination but that's the way this town makes you feel…claustrophobic and invaded. I think that's why I've been such a disappointment to my family, my mother especially." JJ said with a heavy sigh

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want this life. God, do you know what I'd be doing right now if I stayed here? I'd be a housewife, maybe a clerk at the local grocery store, married to Kyle with three or four kids. And probably ready to stick my head in the oven."

"JJ, pull over for a sec."

JJ pulled over on the rural road they had been driving on.

"Honey, I'm here for you. I love you. If you don't want to be here, we can turn this car around and head back home."

Emily could see JJ was struggling to hold back her emotions. This town really made JJ seethe. Small town life is good for some people but definitely not for JJ.

"She's going to do it again when I see her. Make me feel like I'm a disappointment. That I'm wasting my life with the FBI when what I should be doing is finding a man so I can get married and start a family."

"JJ she can't make you feel like that. You can only do that to yourself. And Jennifer you don't have to be with a man for that to happen." Emily held JJ's hand and looked her dead in the eye when she said that. Emily knew that at some point in time they were going to have to have a discussion about their future but, with that look, Emily wanted JJ to know that Emily saw that future with her.

Emily pulled JJ's hand up to her mouth and kissed her knuckles "I love you, Jennifer."

JJ nodded her head and steeled her nerves to continue the short distance to the home she grew up in.

JJ drove past the clapboard houses that dotted the area on the way to JJ's childhood home. Emily noticed that the area was nice but a little depressed. People took pride in their homes but you could certainly tell that it wasn't a town of great wealth. The yards were huge and the houses rather spread out from each other. Some people had junky cars on their lots but, for the most part, Emily could see that the houses and yards were well kept and were the homes of people that worked hard for what they had. Emily couldn't help but also notice that woods, with thick trees and heavy brush, surrounded the entire town. Emily kept thinking about JJ and her nightmares. While Emily could see how they could definitely manifest themselves into JJ's subconscious, she wondered if there was more to the story than met the eye.

The Jareau home was almost the last place on the way out of town. JJ turned into the dirt driveway and parked her car behind at least a half-dozen others. Emily grabbed JJ's hand once more and gave it a gentle squeeze of reassurance before they both got out.

Emily allowed herself a moment to take everything in. This was, after all, the place where her girlfriend had grown up. It was a large lot, probably the largest of the ones Emily had seen since they'd arrived, about a quarter-acre that butted up against a heavily wooded area. Upon it sat a large two-story clapboard house with a wraparound porch. The house probably could use a coat of paint soon but other than that, it was lovely and well kept. It had a small grassy front lawn surrounded by a beautiful garden that was separated from the rest of the lot by a white picket fence. There were two out buildings on the land. One housed a car up on a lift and was surrounded by even more cars than were in the driveway, which Emily presumed was James Jareau's garage. The other was further out back and Emily thought maybe it was a barn but she couldn't be certain. Emily could imagine a young JJ playing in the front yard, laughing and running around and the image made Emily smile. It seemed rather idyllic to Emily considering her own upbringing, the constant moving around, but then she and JJ had discussed how JJ thought traveling the world and seeing everything Emily had seen in her life was far more exciting than the small one note town that she had grown up in. Emily, meanwhile, had always just longed to put down some roots.

"Profiling my family's home, Agent Prentiss?" JJ asked bringing Emily out of her own head.

"You know me so well, Agent Jareau,"

"JENNY!!"

Emily startled when she heard a loud yell coming from the front door.

"Hey everyone, Jenny is home!"

Off the front porch came a woman about JJ's size, maybe about 30 years older, a tad shorter, and 10-15 pounds heavier. She was pretty with sandy blond hair that was pulled back away from her face so Emily could see her hazel colored eyes. Emily noticed the resemblance between JJ and this woman and would have known at once it was her mother - even if she hadn't already seen pictures of her in JJ's home.

JJ walked through the white picket fence and into the front yard leaving the gate open for Emily to follow her through. Emily watched as the older woman gave JJ a hug. Emily heard the front door open and watched as several more people – including a couple of large strapping men – came bounding off the front porch. Emily stood awkwardly, nervously picking at her nails, near the fence as she watched everyone surround her girlfriend and give her hugs.

When everyone was done fussing over JJ being home, JJ motioned for Emily to join her.

"Everyone, this is Emily Prentiss, my friend from the Bureau."

Emily was introduced to Donna, JJ's brothers Andrew and Paul, Andrew's wife Maggie who was holding JJ's six-month old niece Abby, Andrew and Maggie's sons Jimmy and Kenny, and Paul's visibly pregnant fiancée, Courtney, the bride to be.

Although they were all polite enough in their greetings, Emily could definitely feel them sizing her up and giving her the once over. It was a little unsettling for her. _"Where is the Kevlar when you really need it,"_ Emily thought to herself.

JJ held out her hands to hold her niece. She hadn't been home since Christmas and Abby had grown so much in the three and a half months since JJ had last seen her. JJ told Emily seeing Abby was one of the things she was looking forward to the most.

"Hey pretty, girl," JJ cooed to Abby. "Gosh, she's gotten so big," she said to Maggie.

"THERE'S MY GIRL!" Came a boisterous holler from the front porch as the front screen door slammed shut.

Emily looked up to see an even larger version of JJ's brothers standing at the top step.

"Oh! Oh! Daddy!" JJ said handing Abby back to her sister-in-law

James Jareau was a big bear of a man. He stood about 6'2" and had to weigh a solid 230 pounds. Barrel-chested and arms the size of tree trunks, he gave off the impression of a man not to be messed with. Until he smiled which made his features soften and his eyes twinkle. Where Emily could certainly see the resemblance between JJ and Donna, JJ looked like her father. They had the same blond hair (at least when JJ didn't color hers), the same dazzling smile, and those same sky-blue colored eyes. James Jareau was a handsome man.

Emily smiled as she watched James lumber over to JJ, pick her up, and twirl her around like she was a little girl. "_No wonder she put the baby down_," Emily thought to herself, laughing at the sight. Emily loved the way that JJ laughed in her father's arms and Emily could tell that JJ was closer to her father than her mother just by the difference in the way JJ hugged them both. _"Stop profiling her, you idiot,"_ Emily chastised herself.

James put JJ back on the ground and directed his blue eyes at Emily

"Well, who'd you bring home with you, flash?"

JJ rolled her eyes. "Dad, this is Emily Prentiss. Emily, my father, James."

James directed a jovial smile at Emily as he took one of her hands into both of his and shook it. "Well aren't you pretty. Welcome to East Allegheny."

Emily began to think that maybe this weekend would turn out all right after all. The Jareau family had welcomed her into their home and seemed like a friendly group of people. _"Much friendlier than the Prentiss family that's for sure,"_ Emily thought.

That was until they all got inside and the questions started. They asked about Emily's family and upbringing. The Jareau's were a little surprised they had the daughter of a diplomat in their home. JJ's family, especially Donna, peppered pointed questions at her as to when she joined the bureau and why.

"So have you chosen career over marriage and family too, Emily?" asked Donna Jareau. "Like our Jennifer has?" she added digging at JJ

"I believe that you can have a balance of work and family," replied Emily sneaking a glance at JJ.

"Well Jenny hasn't managed to do it. We've been waiting to hear she's decided to leave that god-awful job she does and settle down. To end this whim she got while she was in college. She's far too pretty to spend her life doing this job."

"You know, Mrs. Jareau, your daughter is very well respected in the FBI. She's the face of the BAU but not because she's pretty, because she's good at her job."

Emily was trying so hard to protect her girlfriend without tipping off any feelings she had towards her. Everyone else in the room was surprisingly quiet and it was at that moment that Emily realized that Donna Jareau controlled this household. Emily could see James looking at his daughter, almost with pride, trying to lend some silent support. JJ's brothers were looking at each other like they were both wondering which one of them was going to step in and defend their sister. Maggie and Courtney looked so relieved, like they were happy that JJ was home simply so Donna could focus her attention on her for a change.

"Well she's done what she wanted to do. She's proved us all wrong."

"All wrong?"

JJ got up and walked towards the back of the house. Emily got up to follow her finding that JJ had made her way through the country-style kitchen and out to the back porch where Emily found her standing pinching the bridge of her nose like she always did when she was stressed. Emily just wanted to wrap her arms around her girlfriend and hug her but instead settled on standing beside her and putting her hand on her shoulder.

"All my life, I've just been the pretty girl," JJ started, "Undervalued because I wasn't a boy in a town that values men and considers women to be merely window-dressing. Something pretty to have on your arm. Someone to sleep with. My mother is that for my father. She was the prettiest girl in town, the homecoming queen. A cheerleader and my dad the football hero. That's what she wanted for me. She always entered me in the local beauty contests when I was a child. I hated it. Everyone ogling you, staring at you. I wanted more. I wanted to make something of myself that didn't revolved necessarily around my looks. And my mother always said I would never do it. That I was destined to always just be the pretty girl on someone's arm. That's why I am such a disappointment to her, because I didn't want her life." Emily watched as JJ was just staring off into space not really focusing on any thing in particular. Talking as if no one were listening, tears starting to form in her eyes.

But Emily was listening and she was crushed for JJ. How could your own mother make you feel like that? Emily wanted to pull JJ back over to the car and head back home to where JJ felt valued and important. Instead Emily grabbed the fabric of JJ's sleeve and pulled her in the direction of the "barn" out in the back. Once Emily felt they were out of sight and no one could hear them, she started to speak.

"JJ, look at me. Goddamnit, you are so much more than that and you know it. You've always known it. How can you let your mother make you feel that way? I have issues with my mother, you know that, but it's because she always felt I had more potential not less. She hates my job like your mother hates yours but because she considers me a glorified cop not because I'm not capable of doing the job. UGH!" Emily wanted to scream. Scream at Donna for making JJ feel like crap and scream at JJ for letting her.

"I'm okay, Em. I accepted this from her a long time ago." JJ said as a tear finally fell from her eye and rolled down her cheek.

Emily reached up and wiped the tear away, "God I hate that she has upset you like this, Jayj."

"I'm not upset, Em, I'm pissed. She does this to me every fucking time and it drives me insane. She wonders why I only come home once, maybe twice, a year. If Paul weren't getting married, I wouldn't be here right now. I'd be home with you…or on that getaway weekend we're trying to plan. Why do I let her get to me like this?"

"Because mother's have a way of doing that. They have a spectacular way of getting under our skin. We are both mature, intelligent, successful women with jobs that actually matter in this world and yet, we both let our mother's make us feel like shit. Because they both want something different for us than running around wearing a flak jacket, carrying a gun, and chasing down unsubs. Neither of them understands what it is we do or why it is we do it." Emily said as she pulled JJ into her for a hug.

"UGH! It's just I honestly thought it would be easier with you here. Maybe she would let if be for once if I had someone with me. I guess I was wrong and it is actually harder with you here."

"Why?"

"Because I hate that you have to hear this from her. What her opinion is of me and my job. Your job. I …"

Emily kissed her. Kissed her passionately and with every ounce of love she had for her. Emily didn't give a shit if anyone saw either. In fact, it would have been better if they had because then she could have explained to JJ's mother that JJ had everything that she needed. JJ's job hadn't made her miss out on a thing.

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"I've always been very supportive of my daughter, Emily. How dare you say that I haven't," Donna said

Emily was wondering exactly how much Donna would let her say before she decided she needed to speak up. Emily had been waiting for this. Though it was probably going to take way more energy than she had right now, and it wasn't exactly the ideal place for it to occur, both she and JJ had let Donna get away with far too much crap when it came to their relationship…and their son. Emily grabbed JJ's hand for a couple of seconds once more to find the strength and then slowly turned to face Donna.

"Sure you have, Donna," Emily said not even pretending to hide her sarcasm, "As long as JJ did exactly what you wanted her to do. As long as she did your beauty pageants, dated the BMOC, was the Homecoming Queen. As long as people could come up to you and tell you what a beautiful daughter _you_ have. Pay _you_ a compliment."

"Emily, do not speak of what you know nothing about."

"You don't think I know that the only real source of pride you ever got from your daughter was from her beauty? What about everything else that she's accomplished? Do you know how hard she's had to work to get where she is? Your daughter is so impressive in the way she handles herself. She is so smart. She is so confident and self-assured and I'm really not sure how because you sure didn't help her out in that department. You tore her down every chance you got. You undermined every ounce of confidence someone else – her father, her coaches and teachers – have ever tried to give her and yet, she still has it. She has it in spades."

"I don't have to listen to this from you"

"Yes you do. It's about time you heard it from someone. That weekend at Paul's wedding was so hard on her. All weekend long you kept digging and digging at her about what a waste of time working for the FBI was. Asking her when she was going to come home and lead a 'normal' life. You didn't stop. You started up again right after we went back into the house, at the rehearsal dinner, even the next day at the wedding. The only peace she got all weekend long was with me at the hotel in Pittsburgh. And she was so agitated that I wouldn't exactly say she found peace there either."

"Yeah, well I guess I know what you were doing with her in that hotel room, don't I?"

"No, Donna, you don't. You'd like to think you do but you don't. What I did was listen to her talk and rant. You almost broke her, Donna. With your constant belittling. Pointing out at both the rehearsal dinner and the wedding how great Kyle – who was very nice to JJ and apparently very happily married – looked. How the two of them should never have broken up and how you would have loved to celebrate their wedding. Dig after dig, Donna. How she was wasting her life working for the BAU. How pointless it was to chase down serial killers because there was always going to be another one tomorrow. You tried so hard to tear her down. Congratulations Donna, you almost succeeded and if JJ weren't so strong you just may have. You took the intelligent, confidant, self-assured woman that I love and you made her start to doubt herself. And that's why I agreed with her when she made the decision to come clean about our relationship the day after Paul's wedding."

Donna had risen during Emily's tirade and moved closer to the profiler. Emily could see her words had an impact and had pissed Donna off. Emily, never one to be intimidated, had also decided to stand but she calmly faced her mother-in-law with her arms crossed in front of her.

"Did that make you feel better, Emily? Outing our daughter to her family."

"I didn't out her, Donna. It was her decision. She just figured at that point, it didn't seem like she had anything left to lose. You already didn't respect her as a person. It was one more thing for you to be disappointed about."

"It crushed her father."

Emily thought about what had happened the morning after JJ's brother's wedding and, although in the end she was happy that everything had been brought out into the open, she knew JJ had been upset about forever altering the relationship she had with her father.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter......Please review!!**


	11. Showdown

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: The story is rated T but some chapters will be rated M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat. **

**AN4: Thank you so much for the kind reviews. They are very appreciated and inspire me to keep working on this story.**

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

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Though Donna was standing clearly agitated in front of her, Emily couldn't help but flashback to the morning in that Pittsburgh hotel room when they decided to bring their relationship out into the public for the first time…

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Lying in their hotel room after the wedding, JJ had told Emily that she just wanted to grab a little breakfast at her parent's house the next day, say their goodbyes, and then head for home. JJ's family was to gather at the Jareau household around 10 a.m. for a post-nuptial breakfast and to watch Paul and Courtney open their wedding gifts though they didn't plan on staying for that. JJ was exhausted and had already asked Emily to make the long drive back. Emily held JJ and let her talk and rant while she listened to her and rubbed her back.

"JJ, you seem to have a good relationship with your father. Why doesn't he ever tell your mother to back off?" Emily said finally asking a question that she'd been wondering about all weekend.

"He does. Not often but sometimes. I think he knows that I can handle it. That she's made me tougher. She's been exceptionally rough this weekend and I think it's because of the wedding. I should have expected it and maybe your being here wasn't a good idea after all."

"Well, I'm glad I was here. I would hate for you to have gone through this by yourself, love. Something tells me she would have been the same or maybe worse and you would have been alone."

"My dad also has his own reasons for not saying too much to her including the fact he'd like me home too. He's just understands a little more than she does and he is proud of me and what I, what we, do for a living. We've talked about it. He knows she's hard on me. But he's hard on my brothers and my mother never tells him to back off of them. I guess it's just something they both feel compelled to do and don't really question. It's the way they were raised. I also think he has his own relationship to protect. He and my mom actually have a great marriage. Even after 35 years of marriage, they still truly love each other."

"But it still sucks. I can tell he is proud of you and everything that you've accomplished. That he knows that you're more than just a pretty face." Emily said before adding, "JJ, you know you're more than just a pretty face to me too, right?"

"Of course I do, Em"

"I almost feel bad for all the times I've told you were beautiful," Emily said only half joking. She always knew it made JJ a little embarrassed; now she knew why.

"Don't stop," JJ whispered in the dark, "you're the only one I want to hear it from. You're the only one that matters."

Emily shifted so she was above JJ and began to kiss her. JJ may have kissed her back but it wasn't with the same passion as normal. "You okay, Jayj?"

"I'm not really in the mood, Em. I'm sorry. I'm just so tired."

"Its okay, Jen," Emily said. She wasn't used to JJ turning down her advances but she did understand. Emily could tell JJ had a lot churning within that night. Emily kissed her good night, told JJ that she loved her, and wrapped her in her arms to sleep.

Unfortunately, JJ didn't sleep. Emily felt JJ get in and out of bed all night and could hear her pacing around. And even when she was in bed she could feel her tossing and turning. Emily tried to hold her but JJ only wanted to be held so much and had pushed Emily away more than once.

In the morning JJ looked exhausted as she got up and made her way to the shower. The last time Emily had remembered JJ looking like this was back in Georgia at the Henkel house. Emily wished they didn't have to go back to the Jareau's. She just wanted to get JJ home. Home where Emily knew JJ wouldn't feel like the ground under her was shifting below her feet.

JJ emerged from the shower wrapped in a towel and walked over to where Emily sat on the bed. She actually had a smile on her face and looked a hundred percent better than before she got in.

"It's nice to see you smiling," Emily said

"I came to a conclusion while I was in the shower," was JJ's reply

"Oh yeah? What was that?"

"I love you,"

"You needed a shower to come to that conclusion?"

"No. I needed a shower to realize that I'm a disappointment to my mother because she thinks that I've given up on the idea of love and family. That I've chosen work over a man and settling down." JJ said as she sat on Emily's lap. "I came to the conclusion that I need her to know that I haven't necessarily done that. That I have everything I need and want…with you."

JJ kissed Emily and then continued, "I want to tell my family about you…about us. I…"

"Jayj, are…"

"Em, hear me out. All night long I've thought about my relationship with my mother, with both of them actually. How I am never going to be who she wants me to be so I might as well be myself. She won't respect me any less – I doubt she could – and maybe, just maybe, she might actually respect me more."

"What about your father, JJ? Won't he be upset by this too?"

"Emily, I'm not doing this to hurt or upset either of them. I love them both, I really do. This is more about making me happy…you make me happy. And I want to let them know that. I want to let them know they are never going to get what _they_ want. I am never coming back home to East Allegheny to build a life. I have a life…and that life is with you. They are just going to have to learn to accept it if they still want me to be a part of their lives. All of them. I'm not sure how my brothers are going to feel about this either – it's never been discussed. Nobody knew about Kate or any of the others. This will be a shock for all of them."

Emily waited for JJ to take a breath. She was not expecting to find out that she was going to be outed by her girlfriend to her girlfriend's family...today.

"Jennifer, are you sure you want to do this? Once it's out there, there is no taking it back. It might make a bad situation that much worse."

"Don't you support me in this decision?"

"Of course I do. I support you, but I just want to let you know it won't be easy."

"You told your mother you were gay and she accepted it."

"Yes, well, it was painfully obvious. I was on my knees, naked from the waist up, and going down on my girlfriend at the time. Trust me, she learned real fast that surprise visits to New Haven and not knocking before entering my apartment were both bad ideas. I was a young, rebellious college student. I know she hoped I was just experimenting but when it became clear I wasn't, she eventually dealt with it. It took her a long while to 'accepted' it though, Jayj. It bothered her for a long time but she's also smart enough to know that it's my life and I was going to do with it as I please."

"I'm not fooling myself. I know it's going to be tough, Emily. And I know they're going to be both hurt and surprised but I'm done hearing this particular argument from my mother. It's time for her to learn another one"

"Okay, JJ, if this is really what you want, I'll be right by your side. I love you," Emily said bringing her lips to JJ's and giving her a kiss, which JJ happily returned this time.

Breaking apart for a second, JJ opened her towel and said. "I love you too, Em. I'm sorry I turned you down last night. Let me make it up to you."

"You might need another shower afterwards, my love" Emily said flipping JJ onto the bed and moving to position herself on top of her.

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"Emily, have you even heard a word that I have said!" Donna said loudly

"What?" Emily said suddenly brought out of the memory of that morning

"I've been talking to you for the last couple of minutes and you haven't heard a thing that I've said, have you?"

"Sorry. I was just thinking about that morning."

"You mean the morning when my only daughter decided to crush me and her father?"

"Why? Because she told you she was in love. That she was the happiest she'd ever been? That she'd finally found what she was looking for?"

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After getting ready and packing to head home, the two lovers headed back to East Allegheny for a stop at the Jareau home. Emily asked JJ to stop for a second when they approached the high school that JJ had attended. The small athletic stadium was right off the main parking lot. Emily got out and walked up to the fence to look out onto the field.

"Is this where you played?" Emily asked when JJ followed her to the fence

"Yes. It's a small high school but sports are important here. For lots of kids like me, it's their only way to get into college. Last I heard we've had more than 30 alumni get full or partial athletic scholarships – mostly in football. You can imagine how intense the pressure is to succeed here; everyone always pushing you to be the best if not for you then so their kid can have success and attract scouts. So we may not have had the latest in academic resources available to us but we had a hell of a nice stadium. It's small but it has all the amenities." JJ said looking out onto the scene of a lot high school triumphs.

"I would have loved to seen you play. I bet you were something to watch…flash,"

"Ah so you've decided to adopt the nickname my dad gave me, have you?" JJ said bumping Emily with her hip in a teasing manner. "I was actually pretty good, I suppose. Fast, hence the nickname. I'm still in the Top 5 in both goals scored and assists. Not bad considering I graduated more than 10 years ago."

"Just think, I could have gone out with the Big Girl on Campus," Emily said

"My father would have probably had you arrested considering you had already graduated college by the time I graduated high school."

Emily smiled widely at JJ. She was happy they had this moment before heading back to JJ's parent's house.

"Probably but it would have been worth it." Emily said as they got back into the car.

"JJ can I ask you a question?" Emily asked before JJ started the engine again.

"Sure"

"The woods. Your nightmares. You really did get lost out there didn't you?"

"Yes"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't like to talk about it"

"Can I ask how old you were?"

"Six. I followed my brothers and their friends out there but they didn't want their little sister tagging along so they tried to lose me. They succeeded and they thought I just turned around and went home. They went back for lunch and, when I wasn't there, they had to tell my parents what happened. The town had to organize a search party. I, um, was lost for about 8 hours or so. It is so easy to get turned around out there especially when you're six; it all looks the same after a while. It was almost dark when they finally found me."

"My god, you must have been so scared."

"I was. I didn't think anyone was ever going to find me."

Emily grabbed JJ's hand, "I'm sorry. Did your parents ever send you to someone to talk about this and your ensuing nightmares?"

"Never told them I was having them. Kyle was the first one that knew and only because it happened sometimes when we fell asleep together. They got stronger in college and after Kate but you've probably noticed they've been happening less often now that we're together. I think anxiety brings them to the surface. It was probably one of the reasons I didn't sleep last night…I was sure one would come once I closed by eyes."

"Jayj, you should have told them. Why do you feel you always have to be so strong?"

JJ started up her car and headed to her parents house without answering

As they drove pass the church Emily understood why they were meeting at 10 a.m. instead of earlier; the parking lot was still full though services had ended a couple of hours earlier.

"JJ, when did you stop going to church?"

"A long time ago. College, I guess. What about you?"

"Maybe even sooner than that for me," replied Emily

Afew minutes later, they arrived at their destination.

"Are you ready for this?" Emily asked as they parked their car in front of the Jareau home and got out.

JJ grabbed Emily's hand and walked through the garden gate.

Everyone greeted them as they walked through the front door. JJ left Emily in the front room with James, Andrew, and Abby where they were watching Paul and Courtney organize the many gifts they had received the day before while she went in to the kitchen to help her mother and Maggie finish breakfast. Knowing what was probably going to happen, Emily was relieved to find out JJ's nephews, Jimmy and Kenny, were still at church with Maggie's parents so they could go to Sunday school. Emily was making small talk with JJ's family for about 10 minutes or so when breakfast was served.

They were all seated and enjoying a nice breakfast. Talk of the wedding and the impending birth of Paul and Courtney's son, Cody Robert, filled the room. Courtney was due in a couple of months so they were going to wait until after their baby was born before taking their honeymoon. Emily looked across the table at JJ and JJ shook her head slightly. Emily read that as a sign that JJ didn't think this was either the time or the place to discuss their relationship and she was going to leave it alone for now.

Until Donna opened her mouth.

Donna was seated at one head of the table next to JJ and she grabbed JJ's hand and said quietly, "Jenny, you don't know how badly I want this for you. To be sitting here the day after your wedding or when you're expecting your first child. To share those happy moments with you. You don't know how much I want you to fall in love and share your life with someone."

Though Donna spoke softly, Emily hadn't missed a word. She was sitting on the other side of Donna directly across from JJ. JJ looked at her again and Emily knew exactly what JJ was going to do. She watched as JJ got up from her chair and walked around Donna to where Emily was seated. Everyone in the room had stopped talking and watched as JJ stood behind Emily and placed her hands on Emily's shoulders.

"I do share my life with someone, momma. I share my life with Emily. Emily is not just a friend…she is my girlfriend and I love her very much."

Emily watched as Donna's face went pale and she heard the clang of James' fork hitting his plate as the piece of silverware he was holding fell from his hand.

For once Donna was at a loss for words and it was James that spoke.

"What did you say, Jennifer?" her father asked

Emily heard JJ swallow hard behind her so she reached across her chest to hold JJ's hand that was resting on her shoulder.

"Daddy, I said I'm in love with Emily. I hope you can understand." JJ said. To Emily's ears, JJ had never sounded so unsure of herself, so childlike.

"Get out!" James said

"Daddy!"

"GET OUT! Both of you." James said rising from his chair. "How dare you bring that into MY house? You disappoint me, Jennifer. Get out of my house." James pounded his fist on the table as an exclamation point to his demand, which made Abby cry. Maggie got up and took her into another room to soothe her.

Emily stood up and instinctively stood in front of JJ to protect her. Donna was sitting at the table crying. Paul and Courtney sat at the table staring down at their plates; avoiding eye contact with everyone. Andrew rose with his father to stand between James and his sister making sure that James didn't get any closer to her.

"Come on, JJ. We'd better leave." Emily said grabbing JJ's hand to pull her towards the door. Emily looked at JJ expecting to see tears and was surprised there were none.

JJ defiantly said, "All weekend long I've had to listen to mom tell me how much she wanted me to settle down, to find someone to make a life with. Well I've done that. It may not be what either of you – or any of you for that matter – can understand, but I want you all to know that I've never been happier in my life than I've been with this woman. And before you go blaming Emily for 'turning me gay', she isn't the first woman I've ever been with but I do intend for her to be the last one. I love this woman with all my heart and, if you plan on me continuing to be part of this family, well you better understand that we come as a package deal now. If not, then I guess this sadly is goodbye. I love you all but my happiness has to come first."

Emily saw the veins in James' neck start to bulge as JJ finally allowed herself to be pulled by Emily out of the house and into the car. Emily started the Mustang and headed out of town watching JJ, out of the corner of her eye, stare stoically out of the window.

Once they were a few miles outside of East Allegheny, Emily pulled the car into a deserted parking lot, pulled JJ to her and let JJ finally cry.

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"She could have told us in a better way, Emily" Donna said

"Tell me, Donna. In what possible way could JJ have told you that would have made that scene any better? I think she did it in the best way she knew how. She laid all the cards on the table all at once."

"She could have told just me and I would have tried to understand. I would have tried to find a way to break it to her father gently."

"Yeah, Donna, because you've always made it easy for JJ to come with you with things, haven't you? You're support is the one thing she has been looking for from you her entire life."

"Life is tough in rural Pennsylvania. To need support is to show weakness."

"Your daughter is the strongest person I've ever met. But her strength is a quiet strength. She doesn't ever ask for help even when she needs it. And that's why she has never told you how much it upsets her that you don't support her. That you haven't supported many of the decisions she has made in her life. She played soccer, and well – you wanted her to be a cheerleader. Her choice to leave home, go to college, join the FBI, me…you haven't supported any of it."

Emily was elated to finally get all the things she'd always wanted to say to Donna out into the open and wasn't about to stop now.

"Until me, JJ never felt she truly had someone 100% behind her – no matter what. And neither did I. We are that for each other. There is nothing that we wouldn't do for each other. Sometimes it feels like it's just us against the world but you know what, that's fine with us because that's how we handle everything…together. I've forgotten that once since we've been together – a long time ago before we had even moved in together – and I swore then, if she took me back, I would never forget again. And I haven't. Not once."

"I've always just wanted what was best for her, Emily."

"And what was that Donna? Your life? She didn't want that. She's never wanted that."

"I have a good life. A decent husband, three gorgeous children, four beautiful grandchildren."

Emily just stared at her

"Five Donna…you have five beautiful grandchildren! Jimmy, Kenny, Abby, Cody, and Henry." Emily said holding up a finger as she named each of Donna's grandchildren. "Jesus Christ, you don't even view Henry as your grandchild do you? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Emily said furiously.

"Emily, lower your voice and don't speak to me that way. I meant to say grandsons…I have four beautiful grandsons and one beautiful granddaughter. I misspoke is all."

"Bullshit, Donna. I know what you meant to say. You forget what it is I do for a living. It's my job to read bullshit."

"Lower your voice," Donna repeated, "Think what you want but I just misspoke. Of course I know that Henry is my grandson."

Emily just stared at Donna trying to read her. She so desperately wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt because to think otherwise would make Donna Jareau a truly evil person. Could she really not think of Henry as her grandson? Regardless of how she felt about Emily, Henry was still carried by her own daughter.

Just then Hotch and Garcia came bursting into JJ's room followed by one of JJ's nurses on their heels.

"What's going on in here?" Hotch said

"We can hear you out in the waiting room." Garcia said at the same time

"I need to ask you two to leave," the nurse added curtly

"I can't leave her. I…"

Emily was stopped mid-sentence as one of JJ's alarms started to sound. They all looked to see was happening and they noticed JJ appeared to be straining to breathe; she had gone from steady breaths on the ventilator to short-rapids ones. Her heart rate had skyrocketed and her skin was starting to take on a bluish color. The nurse quickly hit the alarm above JJ's bed, which signaled she had a patient in distress.

Almost immediately, several more nurses came into JJ's room followed by a young doctor who evidentially was the on-call doctor this afternoon. One of the nurses started to push everyone out the door.

"We need to work on her," she said

Emily didn't want to budge. She wanted to hear everything that was being said. All she could make out were a few phrases, none of which sounded good:

"decreased breath sounds"

"cyanosis"

"blood pressure dropping"

"possible Hemo or Pneumothorax"

"needs chest x-ray to confirm"

"we're losing her"

"_We're losing her!"_ Emily cried to herself. Emily's head was spinning. One minute her and Donna were arguing; the next, she was losing the love of her life. _"How is this possible? Hemo what? Thorax? Pneumo? What the fuck was that? Hemo was blood, right?" _Emily head was screaming words in rapid succession but the weren't making sense to her.

"What's happening?" Emily yelled

"Page Dr. Harden stat. Tell him Patient Jareau is suffering a possible Hemo or Pneumothorax and we're rushing her to surgery or she's not going to make it," the young doctor instructed one of the nurses. "Have him meet us there as soon as possible."

"What's happening?" Emily yelled again. "Someone tell me what the fuck is happening!"

"You really need to leave, now!" the nurse said again. This time Emily was so stunned she was easily led out of the room by Hotch.

Emily had no sooner left JJ's room than they started to wheel JJ out of her room and take her to the OR.

Emily rushed to JJ's side as they wheeled her down the hall.

"I love you, JJ. Don't you leave me, Jareau. Fight, baby, you fight!! I'm so sorry, Jennifer. I love you. Your son loves you. Please baby, don't leave me." Emily said until they went through the doors marked Hospital Personnel Only and she couldn't continue any further.

Emily leaned up against the wall outside those doors and slid down it.

"_Oh my god, what have it done?"_ was her last thought before succumbing to the tears and anguish that were tearing her apart inside.

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**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…**


	12. Distress

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: The story is rated T but some chapters will be rated M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat. **

**AN4: Thank you for all the kind reviews. They are all very much appreciated! :) **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

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Emily felt as if her very soul had left her body. She had never felt so empty and alone in her life. Did her fight with Donna somehow stress JJ and cause her to take a turn for the worse? Emily couldn't breathe, couldn't think clearly. What the hell happened?

She heard soft steps approach and looked up as Hotch squatted before her. Hotch had a tendency to always have a rather doleful countenance but she had never seen him look this upset or sad before, not even when his wife left him. He gently placed one of his hands on hers and squeezed it in a silent show of support. He tried, in vain, to give Emily a smile but neither of them felt much like smiling at this moment.

"She's, um," Hotch started but his voice caught in his throat. Emily looked away when she saw tears start to form in his eyes. She didn't need to see this from the one person who was always so stoic and strong. The one person who could always take emotion out of the equation.

"Hotch, I can't lose her," Emily said, her voice barely above a whisper

"I'm sorry, Emily. I know you're hurting and I wish I had the words to comfort you right now. Why don't we go to the surgical waiting area and wait to hear what's going on? Okay?"

Emily nodded and allowed Hotch to help her to her feet. She looked down the hall and saw Garcia holding a crying Donna tightly against her. Emily and Hotch walked over to the pair and the four of them headed down the hallway to the surgical wing.

Once there, Hotch led Emily to a chair and then got her a cup of water. He sat beside her and placed his hand on her back. The four of them sat in that empty waiting room in silence; an occasional sniffle or throat clearing were the only sounds anyone made until Hotch whispered to Emily, "This isn't the result of anything you feel you did or didn't do, Emily. Her being rushed off to surgery again isn't your fault."

Emily was sitting next to one the greatest people readers she'd ever met and she knew Hotch correctly recognized she was blaming herself for JJ's current condition. Though she should have found some comfort in his words, she found none. Emily knew she should have just let it be with Donna and not try to cajole Donna into an argument just to make a point.

"I shouldn't have argued with her mother, Hotch. No matter what my intentions were, now isn't the time. And I sure as hell shouldn't have done it in front of JJ. If JJ was conscious she'd be so pissed at me right now."

Just as Hotch was going to reply to Emily's claims, the door opened and Dr. Harden walked into the waiting room. Emily stood up immediately and went to him. She didn't like the dour look on his face.

"Dr. Harden?"

"Emily, Donna," Dr. Harden began as Donna too rushed to stand before him with Hotch and Garcia right behind her. "JJ has suffered a massive hemothorax. The chest tube that we inserted during JJ's initial thoracostomy has clogged and caused a large accumulation of blood to fill the pleural cavity, which is making it difficult for JJ to breathe even on the ventilator. It's imperative that we get JJ back into the OR. Emily, do I have your permission for this."

"Of course," Emily tried to say but it came out only as a strangled whisper. Clearing her throat, she was able to ask, " Massive? Is JJ going to be all right?"

"I hope so, Emily. I really do. She is very strong but she has been through a lot in the last couple of days. She coded after they brought her back to the surgical prep area but we were able to bring her back. JJ's a fighter."

"Yes she is," Emily said numbly, staring at the ground. She felt someone grab her hand and squeeze it tightly. Thinking it was Garcia's, she squeezed back as she looked over to the person belonging to the hand and was very surprised to find that it belonged to Donna Jareau. Donna and Emily locked eyes and then Emily brought JJ's mother to her and into an embrace.

"What will be done during this surgery?" Hotch asked

"We are going to clear the blockage, drain the pleural cavity, and replace the chest tube. We will use one larger in diameter this time and, hopefully, that will work a little better for her. We don't like to use it, especially for someone JJ's size, because it will cause her a lot of pain when she wakes up and during her recovery. But this isn't about her pain and discomfort now; without it, she won't even have that opportunity. Now, unless anyone has any further questions, I really should get back to her. The surgery will last about 2 hours. Allow for several hours in recovery, and then I'm sending her to the ICU rather than the Critical Care Ward she was in. She will need constant monitoring for a bit. Once she stabilizes again, we'll get her back to her room."

Emily signed the consent form, they all thanked him for the update, and watched him head to the door leading back to the surgical wing. Before entering he turned back and said, "I'll come out and give you an update as soon as we're through."

Emily watched him disappear through the doors and prayed that the next time she saw him she wouldn't get the news that they had done everything they could but they couldn't save her. Emily excused herself to go to the restroom. She heard Garcia on the phone giving someone, presumably Reid or Morgan, an update as she made her way to the ladies' room.

Emily staggered more than walked into the first stall she came to and promptly emptied the contents of her stomach into the bowl; she then sat on the floor in the bathroom and cried. JJ was dying and there wasn't anything she could do to stop it. That thought made her vomit once more. After she was sure she was done, Emily stood up and walked over to the sink. She washed her hands and then cupped water into one of them and brought it to her mouth rinsing the mix of coffee and bile out of it.

Declaring to the others waiting for news on JJ that she needed some air, Emily took the elevator to the lobby and went in search of something she hadn't looked for in years. Finding it, she stepped into the hospital chapel, walk to one of the pews, and placed her knees on one of the kneelers. Emily never thought she prayed well but she needed to find the comfort that one can only find in speaking with whomever or whatever it is that you believe in.

"God, I was alone in this world. Thought that was how it was supposed to be. I believe that, though I never asked you to, you helped me find the one person in this world that took that loneliness away. That made me complete. That made me believe in love and happiness and family. Please don't take her away from me now. And please don't take her away from our son. Henry is just a little boy. He loves her so much and he doesn't even realize how truly lucky he is yet to have her as his mother. God, I love her so much. Please watch over her and let her make it through this. Please, I beg of you," Emily prayed. "give her the strength to fight."

Emily spent a few more minutes in the chapel praying and thinking then went to find the gift shop. She looked around but wasn't surprised she didn't find what it was she was looking for. Instead she bought a pack of gum and a container of mints then went outside to the front of the hospital to do something else she hadn't done in years…she bummed a cigarette off the first smoker she found and lit up. She almost gagged on the first drag, her lungs protesting at the intrusion of the toxic vapors entering her body.

By her second drag, she was back to being an old pro. Emily had stopped smoking several years back when she could tell it was having an impact on the running she had to do when she joined the academy. Once she had finally been able to kick the habit, she never really missed it all that much unless she found herself under intense pressure and she had never felt her world caving in around her as much as she did now. Thoughts of her life without JJ clouded her head. If it weren't for Henry, she could easily see herself falling into despair. But they had a child. Both before and after JJ got pregnant, and definitely since he was born, they had discussed the very real possibility, given their line of work, of Henry losing a parent while he was still a child. Honestly, Emily had thought it would be her and not JJ that might end up on the wrong end of a bullet someday. It was Emily that was out in the field, Emily that kicked down doors and chased unsubs. Yes JJ occasionally donned the Kevlar and joined them, but Emily did it all the time, it was a routine part of her job. She'd actually been hurt a couple of times in the line of duty. None as serious as what JJ was facing right now, but injured nonetheless.

"Do you really want your son to see you doing that?"

Emily's head jerked towards the sound of a very familiar voice. She turned to see her mother, Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss, walking down the pathway towards her. What's more…she was carrying her son, Henry on her hip; followed closely behind by Amanda.

Emily crushed her cigarette into the closest ashtray and ran over to her mother who handed Henry to her. Taking Henry into her arms, Emily held him and cried. Cried because she loved him, because she missed him so much, and because she knows how close he is to losing the one person in his world that matters the most to him.

Henry wiggled and happily babbled in her arms. He reached up with both hands and placed them on Emily's face and laughed. She couldn't help but smile through her tears in return at the wonder and innocence of her son. Emily and JJ thought they were happy before Henry, but since his birth, that happiness had reached a whole new level. Their lives felt so much more complete. Their love had brought forth this lovely, happy little boy. Maybe not in the "natural" sense of the word, but Henry was the product of the two of them. Emily was every bit Henry's mother as JJ was but Emily knew that JJ was Henry's world.

"Mother, how? Why? Who?" Emily was at a loss for words

"I've been trying to call you, Emily, since I saw what happened to JJ on the news. I finally gave up on you ever turning on your phone and called Penelope." Elizabeth said. "She told me where you were and, god bless her, has called me every couple of hours with an update. I'm just glad JJ gave me her number when she was pregnant with Henry."

Garcia hadn't mentioned to Emily the she'd been in contact with her mother but she really wasn't surprised; it was just something that Garcia would do.

The Ambassador continued, "She mentioned to me how you wanted Amanda to bring the baby here so I picked them up and we all flew in together. Didn't we little man?" Elizabeth cooed at her grandson.

Elizabeth had to admit that she was not happy when she found out that Emily had a JJ in her life, especially since the first J stood for Jennifer. Yes she knew her daughter was gay – she still remembered vividly the day she had found that out no matter how hard she tried to forget - but somewhere down deep, she had hoped that Emily would somehow have a change of heart. She had been her normal cool, calm, and collected (Emily might have actually called it "cold") self when she first met JJ. Elizabeth had never met any of her daughter's girlfriends so she knew this one must be special if Emily deigned for her to meet JJ. Elizabeth had taken the two of them out to dinner and found JJ to be rather personable and warm. She had hated to admit that she actually like this woman that was involved with her daughter.

Over the course of their relationship, she had become quite fond of JJ. JJ made her daughter happier than she'd ever seen Emily. Not only that, JJ had help to mend the relationship that Elizabeth had with Emily. JJ made sure they stopped by for regular visits when they were all in town. She was sure that Emily never would have thought that they would ever get along but, while it still wasn't perfect, it was much better than it had ever been. And, of course, JJ had done one other thing for Elizabeth; she had made her a grandmother. Not that it was impossible without JJ, but Elizabeth knew that JJ completed Emily and only then had Emily finally settled down long enough for a family to be possible. Elizabeth Prentiss lived for the little man being held now by her daughter. She loved being a grandmother more than any other title she had ever held.

She would never forget the first time JJ placed Henry in her arms. She melted. This little boy had everyone he had ever met in the palm of his small little hand. He looked so much like JJ and Elizabeth knew that was another reason for Emily's tears. Elizabeth had never seen her daughter so broken before. She could tell Emily was trying so desperately hard to hide her sadness from her son but she couldn't keep the tears from escaping her eyes. Henry, such an active young man for only being 5 months old, kept patting Emily on the face, grabbing her nose, and wanting to put his hands in her mouth which Emily wouldn't allow because, although briefly, she had been smoking.

"Thanks for bringing him, mother," Emily finally said

"You needed him here, Emily. And he needed to see you," Elizabeth said. "You can tell he loves you very much."

"Is that true little dude?" Emily said raising Henry above her head making him laugh. Emily brought him back down and kissed him on his cheek and then blew raspberries into his neck, which made him laugh harder.

"She's back in surgery," Emily said sadly

"I know. I spoke with Penelope as soon as we landed. Emily, would you mind if Amanda took Henry for a minute? I'd like to speak with you."

Emily shook her head and handed the baby to Amanda. He started to cry when Emily gave him up but then settled into Amanda's arms. Emily cradled his small head in her hand and kissed the top of it.

"I'm going to check to see if he needs changing, then I'll be waiting for you in the lobby," Amanda told the two Prentiss women. "Emily, I'm really sorry about JJ. I'm praying that she'll be better soon."

Emily thanked Amanda for everything and then turned to her mother.

"I'm not sure I've ever seen you in jeans, mother," Emily said taking in the relaxed fit jeans, buttoned up oxford shirt, and loafers her mother was wearing.

"Well I am semi-retired now, Emily. This is my semi-retired look. I haven't decided if I want to take a new post or not with this new administration. I don't think I want to be on the other side of the world when my grandson is here."

"That's nice to hear, mother. He loves you too, you know that right?" Emily said as Elizabeth smiled. Emily loved the fact that Henry had softened her mother so much.

"How are you, Emily? I'm worried about you," the Ambassador said, "you look haggard and on the verge of collapse."

"I'm not sure what I'm going to do if she doesn't make it," Emily admitted

"Emily, you can't think like that. Try and stay positive. I know it's hard but you can't give up hope that she's going to make it through this." Elizabeth said. "She's incredibly strong and she loves you so much. The love she has for you, and for Henry, is what has kept her here so far."

"That little guy loves her so much. If she doesn't make it, he's too young to remember her and I'm never going to be able to explain to him just how much she loves him. I can't raise him without her."

"Yes, you can. Hopefully it won't come to that, but if it does, you'll handle it because that's what she'd expect of you. He'll be fine. You'll see to that. He loves you, Emily."

"He loves JJ more. It's not surprising. She carried him, breastfed him, and stayed home with him for the first few weeks of his life. She's done things for him that I could never do. He's a part of her."

"You don't think he's a part of you too? You couldn't see the adoration on the face of that little boy? You're a good mom, Emily. I'm proud of you and I have every faith that you'll be strong enough for both you and Henry if it comes to that."

"I love her so much, mom," Emily said as Elizabeth wrapped her daughter into her arms and held her. Elizabeth rocked Emily like she hadn't since her daughter was a little girl. Elizabeth could feel Emily's body shake as she cried and could feel the tears as they landed on her shirt and made her shoulder wet. After a minute or two, Elizabeth pulled back and looked at Emily. She pulled a clean tissue out of her pocket and dried Emily's tears and then tucked Emily's hair behind her ear.

"I love JJ, too. I love her almost as much as I love you. She's going to pull through this, kiddo. Have faith and believe that."

After a few seconds, Emily smiled at her mother.

"Well it's nice to see that smile," the Ambassador said, " What brought that on?"

"You. You never cease to amaze me, mother."

Elizabeth looked at Emily curiously

"Considering your first reaction to hearing about my relationship with JJ, you've really come a long way. I'm proud of you too, mom."

************************************************

Emily was in a briefing when she saw her mother come into the BAU that morning. Ambassador Prentiss has come to the BAU with members of a Russian family who were related to a gentleman that had once worked for the Ambassador at the U.S. Embassy in the Ukraine. Emily had been at the FBI Academy at the time of this particular post her mother had held and hadn't spent a great deal of time in the Eastern European country though she had visited enough to learn a little of the language.

Ambassador Prentiss requested the team's assistance in locating the missing husband and father of the two women she had brought with her. Hotch agreed to help when they showed him the severed finger of the missing man.

After Agents Reid, Morgan, and Gideon left for the missing man's home in Baltimore and the Russian translator came to replace Emily in sitting with the missing man's wife, Emily sought out JJ for comfort. Emily prided herself for not being easily rattled and she was mostly successful except when it came to her own mother.

"Motherballs!" Emily exclaimed walking into JJ's office and closing the door behind her.

"Excuse me?" JJ laughed, knitting her brow together

"My mother comes waltzing in here like I'm supposed to drop whatever I'm doing to help her."

"Your mother came here with a case she thought the team could help with. Come on Em give her some credit. She at least respects you enough to know that you and the team can help." JJ said

It had been three weeks since the trip to East Allegheny and JJ hadn't heard from either of her parents. Though it was killing her not to speak with them, she knew this was their issue and she was going to have to let them work through it. She had, however, heard from both her brothers and they at least were happy for their sister.

"I feel like I can't breathe when she's near," Emily said plopping into one of the chairs in JJ's office.

"Look Em, no one understands the way you feel more than I do, but there is a man whose life is hanging in the balance here. For right now, maybe if you focus on the case, it will help you cope with the fact that your mother is here. Pretend I brought the case to the team instead of the Ambassador." JJ said as she got up from behind her desk and walked behind Emily to gently massage the tension out of her lover's shoulders.

"Don't start or I'm not going to want you to stop."

"I'm just a friend rubbing another friend's shoulders. Even if the cameras are recording right now, that's all they will see. And I will be able to stop at this."

Lolling her head forward and enjoying JJ's massage, Emily said, "I'm going to my mother's house to see what she's managed to come up with. She was going to try and use her connections to get some information from the bank in Russia that the kidnappers want to wire the money to. I'll call you later and let you know what's going on."

"Okay." JJ said and then bent forward and whispered into Emily's ear, "I love you. Hang in there."

Emily went to her mother's estate. Emily always thought it was funny that her mother had finally bought a home in the DC area around the same time Emily bought her condo. Prior to that, the Ambassador moved around from county to county and, when not living abroad, she moved from one posh rental to another. Now that Emily had finally put down some roots, her mother seemed to have too. Of course, being between assignments more often these days kind of facilitated the need for a place to call home. Emily's father however, still lived the spoiled rich-boy existence that his family's money provided him. Emily hadn't seen her parents together in years and, in fact, it had been a good two years since she had last seen her father at all, a good 5 months or so since she last spoke with him during the Holidays. Her mother's family was quite wealthy in its own right so either way, the Ambassador wasn't hurting for money. And neither was Emily.

Emily was let into the house by staff and she went into her mother's study to find the Ambassador – _funny thing to call your mother_, Emily thought to herself – sitting at her desk. Emily felt a twinge of pain when she saw the pictures of her brother Alexander on her mother's desk and around the study but pushed them out of her head for now. The Ambassador asked Emily how much she "enjoyed" her job with the BAU. Though it probably shouldn't have, the comment raised Emily's hackles. It didn't take much when it came to her mother. It put Emily on the defensive because Emily felt it was her mother once again questioning her decision to join the bureau and besides, did her mother actually think this job gave her pleasure? Maybe dealing with JJ's family had made her even more sensitive than usual.

Thankfully the Ambassador's secretary came in to announce there was a phone call from her mother's contact at the Russian Embassy. _Fight avoided_, Emily thought. The look on her mother's face when her efforts to reach out to her contact yielded no results kind of shocked Emily. She thanked her mother for trying and then left to return back to Quantico.

Once she had given Hotch an update, she went back to JJ's office.

"Hey, you sexy thing," Emily said. "I'm back." JJ's office may have had cameras like 95% of the compound did but it didn't have microphones. JJ looked up from her paperwork and smiled as her lover entered her office.

"How'd it go? Was your mom able to help?"

"No. And you want to know something, Jayj? I honestly believe she feels she should have been able to. That maybe not too long ago, she wielded enough power that she would have."

"You said she's between posts right now, right? Maybe that's starting to make her doubt herself and her abilities."

"My mother doesn't know the meaning of the term self-doubt. I own that one."

JJ smiled, "Your mom might be more human than you think she is, Em. Give her a chance. She might prove you wrong."

Emily left JJ's office and went to work on files that were on her desk. The Ambassador returned to the BAU a while later and gave Emily some address strings and passwords to help Garcia crack into the Russian bank's databases and gain entry to the account information. It helped crack the case and Emily went to her mother's house to let her know that the missing Russian man was back home with his wife and to thank her for her help. His daughter, however, was part of the team that kidnapped her own father and had been killed by the Russian mob when they "took" care of their own problem. The Ambassador was happy the man was safe and told Emily she was glad she could help.

"It was nice to feel needed again," the Ambassador said as Emily turned to leave

Emily stopped and turned back around, looking at her mother with a confused look on her face, "What? What did you say?"

"Well, I don't mean to be overly dramatic but I am an Ambassador without an assignment."

"You've been without assignments before." Emily told her mother

"Yeah, but never for this long and one does begin to wonder," Elizabeth said. Emily was stunned and it must have shown on her face because her mother said, "Did I say something wrong?"

"I don't think I've ever seen you doubt yourself before," Emily said in a sad whisper…almost as if she were a child that just found out Santa Claus didn't really exist.

"Oh! I doubt myself all the time, Emily. It's just…not showing it. That's what being a diplomat is all about."

Emily looked at her mother. JJ was right. Maybe the Ambassador was more human than she thought. And maybe it was time for her mother to meet JJ.

"Would you like to go to dinner?"

Elizabeth looked at her daughter in surprise and gave her a slight smile

"My treat?" Elizabeth asked

"Definitely," Emily replied as they started to walk out the of the house, "Mother, I need to make a phone call. There's someone I'd like you to meet."

Emily asked JJ meet her and the Ambassador at a quiet but expensive Italian restaurant in DC. JJ wasn't happy that Emily hadn't given her any notice about this but let Emily off the hook when Emily told her that she didn't have any intentions of the two meeting yet but the opportunity kind of just presented itself.

Emily was nervous as hell as they sat at the restaurant having a glass of wine while they waited for JJ to arrive for dinner.

"So she's pretty. Didn't really get a chance to speak with her much while I was there earlier. How long have you been seeing her?" Elizabeth asked

"About 2 ½ months." Emily said. Why did she always feel like a child when she was speaking with her mother about personal things?

"She must mean a lot to you, Emily, if you're actually introducing me to her. Other than that girl in college, I've never even seen any of the women you've dated."

Emily blushed. Oh how she had wished she knew her mother was dropping by that day in New Haven. Emily actually thought she was falling in love for the first time with Veronica but, after what had happened that day, Emily knew that relationship was doomed. There was no way the Ambassador was ever going to see Veronica any other way than naked with her daughter's head between her legs. Not to mention Veronica was highly embarrassed by the situation and didn't speak to Emily for a week afterwards. The relationship was never the same after that incident.

Quickly moving past that subject, Emily said, "She does, mother, she means everything to me."

"Do you love her, Emily?"

"Yes. Very much so."

"Does she know how wealthy your family is? How large your trust fund is?"

"No. We've never discussed money, mother."

"Don't you think you should? It's important. What's her family background like?"

"Jennifer's family is from rural Pennsylvania. Her father owns his own automotive business there and they do okay but they aren't wealthy people," Emily told her mother

"All the more important for you to discuss it then. If she were from money, she would understand it more. Before you know it, she'll be spending it like it was her own."

"Mother, JJ isn't like that. She's worked very hard to get where she is. She was 25 when she bought her own home. JJ is a very independent person. She doesn't want anything from me. And what I do spend on her, I spend on her gladly. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me." God Emily hated how snobbish her mother could be but Emily wasn't surprised given the patrician society her family belonged to.

"Emily, don't be so naïve. You're kidding yourself if you think that your money won't make a difference to her."

"Mother, please get to know her first before you go passing judgment. I really think you'll like her if you give her a chance."

Seeing JJ speaking to the hostess, Emily said, "She's here mother, please treat her well. She is very important to me."

JJ was seated and the three ladies proceeded with what turned out to be a lovely dinner. Emily loved watching her girlfriend interact with her mother. Whatever the Ambassador asked, JJ was there with a ready answer. Not rehearsed or insincere but rather open and honest. JJ handled her mother almost like Emily had seen JJ handle the press. About halfway through dinner, Emily noticed that Elizabeth had actually placed her hand on JJ's wrist and was sharing stories of Emily growing up. Emily sat back and breathed a sigh of relief – even though they were talking about her - as she realized that her mother seemed to really like JJ. JJ just had the innate ability to make people warm up to her.

Later when they were lying in Emily's bed, JJ having decided to drive in from DC to Quantico in the morning rather than that night which wasn't a problem since plenty of her clothes had migrated into Emily's closet, Emily kissed JJ's bare shoulder and said, "Thank you"

JJ turned around in her lover's arms, "For what?"

"Earlier. With my mother. I thought you were fantastic. She seems to like you in spite of the fact you're my girlfriend."

JJ laughed. "I told you to give her a chance. That she might surprise you."

"I guess there's hope for one of our mother's yet," Emily smirked and then kissed JJ again. I love you, Jennifer."

"I love you too, baby"

"Jen?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm really wound up pretty tight tonight. Would you be up for another round?"

JJ answered her with a kiss.

***************************************************

Emily looked at her watch. It had been almost 2 hours since Dr. Harden had given her the grim news about JJ. Though Emily was certain Garcia would have called her if there had been any news, Emily wanted to go check for herself.

"Mother, I need to get back to the waiting room. Why don't we find Henry and Amanda and go check to see if there's been any word."

Emily and Elizabeth found Amanda sitting in the lobby playing peek-a-boo with Henry. Emily picked up Henry and the four of them headed back to the surgical waiting room.

Garcia and Hotch were the only ones there when they walked in. Garcia's eyes lit up when she saw her godchild and Hotch shook the hand of the Ambassador, whom he once worked closely with.

"Any word?" Emily asked

"No. Not yet," replied Garcia as she kissed Henry's cheek and tickled his side a little causing him to giggle.

"Where's Donna?"

"She went to the restroom. She'll be right back I'm sure. She left just a second before you all walk in."

"I need to go downstairs and call…" Donna started to say as she walked into the waiting area before stopping when she saw Emily…and her grandson. She stood there and looked at the beautiful, babbling little boy sitting on Emily's hip. Her jaw dropped slightly and her eyes moistened.

"Donna…this is your grandson. This is Henry."

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…**


	13. Loss

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: The story is rated T but some chapters will be rated M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat. **

**AN4: Thank you so much for the kind reviews and PMs. Each and every one of them is special and greatly appreciated. It's what helps keep me plugging along.**

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

************************************************

"Donna…this is your grandson. This is Henry."

Donna slowly walked over to where Emily stood carrying Henry, still shocked at seeing her daughter's son for the first time in any way other than a photograph. Donna stood in front of Emily and just stared at the blond-haired, blue-eyed little boy. She reached out for his hand.

"Hi, Henry. I'm your grandma, Donna," she said holding his little hand in hers.

Henry, not one to normally be shy, surprised Emily by tucking his face into her armpit. Donna placed her other hand on his head and held it, stroking his head lightly.

"He's beautiful, Emily. He's gotten so much bigger than he was in the last pictures Jennifer sent me." Donna said, tears starting to well in her eyes.

Emily knew that Donna had at least seen pictures of Henry since JJ made a point to discuss them with her mother every time she sent some home. JJ's parents had broken their lengthy silence about 4 months after that morning in East Allegheny; however, her relationship with them was still tenuous at best. JJ had hoped that her pregnancy would bring them around and although that hadn't seemed to work, she still had hopes that her parents would one day get to know her son. The fact that this was the day that JJ longed for, and she wasn't there to see it, wasn't lost on Emily.

Henry slowly lifted his head away from Emily and looked over to Donna. He smiled shyly at Donna and then put his face back on Emily's chest and laughed, which made the tears start to fall from Donna yet brought a smile to her face at the same time.

"He's really strong for 5 months, Emily. His balance is very good."

"Yeah he is. He's hitting all his milestones right on time."

"He looks so much like Jennifer did when she was a baby. He actually looks a lot like James, doesn't he?" Donna said still stroking Henry's head

"JJ says that all the time. That Henry reminds her so much of her father." Emily said, "It's the eyes. James, JJ, Henry…they all have the same striking sky-blue eyes."

"I suppose that might be it. My boys got my hazel eyes. Jenny got her father's blue ones," Donna said

Henry continued his little game and lifted his head to look at Donna again. Emily sensed that Henry was getting used to the lady standing in front of him.

"Would you like to hold him, Donna?"

Donna just nodded her head. Emily handed her son to Donna, curious to see what his reaction would be. He fussed a little and reached back for Emily. Emily held both his hands in hers and kissed him on the forehead.

"You're all right, little man." Emily said in an effort to soothe him.

Henry tried to settle in with Donna. He was usually a really good baby, not one to fuss too much as long as he felt secure. Amanda handed Emily his pacifier, which Emily placed in his mouth. He sucked hard on it once or twice before finally relaxing into his grandmother's arms and resting his head against her chest.

Donna walked to the back of the room to sit in a chair by herself; she couldn't help the tears that ran down her face. Emily made a half-hearted attempt to speak with the others but she was really watching Donna as she rocked her son. Emily could see her lips moving but had no idea what was being said to him but whatever it was, it was falling on deaf ears as Henry had fallen asleep in her arms. Emily excused herself from the others to go sit with Donna.

"He must be tired." Emily said as she sat next to JJ's mother and patted her son's back a couple of times.

"Apparently. I just rocked him and sang 'Can't Take My Eyes Off You' to him"

"The Frankie Valli song?"

"Yeah. I was about 18 when that song came out. I had just started dating James and it has kind of always been our song. Jenny used to love when I sang it to her as a baby."

"Was she a good baby?"

"The best. So easy, not one to fuss very much. Very happy. I'd finally had my girl."

Emily smiled and just let Donna speak

"I guess I had my own vision of what it would be like to have a daughter. Playing dress-up, tea parties, watching her grow up to go to prom and date. James had his boys and I thought Jenny would be mine. But he had her too," Donna continued. "And it seemed the harder I tried to do things to make us closer, the further it pushed her away from me."

"JJ loves you, Donna. But she always has to do things her way. Take it from someone who knows," Emily said with a smile

"She's always been that way, Emily,"

"I can totally imagine," Emily laughed softly and reached to hold Donna's hand. "I'm really sorry about the things I said earlier."

"You were right though, Emily. I was discounting this little boy."

Emily was surprised by Donna's admission and pulled her hand back. Pushing down the anger she was beginning to feel again, Emily needed to know the answers.

"Why?"

"I'm sorry, Emily. I just wasn't raised to think that homosexuality was right. And I'm still not sure it is but…"

Emily was going to start to defend herself when Donna put her hand on Emily's arm.

"Let me finish, Emily. I'm still not sure it is, but I do know one thing. You love my daughter very much. And this little boy, my grandson, is the product of that love."

Emily gave Donna a slight smile. "Yes…yes he is. I do love your daughter, Donna. I love JJ and Henry more than anybody else in this world. Henry may not have been conceived in what you would view as the 'traditional' way but he was conceived the way that all children should be."

"How's that, Emily"

"By two people that love each other. We started a family because JJ was raised to know that family and children are an important part of life. You and James instilled that in her. JJ wanted a family and I wanted her to have that family. I had my doubts as to whether or not I would be a good parent, but with JJ by my side, I knew I would be all right. You should see her with him, Donna. JJ's a great mom."

"I wish she would have decided to quit the FBI when she got pregnant."

"We talked about it, Donna. Hell, we even fought about it. But JJ didn't want that. JJ loves her job and, in the end, it was her decision."

"Considering what happened, maybe that was the wrong decision."

"Oh Donna, you have no idea how many times that thought has crossed my mind over the last couple of days but, again, it was her desire to keep working. And because it was her desire, her wish, it was mine too because that's how we work...together."

Donna was about to speak when Dr. Harden walked back into the waiting area

Emily went to him quickly followed by everybody else.

"How'd it go? How's JJ?" Emily asked urgently

"JJ's in recovery. I would say that she's doing about as well as can be expected. As I said, she's been through a lot. The human body can only take so much. It will be touch and go for the next 12-24 hours."

Emily had no words. On one hand, her greatest fears had not been realized, on the other, he wasn't exactly optimistic either.

Dr. Harden looked at the still sleeping little boy in Donna's arms and smiled, "Is this your son, Emily?"

Emily nodded still trying to find her voice

"I thought so. Handsome young man. He looks just like JJ doesn't he?" Dr. Harden asked rhetorically before he asked, "Emily, would you like to go back and see her?"

Emily nodded again

"Okay. I'll take you back there but only for a couple of minutes. I can't let you stay and sit with her, okay?

"Okay," Emily finally said weakly

She met Donna's eyes and nodded a silent gesture of support

Dr. Harden led Emily through the doors and down the corridor used to transport patients between the surgical unit and the rest of the hospital. He stopped just outside of the door marked "RECOVERY".

"Emily, I want you to be prepared for what you are going to see in there. JJ coded again on the table and again we were able to bring her back. She wants to fight, Emily."

Emily felt like she was going to pass out but Dr. Harden had a pretty good grip on her arm. JJ kept coding. Emily hadn't felt this lost before, at least not since Alex died, but she thought this was actually worse.

Dr. Harden continued, "Emily, when JJ was in Critical Care, her breaths were initiating the ventilator and they were working in conjunction with one another. We've changed that. The ventilator is doing all of JJ's breathing for her now. We needed to take as much strain off her body as possible, until she starts to get a little stronger. Do you understand? I'm only trying to warn you because she has a lot of machines hooked up to her. I don't want it to shock you."

No amount of words could have prepared Emily for what she saw and she had to swallow hard and take a couple of deep breaths to compose herself. Emily was a strong person but this whole ordeal was taking its toll on her. She almost didn't recognize JJ lying there. She seemed swollen and her color was gray. They had tape keeping her normally beautiful eyes shut. And if Emily thought that JJ had a lot of tubes and monitors before, well there seemed to be twice as many now.

Slowly and with great effort, Emily walked to JJ's bedside. She lightly stroked the top of JJ's hand with her fingertips, tears filling her eyes.

"Jennifer, honey, I'm here, baby. I love you. Know who else is here? Our son. Yeah, can you believe my mother flew in with Henry and Amanda? Henry is only 5 months old and he's already flown First Class," Emily was barely able to choke out any words but she needed to let JJ know everyone was here and supporting her.

"Something amazing happened tonight, Jen. Henry met your mother. Yes he did and you missed it. He seems to like her. Fell asleep on her. Your mom cried, Jayj. Henry might be working his magic."

Emily softly ran the back of her fingers down JJ's cheek.

"God, I love you so much and I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, baby. I need you to get well. Dr. Harden says they need to take the strain off you so you can get stronger. You need to do that, okay? I need you to come back to me. Henry needs you too. And don't forget, you promised him a brother or a sister. Okay, you promised me but I know you want another one too, you just won't admit it."

"Emily," Dr. Harden said

Emily nodded. She found one of the few spots on JJ's head that she could kiss without disturbing anything and gently placed her lips there.

"I love you, sweetheart" Emily smoothed the hair on JJ's head, kissed her once more, and then reluctantly left her side.

Once back out in the hallway, Dr. Harden stopped Emily from returning to the waiting room by gently grabbing her elbow.

"Emily, you need to rest. I mean you need to go to the hotel and get some actual sleep. I'm going to stay here tonight and watch over her. I've actually become quite fond of the both of you and I'm going to do whatever's in my power to make sure she makes it through this. Nothing is going to happen tonight. The machines are breathing for her. She is definitely not going to wake up. So you might as well get some sleep."

"What if…"

"Then there isn't anything you'd be able to do anyway, is there?"

"I need to be here with her."

"No. You need to get some rest. Trust me, okay? I'm not going to let anything happen to her. The machines are doing the work for her right now."

"Dr. Harden, JJ is my life. And, as corny as this might sound, you have my life in your hands right now."

"It's not corny at all, Emily. I understand. My number one priority right now is to see JJ leave this hospital with you and your son. When that happens, JJ is going to need a lot of help from you. You have to be strong enough to handle that. So please take this opportunity to get some rest."

Emily looked at Dr. Harden knowing he was right but torn about leaving JJ. She had promised herself that she was not going to leave JJ's side. But since she wouldn't actually be at JJ's side tonight but rather sitting in the waiting room, Emily finally relented and told Dr. Harden that she would leave for the night and go get some much-needed rest. She couldn't promise she'd actually sleep, but she would at least rest.

"I can give you something to help you sleep if you'd like."

"No, it's okay. If I'm going back to the hotel, I'll have my son with me. I can't be sedated and watch over him at the same time."

"You have a lot family and friends here Emily to help you take care of him."

"He's my responsibility. Besides, today is the first time in almost a week that I've seen him. I'd like to spend some time with him."

"Okay. Let me know if you change your mind. In the meantime, I'm going to go back in and check on JJ. We have your cell number should we need to call you."

As Emily started to walk back into the waiting area, she overheard her mother introduce herself to Donna. Curious, Emily hung back a little and, though she probably shouldn't have, eavesdropped on their conversation.

"Hello, I'm Elizabeth Prentiss, Emily's mother."

"Donna Jareau. Pleased to meet you."

"Sorry it has to be under these circumstances. He's a handsome little guy isn't he? Looks so much like JJ" Elizabeth said

"Yes. I told Emily a little while ago that he looks a lot like Jennifer did as a baby. He really reminds me of my husband, James."

"Is he here?"

"No. He's driving in from Pennsylvania with my younger son, Paul. I was actually going downstairs to call him when I saw Henry had arrived. Do you spend a lot of time with him?" Donna asked

"Every chance I get. I probably see him two or three times a month. He is the biggest joy in my life right now." Elizabeth said, and then added. "Donna, I am very sorry about your daughter. You should know that she has a lot of people praying for her right now."

"Thank you, Elizabeth. I just wish…things haven't been….I've wasted," Donna was struggling to come up with the words she was trying to say.

"You're afraid that you've wasted time being angry with her, aren't you? For her relationship with my daughter."

"Yes," Donna whispered, her voice cracking. "How did you come to terms with it? Because I've tried but I just have such a hard time understanding it."

Elizabeth took a deep breath and then slowly exhaled

"Donna, it's not really for us to understand is it? And also, it took me a long time but I finally realized that life is too short to push away your family. You see I've been exactly where you are now. I lost my son, Alexander, in a skiing accident about 22 years ago. He was only 19 years old." Elizabeth began

Emily, hearing her mother discuss her brother's death, leaned up against the wall, tilted her head back, and closed her eyes. She hated recalling Alex's death and she always tried so hard to keep that loss in the one compartment that was buried the deepest.

************************************************

The night that JJ had met the Ambassador left Emily feeling rather wound up. Even after making love with JJ twice, she still couldn't get her head to settle down long enough to sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time. She raised herself up to look at the sleeping blonde in her bed and contemplated kissing her in an attempt to wake her. JJ was almost always a willing partner, even in the middle of the night, but Emily knew JJ was tired and she didn't have the heart to wake her even if she knew that JJ wouldn't really mind.

She carefully extracted the arm she had under JJ's head, got out of bed, threw on some clothes, and climbed down the stairs of her condo. She made her way to her kitchen and put on the kettle for some tea. She thought about turning on her laptop and doing something mindless like updating her Facebook page or checking e-mail but neither of those options appealed to her. So, after making herself a cup of chamomile, she turned on her TV and flipped through channels until she found a repeat of the old Dick Van Dyke Show. Maybe a classic comedy would help chase what was on her mind.

Emily thought at first it was just having spent the day with her mother and then having her mother meet JJ that was causing her mind to work overtime but as she lay awake in her bed, she honed in on what was really bothering her...Alexander. Seeing pictures of her brother on her mother's desk and around her study, brought forth memories she usually liked kept tucked away. Those damn pictures.

"It's 2 o'clock in the morning, Em. What are you doing up?" JJ asked sleepily.

Startled, Emily was pulled from her thoughts. She hadn't even heard JJ come down the stairs. "I hope I didn't wake you," Emily said

"No. I mean, I felt you get up but I just thought you were going to the bathroom. I really woke up when I didn't feel you come back. I'm not used to your body not being beside mine." JJ said has her bare feet padded across Emily's living room. "I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've slept alone in the last 2 ½ months."

Emily made room for JJ on the couch and wrapped her arm around her girlfriend when JJ sat next to her and leaned against her.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep."

"You said you were wound up. What's bothering you? Me meeting your mother?"

"No. That's not it. I mean, trust me, I was nervous as hell waiting for you to get to the restaurant but I meant it when I said you handled her well. I think that went as well, or maybe even better, than I ever could have hoped."

"Okay. So what is it? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, honey. It's just…um, well…" Emily hugged JJ tighter

JJ lifted herself from Emily's grasp and looked straight onto Emily. "What's wrong, Em? Something is really bothering you. Talk to me." JJ brushed Emily's hair away from her face and kissed her gently on the lips.

"I have, or rather had, a brother, JJ" Emily was finally able to say

JJ looked at Emily with a furrowed brow, "What?"

"Alexander. Alex."

"I didn't know. I thought you were an only child."

"I know. I don't like to talk about him."

"You said had, Em. Did something happen to him?"

"He died."

"Oh my god, Em. When?"

"This winter will be 20 years since he died."

"How old was he? How did he die?"

"He was 19. Skiing accident."

"How old were you?"

"I had just turned 15. My mom had just been posted in Rome so we were living there while Alex was studying finance in Zurich."

"What happened?"

"He went off course and crashed into a tree."

"I'm really sorry, Emily. I can't imagine something happening to Andrew or Paul and losing one of them."

"It was very hard, Jayj. What's worse, it was kind of my fault."

"What? How so?"

"I begged my brother to let me visit him in Zurich. He really didn't want me to but we were close and he didn't want to disappoint me. We then both had to beg my mother to let me go. During the Christmas Holiday, when school let out, she finally let me visit him. He took me skiing and he was probably watching out for me and not paying attention when he veered off course. He was a excellent skier so that must have been the reason he didn't stay on the slope and he didn't see the tree."

"You sound like you've made quite the assumption there, Em."

"Not an assumption, JJ. I was lagging behind a little and saw him looking back for me."

"Okay…even so, you can't tell me you blame yourself for your brother's death."

"My mother certainly does."

"What?"

"Maybe she doesn't quite so much anymore but she did. And she made no bones about it. It changed everything."

"Grief is a funny thing, Em. It can make the best people lose their minds. I've seen it in the cases that we deal with. We both have."

"My mother and I actually used to be fairly close. Alex was my best friend. Had to be really since we were always moving around. Even when we were at school we saw each all the time since we where in the same cities. Zurich and Rome aren't that far apart – about 6 hours or so by car – but we had never been that far away from one another.

"So you wanted to spend some time with him, Em. Natural thing to want."

"I watched my brother die, JJ and there wasn't anything I could do. I've never felt so helpless. I hated that feeling."

"You were a kid, Em," JJ said rubbing Emily's hand. "What happened afterwards?"

"My parents became strangers to me…and to each other. My dad was a bit of a playboy before he met my mother. But he really loved her at one point…and his kids. But Alex was like the common bond between all of us. Alex was close with my dad. He was close with my mother. And he was close with me. Once he was gone, that commonality was gone too. My mother became a shell. On the surface, she was fine because, as an Ambassador, she had to be. But below that surface, in private, she was hollow. My father left to run around with the rich and famous rather than deal with things. They're still married but they don't spend a lot of time together. Divorce is bad for society people and for people with a lot of money. So they have their arrangement…whatever it is."

"Wow. And what about you?"

"I was kind of lost in the shuffle. That's when I really started to hang around my friends John Cooley and Matthew Bennett plus a few others. We were all 'nuotare nell'oro'"

"What's that?"

"Literally it means 'swimming in gold'. We were the rich kids according to the locals so they all thought we were spoiled and privileged. We kind of migrated towards each other. And I needed them since I was so lonely and grief-stricken with Alex's death. They, especially Matthew, saved my life."

"John was the one you had sex with right? The one that you lost your virginity to?"

"Yes"

"I did a lot of stupid things because of Alex's death but having sex with John was probably the dumbest. I so wasn't ready for that." Emily decided to stop her story there. She wasn't ready to tell JJ about getting pregnant and having an abortion.

"We all do dumb things, Em. I told you that."

"I started drinking...a lot. Matthew started doing drugs but I could never take it that far. I smoked pot a couple of times but it just gave me a headache so I stopped. He wanted me to try coke – which was the drug of choice amongst the wealthy in the '80's – but I just didn't want to. He kind of got lost in the whole drug culture. It was sad. So in another way, I lost someone again that I was once really close to."

"God, Em"

"My mother didn't care for my friends so she didn't take the post again when it was offered to her. We left Rome and came back to DC. She took a job locally and I went to Garfield High where is where I graduated from in 1989. From boarding schools to public schools after Alex died. We fought. I rebelled. Dressed as obnoxiously as I could just to piss her off. Got into the whole 'New Wave' music scene…The Cure, The Smith's, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Echo and the Bunnymen. Dressed all in black, trench coats with buttons all over the place, Doc Marten boots, black eye make-up, oh and the hair…"

"I can't imagine you dressed like that," JJ laughed

"I know there are pictures somewhere. I know now, after god knows how many psych classes, that I was doing it just to get a little attention from her. It didn't really work. She didn't care as long as my grades didn't slip, which they didn't."

"Obviously, you did get into Yale didn't you?"

Emily smiled. "By the grace of God."

"By a lot of hard work, Em. Going to her house today. It brought this all to the surface. You should have told me. I would have, I don't know…I would have done something."

"You've done a lot, Jayj. Just sitting here listening to me in the middle of the night means a lot." Emily said giving JJ a kiss on the temple.

"Emily, can I ask you a question about something?"

"Sure."

"I'm not stupid. I know you have a lot of money. You can't afford a place like this on a federal employee's salary, but I guess I never realized how wealthy your family is. Is this something we need to talk about?"

"Only if you think it's an issue. Right now, I think we should just keep things they way they are. Sometimes I pay. Sometimes you pay. Maybe somewhere down the line it might be something for us to discuss but, for right now, I think we're okay. Don't you?"

"Yes. I like the way things are. I like that you let me pick up the tab sometimes. I just wish you'd let me do it more often."

"I'll try to remember to do that. Thanks again for staying up with me."

"We're going to be useless at work today. We went to bed late and now it's almost time to get up. What time is it?"

Emily turned her head towards the kitchen to look at the clock on the microwave and groaned.

"It's 4 a.m. The alarm is going to go off in an hour. Not enough time to make going back to bed worth the trouble."

"No. But enough time to do this," JJ said as she moved to straddle Emily's lap. JJ placed her arms on either side of Emily's head, leaned down and kissed her deeply.

"Emily, what happened to your brother was not your fault. Even if he was looking out for you, he was doing it because he loved you," JJ said as she pulled slightly away from Emily.

Emily's eyes welled with tears and once gravity got a hold of one and it fell, more soon followed. JJ gently wiped them away with her thumbs.

"I love you so much, baby," JJ said before kissing Emily again. JJ moved to Emily's neck and Emily groaned when JJ took an earlobe into her mouth.

"I love you, JJ. Make love to me?"

JJ kissed Emily again and then granted Emily's request.

***********************************************

JJ had helped ease the pain of Alex that night. JJ helped Emily put that pain back into its little box and tuck it back away. Who was going to do that for Emily if JJ died? She had once told JJ that there wasn't a box big enough to hold how she felt about her. That statement only scratched the surface of describing how much pain she would be in if JJ didn't make it through this.

Emily continued to listen to her mother talk to Donna, not wanting to interrupt.

"It took me a long time but, you see Donna, Emily is all I really have left. My son is dead, Phillip, my husband, isn't around much. I eventually had to come to terms with her and her sexuality if I was going to have any of my family in my life. Our relationship was strained for quite a while. Probably very strained for 10 years, then gradually, it improved. But for the last 3 years, it's been better than it has been for a very long time. And the reason for that is your daughter."

"Jennifer?"

"Yes, JJ. Family is important to JJ. She was driving force in getting Emily and I to really come to terms with Alex's death and with each other. She told me I owed my daughter an apology. And you know what, she was right. Emily and I have tried to move past our, well, past. Move forward, Donna. If JJ makes it through this, move forward."

"I'll try. I promise, I will. Emily does love her a lot, doesn't she?"

"Yes she does. JJ has made Emily very happy. They love each other so much. How can that possibly be wrong? It's not. And, what's more, I love her almost as much as I love Emily. They are a very happy family…the three of them." Elizabeth said as she rubbed Henry's back.

As Emily was eavesdropping on the conversation between the two women, Reid, Morgan, and Rossi walked down the corridor. The three other members of her team informed her that they had received a very promising lead and had been busy tracking down the tip when they heard the news about JJ's surgery. They apologized for the delay in getting back to the hospital but told Emily that Garcia had been keeping them up to date. Emily gave them a recap of her visit with JJ and then the four of them walked into the waiting room.

Emily told them all of her conversation with Dr. Harden and his advice that they all go to the hotel and get some rest. Although, like Emily, they were all reluctant to leave, they all agreed that it was perhaps the most prudent thing to do.

Donna gave Henry to Emily and they all left the hospital for the night. Emily's last thought as she left the hospital was that she prayed Dr. Harden was right and nothing happened to JJ tonight.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…**


	14. Trying to Rest

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: The story is rated T but some chapters will be rated M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat. **

**AN4: Thank you so much for the kind reviews and PMs. Each and every one of them is special and greatly appreciated. It's what helps keep me working on this story. **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

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Heading out a side exit, Emily watched as her team and Donna hopped into the big, black SUVs the team normally utilized while she headed to the SUV her mother had rented. She strapped her son into the car seat that was rented along with the vehicle and made sure he was secure.

"Not used to seeing you in anything other than your Mercedes, mother," Emily said as she got into the front passenger seat.

"Well, my grandson needs a car seat so this works much better. I kind of like it. So much roomier than my Mercedes," Elizabeth said of the Chevy Tahoe she was driving.

"I just never saw you as the SUV type," Emily teased

They made their way to the hotel. Garcia had been able to book two more rooms – one for Elizabeth, one for Amanda – at the same hotel where the team and Donna were staying. Emily took Henry to her and JJ's room while Elizabeth and Amanda checked in. Once Hotch found out about their relationship, he turned a blind eye to the two women sharing a room when they were in the field.

Balancing her son on her hip and both his bag and hers, she finally managed to use the cardkey to enter the room. "How does mommy make it look so easy?" she asked her son.

It was the first time Emily had been back since they left the morning JJ was shot. She looked around and saw the traces of their frantic morning rush to get ready. Emily had changed blouses twice that morning since she didn't like the first one she put on. JJ was getting mad at her for making them late but Emily for some reason was having a hard time getting it in gear that morning. It's not like she was a morning person to begin with but that morning it seemed like her feet were made of cinderblocks. The blouse she had decided against was draped over the chair by the desk with the bedclothes that both her and JJ had worn the night before. She had a feeling they weren't where they had been left, that they probably had been picked up during the room's daily service. Make-up and hair products were strewn about the counter because they were running a little late that morning, they hadn't taken the time to tidy up very well. They both just figured it'd be there later when they got back to the room.

Emily placed Henry, who was now wide-awake, on the bed and she picked up the t-shirt that JJ had taken off that morning. She held it to her nose and inhaled the scent of her wife. JJ had showered the night before so the shirt smelled like her warm vanilla sugar body wash, her citrus shampoo, and, well, JJ. Emily thought about the night before. They had left the station around 9 pm and headed back to the hotel. Though they had called Amanda a couple of hours earlier to check on their son they called again on their way back to the hotel just to make sure he'd gotten to sleep okay and to talk a little longer with their nanny. After putting in a 14-hour day, they were both so tired when they walked into their room but they knew their day wasn't quite finished. While JJ showered, Emily called room service and ordered a grilled chicken sandwich with fries. They knew they had to eat but it was so late they decided to split the meal. Emily then took her shower and by the time she was done, their dinner had arrived. While they ate, they went over their notes on the case together and they discussed the press conference that JJ was going to do in the morning after breakfast. They had to meet the team downstairs for breakfast at 7 a.m., the same time their morning had started earlier that day. They brushed their teeth and went to bed shortly after they ate. They were both so tired they fell asleep right away.

Emily was pulled from her thoughts by a knock on her door.

"Don't you move little man," she told her son who lying on his back in the middle of the bed pulling on the socks he was wearing. Since he had discovered these intriguing things called feet they had become his new favorite toy.

Emily peered through the peephole and saw her mother and Amanda on the other side of the door. Emily let the two women in.

"Are you going to be okay with him, Em?" Elizabeth asked

"I can take him, Emily. Let you rest," offered Amanda

"No, I think I'm okay. I'm looking forward to maybe taking my mind off of things for a little bit. I was going to give him a bath, then his bottle, and tell him a bedtime story."

"Do you want a shower?" asked Amanda. "I can stay with him while you take one if you want."

Emily actually thought that was a good idea and decided to take Amanda up on her offer. After taking a nice, long, hot shower, Emily dressed and went back out into the room to find her mother had ordered room service for them all. Emily looked under the dome of her plate of food to see what her mother had ordered her…Filet Mignon with mashed potatoes and grilled asparagus.

"I called from my room before we came over. I thought you could use a hearty meal and I didn't want to wait to call from here." Elizabeth told her daughter

"I should bathe and feed Henry first. He's probably hungry," Emily said

"Don't be mad, but Amanda and I gave him a little cereal while you were in the shower. I know you said you wanted to feed him, but he was getting a little fussy and you weren't available. We were only trying to help."

Emily thought about protesting but what good what that have done. He was hungry so he needed to eat. No harm done.

"Thank you," Emily said simply. "And thank you for ordering dinner for me. I didn't realize how hungry I am until just now. I'm famished."

The three women ate mostly in silence. When they did speak, it was about the baby. Emily really didn't want to talk about JJ right now and the other women respected that. After dinner, Amanda excused herself to go to her room after telling Emily she would be there in a moment's notice if Emily needed anything. Elizabeth decided to stay and hang out a bit with Emily and her grandson.

"You've been awfully quiet this evening, Emily," Elizabeth said to her daughter.

Emily didn't answer

"Emily?"

Emily took a deep breath. "I heard you talking to Donna, mother. About Alexander."

"Oh. I didn't know you were there, Emily. I thought you were with JJ. Did something I said bother you?"

"It just didn't seem right to talk to a mother whose child is…'w_hat? Emily thought. Near_ _death? That might be true but there was no way she could ever bring herself to say that'_…severely injured about the child that you lost. About how you dealt with – or rather didn't deal with – his death. Do you really think that's something she needed to hear?"

"I was just being honest with her, Emily. Maybe let her know I empathize with what she's feeling right now."

"You didn't have to sit and wait for hours with Alex. He was essentially dead when they got him off the mountain. You can't relate to the pain that Donna or I are going through right now. It's different. I know this because I was there for both experiences. With Alex, I was numb. With JJ, I'm in so much pain I can't stand it."

"You were 15 when Alexander died, Emily. And your relationship with JJ has really dictated the pain that your in. You may have loved Alexander but you are in love with Jennifer. There is a difference."

"I know. I just question as to whether or not Donna needed to even think about what it would be like to lose one of her children. That's my only issue."

"I understand. But maybe there will be a benefit to it Emily."

"And what would that be?"

"Maybe I was able to get Donna to come around a little as far as your relationship with her daughter is concerned. Maybe she'll be so relieved when JJ's makes it through this, that her being gay won't be such a big deal."

"If only that would be the case, huh?" Emily said, "I guess only time will tell."

Elizabeth played for a few more minutes with Henry before telling them both good night.

She kissed her grandson and tickled him a bit when Emily walked her to the door.

"You know how to reach me if you need anything," Elizabeth said giving Emily a hug.

When Elizabeth opened the door to leave, Morgan was standing on the other side, his hand poised to knock.

"Wow. Perfect timing," Derek said

Emily's mother said hello to the profiler and left as Derek walked in.

"Garcia was going to come too but, when I went to her room, she was almost too tired to answer the door. She's been multi-tasking like crazy trying to do work for me and the guys and trying to keep everyone up to date on JJ too. She was practically asleep on her feet. I told her to go to bed."

"I know. She's been wonderful. Thanks for telling her to sleep."

"How are you, Emily?"

Emily wanted to ask Derek exactly how he thought she'd be but she was too tired to bring the sarcasm. "I'm hanging in there. I'm not gonna lie this has been tough. It's almost a relief to have him to look after," Emily said picking up her son. "Gives me something to focus on. I have to give him a bath, Morgan. You can hang around if you'd like but I'm trying to keep his schedule as best I can under the circumstances."

"Go ahead, Em. I'll still be here when you're finished."

Emily ran a bath for Henry. They didn't obviously have his normal baby tub so she had to hold him with one hand while washing him with the other. Henry was starting to sit up on his own but sometimes, like in the bath, he needed some support. Henry did love to splash and Emily got almost as wet giving him his bath as she did taking her own shower.

"Dude!" Emily exclaimed as he forcefully brought down both his hands and splashed water all down the front of Emily. "You love your water don't you, Sport?"

Henry laughed and answered her with yet another splash. Emily sang to him and played with him and, for just a little while, was able to forget her sadness over JJ.

After rinsing him off, she wrapped him in a towel and took him into the other room. Derek watched his colleague in "mommy mode". He'd seen Emily Prentiss do a lot of bad-ass things…kick in doors, fire her weapon, even take a hell of a beating but he had never been as impressed with her as he was right now.

"You're a pro at this, Prentiss"

"JJ's the pro. I've still got my amateur status. She can do all this with one hand tied behind her back while talking on the phone with some detective asking for our help. She really is amazing to watch with him," Emily said while she applied lotion liberally all over Henry and then started to put on his diaper and pajamas. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"My mother mixed his bottle. It's in the bottle cooler over there by the diaper bag. The smaller bag. Can you run it under hot water to warm it up a little for him? I don't have a microwave in here."

"Not a problem" Derek said

He went to the bathroom and Emily could hear the water running.

"I ran it under the hot water for a couple of minutes. It feels warm. Do you want me to feed him so you can relax a bit?" her friend said

"No. This is the best part."

"Did you ever think this would be something that you would be doing?"

"What? Feeding my son?"

"Yeah"

"No. I mean, I just never thought about having kids. Never thought about falling in love and getting married. About wanting to bring another human being into this world. But JJ changed all that for me."

"She's special."

"Yes. She is." Emily said sadly, "You know, Derek, this is out there somewhere for you too. A wife and kids. You'd be a great dad."

"God, Em. I don't know. I'm gone so much. I think I'd feel so guilty about that. You know how that is."

Yes Emily knew exactly how that was. Their lives were very complicated. That's why JJ was the perfect person to build her life with. She couldn't imagine anyone else understanding the life of an FBI Agent. And that was probably why Derek, or Reid for that matter, would never get married. The chance of meeting someone that understood the constant travel and the long hours was nearly impossible. Ask Hotch. This job consumed him…and his marriage.

"Em, I'm glad you doing okay. We're all here for you, you know that right?"

"Yeah. Thanks. I know you are. I'm really going to need you all when JJ is able to go home."

"That's the spirit. Think positive."

"Derek?" Emily asked picking up her son and sitting on the edge of the bed. She placed his bottle in his mouth and he quickly wrapped his hands around it and started sucking at the nipple. Henry was just starting to want to hold it on his own but Emily held her hand in place at the base of the bottle to keep it from falling out of his mouth.

"Yeah"

"Can I ask how the case is coming?"

"We got a good lead today. Turns out three of the women used to live in Eau Claire, Wisconsin at different times over the last 15 years. When they live in Eau Claire, they all lived in very close proximity. Like just a couple of blocks difference, Em. So Rossi, Reid, and I took the 90 miles drive out there today to look around."

"Find anything?"

"We knocked on a lot of doors but it was during the day so not a lot of people were home. We want to go back out there again tomorrow afternoon and knock again during dinnertime," Morgan told her, "That's if JJ is doing better."

"You can't do anything here, Morgan. You might as well be trying to find this son of a bitch. No sense wasting your time pacing all day."

"I suppose you're right."

"And Derek, when you find him, I hope he runs. And I hope you're the guy chasing after him when he does."

Morgan stared at Emily knowing exactly what she was asking. The same thought had crossed his mind several times over the past couple of days.

Derek kissed Emily on the cheek. "I'm going to leave you alone with your son. Good night, Em. Good night, Henry" he said giving Henry a kiss on his forehead.

"Good night, Morgan."

"Oh, and Emily…"

"Yeah"

"We've got your guns. Yours and JJ's, the team has them, okay? They're secured."

Emily hadn't even thought about the weapons that she and JJ usually carried as part of their jobs. Her head was in such a cloud, she didn't even remember taking hers off and only then realized it wasn't on its normal place on her hip. "_Not good, Prentiss_," Emily thought to herself.

"Thanks Derek," was all Emily could say. She figured he knew she hadn't even given them a second thought during this whole ordeal but it was nice to know the team had both hers and JJ's backs.

After Morgan left, Emily dead-bolted the door behind him and then moved to sit in the comfortable chair in the corner by the window. She fed Henry the remainder of his bottle and rocked him gently. "Good thing you're not still sucking on mommy. I couldn't replace that. Same equipment, not the same contents." Henry smiled and laughed as if he understood what Emily was telling him.

After his bottle was finished and he was burped, Emily laid her son down and put pillows on the other side of him so, if he rolled over, another recently developed skill, he wouldn't roll off the bed. Every day was something new at this age; which was both wonderful yet sad. Wonderful because it was amazing to watch him grow but that's what made it sad too…they often had to hear about new things from Amanda rather than witness them on their own because they were out of town so much. Emily lay down beside him and she propped herself up on an elbow to watch over him as he started to fall asleep. It pained her to think that JJ might not get to watch this beautiful little boy grow-up.

"_God, JJ, how am I going to do this without you_?" Emily thought sadly to herself

Emily gently stroked the side of her son's little blonde head and thought about everything JJ would miss if she weren't here. His first steps, his first soccer game – which JJ started looking forward to before he was even born when she felt their baby kick for the first time, his first day of school, his first date, college, falling in love and starting his own family. The thoughts made Emily sad but she refused to cry anymore so she forced herself to think of other things. That led her to thinking about the first time they'd ever gotten mad at each other. The fight was so stupid that it actually made her smile…now.

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It was late Friday night and they had just returned from a case in Eastern Washington where two brothers had literally been hunting their victims like prey, like wild animals in the woods. They were tired so they went to JJ's house after they landed and tried to get some much-needed sleep. They were in JJ's bed talking when Emily remembered something that had happened right before JJ got a call about the case on her cell; which had interrupted their evening with Garcia at one of the local bars.

"Could you believe that guy Brad? He actually pretends to be an FBI agent to pick up women. What an ass," Emily said

"Exactly. That was a lot of fun. I could almost imagine his manhood shriveling has he walked away. God that was funny!"

"I'm just glad that you and Garcia picked up on it. You two are quick. You played along great."

"It took me a minute. At first I thought you were flirting with the guy."

"What? Yeah, so not flirting with him."

"Oh I realized that couldn't possibly be the case pretty quick."

"Couldn't possibly? Why not?"

"Oh, come on, Em. We both know you have zero interest in guys. I just figured there had to be some other reason why you were talking to him. That's all."

Emily untangled herself from JJ and sat up. "You sound so sure of yourself, Jennifer"

"I kind of am. You aren't the flirty type…except with me."

"Unlike you," Emily replied looking down at JJ

Emily watched as JJ's head tilted against the pillow and one eyebrow was raised.

"Something you want to talk about, Emily?" JJ asked. Emily could almost see the wheels in JJ's head start to spin.

"Maybe."

"Go ahead, Emily. I can tell something's bugging you."

"New Orleans."

"What about it?"

"Detective Crawfish. That's what. You flirted like hell with him."

"Will LaMontagne?"

"Yes. Detective LaMontagne."

"I was really just being nice, Emily."

"Really? Is that what you call giving him your card, JJ? Being nice?"

"He was a nice guy, Em. It meant nothing."

"Are you looking to scratch an itch, Jennifer?"

"What are you talking about, Emily?" JJ decided she needed to sit up too. Emily could see she struck a nerve.

"Jennifer, until about 3 months ago, you had a decided 'lack of preference', remember? I'm just asking if you have unfulfilled desires that you are trying to get, well, fulfilled."

"How can you say that to me? What have I said or done since we've been together that would give you the impression that I am looking for anybody but you?" Emily could tell she was starting to piss JJ off.

"Oh, I don't know, how about you giving Detective LaMontagne your number."

"I already explained that."

"You went to a bar with him. Had a drink."

"Didn't have a drink with him, Emily. I was working. What is wrong with you?" JJ asked indignantly

"I don't know, Jennifer. I guess I just don't like the idea of my girlfriend openly flirting with the first dick that shows some interest in her."

"You're impossible!" JJ yelled as climbed out of bed and walked out of her own bedroom.

Emily watched JJ storm out of the room and cringed a minute later when she heard the door that led from JJ's house to her garage slam. The automatic garage door opened, JJ's Mustang fired up, and she heard her drive away.

"Damn it."

Emily contemplated driving off after her but she had no idea where JJ would be headed at midnight. Yes the situation with the New Orleans detective had bothered her. He had been flirting with JJ, she knew that was true but she trusted JJ and certainly didn't mean insinuate otherwise. The fight just got out of hand. Emily had never seen JJ this mad before and she felt horrible that she had been the one that pushed the buttons that pissed her off.

Emily paced. While she waited for JJ she walked all through JJ's house trying to see if she could figure out where JJ could have gone. Unfortunately, Emily's profile skills led her nowhere except to what she already knew. Emily loved JJ's house. Where Emily's condo was about appearances and having the perfect piece in the perfect place, JJ's house was homey and comfortable. JJ lived in a small but very nice one-story cottage-style home with 3 bedrooms and 2 baths in an excellent neighborhood. JJ had picked up the bank repo through a friend for a song and had thrown the money she saved into décor and landscaping. She had the kitchen remodeled and the interior of the house painted in warm, rich, inviting colors. Pictures of her family and her BAU family were everywhere, however, the pictures of her and Emily were tucked in hidden spots…JJ's bedroom and her office mostly in case anyone that didn't know about them dropped by for a visit. But Emily's favorite spot was JJ's back porch. Now that the evenings were a little warmer, they spent many evenings out there in the evening breeze talking and listening to the crickets chirp. Emily did manage a smile as she remembered the one time she'd been able to get JJ to let her make love to her outside on the double chaise lounge that sat on JJ's porch.

Emily was tired so she went back to the bedroom to lie down but she was too worked up to sleep. She watched the clock in the bedroom as 1 a.m. approached and then the next hour. She tried calling JJ's phone but it eventually went to voicemail after ringing a few times. Emily knew that JJ would never turn off her phone, she couldn't as part of her job, so that meant, if she wasn't dead in a ditch, she was ignoring her calls. She was getting very worried and, had it not been so late, she would have called Garcia and asked her to track JJ using the GPS on JJ's cell. She was just about to say the hell with it and call Garcia anyway when she heard the garage door open.

Emily walked out of the bedroom to go talk to JJ but didn't find her anywhere in the house. Even though she had heard JJ's car pull into the garage and the garage door close behind it, she checked the garage just to make sure JJ's car was still there. It was parked right next to her Lexus where it usually was.

Emily went back into the house and decided to check the one place she hadn't looked yet. JJ's back porch. She found JJ sitting with her head resting on her knees on the steps that led down to the backyard. She saw that JJ had thrown on a hoodie over the camisole she had been wearing to bed and a pair of flip-flops that actually matched the light pink pair of thin cotton pajama bottoms that went with the camisole.

"I thought you would have gone home, Emily"

"Is that what you want me to do?" Emily said sitting next to JJ on the steps

"I can't believe you would accuse me of cheating on you."

"That's not what I said, Jayj. I know that detective was flirting with you. I know you flirted back. I didn't like it but I didn't say anything because I knew it was harmless."

"Then why bring it up now?"

"I don't know."

"Emily, I've been cheated on, you know that. You know what Kate did to me. I would never do that to anyone…least of all you."

JJ looked at Emily and it broke Emily's heart. JJ had obviously been crying…a lot. Her eyes were puffy and swollen and they didn't have the same brightness that they normally had either. Emily could tell she'd really hurt JJ more than pissed her off.

"I'm an idiot," Emily told JJ. "I'm sorry. I know you would never do that to me."

"You obviously have some doubts about that, Emily."

"I guess…I, uh…I don't know what the issue is." Emily stammered

"Is it because I have been with men as well as women? Are you afraid I'll change my mind?" asked JJ. "That you somehow don't satisfy me so I'll go back to men?"

"Maybe. Shit, I don't know. I just know that this man was trying his damnedest to get you interested in him. Maybe to even get you into bed. And you fell for it. You gave him your card, JJ. Why?"

"I'm not sure, Em. He was a nice guy still hurting over the loss of his father. Look Em…part of my job is to play the game. Every local detective or field office agent is different. I have to read them, like you read unsubs or suspected unsubs, to get the best results and the most cooperation. Sometimes I have to hold a hand, sometimes I have to be tough, and yes, sometimes, I have to flirt."

"I know that, JJ. And it was actually him I was more concerned about than you."

"Well, when he called…"

"He called you!"

JJ put a hand on Emily's arm. "Yes. And when he did, I told him I was involved with someone. He asked me if it was serious and I told him yes…very."

Emily reached over to hold JJ's hand.

"He told me that the guy was very lucky," JJ finished

Emily grinned, "Oh, little does anyone know."

Emily leaned over and kissed JJ chastely since she wasn't sure if JJ had quite forgiven her yet. She got her answer when JJ's tongue flicked against her lips and Emily opened her mouth to deepen the kiss.

"I love you, Jennifer"

"I know you do, Emily. I love you too." JJ said kissing Emily again. "I never pegged you for the jealous type, Emily Prentiss."

"I'm not sure I've ever been before."

"You don't have to worry that you don't satisfy me as a lover, Em. You're the best I've ever had," JJ said kissing Emily again…deeply. "And besides if I did have a 'need' I wanted 'fulfilled', I would simply have gone out and bought a strap-on."

"Really?" Emily asked, raising an eyebrow

"Yeah, really. You, uh, interested?"

"I, um, might be willing to help you out with that, Jayj."

"Would you now, Em? Willing to make that sacrifice are you?"

"Hell yeah!"

Emily said as she kissed JJ and reached for the bottom hem of the hoodie to lift it up over JJ's head. Emily and JJ had made love for the second time ever on that back porch and then the next day, a certain purchase had been made to add to their repertoire…Humberto.

************************************************

Emily smiled again as she thought about the night they had weathered their first fight.

The make-up sex actually made it a very good weekend. Humberto proved to be quite popular…with both of them. Of course that fight was a tiny one compared to the one that happened shortly thereafter. Thoughts of that fight only made Emily cringe and not smile at all.

"Little dude," Emily said watching over her now sleeping son, "You almost didn't happen. Mom screwed up so badly that mommy called her a selfish bitch and told her she didn't want to see her anymore."

Other than the way she felt since JJ had been shot, it was the worst she'd ever felt since starting her relationship with JJ. Emily screwed up…screwed up bad.

Emily lied back on her pillow and thought for sure she'd lie awake all night thinking about that incident but then the impossible happened, fatigued won out and she slept. Thankfully she didn't have to lie awake all night thinking back to when she almost made the biggest mistake of her life.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…**


	15. Prelude

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: The story is rated T but some chapters will be rated M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat. **

**AN4: Thank you so much for the kind reviews. Each and every one of them is special and greatly appreciated. **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

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The next morning, Emily woke up when her son started to cry. She actually felt refreshed and all thoughts of fighting with JJ were gone from her mind. She looked over at Henry and was happy to see her pillows had done the trick and he hadn't moved. She sat up against the headboard and brought her son up to her chest.

"Bonjour, Henri!" Emily said to the now smiling baby.

Emily and JJ often spoke of the easy manner their child had about him. More often than not he was easily settled. He also didn't have a difficult time adjusting to people as was evident by how quickly he took to Donna once he got used to her. This made the amount of travel and time spent away from home easier on his mothers but they did wonder what long-term affects this schedule was going to have on him. Would it make him an easy-going, go with the flow kind of kid and adult or would it end up leaving him feeling abandoned and withdrawn. Luckily, Amanda was cognizant of this and kept a very close eye on his behavior…even at 5 months. JJ had told Emily that, if it looked like their son was suffering because of the time spent apart from his mothers, she would rethink her decision to return to work; at least to the field. There were plenty of departments JJ could transfer to that would give her a more normal Monday-Friday/ 9-5 schedule and any one of them would relish having JJ on their team. Problem was…that's not what JJ wanted. JJ loved working for the BAU and she loved working side-by-side with Emily. Emily was aware of JJ's desire to stay with the BAU so she didn't push it. That's what Haley Hotchner did with Hotch and it broke their marriage when she pushed him to make a choice. That was never going to happen to the Jareau-Prentiss household.

Emily changed Henry's diaper, played with him for a bit, fed him his morning cereal and bottle, and then picked up her cell to call Amanda around 7 a.m. She wanted to get back to the hospital and, as much as she'd like him near, a hospital was no place for a baby. She was pleasantly surprised to find that Amanda was not only awake but also already showered and dressed. She agreed to come down to Emily's room and grab Henry in 15 minutes so that Emily could get ready herself. Emily then called her mother to make sure she would be ready to take her back to the hospital in an hour.

Emily had Henry changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt when she heard a knock on her door. She and Amanda spoke for a little while then Emily knew her time with her son was over for the time being. She was anxious to get back to the hospital to check on JJ.

"Have a good day, little man," Emily said kissing her son on his head. "I love you with all my heart. I'm going to go see how mommy's doing. I'm going to give her a kiss from you okay?"

Henry cooed and put his hands on Emily's face. There was something magical to Emily about the simple gesture of her son touching her face.

"Call me if you need anything. I won't be able to have my cell on if I'm in with JJ so, if you can't reach me, call my mother or Garcia, okay?"

"Okay. Emily?"

"Yes, Amanda"

"Could you maybe have someone call me and let me know how JJ is?"

"I'll call you myself," Emily said to Amanda giving her a hug. In the 3 months that both her and JJ had known Amanda she'd become family. She had to, she watched over their most valuable asset, Henry.

Emily gave Henry another quick kiss and then turned to hop in the shower.

After getting ready, Emily and Elizabeth made their way to the parking lot. It was mostly empty so Emily had no problem noticing that the team's SUVs were gone. They arrived at the hospital about 8:30 that morning. Emily hadn't seen anybody from her team yet but neither had she tried to reach them either. In fact, she all but assumed that they were working the case. Emily's cell rang.

"Good morning, ma chéri," she was greeted by Garcia's sing-song voice

"Good morning, Garcia. Where are you?"

"Fourth floor. ICU. They moved her out of recovery last night. Where are you?"

"Thanks. We're walking into the hospital now. I'll check in with the front desk and meet you up there in couple of minutes."

Emily and Elizabeth got their Visitor's Passes and went to the 4th Floor ICU where they found Garcia, Hotch, and Donna.

"Have they said anything?" Emily asked as soon as she walked in

"Not yet, pumpkin. I told them we were waiting out here." Garcia replied. "News crews bother you?"

The local news affiliates had been doing occasional updates on the search for the local serial killer and on JJ from in front of the hospital since JJ ad been shot. They had a non-stop presence the day JJ went down but they weren't constantly present now.

"No, we came in through one of the side entrances. The news vans were out there though. Vultures!" Emily said as Dr. Harden walked in. The poor man looked like he had spent all night in the hospital like he told Emily he was going to.

"Good morning, all. We moved JJ to ICU last night. She's doing okay…actually a little better than okay. Pulse, oxygen reading, blood gases, all improving. If I dare say, the surgery yesterday greatly increased her chances of making it through this. She might just well have turned a corner."

Emily released the breath she didn't realize she had been holding since Dr. Harden walked into the room. Unexpectedly, she reached out and hugged him taking him by surprise and almost knocking him off balance. She felt him return the embrace and pat her back a couple of times.

"Thank you, Dr. Harden" Emily said as her eyes once again filled with tears

"She's not out of the woods yet, Emily, but I like her chances. I like them much better this morning than I did yesterday."

"I understand"

"She's got a hell of a lot of fight in her."

"Yeah she does," they all said at the same time, which made everybody laugh.

Looking at Emily, Dr. Harden asked, "Would you like to see her?"

Emily smiled and nodded her head vigorously. She started to leave with Dr. Harden when she saw the look on Donna's face and stopped.

"Dr. Harden, could you take JJ's mother back first? She hasn't seen her since she was rushed off to surgery."

"Of course. Follow me Mrs. Jareau."

Donna walked up to Emily and gave her a hug, "Thank you, Emily."

"That was very magnanimous of you, Emily," Hotch said after Donna had followed Dr. Harden beyond the doors that led to the ICU, "How are you this morning?"

"I'm doing better now that I know she made it through the night okay. I didn't think I was going to be able to sleep but I did. Fell asleep around 10 or so and didn't wake up until Henry cried a little after 6."

"You were exhausted, cupcake," said Garcia

"Where are the guys?"

"They are following up on a couple of leads with the locals and then are headed over to Eau Claire this afternoon. Did someone catch you up on the case?" Hotch asked

"Morgan came by my room last night. Fingers crossed right?"

"Yes. I'd like to catch this guy before he hurts someone else," the Unit Chief said

"I'm going to go get some coffee. Would anyone else like a cup?" Elizabeth asked

Garcia volunteered to go with Emily's mother and they left after getting everyone's order leaving Emily alone with Hotch.

"Thanks for yesterday, Hotch."

"Sure, Emily. I meant what I said,"

"I know. And logically, I know I can't blame myself for JJ needing additional surgery, but it's hard considering the timing of everything."

"No you can't. You know that. I'm glad she's doing better today."

"Me too, Hotch. Me too."

The two colleagues sat in the room and discussed the case when Elizabeth and Garcia came back with their drinks. About five minutes later, Donna came back out. Emily could see that she'd been crying. Emily walked over to her and gave her another hug.

"She looks so fragile. I'm not used to seeing her like that." Donna told Emily when they broke the embrace.

"I know. Me either." Emily said, "Did they say if I could go back now?"

Donna nodded her head and Emily looked at the others then turned and went to go see JJ.

Emily walked to the intercom to request admission into the ICU which was granted. The ICU was set up with the nurses' station in the middle with 10 individual rooms radiating from the center station. Each room had solid wall partitions and a glass front panel but no actual front door allowing each patient to be constantly monitored. Emily was directed to bed number three and went to go sit with JJ.

Emily was never going to get used to the sight of JJ lying there so helpless. The ventilator was keeping a steady rhythm; the machines were beeping in time. They had removed the tape that had been covering her eyes so that made things a little better but until JJ could at least have the endotracheal tube removed; it wasn't going to look like JJ. Emily made her way to JJ's bedside and gave her a tiny kiss on her forehead before sitting in the chair that was next to her bed.

"Your color's looking a little better, Jayj. Dr. Harden thinks you may have turned the corner. He sounds a lot more optimistic today than he did yesterday." Emily said as she took JJ's hand gently into hers. "God I missed touching you."

Emily sat in the chair besides JJ's bed and told her about the conversation Donna and Elizabeth had, the conversation she had with her mother afterward, and, of course, Henry.

"It was so nice to spend time with him last night, JJ. He really is such a good little boy. We have an amazing son. Amanda has him now but, as soon as you wake up, I'm going to try and sneak him in to see you."

Talking to JJ about spending time with Henry the night before reminded Emily of that first fight, which, of course, led her to remembering the biggest fight they had ever had. The one that threatened to stop everything before it really even got started.

"God I was an ass." Emily said to herself as she thought about that fight.

***************************************************

The events leading up to that argument were awful. Frank, the serial killer that got away from the team when they were in Golconda, Nevada, showed up in Washington D.C. and killed a friend of Gideon's in Gideon's apartment no less. Sarah was slaughtered in the one place where someone should feel safe…his or her own home, or at least the home of a very good friend that also happens to be an FBI agent. Frank had returned with a vengeance to strike at the BAU, specifically Jason Gideon. Crazy Jane, Frank's girlfriend that had escaped with him in Golconda, had become frightened of him and came to D.C. to find Gideon. Emily and the rest of the team were back at the office after most of them had witnessed Frank and Crazy Jane end their lives by jumping in front of a train. Their spirits may have been buoyed when JJ and Reid had been part of a successful rescue of a young girl Frank had held hostage but another girl besides Sarah had been murdered and they were all still trying to shake off the horrific loss their friend and colleague had just endured.

Emily was just finishing up some paperwork and was getting ready to head over to JJ's when the phone on her desk rang. It was Section Chief Erin Strauss, whom they all referred to as The Dragon Lady, requesting that Emily come to her office.

"_I wonder what the fuck she wants_?" Emily thought to herself

Emily, of course, did as requested and found herself sitting in Strauss' office about 10 minutes later; and about 10 minutes after that, Emily found out exactly what Strauss had on her mind. Strauss wanted Hotch out as Unit Chief of the BAU and, what was worse, she wanted Emily's help in getting that done. Emily found out during that meeting that it was Strauss that pulled the strings to get Emily into the BAU to begin with for the sole purpose of eventually cashing in the favor. Strauss had incorrectly assumed that, as an Ambassador's daughter, Emily would be all about playing political games. That Emily had never had to work for anything in her life and would welcome a finely greased wheel to get the plumb assignment that she wanted so badly. Problem was, Strauss had no idea that integrity to Emily was more than just a Chinese symbol tattooed on her hip.

Sitting in that chair and finding all of this out made Emily feel like a small insignificant cog, a pawn if you will, in Erin Strauss' little game. Strauss felt threatened by Hotch and was going to do everything in her power to make that happen. A split second later, Emily found out exactly what that everything entailed.

"Of course, there are other things to consider too, Agent Prentiss. Rumors that I hear are not exactly rumors. I've heard you've _liaised_ quite a bit with a member of your team."

There it was. Emily swallowed hard and felt her stomach start to tie in knots. Outwardly she kept herself professional; she wasn't going to give Strauss the satisfaction of letting her watch her sweat, but inside her heart was thumping and she felt nauseous. That she chose the word liaise certainly gave Emily every impression that Strauss knew about her relationship with JJ.

"I trust you'll make the right decision, Agent Prentiss. Loyalty to me can open a lot of doors for you and keep many private things in the…closet." Strauss oozed.

A crushed Emily left the office and went straight to her condo in DC. Her head was spinning so badly she hadn't even called JJ first to let her know she wasn't going to be by her house that evening. For the past three months, Emily had spent almost every evening with JJ and on the rare occasion she hadn't, Emily had always let JJ know beforehand.

Emily pulled her car into her garage and sat there. How did Strauss possibly know about her and JJ? And, if Strauss knew, who else did? Did Hotch know? As far as Emily knew, besides of course her and JJ, only Garcia, JJ's family, and her mother knew about the two of them. Did Garcia slip? Surly Garcia wouldn't have done it on purpose. Did JJ slip? All Emily knew was that she hadn't slipped; everyone else was suspect.

Emily's cell phone rang, "Hey, where are you?" JJ asked

"I'm not feeling very well, Jayj, so I came home."

"You're in D.C.?" JJ asked, "What's wrong?" she worried

"My stomach's upset." Emily said not really lying. Her stomach was upset and she felt like she was going to throw up.

"Do you want me to come out there?"

"No, honey. I'm okay. I'm sorry I didn't call you. I just wanted to get home and I wasn't thinking clearly." Emily knew that JJ would be out there in a heartbeat if she didn't do her best to dissuade her from doing so. As much as she loved JJ, she needed time alone to think about what she was going to do about Strauss. "I'm just going to drink some ginger ale and then go to bed early."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, baby. I'll be fine. This afternoon must be catching up with me."

"Okay. Call me if you need anything."

"I promise." Emily said, "Jennifer?"

"Yes."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Em."

The next few days for Emily were horrible. Strauss was pressuring her to divulge inside dirt on her team for the express reason of using it to oust Hotch. Even though she was relatively new to the team and still trying to find her niche, she was beginning to think of these people as her family. Emily had no first hand knowledge regarding the shooting the agent she had replaced had been involved in but JJ had shared her suspicions that Elle had probably shot the guy unprovoked. They both knew about the change in Reid's behavior since the Henkel case and that it was more than likely caused by an abuse of some kind of drug. Then there was the relationship between her and JJ that was going on right under Hotch's nose that he knew nothing about. All of these things going on under Hotch's watch could cause him great trouble. Both her and JJ had discussed letting him in on their little secret, but the truth was, neither of them were ready to come out. They weren't so much afraid of the coming out aspect of the issue but rather, neither of them wanted to risk being reassigned to other departments or relieved of duty all together because of the Bureau's policy against intradepartmental fraternization.

The biggest cause of Emily's grief, however, was the fact she was having a hard time keeping this problem with Strauss from JJ. Emily had pulled back since the conversation with the Section Chief. She tried to cover up the strife she was under by telling JJ she wasn't feeling well or she was busy but she could tell JJ wasn't buying it. After putting JJ off for three consecutive days, Emily was glad they caught a case in Arizona. At least it gave her something else to focus on. She was hoping that Strauss wouldn't pester her for answers while her attention was supposed to be focused on finding the killer of three college students but that obviously wasn't the case when Strauss called her yet again when she was in Arizona.

Emily wanted to so badly to tell JJ what was happening. Her gut told her she needed to but she wanted to protect her girlfriend. She wasn't going to let JJ get caught up in the middle of this power trip Strauss was pulling. "_But she is caught up in this, you idiot. She is caught right smack dab in the middle of this crap_," Emily reasoned with herself yet she couldn't somehow find a way to let JJ know.

"You move around enough you get used to being whoever people want you to be," she told JJ as they were walking around the campus of the small college. JJ had been talking about college life – and about the discovery that she liked girls and trying to figure out who she was - but Emily's words held even more meaning. But goddamnit if Emily was going to be who Strauss wanted her to be, so Emily did the unthinkable…she made the decision to quit the FBI. What's more, she did it without telling JJ.

After the team returned from Arizona, Emily took JJ out to dinner. She tried to make things as normal as possible. She had made a huge decision that would have an enormous impact on their relationship, probably even end it. Again she told herself that she needed to tell JJ what was going on but she knew if she did, JJ would to be the one that wanted to make the sacrifices so that Emily could keep the job she'd worked so hard to get, her dream job. Emily wasn't going to let that happen. So she pretended that everything was normal. Pretended that she didn't feel this pressure from Strauss and just tried to enjoy her evening with JJ. And when they made love that night, for the first time in a week, Emily made love to JJ like it was the last time she was ever going to have the opportunity. As an exhausted JJ fell asleep in her arms that night, Emily silently cried and prayed she was doing the right thing. "_Please forgive me, JJ. I'm doing this for you and I hope you understand that_," Emily thought to herself

The next morning, Emily was gone from JJ's house before JJ woke up. Emily crept out of JJ's house that morning and, more than likely, out of JJ's life. Knowing that JJ would start to call her as soon as she woke up and saw that she was gone, Emily turned off her cell phone. She went to a coffee shop and then to a park not only to clear her head but also to wait for JJ to be well into her day so that she could sneak into the office without being seen. Emily needed to get this done without JJ present.

Emily's plan worked and JJ was nowhere to be found when she made her way to Hotch's office. She was surprised to find Strauss sitting there but continued to proceed with her plan anyway. It was actually fitting that the Dragon Lady was there so she could see her face as she informed Hotch of her decision.

"Sorry to interrupt," Emily began, "Sir, I've decided to resign from the FBI…effective immediately."

"I don't understand," a confused Hotch replied

"I'm taking the Foreign Service Exam. With my connections, ah, I stand a good chance of landing in the State Department." Emily simply answered trying to make this as easy on her as possible. Emily worked so hard and overcame what many people would have perceived as a bonus but she considered a hindrance, her mother's connections, to finally land her dream job.

"Prentiss, I think that's a mistake." Hotch countered

"Well don't try to talk me out of it. Garcia saw my name on the list and she already tried. If she can't talk someone out of doing something no one can," Emily replied with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Emily felt her life shattering right in front of her. She couldn't even take delight that Strauss was pissed that her perfect plan was ruined.

"Sorry for the interruption," Emily said as she turned to leave. She stopped and added, "But sir, it's good to see you back. The team needs you." were Emily's final parting words as she looked directly at Strauss. "Ma'am."

Emily did one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do...she turned in her badge and gun then headed home. She turned on her phone briefly and eight voicemails popped up, two from Garcia and six from JJ – each increasing from worry, to frustration, to anger.

"Where the hell are you, Emily." JJ's last voicemail began. Emily could tell she was alone, probably in her hotel room wherever the team was, and she could tell that JJ was pissed. "I wake up this morning and you're gone. And now I hear you've quit the Bureau. What the fuck, Em? Did you quit us too? Is that what last night was all about? Fuck me and then leave like I mean nothing to you? I know something's been up with you for more than a week now. Talk to me. Did I do something to piss you off? We can talk about whatever it is." Emily could hear JJ's voice start to break at the end. Her last sentence was barely a whisper, "I love you, Emily" Emily listened to that last message a dozen times that night if only to hear JJ's last four words.

The next day, Emily sat on her couch still numb. Walking away from JJ was the hardest thing she'd ever done but she had to, at least for now. She didn't want Strauss to out JJ and she didn't want JJ to lose her job…she loved her too much to let that happen. Emily was willing to give up her job and take the Foreign Service Exam for JJ. If she were able to get a job with the State Department in D.C., maybe JJ would take her back. But Emily knew the likelihood of that wasn't every good, especially considering all of the different languages that she spoke. If she were going to end up on the other side of the world, ending it now with JJ would be easier than ending it later. She felt broken and totally destroyed by Strauss and her games. How dare she play with people's lives? Emily felt tears start to form in her eyes when she heard a knock on her door. She looked through her peephole and was dismayed to find Hotch on the other side.

Hotch told Emily the team needed their help on a brutal case in Milwaukee where an unsub was literally cutting the hearts out of his female victims. Ironically, that's exactly how Emily felt. Emily flat out told Hotch she couldn't go. It was only then that Emily learned that Hotch had put in for a transfer. Emily knew there was another reason for Hotch to come asking for her help. She knew that Hotch suspected Strauss was up to something and had put Emily in the middle.

"Why are you really here?" she asked her former superior

"I think Strauss came to you and asked for dirt on me," he stated.

Emily took a deep breath and shoved her hands into her pockets.

"Why would she do that?" Emily asked with barely controlled anger. Not only had Strauss completely fucked up her dream job but also effectively ended the best relationship that Emily had ever had.

"I think when you have your eyes on top leadership at the FBI you want to know who might stand in your way."

Emily took a step towards Hotch, "And what could I have told her?"

"That one of my agents might have murdered a suspect in cold blood. Or another might have a serious drug problem which I didn't report and if Strauss had any evidence, my career would be over."

Emily looked at Hotch. If he knew this much, did he already know about her and JJ? She looked quickly away.

"I think she put you on our team and expected something in return. And to your credit, you quit rather than whisper in her ear," he continued

"I told you, I hate politics," Emily said feeling Hotch looking at her and she wondered if he knew what she was about to say next.

"Those aren't the only cards that Strauss is holding, sir."

Hotch turned his prominent chin at little to his left and looked at her.

"Something you want to tell me, Prentiss?"

Emily looked at her feet. She contemplated whether or not it would be better just to tell Hotch her mind was made up and refuse his request; sometimes running away was the easiest thing to do. But if Emily truly loved JJ the way she thought she did, wasn't JJ worth fighting for? Taking a deep breath, Emily told her Unit Chief the last little piece of dirt that Strauss was holding over her…and Hotch.

"I've, um…I'm, crap," Emily started

"What is it?"

"It's JJ sir."

"What about JJ? Something I should know?" Hotch's hawk like eyes narrowed at her. It was then that Emily knew that Hotch really didn't know anything about her relationship with the team's press liaison.

Emily blew out a puff of air, "JJ and I have been spending a lot of time together."

Hotch looked at her, the implication of what she was saying still not quite registering.

"We're seeing each other, sir," Emily said

Hotch shook his head and if to wrap his head around what he had been told, "I'm not sure I understand. You two are romantically involved?"

"Yes."

"For how long?" the stunned Unit Chief asked

"A little over three months, sir."

"Three months? You two have been involved in a relationship for three months?"

"Yes. Or at least we were."

"Were?'

"I wasn't going to out JJ, sir. I don't want her to lose her job. So I sort of broke it off."

"Sort of?" Hotch asked, "Did you or didn't you?"

Emily turned her back to him. She didn't want him to see how much this pained her. She felt his hand on her shoulder as he turned her back around.

"You're in love with her aren't you?"

"Yes." Emily said softly, "But that doesn't matter anymore because I think I've rather fucked that up quite nicely."

"How so?"

Was Hotch really concerned that she had screwed up things with JJ? His reaction wasn't exactly how she would have imagined it. She had expected her rigid, straight-laced boss to be appalled at the thought of two of his subordinates being involved in a lesbian relationship.

"I haven't told JJ any of this. About Strauss. I didn't even tell her I quit the Bureau or applied to take the Foreign Service Exam."

"Did you think you were just going to walk out of her life?" Hotch asked. "Don't you think you two could have fought through this together? Don't you think she deserves that chance, Emily?"

Emily looked up at her ceiling. She knew her boss was right, she knew JJ deserved that chance. "I just didn't want her to suffer with me."

"So you left her to suffer alone?"

Emily would find out later that Hotch was going through many of the same emotions she was going through in his own life. Emily didn't know at the time that earlier that day, Hotch came to suspect his wife was sleeping with somebody else and, by the time they returned from Milwaukee, Haley would have packed up their son, Jack, and moved out of their house.

"I didn't know what else to do."

"You could have told me. I would have tried to help. Tried to protect you two."

Emily knew she hadn't handled the whole situation correctly. Could Hotch have helped? She'd never know because she hadn't given him the chance. And now things were so clearly fucked up with JJ.

"Come to Milwaukee. I'll make you a deal," Hotch said, "If your ready bag isn't here, packed, I won't bug you any more. If it is, I want you on that plane with me. One more case and then we'll try to figure out what to do about everything else."

Emily hesitated, "I already turned in my badge and my gun."

"That's just hardware," her boss said

Emily took a deep breath and the two of them headed to Milwaukee…and JJ.

**AN5: Sorry to leave you all hanging but this chapter worked better split in two parts to get it right. Next week…the fight.**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…**


	16. Fighting for Us

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: Thank you to everyone that has taken the time to review and/or send PM's.**

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

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JJ looked surprised to see Emily when she entered the room where the team had set up operation. She gave Emily a big smile. "_Is she really glad to see me or just happy for the extra help_," Emily thought to herself. JJ quickly started to catch both her and Hotch up on the case when Strauss came walking into the room. Emily could see that Strauss was shocked and not exactly happy to see either her or Hotch.

"We're only here to help," Emily told the Dragon Lady as Strauss looked to her and then back over to Hotch.

"We'll deal with this later," Strauss said looking at Hotch.

Emily then looked over at JJ who gave her a smirk. Emily flicked her eyebrow in response. Emily knew they had their own shit to deal with later.

Before Emily and Hotch had arrived, the team had discovered through the surveillance footage from the latest crime scene, that a little boy about the age of nine was being used to lure women to their unsub. They surmised that a man was using his son to make the women he eventually killed walk away with him quietly.

By speaking with local school guidance counselors, JJ and Reid came up with a possible lead, David Smith, who's mother walked out on him and his father when his father was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and only given a short time to live. This caused David's father, Joe, to hate women and to act out his revenge against his ex-wife by physically carving the hearts out of innocent women like his heart metaphorically had been. JJ and Reid went to speak with David in his class only to find that the school nurse had taken David home when he claimed to be sick.

The team quickly gathered at the Smith home. Fearing for the nurse's safety, Emily talked Hotch into letting her try and coax her way into the little boy's house using the ruse of being a woman there to meet David's father. Morgan gave Emily his back-up weapon since she had turned hers in. The ruse worked, David let Emily into the house, and Emily was able to find the school nurse in the basement…alive. However, Joe Smith had the jump on her and surprised her from behind. He whacked her in the head with a two-by-four just as she turned to face him, causing her gun to fall to the floor. Lying on the ground, dizzy, she was finally able to get the signal to the team that they had cause to enter the house. Joe Smith gave his son Emily's gun and David had it turned on her when the team burst through the basement door. Hotch was able to coax the gun away from David and the scene was secure. JJ ran straight to Emily to make sure she was okay, calling for an ambulance to treat the nasty gash that was on Emily's forehead.

Blood pouring out of the wound on her head, Emily sat at the back of the ambulance so that paramedics could assess her at the scene.

"Is it weird that I'm glad to be back?" she asked Hotch

"We've got a lot to work out first but I'll make sure it stays official," the Unit Chief replied. "There's someone else that you need to have a conversation with too, you know."

Emily sighed, "My head hurts so badly. Is it naïve of me to hope it can wait for a couple of days?"

Hotch gave her a slight smile

"No, huh?"

Hotch shook his head as he walked away.

Seven hours and a few stitches later, JJ walked Emily gingerly into her condo and up the stairs to her bedroom. JJ made sure that Emily was comfortable and didn't need anything. Other than the case and concern once Emily had been injured, Emily had noticed that JJ really hadn't said much else to her all day. Emily was hoping she'd get the chance to clear things up with JJ now that they were alone but JJ surprised her by going into Emily's closet and packing up an extra ready-bag she had in there with the clothes that had made their way into Emily's home.

"JJ what are you doing?" Emily asked

JJ didn't answer her but rather kept folding her clothes into the bag. Emily could see that JJ was in a very controlled rage.

"Jennifer?"

JJ stopped what she was doing and glared at Emily with eyes that were icy cold.

"You really need to ask me that, Emily? What does it look like I'm doing?"

Emily's head hurt. She didn't need this but knew damn well she deserved it. Shutting JJ out wasn't the right thing to do. She had been trying to protect JJ but had seemingly hurt her more that Strauss ever could.

"Let's talk about this, Jayj."

"The time to talk was a week ago, Emily. I am so not interested in any fucking thing you have to say."

Emily closed her eyes. She could both hear and feel every throb in her head. The doctor at the hospital had told her she didn't have a concussion but would probably have a hell of a headache. Boy, were they ever right. Emily walked over to JJ and put her hand on JJ's arm to stop her from packing. JJ angrily pulled her arm away.

"JJ…" Emily tried to begin.

"When were you going to tell me you quit, Emily? Today? Next week? Ever?" JJ was the angriest Emily had ever seen her. Emily had hurt her with the misunderstanding about Will LaMontagne. This had pissed JJ off.

"I didn't know how to tell you, JJ"

"Tell me what, Emily? I still don't know what the fuck this is all about. I had to find out my girlfriend quit the FBI and signed up to take the Foreign Service exam from Garcia. Garcia called me to ask me why you quit. How the fuck do you think that made me feel, Emily?" JJ said as she resumed her packing.

"JJ please stop packing for a second so I can talk to you."

"You want me gone, I'm gone. I'm so finished here. You want to pack up and move overseas, have at it. You won't have to consider me at all."

"JJ, I can't talk to you when you're like this. I…"

"Like this? Apparently you can't talk to me at all," JJ seethed. "Know what? Fuck it. I'll pick up the rest of my stuff later. I'm outta here. It's been a really long day."

"JJ!" Emily's head was throbbing. Emily realized that she was the one that had essentially broken up with JJ but she severely underestimated how she was really going to feel when it happened. Emily realized then and there that breaking up with JJ was the last thing she wanted. Unfortunately JJ was so pissed off Emily wasn't able to get JJ to stop and listen to her. Emily pinched the bridge of her nose – a habit she'd picked up from JJ – as she watch JJ storm out of her bedroom carrying her ready-bag.

"JJ, goddamnit wait!" Emily shouted, "Strauss knows!" It was the only thing Emily could think to shout that might get JJ to stop…and it worked. JJ stopped at the top of Emily's stairs and slowly turned around.

"Strauss knows? That's what this is all about?"

"Yes"

"And you couldn't tell me that?"

"I didn't want you to worry. About us. About losing your job."

JJ let out a breathy laugh, "So you just decided to handle this all alone. What happened to 'us', Emily? I thought we were a couple. I thought we worked through things together. Why did you shut me out?"

"She wasn't blackmailing you?"

"Blackmail?"

Emily got JJ to stop and listen to her explain the whole ordeal. How she'd been called to Strauss' office that day and essentially blackmailed into trying to sabotage Hotch's career. Emily watched a range of emotions fly across JJ's face as she listened.

"So I quit rather than take you down with me." Emily finished

JJ looked at her and took a deep breath, "That wasn't your decision to make…at least not alone, Emily. I thought I was part of something here. We could have figured out what to do together. I've been suffering right along with you, Em. But…I've been doing it alone and without a clue as to what was really going on." Emily could see that JJ was calming down a little

"That's what Hotch said."

"WHAT?" JJ yelled getting riled up again. "When did you talk to Hotch about this?"

"When he came to ask if I would go with him to Milwaukee."

"And what did you tell him, Emily? Did you tell him about our relationship?"

"Yes. I told him we were seeing each other."

Emily watched as JJ turned around and started heading down the stairs.

"JJ?"

"So you could talk to our boss out this but you couldn't talk to the one you allegedly love? Couldn't let her help make a decision that affected her life too?" JJ said as she bounded down the stairs.

"JJ I do love you. You know that. This has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through."

"Right. YOU'VE had to go through. Not us. Not together. You don't get it do you?"

"I get it and I'm sorry."

"Doesn't help. Not this time. You quit the FBI, Emily, and you quit us. Maybe the Bureau is going to take you back but I don't think I can."

Emily watched JJ from the top of the stairs as she grabbed her purse and her keys. She stopped at the kitchen counter. JJ put both her purse and her ready-bag down. Emily watched her do something but couldn't see what it was since JJ had her back towards her. JJ turned back around and looked up at Emily standing on the landing. Emily could see that JJ had tears in her eyes.

"Goddamnit! You're such a selfish bitch, Emily!"

"JJ…"

"NO, Emily!! I don't want to hear it. If we can't talk about things that affect both of us, then we can't talk about anything. We could have figured out what to do, what was best for us…together. But there is no us is there, Emily? What about me and the way that I feel? Did you ever once give that a second thought?"

Emily couldn't answer that because JJ was right. She hadn't thought about things from JJ's point of view.

"I didn't think so."

Emily wanted to tell JJ to stay but she also knew there would be no talking to JJ right now. Not in the current state that she was in. Emily watched as JJ picked up her bags and her keys and headed towards the door.

"Goodbye, Emily," was all she said before she left.

Emily sat on the top step. Numb was the only way to describe how she felt. Emily knew she was the one that put this plan into motion but also realized it was the dumbest thing she could have ever done. JJ was right. She was being selfish. That little nagging voice kept telling her all along to talk to JJ. She heard JJ's Mustang start and drive off as JJ gunned it down the street. Emily looked at her kitchen counter and then realized what JJ had left there. Her key. The key that Emily had given her to her condo. Emily stood up and got dizzy. Her head was killing her. She knew it was from getting hit in the head with the two-by-four but this thing with JJ didn't help. Emily slowly made her way down the stairs. "_You need to fix this, Prentiss. Do not let her walk out of your life,_" she told herself. "_You love her too much to give this up. Fuck the dream job, you're stupid if you walk away from your dream girl." _Emily grabbed the lone key off the counter and clipped it onto her key ring. She grabbed her purse and headed out the door.

Emily parked in the driveway of JJ's house rather than the garage. JJ was already going to be mad about her being here she didn't need to compound it by parking in her garage. Knowing that JJ probably wouldn't let her in, Emily used her key to let herself in. JJ had a good 20-minute jump on her so she wasn't sure where exactly in the house she would find the blonde. Emily saw the bag dropped right inside the front door but JJ was nowhere to be found. Quietly walking through the kitchen, Emily saw the bottle of Jack Daniels and an empty can of Diet Coke on the counter. JJ rarely drank anything harder than wine or beer but when she did it was usually either a martini or, if she wanted something quicker, Jack and Diet Coke.

JJ walked back inside from out on her back porch with a glass in her hand that contained only ice. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Emily standing in her kitchen. Emily saw JJ had been crying.

"I knew I should have asked for your key back." JJ said

"JJ…"

"Go home, Emily. And leave your key on your way out. I don't have the strength to fight with you anymore." JJ said turning to head back out to her porch.

"Jennifer, please give me a couple of minutes to explain. Afterwards if you still want me to leave I will. Promise. Just hear me out for a sec." Emily pleaded

JJ stopped but kept her back to Emily.

"JJ?"

JJ turned around and Emily could see that fresh tears had filled her eyes. Emily felt awful. She knew she should have listened to that stupid nagging voice inside her head. She watched as JJ set her glass down on the coffee table and folded her arms across her chest.

"Jennifer, I'm so sorry for the way I handled things. I thought I was protecting you. Please know that was my only intention. I wasn't trying to shut you out. I didn't want you to get hurt and, I realize now, that I hurt you even more."

Emily watched as the tears started to fall from JJ's eyes and then suddenly realized her own tears were falling too.

"Do you know why this hurts so much, Emily?"

Emily didn't answer.

"It hurts because I trusted you. I don't trust Strauss. I would expect this shit from her. I'm not in love with her. I'm in love with you. And you took that and crapped all over it. I'm strong enough to deal with whatever life throws our way, Emily. I know that a lot of people in this world, including Strauss, don't think same sex relationships are right. That they think we're going to burn in hell. I can deal with the stares and the inappropriate comments, the stupidity, the hate…as long as I thought we were going to deal with it together."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I was wrong not to discuss this with you." Emily said. "JJ just because I quit the Bureau, I wasn't quitting us. I was going to take the Foreign Service Exam and hope the State Department kept me local. I was hoping my mother could help make that happen."

"Yeah because the likelihood of that happening is good, right? They long for people with your knack for languages. You speak seven different languages…"

"More really when you consider the different dialects," Emily corrected

JJ just stared at her like she stared at Reid sometimes when he started to off on a tangent.

"Sorry."

"You speak so many different languages. You don't think the State Department would post you somewhere overseas?"

"I made a bad decision, JJ. But I made it with the right intentions."

"You hurt me, Emily. I never thought you would but you did."

"I know I did…and I'm sorry," Emily said reaching to pull JJ towards her. Emily was shocked when JJ rebuffed her gesture and pulled away. "Okay, Jayj. I'll leave like I promised I would."

Emily turned to leave stopping to place her key to JJ's house on the table in the entry hall. She looked back at JJ and could see JJ sobbing and that her body was shaking from across the room. It broke Emily's heart that she made the best thing that had ever happened to her feel so much pain.

"I love you, Jennifer…and I always will." Emily said as she turned to walk out the door. Emily watched JJ turn her back to her. She knew she promised she would leave but she couldn't stand watching JJ hurt. Why didn't she listen to that voice that told her that they should worked through this problem together? In the past, whenever she'd hit a rough patch with a lover, she'd always just walked away but Emily loved JJ more than she had ever loved anybody else and wasn't ready to let her go. After standing there for what seemed like hours but was probably really only a minute or two, she crossed the room back over to where JJ was standing.

Emily wrapped her arms around JJ's waist from behind, fully expecting to have JJ pull away. She held on tighter when she did and waited for JJ to struggle against her embrace again. "Let me go, Emily," JJ said as she tried to get Emily to release the grip she had around her waist.

Emily whispered into JJ's ear, "JJ, we've both said that whenever things got hard with a lover before, we've run. We've both said we didn't want to run from each other. Well things have gotten hard for us, Jayj…I'm still here. I don't want to run from you."

"You were running from me, Emily. That's what this is all about." JJ said as she tried to pull away again.

Emily held on tighter, "I swear I wasn't running from you, JJ. I was running from the job and Strauss finding out. I was running from Strauss trying to use our relationship to destroy Hotch's career…and yours. I know I didn't think this all the way through. I know I fucked up in a major way but I do love you. I was wrong for handling things the way I did but I never stopped loving you, not even for one second."

Emily was ready for JJ to try to break away again but was surprised when instead JJ finally relaxed, placed her hands on hers, and leaned back into her. Emily held onto JJ as if her life depended on it and, the fact that JJ let her, gave her hope that they could work through this. They both stood there in JJ's house holding onto each other and crying until Emily decided she could speak.

"I love you, Jennifer, and I am so sorry that I hurt you," she whispered hoarsely while resting her chin on JJ's shoulder.

JJ turned around in her arms. JJ's face was red, all traces of whatever make-up she had been wearing washed away, her eyes swollen and puffy; she was a mess but to Emily she was still the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. Emily stroked away JJ's tears with her thumb and then ran her thumb across JJ's lips leaving it resting at the corner of her mouth. Emily's eyes were lock with JJ's as she leaned in and kissed her. She made no pretense of keeping it chaste or hesitant. Tasting the remnants of JJ's Jack and Coke, she kissed JJ passionately and with every ounce of emotion she had for the woman that she loved. JJ accepted Emily's invading tongue and the two kissed in the middle of JJ's family room until they were breathless. After pulling apart, Emily rested her forehead against JJ's.

"God, I love you, JJ" Emily said through her tears

"I love you too, Em, and that's why this hurt so much. You were ready to walk away from us. To give up what we feel and what we have. The thought of you not being in my life is unbearable." JJ said as fresh tears started to fall

Emily kissed JJ again. She was so happy JJ was willing to talk about this problem. Was willing to let her back in. The two women stopped kissing when again the need for air became too much.

"Emily, if we're going to be able to get past this, I need you to promise me one thing. It's the only thing that I will ever ask of you."

"Whatever it is JJ, I'll do it."

"I need you to promise me that we will work out whatever problems we have, or that lie ahead in our future, one way and one way only…Together."

Emily placed her hand on JJ's cheek, "I promise. If you take me back, I promise you that's they only way I will ever handle our problems."

"Emily, I mean it. You kept your feelings about Will LaMontagne inside until it became a fight that didn't have to happen. You could have talked to me about it rather than let it upset you. And this thing with Strauss, it's almost unforgivable."

Emily looked at JJ

"Almost, Emily, almost. I love you too much to not try and work things out but you've hurt me. Deeply."

"I know I have. And I am truly, truly sorry. I thought I was doing what was best for you but I was wrong. Please know that I didn't want to leave you. The thought was killing me. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, JJ."

"I love you, Emily."

Emily wrapped JJ in her arms and held her. Were things really going to be okay between them? Had they been able to weather this storm? They still had a long road ahead of them. They had the Bureau and it's red tape to negotiate. They still had to have a conversation with Hotch. They still needed to tell the rest of their team about their relationship. But Emily knew now that at least they were going to do all this together and she actually found comfort in that thought. Too bad she didn't realize that would be the case before she decided to do things her way. Together was a much nicer feeling than standing alone on an island. She was just happy she hadn't managed to fuck this all up after all. That there seemed to be a lot of forgiveness in the heart of her young, blonde lover and she had every intention of keeping the promise made in the middle of JJ's family room…hopefully for the rest of her life.

Emily felt JJ pull slightly away from her. Emily could see that the love and light that were normally in JJ's eyes was starting to come back. It was so much better than the icy cold stare that she had received earlier in her bedroom.

JJ lightly ran her fingers across the bandage that Emily had on her forehead.

"How's your head?"

"Not throbbing as much as it was a little while ago."

JJ led Emily to her couch, sat down, and pulled Emily closer allowing Emily to rest her head against her shoulder.

"I was scared when I walked into that basement earlier, Emily. My heart skipped a beat when I saw your bloodied face," JJ said as she stroked up and down Emily's arm.

"I'm okay, JJ. Especially now."

JJ lightly kissed the wound on Emily's head and then wrapped her arm around her tighter.

"So, ah, you told Hotch about us?"

"Yes."

"What was his reaction?"

"Um, it was okay. I think he was more surprised to find out a relationship between two members of his team was going on under his nose than to find out who was involved in it. He said we would need to talk more about it. I think that means the three of us."

"I guess that means we'll have to clue in the rest of the team too."

"Might as well; everyone else seems to know."

"I guess it's real now." JJ said softly

"What do you mean?"

"I've always shied away from letting people into my personal life. I've never let anybody except Garcia know about anyone I've ever gone out with. Now everyone's going to know…and know that I'm gay."

Emily sat up and looked at JJ. "I'm not comfortable with it either JJ but I think it will eventually make us even stronger."

JJ remained quiet

"JJ, I've never been out before. I don't let a lot of people know about my sexual preference. That's one reason why relationships have been so few and far between for me. I've always hesitated to let people see who I am. And it was another reason why I let this situation with Strauss push me away from you. Not only was I trying to protect you, I was trying to protect myself."

Emily leaned in and kissed JJ.

"I love you, JJ. And if we do this the right way, your way, maybe we won't have to be so afraid. I should have seen it. That there is more strength together than alone."

"Wow, you've really jumped on the together bandwagon, haven't you?" JJ said with a bit of a laugh

"I'm just so happy I didn't ruin this forever. I know we've got some stuff to work through with us and with the job but, right now, lying in your arms, that's the only the only thing that matters." Emily said settling back down to place her head on JJ.

"I love you, Em"

"I love you too, Jennifer"

The events of the past few hours had thoroughly exhausted both of them and they fell asleep on JJ's couch. They were awakened by the sound of JJ's cell phone ringing. JJ picked up the phone from the coffee table in front of the couch where she had left it.

"Agent Jareau," she answered sleepily

"JJ, its Hotch," their Unit Chief said, "I know I gave the team the day off but I need you and Prentiss in my office this morning. Is she with you or do I need to call her, too?"

"She's here. I can tell her." JJ said as Emily sat up to watch her

"Fine. It's 8:30 now; Strauss has called for a meeting at 10. The sooner you two can get here the more time we'll have to discuss a game plan."

"Yes, sir."

"JJ? Are things okay between the two of you?"

"They will be." JJ said reaching up to cup Emily's cheek with her hand.

"Good. I'm glad…for both of you." Hotch said, "I'll see you both when you get here."

JJ told Emily about the meeting and the two agents hurriedly got ready to head to the office without saying much to one another. Emily finished before JJ did and went to the kitchen to pour them each a cup of coffee to go.

Emily felt JJ slip her arms around her waist and then press her body up against her. Emily turned around and looked at JJ.

"Are we okay?" Emily asked

"We will be. Like you said last night. We still have a lot to work out…and not just with each other."

Emily leaned in to kiss JJ softly but the kiss didn't stay that way. Emily broke away from the breathtaking kiss to move her mouth to JJ's neck.

"I was hoping to spend our day off making love with you." Emily whispered into JJ's ear as she gently took JJ's earlobe between her teeth.

"Mmmm," JJ groaned, " That sounds so much better than where we're headed."

"I love you, JJ. No matter what happens today, remember that okay?" Emily said placing her forehead against JJ's and accidentally hitting the gash that was there, "Ouch, fuck!"

"Are you okay?" JJ asked

"Yes. Jesus that hurt."

"I love you too, Emily." JJ said as she gently tilted Emily's chin downwards so she could kiss Emily's bandage wound.

Emily and JJ went straight to Hotch's office when they arrived. They only had about 30 minutes left before Strauss would be joining them.

"You two could have told me." Hotch said once they were seated

"Hotch, we needed to figure out what this was between us before we let anyone know," JJ said

"And what is this? What are we fighting for here?"

Emily took JJ's hand in hers, "I love JJ, Hotch. And I believe she loves me. I screwed things up but I believe we'll be able to work this out."

JJ gave her a smile, "I think so too, Hotch. So, how do we handle this?"

Hotch looked at his watch, there were only a few minutes before Strauss would be there.

"I have an idea. Just trust me okay?"

Both women nodded.

"Before she gets here, I need to say something. I can't have secrets as important as this on my team. When something has the potential to impact the team like this does, I need to know about it. Is that understood?"

Both women nodded again

"I mean it. If you can't agree with that, well, you'll have to find someone else to work for. Understood?"

"Yes," they said in unison

"One more thing, I can't have this relationship invade the team. When we're working, I don't want to see any sign of it. If you're fighting, don't bring it to work. I don't want to know what goes on behind closed doors and that includes when we're traveling. I know you two often share a room; that practice can remain, I just don't want to know anything about it. As far as I'm concerned, it's for cost saving purposes only."

"Hotch, we've been together for a little more than three months. Until I told you a couple of days ago, you didn't even know about it. We don't plan on that changing, sir." Emily said looking over at a JJ.

JJ gripped Emily's hand harder, "She's right, Hotch. We're sorry we didn't tell you and we understand what you're saying."

Hotch nodded his head, "That's what I want to hear," he said, then added, "On a personal note, I just want you to know that I'm happy for the two of you. And I hope everything works out okay."

Hotch gave them both a very rare, very genuine smile just as there was a knock on the door. Strauss didn't bother waiting for an answer before she opened the door and walked into the room.

"Good, you're all here," she said as she walked in and handed Hotch a folder, "Let's get this over with. I've got another meeting in an hour."

"What's this?" Hotch asked

"Formal reprimand notices for both Agents Prentiss and Jareau and transfer forms. I don't care which of these ladies is transferring but one of them will be leaving the BAU. You can figure that out amongst yourselves." Strauss said, "If I had to make the choice, Agent Prentiss would be the one leaving this team."

JJ squeezed Emily's hand and then let it go.

"I don't think any of this will be necessary, ma'am." Hotch said

"Excuse me? And why would you think that?"

"Because I've spoken with them and I've decided that the team is better and stronger the way it is. We've already lost Agent Gideon and have to replace him. I don't need to also try and replace another profiler or my team's press liaison."

"I don't think that's your choice, Agent Hotchner," Strauss said coolly. "The Bureau frowns on intradepartmental fraternization and it is cause for termination. Your agents are lucky I'm only having one of them transferred and not seeking dismissal for one if not both of them."

"Tell me, ma'am, what is the Bureau's policy on blackmail and sexual harassment?"

Strauss glared at him

"You used Agent Prentiss' sexual orientation to try and get her to help you in your bid to oust me as Unit Chief. She turned in her badge and her gun because she didn't want her sexuality – or her partner's – brought out into the open. That is in direct violation of the Bureau's Sexual Orientation Program."

"And what proof do you have that any of that happened?"

"None really. Some records of calls from you to Agent Prentiss' phone that I'm sure you'll be able to explain away. It's just our word against yours. Not enough to get you fired, you made sure of that, but do you really want this mess dragged out into the open? You trusted that Agent Prentiss' fear would be enough to get her to cooperate in your plan. Guess what, she has her partner's support in this and isn't afraid for this to come out anymore. You may be able to keep your job when the dust settles but your reputation will be forever marred. Do you want that to happen?"

Strauss looked from Hotch to Emily to JJ with her jaw clenched. Emily felt more optimistic than she had in days. Could Hotch really get them all out of this?

"I have no intention of stepping down, ma'am. If I don't have a problem with this relationship on my team, then that's all that matters." Hotch said meeting Strauss' glare

Strauss took a deep breath, "Now who's the blackmailer?"

"What's good for the goose…" Hotch finished, "More importantly, ma'am…it would be a mistake to break up this team."

"None of you will ever move up the chain of command, you know that." Strauss said

"Why would I ever want to leave the BAU?" Hotch countered

Strauss stood up to leave. She looked at Emily and JJ. They both stared back at her without saying a word. As soon as the door closed behind her, Emily stood up and walked over to where Hotch was standing. She looked at her boss and gave him a long, strong hug.

"Thank you!" Emily said, "Thank you so very much. You won't be sorry you stood by us. I promise."

"I know I won't. I can't vouch for the rest of the team, but I'm happy for you two. You should also know I will probably, at some point in time, have to notify the Director? I can't promise that will go as well but you have my support."

It was JJ's turned to hug Hotch. As JJ released Hotch, she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks, Hotch. Your support means a lot…to both of us."

Hotch blushed at the gesture and walked around to sit back at his desk while Emily and JJ gathered their stuff to leave.

"Go enjoy the rest of your day off, ladies."

Emily and JJ watched Hotch open the folder that Strauss had brought in with her. Emily and JJ turned to go, when Hotch called them back.

"I think this folder would best be left in your hands. Keep it, dispose of it, whatever you like. I just want it out of the building."

"Thanks Hotch," Emily said reaching for the folder

"Oh, and Emily," Hotch said opening the top side drawer on his desk, "you're going to be needing these."

Emily happily accepted both her badge and gun back along with the folder.

Emily took JJ back to her house. They hadn't said two words to each other since leaving Hotch's office but did hold hands the entire time it took to drive from Quantico to JJ's. Both were stunned by the turn of events. Not only had Hotch supported their relationship but he got Strauss of their backs, too. This couldn't have worked out better for them.

JJ had barely got the door to her home open when Emily grabbed her by the arm, spun her around, and swooped her up in the air. Emily swung her around in her front room and then put her down and laughed as she regained her balance. She looked at JJ and then kissed her.

"I love you, Jennifer."

"I love you too, baby"

"Is it really all over? Is it all really going to be okay?"

"Well, we still need to tell Reid and Morgan, and Gideon if he decides to come back, but I think they'll be okay with it."

"I'm so sorry I put you through all of this, JJ."

"It's okay. We're going to be fine."

Emily kissed JJ again. The kiss got hot and heavy fast and soon clothes were being unbuttoned and removed. They didn't wait to take it to the bedroom, rather they fell where they were and made love on the floor of JJ's living room.

Emily and JJ eventually moved to JJ's bedroom and made love the rest of that day and well into the night. Emily had almost been afraid to fall asleep; she didn't want the happiness she felt since the meeting ended to be all a dream.

The next day they had gone to work. No cases requiring their presence came across JJ's desk so after doing paperwork all day, they invited Morgan and Reid out for a drink. JJ had also asked Garcia and Hotch to join them but only Garcia took them up on the offer. They still didn't know that Haley Hotchner had taken Jack and left Hotch.

The five remaining members of the team gathered at a table and ordered 3 pitchers of beer. They spoke about Gideon's departure and tried to console Reid who had been closest to him. After drinking a little and talking a lot, there was a slight lull in the conversation. Emily looked across the table at Garcia who looked back at her over her glasses and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Ouch!" JJ cried out

"What's wrong?" everyone but Garcia asked

"Emily, maybe we should get this over with before Garcia kicks me again." JJ said bending down and rubbing her shin.

"Penelope!" Emily said

"Get what over with?" asked Morgan raising his expressive eyebrows, "Why is Garcia kicking JJ?"

Emily looked over at Reid who was sitting there with a goofy grin on his face. She took a deep breath and a drink of her beer before turning to look at JJ and smile. JJ had both of her hands on her pilsner glass and Emily took one of them in her hand.

"Morgan, Reid, we asked you to come out with us tonight not to talk about Gideon or work but rather to tell you something."

Morgan looked at their hands, met Emily's gaze, and then back down to their hands. Emily interlocked her fingers with JJ's and watched Morgan's reaction. Morgan looked back up at Emily and stared at her for a moment. Then he smiled…

"Way to go, stud," he said to Emily, which caused her to laugh. "I'm happy for you…both of you," he added looking at JJ and tipping his beer to both of them.

"And you already knew. Holding out on your man?" Morgan said to Garcia.

"You know I'd never hold out on you, baby," Garcia said batting her eyes at Morgan

"Knew what? Who's a stud?" Reid asked; the implications of everything lost on him

"Spence," JJ started, "Emily and I are…seeing each other."

"Oh, okay," replied Reid

Everyone looked at him to see if he got it and could tell that he didn't. Emily held up their entwined hands and hoped he would get it but it didn't help.

"Spence," JJ started again, " Emily is my girlfriend."

It couldn't be anymore clear than that and finally they watched as the realization spread across Reid's face.

"Oh," Reid said, "OH!"

"There you go, kid," Morgan said to his naïve friend.

They shared some laughs, answered a few questions, and drank a little more. They had even felt comfortable enough to share a dance together and a soft kiss while on the dance floor. By the end of the evening, Emily and JJ knew their team accepted their relationship and it had never been an issue since.

************************************************

"I'm so glad we were able to get over that, sweetheart," Emily said to JJ still holding her hand. "Who knows where we'd be if we hadn't been able to work it out?"

Emily watched JJ as she slept. Until the last few days, it had always been one of Emily's favorite things to do. She loved watching her beautiful wife as she lay sleeping in their bed. Now it had a whole new meaning and she'd give almost anything just to have JJ wake up.

"Come on, JJ," Emily whispered earnestly. "Come back to me, baby. I love you so much and I know you love me. I just wish…."

Emily stopped speaking and gasped.

JJ had squeezed her hand.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…**


	17. Wonderland

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them. **

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: WARNING: The heat is turned up a bit in this chapter. This chapter is Rated M...FEMSLASH - RATED M. **

**AN4: Thanks to everyone that has read this story, especially to those that have taken a moment to write a review. They have been so kind and have really inspired me to keep going. And for those that read The Path Not Taken, thank you for indulging me, it kept gnawing at me and I had to write it. I like this story better because Emily stayed. **

**Hope you enjoy this chapter! Please read and review.**

**************************************************************************************

Emily stared down at her hand. Had she really felt JJ squeeze her hand a few moments ago or was it her imagination?

"JJ? Honey? Can you hear me? I'm right here, baby. It's Emily."

Emily waited for a response but none came. She had heard about unconscious people having involuntary muscle spasms or reflexes. Was this one of them or was JJ starting to rouse out of her slumber?

Emily gently squeezed JJ's hand, "I love you, JJ"

JJ squeezed her hand again.

"OH MY GOD! JJ?"

Emily wanted to leave JJ's room to find Dr. Harden or someone to come look at her but she didn't want to lose contact with JJ's hand. The nurses' station was right outside the door so Emily called out loud.

"Hello? I need help in here!! Hello? HELP!!!"

A harried looking nurse came rushing in, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong!! She squeezed me hand. That means something right?" Emily said hopefully

"Oh honey, maybe but most of the time it's just a muscle spasm," she said not wanting to give Emily any false hope.

"NO! NO! She squeezed it tight…twice!!"

The nurse did a quick check of JJ's vitals and must have liked what she saw because she excused herself from the room saying she was going to call the doctor. After a few minutes, a young looking doctor Emily had never seen before came in to see JJ. He also checked over JJ's vitals and then excused himself explaining he was going to call Dr. Harden.

Emily stood by JJ's bed for what felt like an eternity waiting for Dr. Harden to come check on JJ. The nurse had explained that Dr. Harden had gone home after spending the night sleeping in his office so he could keep an eye on JJ all through the previous night. He had, however, left explicit instructions to call him at home if there was any significant change in this patient.

"_Significant change_," Emily kept hanging onto those words as she waited for JJ's doctor to make it back to the hospital. JJ squeezing her hand meant something, especially to her. JJ had squeezed her hand another couple of times while Emily spoke with her as she waited for him, each one getting progressively stronger.

Dr. Harden made it back to the hospital about 45 minutes after he had been called. He still looked tired, as he had probably had only 4 hours of solid sleep after a night on the couch in his office.

"She's improving, Emily. Quickly." Dr. Harden said after checking JJ thoroughly. "Whatever you're doing, keep doing it. She's doing really good."

Emily smiled trying to hold back her tears. She had been so broken just the day before when she thought that she was going to lose the love of her life and now she was being told that JJ was getting better.

"I'm not sure I've ever had a patient as strong as JJ. She's a fighter in every sense of the word," he said in amazement.

"Yes she is….and stubborn, she is a Taurus after all. Bullheaded." Emily said of her wife. "_Hey, if that's what's keeping her here, it's okay by me_," Emily thought to herself.

"Emily, I switched the ventilator back to the setting we originally had it on. Her breaths will initiate the ventilator and they will work in conjunction with one another," Dr Harden said watching the monitors to make sure that JJ's oxygen levels didn't dip with the change. "Now that she's getting a little stronger, this is better for her rather than having the machine take care of it all."

Emily nodded her head indicating that she understood.

"Tam," Dr. Harden said to the nurse that originally had come when Emily called for help, "Emily is going to sit here with our patient. She is welcome to stay as long as she wants, okay? Even if it's after visiting hours. Tell the others, understood?"

"Yes, doctor," the nurse said

"Emily, one more thing. She has a trach tube. More than likely, if and when she does wake up, she will be frightened and will fight against it. Most patients do. It's painful and foreign. If you are here, you need to calm her down as quickly as possible so she doesn't damage her larynx, trachea, or anything else. If she were able to breathe on her own, I would extubate now but she's not there yet."

"Okay. You really think she might wake up soon?" Emily hoped

"It's looking like that is a definite possibility," Dr. Harden said patting Emily on the arm. "I'm happy she's improving. I know this has been quite the ordeal…for both of you. Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to go give the encouraging news to her mother."

"Thank you, Dr. Harden," Emily said wiping away a tear that ran down her cheek. This one, however, was finally a tear of happiness.

Dr. Harden left and Emily finally sat back down in the chair beside JJ, still holding onto JJ's hand for dear life.

"I'm so proud of you, honey. Dr. Harden says your doing much better." Emily said pushing JJ's hair behind her ear and stroking her cheek. "He said to keep doing what I was doing. What was I just talking to you about? Oh yeah…let's not go back there."

After having recalled the biggest fight they had ever had, Emily wanted to remember something that left much happier memories, especially if JJ was going to be waking up.

"Hey Jayj, you remember our six-month anniversary."

*****************************************************************************

Times were a little rough for the team. They had gone through some recent professional and personal changes and hardships. One of the most respected members of their unit, Jason Gideon, had left the team after one of his friends had been murdered in his apartment. He had tried to stay on but, in the end, he couldn't cope with the job any longer and had resigned. Gideon's spot remained open for a while in hopes that he would change his mind. It had become evident that wasn't going to happen so the hunt for his replacement had begun. Reid had been kidnapped, tortured, and drugged a few months prior to that and was still battling his resulting addiction. The team had recently found out that Morgan had been sexually abused as a child and he was trying to cope with his team finding out about such a personal matter. Haley Hotchner had just packed her stuff up and left Hotch with their son in tow. Emily and JJ had certainly been through their own ordeal with Strauss and coming out to their team. And all this was on top of the general stress and fatigue that regularly came with the job.

So Hotch, knowing that he would probably be pushing it a bit but not really caring, demanded that Strauss give his team a week off. She wouldn't have exactly been thrilled with this "request" under normal circumstances but, given the current state of their relationship, she was almost hostile about it. Normally the team would not be allowed to all be on vacation at the same time. Emily had heard, in fact, that the last time they had been granted such a request it was a disaster…a deranged man had engaged the team in a cunning game involving puzzle pieces, cryptic clues, and murder. That is when the agent she eventually replaced, Elle Greenaway, had been shot in her home and nearly killed.

Strauss eventually relented and had granted Hotch's request. The team was excited to learn that they would have an entire week off towards the end of the August, just in time for Emily and JJ to celebrate their 6-month anniversary. Things had gone well for them since the incident with Strauss, their fight, and the team finding out about their relationship. They had just one other conversation about everything right after telling Reid and Morgan but then had been able to move forward.

About 3 weeks before their vacation, the team caught a case involving home-invasion murders in Cherry Creek, Colorado. Families were being found murdered in their homes, the parents bludgeoned or stabbed to death, the children injected with a lethal amount of a barbiturate called pentobarbital. The team caught a break when one of the children, a teenager named Carrie Ortiz, survived the brutal attack on her family. Hotch sent both Emily and JJ to speak with the young girl at the hospital. They developed a bond with Carrie and wanted nothing more than to keep her safe and find the men that killed her family especially since no other family members could be located for her. After two men were apprehended in the murders, Emily told Hotch since Carrie didn't have any other family, she would be happy to bring Carrie back to Washington D.C. to stay with her rather that have her wind up a ward of the state. Emily had never mentioned to anyone, not even JJ, that she had been thinking a lot about family lately. She felt that her relationship with JJ could eventually get there but wasn't sure when that would be. Carrie was a young girl that had lost her family and Emily wanted to do right by her and had the means to do it. It was a little bittersweet for Emily when Hotch told her that Carrie's family in California had finally be located and she was going to be living with them.

On the plane ride back from Colorado, JJ came over and sat across from her. Emily was down; she had given this thing with Carrie a lot of thought and it was weighing on her. Kids…she really wanted them and this made her realize just how much.

"You okay?" JJ asked, looking the dark-haired agent over closely

"Yeah," Emily answered trying to ease JJ's concerns

"They're good people. Carrie's family." JJ said answering Emily's unasked question

"Good. I'm glad," Emily said. That really was the most important thing; that Carrie has a good, strong family to help her get through this awful situation she'd been thrust in to.

"I think it's a good idea." JJ said. Emily could feel JJ's eyes on her.

"What's that?" Emily asked

"You. Kids." JJ said watching the reaction from her lover, "I can see it."

"Yeah?" Emily asked as she watched JJ nod her head and run her fingers lightly over her lips. Emily knew that JJ and her needed to talk about this but, being in such close vicinity of her team, this wasn't the place.

So later that night after using each other to shake off the sad remnants of this case, Emily lay in bed with her head on JJ's chest. It was usually when Emily was hurting that she found comfort in this position. JJ was always so good about taking care of her.

"Were you going to talk to me about it, Em?" JJ asked stoking Emily's hair

"About what?" Emily asked. She wanted to make sure her and JJ were talking about the same subject.

"Carrie. Kids." JJ answered simply, kissing Emily on her forehead

Emily felt tears start to well in her eyes and she turned to bury her face in the crook of JJ's arm. JJ shifted her body so Emily couldn't hide from her.

"Hey, talk to me." JJ said brushing her hair back behind her ear. Emily hated feeling vulnerable and she knew JJ was trying to get her to push down one of her walls.

"Lately, I've been thinking a lot about us…and our future."

"Me too, Em,"

"You have?"

"Of course I have. I love you, you know that, so it's only normal to wonder where this will all lead."

"You say 'normal', JJ, but I don't think I've ever felt this way before, at least not this strongly. I've never wanted to think beyond next week with anybody else."

"Because you're in love, Emily," JJ said

"Where do you think this will lead, Jennifer?"

"I'm not sure, Emily, but I know I love you. I can see a future with you and that future includes children. How far away that future is, I don't really know."

"I would have told you before I brought Carrie home."

"I know you would have, Em. You were doing what you felt you needed to do; I would have understood. You have a good heart, Emily." JJ said as she kissed her.

"I love you." Emily said as she settled back into JJ and fell asleep.

XXXX

A couple of days later they were relaxing on Emily's couch after dinner, drinking a glass of wine, unwinding from the day, and finally finding the time to decide where to spend their week's vacation.

"How about the Bahamas?" Emily asked JJ who was tucked under Emily's arm and leaning up against her. JJ shook her head.

"Jamaica?" Emily asked only to get another shake of the head. "Costa Rica?"

"Why do I get the distinct idea that you just want to see me in a bikini?" JJ asked

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Emily replied with a smile. "Okay, so no surf and sand? How 'bout New York City? A little shopping, some fine dining, maybe a show?"

JJ was silent.

"JJ? Are you okay? Don't you want to go somewhere together on our vacation?"

"I just want to spend some time with you, Em. I don't need to necessarily go anywhere." JJ replied softly. Emily could tell JJ was bothered by something.

"What's wrong, Jayj?" Emily asked kissing the top of JJ's head.

"Em, I um, would rather just spend time with you here that's all."

"Jayj? Come on, something's bothering you. Tell me what's going on."

"Okay. It's just that with my mortgage, car payment and other bills, I don't really have the money to go on an extravagant vacation." JJ was finally able to say. Emily could tell that JJ felt more than a little awkward about this admission.

"JJ, the vacation is on me. You don't have to pay for it."

JJ sat up to look at Emily.

"No Em, I can't let you do that. You have a mortgage and car payment too and…"

Their eyes met and something finally dawned on JJ.

"You don't have those things do you?" JJ said stupefied that it took her almost six months to come to this realization.

Emily shook her head, "JJ…maybe it's time we finally have that talk about money."

JJ nodded

"My family is very wealthy; old money wealthy. My trust fund paid for all my big-ticket items like this condo and my car. I don't lead an extravagant lifestyle so the money I make working more than covers my monthly expenses but I could stop working today and, as long as I continue to live the way I do now, I could live quite comfortably for the rest of my life."

"I knew you had money, Em. I guess I really didn't realize how much," JJ said

"Is it a problem?"

"No, but I also won't let you pay for everything just because you can."

"How about because I want to? Because everything I have I gladly share with you. I love you, JJ, and I know you would never take advantage of it."

Emily watched JJ silently take it all in. Emily placed her hand behind JJ's neck and gently pulled her close, "Jennifer, please don't make more of this than it is." Emily kissed JJ, "I do love you. Consider this my apology for the whole Strauss incident. My way of making it up to you."

JJ laughed, "I love you too, Emily."

"So can we go on vacation?"

"Yes but I need to pay for part of it. As much as I can, okay?"

"Okay. You pay whatever you can. I'll cover the rest. So where do you want to go?"

"You pick."

"I'd really love to take you to New York City."

"I thought you wanted to see me in a bikini?"

Emily took JJ's empty glass from her hand and put both hers and JJ's on the table. She then shifted so that she lay on top of JJ. "I'm in the mood for a little shopping. Nothing beats New York City for that except maybe Paris or Milan and we don't have enough time to do Europe right. We'll save that for another time." Emily said, starting to kiss JJ's neck, "And we'll stay someplace with a pool so I can see that bikini."

XXXX

So Emily booked them in a very expensive 5-Star hotel in Midtown Manhattan with a view of Central Park. Emily loved watching the look on JJ's face as she absorbed everything in once they got out of the towncar that had picked them up from the airport. The marble floors, the fresh flower arrangements that were displayed in every available space, the gilded frames of the artwork that hung in the lobby, which seemed as big as a football stadium. JJ had stayed in nice hotels before but never in one quite like this. Everyone was so courteous and the staff treated both of them like they were VIPs.

"Geez, Em. I highly doubt that the money I gave you will pay for more than a couple of nights in this place." JJ said once they entered the privacy of their own room and the bellman that had brought up their bags had left.

Emily wrapped her arms around JJ's waist and kissed her. "JJ, you deserve to be treated like a princess. My princess. So please relax and enjoy the royal treatment." Emily said as she pulled JJ's shirt over her head. "God you're beautiful." Emily said as she gently brushed her lips along JJ's neck.

"So is sex even better in a fancy hotel like this?" JJ asked lifting an eyebrow as Emily unbuttoned her jeans and pulled the zipper down.

"You'd be surprised." Emily said with a smirk as she fell to her knees pulling JJ's pants down along with her.

XXXX

They spent the next couple of days sightseeing and doing silly typical touristy stuff just for fun. Then they also spent a whole day checking out MOMA, The Met and the Guggenheim Museum. They had dined at several local eateries near their hotel – both expensive and inexpensive – and enjoyed walking hand in hand through Central Park; the weather was hot and sweltering, typical August weather, but they were so wrapped up in each other that nothing seemed to faze them. And they, of course, had also spent a lot of time making love to one another.

"Emily?" JJ said one night while enveloped in her lover's arms

"Jennifer." Emily said kissing JJ's bare shoulder

"I'm having a great time."

"Me too, baby." said Emily as she lightly traced a finger along JJ's bare body.

JJ turned to face Emily. "I've been to New York several times, and not just for work, but I can't think of anyone else I'd rather be here with."

Emily tucked JJ's hair behind her ear, "Jennifer, these last few days have been some of the best of my life. I love sharing this with you. I've never had a vacation like this before. A vacation spent with someone that I love so very much."

"I love you, too, Em. Thanks for bringing me here."

"Thought we might finally do a little shopping tomorrow. You up for that?" Emily said giving her lover a kiss

"Always up for that."

"Thought we could start at Barney's," Emily said rolling JJ over so she could lie on top of her and then kiss her again.

"Then come back down to midtown and hit Bloomingdale's," Emily continued as she started to kiss JJ's neck causing JJ to moan

"Bergdorf's" Emily said continuing the assault on JJ's neck

"Keep talking," JJ panted

"You like that, huh?" Emily smiled into JJ's skin

"Uh huh"

"Bendel's" Emily muttered as she took one of JJ's nipples between her teeth and then circled her tongue around it as her hand made it's way to the apex of JJ's legs.

"Oh my god, Em" JJ sighed when Emily started to circle her clit

"Who knew shopping turned you on like this?" Emily said feeling JJ getting wetter with every word.

"It's not just the shopping," JJ struggled to say as Emily trailed her tongue from her breast down to her stomach.

"No?" Emily teased as she licked across JJ's abdomen. "Hmm. You sure?"

JJ tried to laugh but the laugh turned into a moan when Emily slipped three fingers inside of her wet and waiting core.

"Do you want me to stop at Bendel's?" Emily said as she started to work her fingers in and out of JJ. Emily smiled when she heard what she thought was a garbled "No" from the blonde beneath her. Emily slowly kissed her way back up JJ's body as she kept pumping her hand in and out. Emily lay beside JJ loving the way that JJ withered next to her with every stroke. Emily captured JJ's mouth with her own and plunged her tongue between her lips, taking JJ's tongue prisoner and sucking on it hard. JJ broke away from the kiss when breathing became increasingly difficult. Emily watched as JJ's chest started to heave with every thrust from her hand. She heard the telltale hitch in JJ's breathing indicating that her lover was close to her climax.

Emily whispered into JJ's ear, "Then Saks" as she started to massage JJ's clit with her thumb while increasing the tempo of her fingers and curling them to bring JJ over the edge. JJ arched her back and moaned loudly.

"And finally over to Magnolia's for a red velvet cupcake." Emily said as JJ finally screamed through her orgasm.

Emily stroked JJ's hair while JJ tried to get her breathing under control again. "I love watching you cum," Emily said, still stroking her hair and kissing along JJ's jaw line while JJ panted beside her. It was true; there was no better sight than watching the effects her ministrations had on JJ.

"Mmmm…I love you, Emily."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

A couple of minutes later, when she had recovered a bit, JJ made love to Emily and then, both fully sated, they fell asleep in each other's arms.

XXXX

The next morning, Emily and JJ put their plan into motion. The had started at Barney's and had eventually worked their way over to Bergdorf's after a stop at Bloomingdale's. They had started with an early breakfast and had already been shopping for 4 hours. JJ fought Emily hard every time Emily wanted to break out her Platinum Card to buy something that JJ liked and had so far JJ had been successful.

"You're not buying me anything, Em. Stop trying," JJ said. "You paid for this trip, that's more than enough. If I want something bad enough, I have my own credit cards. I just don't want to use them."

"Okay, JJ. I just thought that blouse you tried on at Barney's looked beautiful on you."

"Thanks, Emily, but $480 for a blouse is a bit insane, isn't it?"

Emily smiled. She knew JJ was right but she just loved lavishing things on her; and everything that JJ tried on looked fantastic on her. JJ had almost the perfect body type that designers looked for. They hadn't bought anything at Barney's but they enjoyed looking at everything. JJ had bought a couple of things at Bloomingdale's and now they were at Bergdorf's.

"JJ, I need to go run an errand." Emily said after JJ had picked out a few things to try on.

"Okay, give me a minute and we can leave here."

"No, honey. Stay and try these things on. I won't be long."

"Where are you going?"

"We're a couple of blocks away from Carnegie Hall. I know a woman I used to go to school with used to work there. I want to see if she still does since we're this close." Emily lied. She hated lying to JJ but there was an important errand that Emily wanted to run; one that JJ couldn't be involved in.

"You stay here and try these things on, " Emily said and JJ reluctantly agreed. "I love you. Have fun. I'll be back before you can miss me," she finished as she gave JJ a kiss on the cheek.

Emily left Bergdorf's and headed across the street. She had to laugh when the song "Moon River" started to play in her head. After passing through the secure front doors and past the armed guards, she was greeted by a beautiful, friendly, well-dressed woman who was probably slightly older than she was.

"May I help you?" Emily was asked

Emily had done a lot of research on-line prior to their trip and knew more or less what she was looking for. She explained to the woman why she was there and what it was she wanted to see. Emily had been here several times in the past but this was the first time she was ever there for someone other than her.

"You look nervous," the woman said

"This is a huge for me." Emily replied

"Well I can see you are in love, it's written all over your face."

Emily smiled and then saw the one she wanted. She knew it was the right one the second that she saw it.

After paying for it with her Platinum card, she left with the famous blue bag in tow. Knowing she couldn't very well hide that, she tossed the bag and tucked the small blue box with white ribbon in her purse. "_God, I wish I had my gun with me. I would feel so much better about walking around with this in my purse_," Emily thought to herself.

She returned to JJ just as she was finishing up.

"Wow, it looks like a cyclone hit this dressing room." Emily joked has she entered while JJ was changing.

"Hi," JJ said giving her a kiss. "Was your friend there?"

"Huh? Oh no, she doesn't work there anymore." Emily replied almost tripping up in her own web of deceit.

Emily started to look around at what JJ had tried on. "I like this one," she said picking up a lovely lavender blouse. "Ooh, and this blue one too."

JJ actually spent $400 at Bergdorf's but had put it on her own card.

"You're not spending any more money on me, Em"

"It's $400 bucks, Jennifer," Emily protested

"Exactly. I'll pay for it. I don't want you spending the money."

Emily smiled, "_Then you would hate the $25,000 I just spent_," she thought. "_She's going to kill me." _

They then had a quick lunch before heading over to Saks and then the red velvet cupcake that Emily had promised JJ the night before. Packages in hand, they caught a cab and headed back to their hotel. Emily hid the blue box with the white ribbon in her suitcase while JJ was taking a luxurious bath to ease the aching muscles from all the running around they had done.

XXXX

The next day was their 6-month anniversary and Emily had told JJ she had something very special planned but wouldn't divulge what it was. Early in the morning, she had ordered a light breakfast in bed for them: fruit, toast, orange juice, and coffee. Then she got ready for their day and told JJ she had an errand to run while JJ got ready. The night before, Emily had paid a visit to the hotel concierge and ordered a special picnic from a local gourmet specialty shop. She went to the concierge desk to pick it up and was back in their room by the time JJ was out of the shower. It was even packed in a soft-pack cooler to keep everything fresh.

"What's all this, Ms. Prentiss," JJ asked looking at the cooler

"Happy six-month Anniversary, Jennifer," Emily said kissing JJ

"The hopeless romantic side of you is very cute, you know," JJ said as she wrapped her arms around Emily's waist. Emily blushed and JJ kissed her.

"I thought we would go for a picnic in Central Park and, later this evening, a romantic dinner at your favorite restaurant."

"Il Cantinori?"

Emily nodded, "A little bird told me that was your favorite," she said nuzzling JJ's neck

"Garcia!"

"Of course. I want today to be special for you, JJ"

"It already is." JJ said pulling Emily into a breathtaking kiss

As JJ finished getting ready, Emily pulled the box out of its hiding place and put it at the bottom of the cooler.

XXXX

They soon made their way to a shady, grassy area on the northern end of Conservatory Water in Central Park. Having borrowed a couple table linens from the hotel, Emily spread them out so they could serve as a picnic blanket. Emily set out fresh humus with vegetables and flatbread, small finger sandwiches, cheese, olives, fruit, chocolate-covered strawberries, and wine. Though it was hot, the shade provided some relief and the two lovers were thoroughly enjoying their picnic. After they finished, Emily suggested they walk off their meal.

They walked hand in hand and, as they approached one of Emily's favorite places in the world, she started to tell JJ a story.

"When I was a kid, even if my mother wasn't working in the States, my parents would bring me and Alex to New York a couple times a year, once at Christmas and once during either the spring or summer. There were two things I always had to do while I was here. One was, during the Holidays, I had to go see the display windows at all the department stores. The other was a stop here no matter what time of year." Emily said as they arrived at the bronze statue of Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.

"I've never seen this before, Em. It's beautiful." JJ said as Emily walked her around the statue so JJ could see every inch of it.

"When you're a kid, you look at this statue in awe. It's a larger than life depiction of a story every child knows. Alice, The Mad Hatter, the White Rabbit, the Cheshire Cat, they're all here. Alex and I would read the verses of Jabberwocky that are engraved on it. After I grew up and Alex had died, I still made a pilgrimage to this place whenever I came here. It means a lot to me," Emily said, as her eyes got a little misty, "it's magic."

"I can tell it does, Em." JJ said as Emily sat her on one of the bronze mushrooms. Emily sat the cooler on the ground beside JJ.

"Because it's not a fountain you can't throw a coin in to make a wish so my father always told me to put my hand on this mushroom and make one when I was here," Emily said pointing to the mushroom that JJ was sitting on. "When I was about 7, I wished for a pony and that was the year I got my first horse."

JJ smiled and just let Emily continue with her story.

"So I always make a wish when I come here. Some of my wishes, like wishing Alex wasn't really dead, could never come true. Some wishes, like being accepted to Yale, could. And some wishes came true but they just took a while."

The tears that were starting to build in Emily's eyes, started to fall. Emily was happy that the area was remarkably empty considering what a popular area this was, just a few people were scattered around.

"You were one of the wishes, I just didn't know your name yet. My only wish the last few times I've come here, was to meet someone to share my life with. Someone that would love me for who I am no matter how stubborn, awkward, selfish, or clumsy I can be."

Emily took a deep breath, kneeled before JJ, and wiped the tears that had started to fall from JJ's eyes with the back of her fingertips.

"You mean everything to me, JJ. I can't imagine my life without you in it. I have never loved anyone or anything more than I love you. And if you give me the chance, I will try to prove that to you every day for the rest of my life…Jennifer Jareau, will you marry me?"

As if she needed to prove to JJ that she was serious, Emily reached into the cooler and pulled out the box from Tiffany's and placed it into the hands of a speechless JJ.

"Emily, I don't know what to say."

"Say yes."

JJ laughed through her tears, "YES!"

Emily reached up and brought JJ to her to give her a kiss, a passionate, earth-shattering, breathtaking kiss. They broke the kiss when they heard a smattering of cheers and clapping around them as people realized what had just happened.

"Okay, that's embarrassing," Emily said, realizing that people had been watching the two of them.

"No it isn't. It's wonderful. I love you, Emily,"

"I love you too, Jennifer. Don't you want to open the box?"

"I'm sure it's beautiful, just like you." JJ said as she started to undo the ribbon around the blue box. "When did you sneak off to Tiffany's?"

"Carnegie Hall."

"I thought so." JJ said rolling her eyes, "I should have known you were up to something. I can't believe I fell for… OH MY GOD!" she screamed as she opened the box to reveal the Tiffany Novo 1.5-carat brilliant, cushion-cut diamond mounted on a diamond-encrusted band.

"I can't accept this, Emily. It's too…"

"Yes you can." Emily quickly cut her off. This was one fight she was determined to win.

"This must have cost a fortune."

"JJ, I would have spent more if I knew you would have accepted it." Emily said has she removed the ring from the box and slipped it on JJ's finger. "It's dazzling and it's beautiful on you, just like I knew it would be," Emily mused, kissing the ring after it was in place. "I love you, JJ."

"I love you, Emily" JJ said falling into another kiss. "I need you to take me back to the hotel…I need you."

Just like their first night together, Emily didn't need to be told twice. She picked up the cooler and the table linens and they made their way back to their room. They made love for a couple of hours then they made their way to Il Cantinori for a late supper to celebrate their engagement before heading back to the hotel to make love for the rest of the night.

***************************************************

Emily had tears in her eyes when she thought back to the day that JJ had agreed to be her wife. She had never been so happy. Emily reached under her shirt and pulled out her necklace from beneath it.

"I can't wait to put these rings back on your finger where they belong," Emily said retaking JJ's hand. The hospital had removed JJ's jewelry when she was first brought in and Emily decided to put JJ's engagement ring and her wedding band on her necklace until they could be returned to their rightful owner.

Emily turned when she heard a knock on the frame that surrounded the entrance to JJ' room. She was surprised to see James Jareau standing there with a bottle of water.

"They said I could sit back here with you for a little bit. Would that be okay?" James asked as he handed Emily the water.

"Sure. And, um, thank you." Emily said opening the water and taking a drink.

"I just met with Dr. Harden and he sounds optimistic that she might be waking up soon." James said his voice cracking as he looked at his only daughter. Emily hadn't seen James since that fateful day in East Allegheny. In fact, JJ had hardly seen him since announcing that she was in love with Emily. Emily looked him over. He seemed smaller and not larger than life like the first time she'd met him. Was this entirely due to JJ's current condition or was there something else wrong? Maybe just not have JJ in his life had taken something out of him. He and JJ had been very close but he had a hard time accepting the fact that his daughter was gay.

"I hope so. She hasn't squeezed my hand in a while. I think maybe she fell into a deeper sleep for a little bit. I don't know that for sure but that's what I'm choosing to believe," Emily said trying to keep things light between her and JJ's dad.

"Emily?" James said quietly

"Yes, James?"

"Thanks for taking such good care of my little girl. My wife tells me you've barely left the hospital since she's been here. That means a lot to me."

"I wouldn't have left her side last night if they would have let me stay. She's everything to me, James…everything."

"Can I ask a favor?"

"Sure."

"Do you think you could arrange for me to meet my grandson?" he asked hopefully

Emily smiled, "Yeah, James, I think that can be arranged. I think JJ would love that." Emily said stroking the back of JJ's hand with her thumb. James watched the two hands entwined and both he and Emily gave a stifled laugh when they saw JJ grasp Emily's hand one more time as if to agree with what Emily had just said.

********************************************************* **

**The Tiffany Novo ring is beautiful. It's on their website if you'd like to take a look at it. **

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter!! Please review!!**


	18. I Can See

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: The story is rated T but some chapters will be rated M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat. **

**AN4: Thank you so much for the kind reviews and PMs. Each and every one of them is special and greatly appreciated. It's what helps keep me working on this story. **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

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"_What does this all mean_?" Emily thought to herself. "_Does James finally accept the fact that I'm in love with his daughter? Does this mean he will finally accept the relationship that JJ and I have? That he finally accepts Henry?" _Emily's mind was racing. JJ had always longed for her parents to be part of their lives. JJ loved her parents very much, still did even after all the rejection and hurt they had caused since JJ announced she was in love with Emily. Even after they had, for all intents and purposes, rejected Henry. Emily wasn't sure she would have been able to forgive her parents if they had treated JJ and Henry the same way. Emily's mother loved JJ and Henry and her father, well if she didn't have much of a relationship with him, how could either of them.

But JJ was nothing if she wasn't forgiving. So Emily was going to try and make the most out of this situation. Maybe JJ nearly dying would have a silver lining. She had started off on the wrong foot with Donna but seemed to have made things better since JJ had gone back into surgery. Of course, having Henry here helped. She had yet to meet a person that her son couldn't win over with his charm, his smile, and those big blue eyes. Hopefully that list would come to include James.

Emily looked at James from JJ's bedside. "James, would you do me a favor?" Emily asked, "Would you mind sitting here with JJ for a couple of minutes? I don't want to leave her but I have to use the ladies room."

"I bet. Of course I'll sit with my little girl."

"Thanks. Did you meet my mother?"

"Yes. She's a lovely woman."

"Thanks, I think so too. While I'm out there, I'm going to ask her to go pick up Henry and his nanny and bring him back here so you can meet him. I'll call Amanda and make sure he's up and ready to go." Emily said looking at her watch and realizing her son might be napping since it was mid-afternoon. "It might be an hour or so but I'll get him here." Emily said with a smile

She explained to James what Dr. Harden had said to do if JJ should happen to wake up while she was gone.

"Thank you, Emily."

"Sure, James. I'll be right back."

Emily left JJ's room. She really did need to pee. The water James had brought in didn't help that fact. The water bottle. She had left it on the table beside JJ's bed. She wanted to refill it from the water dispenser in the waiting room. She turned to go back to get it but stopped from walking into JJ's room when she heard James praying. She didn't want to interrupt so she stood just outside the room waiting for James to finish. And then she heard him start to cry.

"It breaks my heart to see you like this, Jennifer. My Jennifer. Is this God's way of punishing me for shutting you out of my life?" James said as he cried by his daughter's bedside. "Is he trying to take you from me because I've treated you like I didn't want you for the last couple of years? I'm so sorry, Jennifer. Please get stronger so I can make it up to you. I promise I will make up for everything that I've missed. And I will make it up to my grandson too. I've missed so much and I'm sorry."

Emily watched James bow his head and hold JJ's small hand in his much larger one. James let his tears flow, he's body lurching as he sobbed. Emily felt guilty for watching him but she couldn't take her eyes off the sight of this giant of a man so broken at the sight of his badly injured daughter. She knew exactly what he was going through and she wanted to comfort him but felt that would just serve to embarrass him so, deciding to forget about the water bottle, she quietly left him to be with JJ.

"_You have missed a lot, James. I hope you have the chance to make it up to her…and to Henry_," she thought as she walked away.

Emily hurriedly took care of everything she needed to take care of and returned back to JJ's room. She quietly approached and saw James with his head bowed in prayer again. Emily softly knocked on the doorframe.

"Are you okay, James?"

"It's hard to see her like this, Emily. She looks so frail, so helpless. That's not Jen…that's not JJ." He corrected himself using JJ's preferred moniker. Emily could tell he'd only just stopped crying.

"I know, but, honestly, she looks 100% better than she did yesterday." Emily replied. "She's going to make it through, James. She has to, she has too much to live for."

"She's been squeezing my hand tightly the entire time I've been sitting here. It's like she knows I'm here."

"She does. I'm not sure how or if she'll even remember when she wakes up but I know she's aware of everyone's presence. I'm sure of it."

"I'm going to let you take your rightful place beside her, Emily." James said. "The nurses said there could only be two people in here for a short period of time. You belong here."

James excused himself to go see his wife. Emily told him that Henry was indeed sleeping but that her mother would go pick him and Amanda up later and bring them by the hospital.

Emily then sat back beside JJ's bed and resumed speaking with JJ. "Your dad's really upset, JJ. I think he's come to regret cutting you out of his life. I overheard him saying he's missed so much. He really did, didn't he? He's missed out on some of the most important things in your life. I'm not sure he'll ever be able to make up for that but I think he might be willing to try."

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After they returned from their wonderful vacation to New York City and Emily's proposal on their six-month anniversary, there were a lot of decisions to be made. Emily told JJ to plan whatever she wanted for their wedding.

"The sky's the limit, baby." Emily said to JJ when they sat down in Emily's living room to discuss their wedding the night they got back to D.C. "Big and elegant, small and simple, a destination wedding, it makes no difference to me. Just tell me the date, time, and place and I'll be there!"

"Emily, it's your wedding too, you know."

"I know but I'm happy if you're happy. At the end of that day, I just want to be able to call you Mrs. Pren…" Emily stopped. "Um Jayj, what will I call you?"

"I think you'll still call me JJ." JJ said looking up from her laptop where she had been searching for wedding information on-line.

"Not if your last name isn't Jareau," Emily said, confusion clouding her face.

JJ got up, put her laptop on the table in front of the chair she'd been sitting on, walked over to Emily, and kissed her. "You're cute, you know. I would happily change my last name to Prentiss if that's what you want." JJ said holding Emily's face gently between her hands. "I love you, Emily Prentiss, and I would take your last name in a heartbeat."

Emily pulled JJ down onto her lap and kissed her. The two women sat on Emily's couch, kissing tenderly yet passionately, for several minutes.

"I love you, JJ." Emily said after they had pulled apart. "See? JJ…it just sounds right. You're JJ not JP. Good lord, nobody would ever be able to get used to that."

"I could retire the name and just go by Jennifer. It's what you call me all the time anyway. Maybe it even sounds more professional than JJ. SSA Jennifer Prentiss."

"No! I don't want everyone calling you, Jennifer. That's what I call you…and usually when we're in bed. Usually. So if everyone's calling you Jennifer on a regular basis, it will be as if they are all sleeping with you and that's not acceptable."

JJ laughed, "Okay, now you're just insane."

"Maybe. But I do like the fact that you're not going to be sleeping with anyone else…ever again." Emily said pulling JJ back into a searing kiss.

"Neither are you, you know," JJ said breaking for air and arching an eyebrow

"I wouldn't want to. I've got all I've ever wanted right here." Emily said pushing the collar of JJ's shirt back from her neck so she could kiss along the exposed skin.

"Stop! Decisions to be made, remember? I have to have some ideas before I go to work tomorrow. Garcia is going to freak and she's going to drive me crazy asking me a million questions." JJ said trying unsuccessfully to pull herself away from Emily.

"Here we go. Ask a girl to marry you and the sex stops." Emily teased, smiling at JJ and giving her a wink.

"I think I remember you getting plenty since you asked me two days ago. We didn't leave our hotel room at all our last day in New York."

"We didn't? Hmm, don't recall."

"I'm, um, not sure if I should be insulted by that remark or not." JJ said with a feigned pout.

"Oh Jayj, you know I'm kidding. The bed, the floor, the bathtub, the shower, and back to the bed again. I remember it all." Emily said, planting kisses on JJ's neck as she spoke. "But my favorite was our last time last night."

"Mine too." JJ said lost in the memory and the feel of Emily's lips on her skin

"I loved fucking you up against that window, up in the heavens surrounded by all those lights. You seemed bathed in twinkling, blinking, blinding stars." Emily had pressed JJ up against the window next to the slider that led to the small balcony off their room.

"And I loved being fucked up against that window. Something about the cool glass on part of your body while the rest of it is overheated. And being slightly afraid that the glass would give way given the force you were driving into me," JJ mused. "Especially when you turned me around so I was facing the window. Visions of us plummeting to our death kept creeping through the arousal," JJ laughed

Emily cocked her head towards the large picture window in her condo's living room. "We could, um, see if we can duplicate that. We're not quite plummeting to our death height here…we might survive. I could free Humberto from his special hiding place in the suitcase."

"I still can't believe you brought 'him'"

"Couldn't leave my buddy behind."

"He's your buddy, huh?"

"Oh yeah, anything that can bring me that much pleasure is definitely my buddy."

"Well, I guess I should call him my buddy, too."

"Uh huh." Emily said resuming her kisses on JJ's neck

"Be that as it may, Em, I don't think that going to happen here."

"No?"

"Ah no. It's one thing for you to take me up against the glass in a hotel in New York City and a whole other ballgame to do it to me here."

"It is, huh?

"Yeah! Don't care much if one of the unknown millions sees you pressing my naked body up against a window 20 stories up. In fact, it's kind of hot. But it would be a little awkward if one of your neighbors is out walking his dog and happens to look up."

Emily laughed, "Can you imagine the next time you saw Mr. Carlton in the elevator? He already almost had a heart attack when he saw me kissing you that one time in the parking lot."

JJ smiled, "Exactly. So, sorry, baby…that's a New York memory only."

"Just gives me a reason to take you back on our honeymoon."

"Speaking of which…" JJ said, "we still have a lot to decide and I need to go home tonight so I don't have much time. It's already 7 o'clock."

"You're going home tonight?"

"We've been gone for a week. I need to go home and check on my house."

Emily paused.

"JJ? I've, um, been thinking…." Emily let her voice trail off

"About?"

"Now that we're engaged, maybe we should move in together?" she asked timidly.

Emily looked at JJ trying to read what was going on behind those blue eyes.

"I mean it just makes sense. We're together all the time. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, why are we waiting? I hate when you're not beside me. I hate waking up and you not…"

Emily was interrupted by JJ 's mouth on hers.

"So is that a yes?" Emily asked when she was finally able to compose herself after the breathtaking kiss.

"I would love to live with you, Em."

Emily was elated. She'd wanted to ask JJ to live with her since their fight but wasn't sure how JJ would feel about it. Then when discussion turned to their future and children, Emily knew they were on the same page and asked JJ to marry her instead.

"So where, Em? My house or yours?"

"I'm sorry, Jayj, I guess I just assumed we would live here. I never really thought about living in Woodbridge."

Thus began a frank discussion of Emily's condo versus JJ's house. Both of them loved their homes and stood up for why their home should be where they lived. Emily's condo offered a lot of amenities and it was in a very posh area of Washington D.C., but most of the pro's for her home consisted of the area rather than the condo itself. Sure it was a beautiful but it wasn't exactly a place for a family and if she and JJ were going to have children, the condo was not ideal.

JJ's home, while small, would make a great family home and had a big backyard to boot. But Woodbridge certainly did not offer the same excitement of the city. Emily just couldn't see herself living in sleepy suburbia. So if neither place was perfect, which was the better of the two? Emily knew the right answer to that question but it pissed her off. She wanted JJ to move to D.C. because she wanted to…not because she felt she had to.

"JJ, I think you need to move in here."

"Emily, I love my house just as much as you love your condo."

"I know you do but you live in Virginia."

"I know, Emily. And?"

"When I decided that I wanted to ask you to marry me, I did a little research because I wasn't sure what the law said in either location. JJ, Virginia doesn't recognize same-sex domestic partnerships. Washington D.C. does. It doesn't recognize same-sex marriages yet…but maybe someday it will. I think it will get there much quicker than Virginia."

JJ quickly extracted herself from Emily and went over to her laptop. She queried the information that Emily had just given her and realized Emily was right.

"So marriage, why go through with it then? Why not just live together?" JJ said sadly. She never realized the complexities of marrying someone of the same gender. Emily looked at JJ and could tell this information upset her. JJ shoulders were slumped over and her posture just gave the impression of being deflated…and defeated.

Emily got up and took a couple of steps to kneel in front of JJ.

"Because it means something to us, Jennifer. You and I will be married. Maybe not in the 'legal' sense of the word but we will be married. You and I will stand before our family and friends…"

"You really think my family is going to be there?" JJ asked, again sounding very defeated. "I fooled myself into thinking this was going to be easy."

This saddened Emily greatly since JJ had been so excited just a short time ago. Emily was determined to bring that excitement back to the woman she loved.

"I hope they are, JJ but it's their problem if they aren't. I love you so much and I want nothing more than to call you my wife. To love you for the rest of our lives. To start a family with you. I don't give a shit if the government or anyone else recognizes it or not…you and I will and that's what's most important." Emily said as she gently wiped away the tears that had started to fall from JJ's eyes. She rose up on her knees and kissed JJ, pouring every ounce of love she felt for the blonde into her kiss.

"I love you, JJ. Come on, let's make some decisions about our wedding," Emily said softly, cupping JJ's face in her hand.

So they sat down together and made some decisions. They had decided that they would get married the following June in Massachusetts since same-sex marriages were legal there and they held hope that some day Washington D.C. would recognize same-sex unions performed in other states has had been the discussion recently on Capitol Hill. They were going to be married in a small but elegant wedding with just family and close friends around. JJ decided that they had all the important decisions made and that the details could wait until another day. She had to head home to Woodbridge.

"I really wish you would stay with me tonight," Emily said, kissing JJ once Emily had walked her to her car.

"I can't, Em. It's late and I'm tired. I still have a long drive home."

"Okay, Jayj. I'll see you tomorrow." Emily resigned herself. "I love you, Jennifer Jareau."

"I love you too, Emily Prentiss."

Emily stayed up until JJ called to let her know she got home okay and then went to bed, visions of JJ standing before her in a white dress playing in her head.

XXXX

Emily arrived work at little before 8am the next morning. JJ was already in the office as were the rest of the team. As soon as they were done catching each other up on their vacations, Morgan and Reid hit her with the news that, while they were all out, Strauss had named Gideon's replacement.

"David Rossi? _The_ David Rossi?" Emily exclaimed

"One and the same." Morgan replied

"I can't believe it either. I mean the man retired a legend. He's written books, given lectures, book tours. He was at Ruby…"

"Reid, we get it. We don't need the biography. If there is anything we don't already know, we'll Google him." Morgan interrupted

"Sorry. I just mean to say that he's made millions since he retired, why come back?"

"I guess we'll find out. He and Strauss are in Hotch's office right now."

Emily looked up as JJ walked in to the bullpen from the direction of her office, carrying a stack of folders in her left arm. Emily knew instantly that their vacation was officially over and another case needed their attention.

"Hey, can we be ready for a briefing in 10?" JJ asked not waiting for an answer as she hurriedly headed up the short flight of stairs to where Hotch's office was. Emily watched her move towards Hotch's office as the door opened and Strauss walked out. They passed each other on the stairs with just a quick nod of the head to acknowledge one another. The tension between Strauss and the rest of the team was still palpable though she hadn't made any further waves for any of them.

JJ made her way out of Hotch's office shortly and back down the stairs followed by Hotch and SSA David Rossi. Emily didn't particularly care for the way that David Rossi's eyes roved over her fiancée's body but she chose to ignore it since almost every man, and more than a few women, had the same reaction to JJ. Once he got to know her, it would stop…or Emily might have to make sure that it did.

Introductions were made and the team headed to the conference room to discuss the latest case; a woman in Carrollton, TX had found a "Missing" flier with her face on it taped to her door in the morning…_before_ she'd actually gone missing later that evening. Her body had been found in a small creek outside of Carrollton, sexually assaulted and her face _removed_. As JJ discussed the details of the case and presented the accompanying slide show, the door opened just as she had brought up on the wall screen the gruesome picture of the now faceless woman.

"OH MY GOD! What is that? JJ?" exclaimed Garcia as she walked in the conference room.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're safe." JJ told her best friend as she promptly forwarded the screen to the next slide. JJ and Emily always wondered if Garcia was ever going to be able to stomach the gruesome images that they saw almost on a daily basis. JJ looked at Emily with raised eyebrows and with a slight grin on her face.

Emily watched Garcia look up at the screen and grimace but then look back to the area that had actually drawn her attention.

"Not that…but ew! THAT!!" Garcia uttered excitedly rushing over to her best friend. "THIS! What is this?!!" she said taking JJ's left hand.

Everyone had been so focused on their return from vacation, their new profiler, and the images and discussion of the new case, that nobody had noticed the big, shiny, new adornment on JJ's left hand…nobody that is, except for Garcia.

The rest of the team finally noticed what Garcia was talking about.

"Wow, JJ, that's a hell of a rock," Morgan said

"Does this mean?" Garcia asked with anticipation.

"Yes, we're getting married," JJ said looking tenderly over at Emily

Garcia hugged JJ so hard that Emily was frightened JJ was going to be crushed. Then she found herself wrapped in an equally tight embrace by her busty friend.

Hotch smiled and offered his congratulations to both of them. Followed by Morgan and Reid. Emily noticed David Rossi remained silent. When all had settled back down, Hotch directed the team back to the case at hand.

"Technical analyst Penelope Garcia this is SSA David Rossi," Hotch said by way of introducing their team's oracle to the new profiler.

Garcia struggled to present the information regarding the demographics of the area where the murder had occurred, still excited that her two best friends were getting married…to each other. She handed the folder to Hotch, telling him that she was sorry for causing the small uproar.

"Very happy to meet you, sir" she told Rossi as she shook his hand. Emily watched as Rossi took in the robust woman with her pink-tinged blond hair and large clunky jewelry. Garcia definitely had her own style and it wasn't like anything else in the FBI. No, Penelope Garcia was one of a kind and was a breath of fresh air against all the crisp button-down shirts, starched collars, blue blazers, and polished black shoes.

Emily secretly loved the fact that Hotch didn't offer any explanation to Rossi about her relationship with JJ. There shouldn't have been one…it simply was what it was.

XXXX

A week or so had passed since the discussion of moving in together had come up. Since then, something that JJ had said was plaguing Emily.

"_Your condo is lovely but it's not someplace that comes to mind when I think about raising our family." _JJ's words echoed incessantly in Emily's mind.

JJ had told her that when they were pro and conning their list. And Emily knew that JJ was right. Emily had bought her condo when she moved to D.C. to take the job with the BAU. It looked like a model home because she had it professionally decorated since she didn't have the time to take care of it herself. They had gone over concept and colors but it's not like she was emotionally attached to the unit. She was just attached to living in the city…any city. She was a metropolitan kind of girl. She loved fine dining and the arts; things that she really didn't find too much of in the suburbs, especially Woodbridge.

So Emily decided to take a drive around the city one evening after work when JJ had gone with Hotch to a conference and wasn't due back until very late. Emily had never really delved into the suburban neighborhoods of D.C. but actually liked what she found. Lush tree lined streets, green lawns, and children playing everywhere she looked. She just kept driving through neighborhood after neighborhood, making notes along the way of anything she liked so she'd be able to find it again. She didn't start to head home until it got dark and on her way back, she saw it. It!!

That Saturday she told JJ she had something she wanted to show her. They got ready and then started to head out the door. Emily first grabbed a leather portfolio out of her office and then drove JJ to a quiet street lined with big leafy trees that provided a shady canopy. She pulled in front of a two-story brick house with white wood trim and a red front door. The front lawn and garden were beautifully maintained and were surrounded by the proverbial white picket fence.

"Do you like it?" Emily asked

"It's beautiful. Who lives here?"

"Maybe us, if you like it and agree to it." Emily said, looking for JJ's reaction. "Please don't be upset. I haven't done anything other than ask a realtor to meet us here. I would never make a decision like this without you."

JJ hadn't stopped staring at her for the last couple of minutes.

"I've only seen it from the outside. Come on, JJ. Let's go look inside. Please?"

Emily got out of the car and opened JJ's door for her. JJ didn't move. She didn't look mad which Emily thought was a good sign; she just looked shocked.

Emily squatted down beside JJ. "Jennifer, you're right. My condo is nice for me. Hell it would even be nice for you and me if we were planning on it being just the two of us for the rest of our lives. But we want children and I can't see kids running around in my current place. Maybe we'll be able to see them running around here. Indulge me, Jayj, I promise, if you're not comfortable with the idea, we'll leave."

JJ looked at Emily. "I'm actually a little in awe right now, Em. I'm not upset, just trying to wrap my head around it all."

"Okay," Emily smiled, taking JJ's hand and kissing it. "Come on, let's go look."

They met the realtor, Shannon Meade, in the driveway and she let the two of them into the house.

The interior of the house was even more amazing that the outside. It was warm and cozy yet still had style. The people that were selling the house had obviously loved it.

"He's a partner in a law firm and he's moving to San Francisco to head their office there," Shannon explained when JJ had asked why the house was on the market. "They've already moved in fact and are anxious to sell. They lived here for 12 years and his wife told me she's loved every minute of it."

"Do they have children?" JJ asked. Emily loved the fact that JJ was asking questions. She hoped it meant that she was entertaining the idea.

"Three, two boys and a girl. Great schools in the area, a couple of really nice local parks. They said it was a great place to raise their family. Do you have children?"

"No, but we're hoping to." Emily replied

"How nice. Well I'll let you look around. I'm here if you have any questions." Shannon said handing Emily a flyer on the house.

Emily and JJ wandered around the empty house and out into the yard. The living room was large but still cozy, the kitchen would do any gourmet proud, the family room was large enough that Emily could see a whole brood of kids playing in it, the backyard big enough to accommodate a myriad of playground equipment.

Emily gave JJ the flyer when she asked to see it as they walked upstairs and started looking at the bedrooms.

"This house is over 2,800 square feet, has 4 bedrooms and 3 baths. How many kids are you thinking of having, Em?"

"As many as you're willing to give me," she said with a wide grin

"HOLY SHIT!" JJ exclaimed when she saw the price at the bottom of the flyer. "We can't afford this house."

Emily took a deep breath and opened the black portfolio she'd been carrying. "I think it's time you saw this."

Emily watched JJ read through the financial statements that she had just handed her. It listed every account and investment she had, including both of her rather large trust funds, and its current balance. JJ just stared back at her when she was finished.

"I tried to tell you." Emily said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, I knew you had money but Jesus, Emily."

Emily knew JJ was overwhelmed, even Emily knew it was a lot of money. "Both my parents come from money. My mother is an only child. Once Alex died, I became the only grandchild on my mother's side. There are only three of us on my father's side. My grandparents left a lot of money and I got a good chunk of it."

"I can't let you spend…"

Emily held her finger up to JJ's lips. "Shhh. JJ, this is for us. It's an investment in our future. We'll make a cash offer and will probably be able to get them to come down a little. I'll sell my condo and that will put some of the cash back."

Emily saw tears starting to form in JJ's eyes and watched as JJ turned her back to her. It's what JJ did every time she didn't want Emily to see her emotions or her vulnerability; it's what JJ did so Emily wouldn't profile her.

Emily walked over, wrapped her arms around JJ's waist from behind, and pulled her close. "Can you see children here? I can. I can see a nursery over there," Emily said pointing at the bedroom right off the master. "I can see them bounding down the stairs on Christmas morning. I can see birthday parties in the backyard. I can see…"

JJ turned around in her arms, smiling. "I can see you reading them bedtime stories. I can see you comforting them when they've been wakened by a nightmare. I can see you watching over them when they're sick. I can see all of us in bed on a lazy Sunday morning." JJ brushed Emily's hair away from her face.

Emily smiled and wiped the tears that had fallen down JJ's face. She leaned in and gave JJ a slow, lingering kiss. "I can see us very happy here," Emily said nuzzling JJ's neck.

"I love you, Emily."

"So does that mean you're on board?"

"I'm on board," JJ said as Emily pulled her close again. "I'm nervous as hell, but I'm on board."

Emily laughed triumphantly, wrapped JJ in her arms, and swung her around.

"I'm so happy, Jennifer. We have a home."

"Emily, I know we spoke about renting out my house but maybe we should sell it too."

"JJ, you love your house. I realize we will be living in another but I know how much that house means to you. You put so much of yourself into it. No, we'll keep it. At the very least, it's a nice investment."

JJ hugged her and rested her head on her shoulder. Emily knew JJ meant what she said when she offered to sell her home but she also knew how happy JJ was that they were going to keep the house in Woodbridge. They made an offer on the house and found out the next day that it had been accepted. There was so much to do in the thirty days until they got the keys to their new home.

They packed, listed Emily's condo, decisions were made on what was going to move to their new home, what was going to be sold or tossed, and what needed to be bought. A couple of weeks before they moved in, they snuck Garcia into the house so she could see it. They laughed as Garcia practically ran from room to room squealing about how beautiful and perfect everything was; to Garcia, every room seemed to be more perfect than the one she had just left.

*************************************************************

Garcia. It was right about that time that they'd almost lost their beautiful and quirky best friend to her a bullet of her own. That incident changed a lot of Emily and JJ's plans. It sped things up quickly. Emily flashbacked to that time in their history. She remembered hearing about her friend being shot, holding JJ's hand in that hospital, what JJ had done in the end, and how it had impacted their lives.

As Emily was thinking about this, she noticed that the hold she had on JJ's hand had changed. She noticed that JJ was now gripping her hand, not squeezing periodically but actually gripping it and tightly. She felt movement and then the grip got even tighter.

Emily looked at JJ's face and was met with a pair of scared and bewildered blue eyes.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…**


	19. Lucky

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing. **

**AN3: The story is rated T but some chapters will be rated M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat. **

**AN4: Thank you so much for the kind reviews and PMs. Each and every one of them is special and greatly appreciated. It's what helps keep me working on this story. **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

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Emily was paralyzed for a second. Even though she had been hoping that JJ would wake up soon, she still wasn't expecting it when it finally happened. JJ grabbed at her hand tighter and with the other started to reach for the tube in her throat. Emily snapped out of it and sprang into action. She held JJ's one hand tightly and grabbed the one reaching for her airway.

"JJ! JJ, it's okay, baby. Relax. You need to relax, please. For me?"

Emily could tell that JJ was frightened; her eyes wide open and her body was trying to fight against Emily grasp.

"You have a breathing tube in your throat, Jennifer. You need to relax so you don't hurt yourself."

Emily let go of one of her hands and placed it on top of JJ's head, gently rubbing her thumb across her forehead. Her eyes still as big as saucers, Emily felt JJ start to relax, but only slightly.

"JJ, look at me. Do you remember what happened?"

Emily could tell by the look in JJ's eyes that she had no idea.

"Honey, you were shot 4 days ago. You've had surgery and you have a tube to help you breathe. I know it hurts, baby, but you need to relax."

It anguished Emily to see the pain that was in JJ's eyes. She watched as JJ started to visibly calm down. Feeling her own trace their way down her face, Emily wiped away a tear that had fallen from one of JJ's eyes.

"That's my girl. Easy does it." JJ still had a death grip on her hand, but Emily just held onto it tighter. "I love you. It's good to have you back."

Emily watched as JJ squeezed her eyes shut tightly, grimaced, and then opened them again. Emily moved her hand away from JJ's head momentarily to hit the call button beside her that would summon the nurse on duty. When she came in, Emily was happy to see it was still Nurse Tam Ly.

"Is everything okay?" Tam asked walking in. Then seeing her patient had her eyes opened, she said. "Ah, sleeping beauty has decided to join us again."

Tam walked over to the other side of JJ's bed and did an assessment of her patient. She took note of JJ's vitals and also did a quick disconnect and suction of JJ's breathing tube. Emily hated it every time a nurse had to come in to do the necessary function and, even though Tam had warned her beforehand, JJ momentarily panicked when she couldn't breathe.

"You're doing good, Agent Jareau. You need to stay calm and breathe as normal as possible," Tam said to JJ as she left the room. "I'm going to go page Dr. Harden. I believe he's still in the hospital this afternoon."

Emily couldn't unlock her eyes from JJ's. She'd been waiting 4 days for those eyes, though more indigo right now than their normal azure color, to open and she wasn't going to stop looking at them. Emily always loved the way that JJ's eyes would change colors, often disclosing her mood. Bright azure when happy like on their wedding day or just content like when relaxing with Henry after work; Indigo or even darker when agitated, angry, upset…or sexually aroused. Emily only liked to see JJ's eyes that color when the latter was the cause.

Emily placed her lips where her thumb had been gently tracing back and forth. Emily watched JJ's eyes flutter close and then open again.

"It's okay, baby. You're going to be okay. Just breathe. Are you in a lot of pain?"

JJ closed her eyes for a second and then reopened them.

"One for yes?"

JJ closed her eyes once again.

"Okay…one for yes. Two…for no." Just to test it, Emily thought she'd ask a question she knew would elicit a negative response.

"Is my name, Penelope?" JJ blinked twice.

"Good girl. So you have a lot of pain. Okay. I'll tell the doctor when he gets here. Maybe he can up your pain meds."

JJ blinked twice

"No arguing, missy. He said you'd be in a lot of pain. It's okay to take the drugs, JJ."

JJ closed her eyes again and grimaced. "_Where is Dr. Harden_?" Emily thought anxiously.

Despite the paid medication that was already being administered to her intravenously, Emily could tell JJ was in a lot of pain.

Emily bent over JJ and kept stroking the hair on JJ's head. "I'm so happy you're awake. I've been so worried about you."

JJ let go of Emily hand and reached up and pointed her index finger at Emily's chest, looking at her with a furrowed brow.

"How am I?" Emily asked. JJ blinked once causing Emily to smile.

"You're too much. You get shot in the chest and you're worried about how I am," Emily said retaking JJ's hand and kissing it. "I'm much better now that I can look into your eyes. I love you."

JJ blinked once. She pulled her hand away from Emily's and reached up to touch Emily again. JJ traced the shape of a heart on Emily's chest just above her left breast and then laid her hand flat against Emily's chest on the same spot. JJ then moved her hand up to Emily's face, cupping it and wiping Emily's tears with her thumb.

JJ couldn't make a sound but Emily heard her loud and clear.

Emily watched as JJ grimaced again.

"Okay, moving probably hurts so, as much as I love you touching me, lets try to stay still," Emily said as she gently placed JJ's arms back at her side and entwined their fingers together.

"Hey, everyone's here and they've all been waiting for you to wake up."

JJ squinted at Emily.

"Your mom and dad, " Emily felt JJ squeeze her hand tighter. "Yeah, they're here, JJ." Emily wipe away another tear that rolled down JJ's face.

"And Paul. My mom. The team. They're all here." Emily said kissing JJ's forehead again. "And Henry," she finished reluctantly. She knew JJ would be upset hearing that her son was here but she also knew JJ would want to know how he was doing.

JJ closed her eyes and more drops fell. Emily wiped the new tears JJ was shedding using the back of her fingers. "Ssshhh. It's okay. It's okay." Emily said, her lips pressed against JJ's temple. "He's good, Jayj. I spent last night with him. He's such a good boy. You mom met our son, JJ. I wish you could have seen it."

Emily stood up and wiped the rest of JJ's tears that were running down the side of her face and onto her neck. JJ squeezed Emily's hand tighter.

JJ had just stopped crying when Dr. Harden walked into the room followed closely by Tam and a young, Asian doctor Emily hadn't seen before.

"Well, well…I see the rumors are true, you do have eyes as blue as the sky," Dr. Harden said with a smile upon seeing that JJ was indeed awake. "I'm Dr. Neil Harden, I did both of your surgeries. This is Dr. Paul Lee; he's our local pulmonary expert. Dr. Lee, this is Jennifer Jareau." Dr. Harden said, then added, "and her wife, Emily."

JJ held up two fingers. "Yeah, baby…you've been in surgery twice." Emily responded

Dr. Lee shook Emily's hand then walked over to the other side of JJ's bed. Ignoring the pulse oximeter on JJ's left index finger, he gently took her hand into his.

"I know the tube is uncomfortable. We're going to see about removing it as soon as it is safe to do so. I'm going to check some readings. I need some blood work done too. Is this okay with you?" Dr. Lee asked.

JJ blinked once

"She's been blinking once for yes…twice for no," Emily offered. Turning to Dr. Harden, Emily added, "She's in a lot of pain."

"That's to be expected. After Dr. Lee is finished, I'm going to examine her. Maybe you'd like to wait outside, Emily?" Dr. Harden asked.

JJ grabbed her hand.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay, we're going to have to pull her gown down to take a look." Dr. Harden cautioned

"It's not anything I haven't already seen," Emily replied, winking at JJ

"It'll be a bit different, Emily. She's suffered a lot of trauma."

"I'm not going anywhere." Emily repeated resolutely, holding JJ's hand tightly.

Dr. Lee finished his assessment and had Tam pull some blood.

"We can wait for the blood work to come back if you'd like but I think we're going to be safe switching over to CPAP," Dr. Lee told Dr. Harden.

Catching the look on Emily face, Dr. Lee explained, "Right now, Ms. Jareau…"

"JJ, please call her JJ," Emily interrupted.

"Okay…right now, JJ is breathing with assistance from the machine. JJ initiates the breath but the machine kicks in when she does and they work together. In CPAP mode, JJ will breathe on her own and the machine will only kick in if she is not reaching the desired oxygenation. I would like to see what her oxygen levels are on CPAP before I decide to take her off the ventilator altogether," the young doctor explained.

Emily nodded, "You okay with that, sweetie?"

JJ blinked once.

"If you're uncomfortable right now, JJ, we can sedate you." Dr. Lee advised

JJ blinked twice

"Okay, please let me know if you change your mind." Dr. Lee said. "Dr. Harden, I'm finished if you'd like to do your exam."

"Thank you, Dr. Lee." Looking at JJ, he said. "You ready, JJ?"

JJ blinked once

Nurse Ly pulled the curtain to allow for a little privacy.

Dr. Harden explained to JJ as quickly as possible what had transpired in the last 4 days. After making sure she understood what had happened and what he was about to do, he started with his exam.

Dr. Harden carefully reached behind JJ's neck to pull her gown, along with the sheet that had been covering her body, down to her waist. Dr. Harden then pulled off the dressing that was covering the wound on JJ's chest. Emily had tried to brace herself for what she was going to see but was shocked nonetheless.

Between her breasts, JJ had a long, red, angry incision running down almost the entire length of her chest. JJ also had a chest tube just under the side of her right breast to drain the fluid that had been building in her lung. That's all Emily could bear to see and had to look away.

Emily smiled at JJ, "It's going to be fine, honey. Just keep looking at me."

Nurse Ly tried to clean her incisions as best she could without hurting JJ and then applied a new dressing. Despite Tam's efforts, Emily could tell by the look on JJ's face she wasn't completely successful. Dr. Harden increased JJ's pain medication but switch it to one that would less likely cause her to be sedated. Both doctors then agreed to switch JJ over to CPAP.

Everyone in the room watched JJ's oxygen levels and was pleased when they remained above their desired levels.

"Very good, JJ," Dr. Harden said. "I'll be back to check on you before I head home for the night."

"Emily, can I speak with you for a second?" JJ's doctor asked before leaving.

Outside of JJ's room, he gave her arm a squeeze at the elbow.

"I know you're going to want to spend all night here but you need to figure out how to rest. I'm almost as concerned about you as I am about JJ."

"I'm not leaving her."

Dr. Harden chuckled, "And you call her bullheaded."

Emily just smiled at the doctor that she'd grown quite fond of.

"Have it your way. Just find a way to get some rest. As for JJ, she's doing well. If she keeps this up, we'll probably be able to remove her from the vent tomorrow. In the meantime, she cannot be left alone right now. She will most likely sleep a lot and every time she wakes up, she may struggle against the tube."

"Okay, Dr. Harden."

"Neil. Please."

"Very well, Neil," Emily said smiling at the doctor. "Thank you so much for everything."

Emily gave Neil a hug.

"You're welcome, Emily. I'm glad she's finally come back to you," he said as he walked over to Tam to give her a few more directives. "You're both very lucky. I'll tell her folks and everyone else for you" Neil added as Emily headed back to JJ.

Emily walked back into JJ's room to find JJ starting to drift off again. JJ's eyes opened when Emily walked back to her side.

"Sleep, honey. You're tired. You have a lot of getting better ahead of you."

"I love you, JJ."

JJ blinked once…and then fell asleep.

Once Emily was sure JJ was asleep, Emily allowed herself a good cry. Emily cried because the woman she loved had finally woken up, she cried for JJ's pain, she cried for the long road JJ still had before her, and she cried because she was relieved.

Relieved…that was one of the words to describe JJ as she broke in Emily's arms after the whole incident involving Garcia and Jason Clark Battle. Relieved and resolute.

*************************************************************

Emily had made plans to show Elizabeth the new home that JJ and her were going to be moving into in a week. Emily would have loved for JJ to be there beside her but, since she also hadn't told her mother she was getting married, Emily thought that perhaps it was best that she did this on her own. Emily left JJ to a mountain of paperwork in her office as she left to go meet her mother.

"Emily it's lovely," the Ambassador said. "But why do you need such a big house?"

Emily took a deep breath. "Mother, I've asked JJ to marry me."

Elizabeth looked at her daughter, stunned. "I take it the answer was yes."

"Yes it was. We're getting married next June and we're hoping to start a family by the end of next year."

Elizabeth placed her hands together in front of her. "Emily, you know I like JJ a lot but, you've only been dating her for a few months."

"Seven months, mother, a little over seven. And that is more than enough time for me to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with her."

"Would you consider a prenup, Emily?"

"Nope. JJ isn't interested in my money, mother."

"Whose name is on this house?"

"Both of ours."

"Emily"

"Mother! How can you like JJ and still not trust her?"

"Emily, it's happened to a lot of my friends. Their children marry someone without a prenup and 3-4 years later, they're gone and taken a good chunk of the family's wealth with them."

"None of them married JJ. Mother, you've met JJ…you like JJ. I think you may even love JJ. It would never be in JJ's character to do that. Besides…"

"Besides what, Emily?"

"She offered to sign one and I told her no."

"I really hope you know what you're doing, Emily."

"Trust me, mother. If you don't trust JJ, trust me."

Just then Emily's phone rang. Looking at the display she saw it was Hotch.

Emily held up her finger to her mother indicating she had to take the call.

"Hey Hotch? What's up?"

Hotch explained to Emily that Garcia had been found shot in front of her apartment building by one of her neighbors and was being rushed to the hospital in critical condition.

"WHAT? OH MY GOD!" Emily exclaimed. "I'll be there as soon as I can? Does JJ know?"

Hotch told Emily that JJ was still in the office when the call came in and that she was at the hospital with him but was a little too shaken to speak at that moment.

"I'm on my way."

Emily quickly explained to her mother what had happened and then hurriedly made her way to the hospital. As soon as she walked into the waiting area where JJ was sitting, JJ was on her feet and seeking comfort from Emily. JJ seemed so small and childlike waiting for news on how her best friend was doing. JJ sat in stunned silence. Emily grabbed JJ's wrist and then took her hand in hers when offered to provide support.

Thankfully Garcia made it through surgery and was going to be okay. In fact, the doctors told the team that she could actually leave the hospital in a couple of days. Once those fears were assuaged, the team investigated the shooting of their friend with gusto. They were determined to find the man that shot Garcia and were not going to work any other cases until this one was solved.

Emily was at Garcia's apartment with Reid and Morgan when they found out their suspect, Jason Clark Battle, was in the bullpen of the BAU. Unfortunately, although in their offices just off the bullpen floor, the two other profilers on their team, Hotch and Rossi, were not in position to overtake Battle without putting a lot of lives in jeopardy.

Morgan realized they needed to slip someone behind Battle if they were going to take him down without him hurting anyone. Reid asked Garcia to bring up the cameras outside of the bullpen. Emily's heart skipped a beat when she saw JJ sitting in her office working on some files. Emily didn't want him to but she knew Morgan needed to contact JJ to let her know what was going on…and to see if she could get in position to take down their unsub. The three profilers and their tech goddess watched as Battle slowly took in the room around him. Hotch and Rossi were closing in and Emily knew Battle was watching them.

"He knows they know," Emily said, suddenly very worried that her fiancée was in such close proximity to an unsub that had no compunction about shooting FBI agents.

The team knew they had to get to the office…and fast.

The drive from Garcia's apartment to Quantico seemed like it took hours to Emily. She sat in the backseat of the bureau SUV they were riding in wringing her hands.

"_JJ will be fine_," she kept repeating to herself over and over again. She had every confidence in her team but an unsub without a conscience that also happened to have a gun, well anything could happen. Emily barely waited for Morgan to stop the vehicle before she sprang out of the car and headed towards the elevators.

Emily finally walked off the elevator on the 6th Floor and found the area to be in chaos. There had indeed been a shooting. Battle had been shot once in the head and killed…by JJ. Emily wasn't surprised JJ had been the one to take him down. She and JJ had been to the shooting range many times and Emily knew JJ was probably the best shot on the team. Growing up in rural Pennsylvania, JJ had always been around guns. Her father had taught her to shoot before she could even ride a bike. The Bureau just enhanced what was already a strong skill set.

Emily watched JJ as she sat on top of a table in their break area receiving quiet congratulations from other member of the Bureau. She knew she shouldn't have been but she was profiling JJ trying to figure out just how JJ was feeling about killing someone for the first time.

Emily hung back but was close enough to hear her conversation with Garcia.

"Hey." Garcia said walking up to JJ

"Hey," JJ replied back

"I never wanted you to have to do something like that," Garcia told her best friend.

"I never even blinked." JJ countered letting out a puff of air, "you do whatever it takes to, um, protect your family."

The look on JJ's face as Garcia pulled her into a hug told Emily that JJ might not be handling this as well down deep as she appeared to be on the surface. Emily waited until JJ sat alone before she walked up to her.

"Come on, let me take you home." Emily told her

JJ was very quiet during the ride to her house in Woodbridge. They walked into JJ's house, which was cluttered with boxes as JJ had been packing in preparation for the move into their new house. Emily sat JJ down on her couch and noticed that JJ was starting to shake, a delayed reaction to what had happened earlier. Emily went over to the kitchen and managed to find the box that contained the liquor that JJ had already packed up. She poured them both a Jack and Diet Coke then went back to where JJ was sitting.

"Drink."

"I'm okay, Em."

"I can tell you're not, JJ. Take a drink, it'll help."

JJ took a long drink, then put her elbows on her knees, bent forward, and started to cry. Emily put her glass on the table, did the same to JJ's, and pulled JJ to her. She wrapped JJ tightly in her arms, rocked her, and let her break.

JJ started to calm down a bit and pulled out of Emily's embrace. Emily placed her hand on the small of JJ's back and rubbed small circles on it.

"I don't want to get married in June." JJ said softly, staring off into space, not really focused on anything.

"What?" Emily said, confused by her fiancée's sudden comment.

JJ snapped out of her almost trance like state and realized the way what she said must have sounded like.

"I'm sorry, Em. What I meant is, I don't want to wait until June to get married."

"Oh?"

"If this whole incident has taught me anything, it's that life's too short. One minute you're out on a date with some guy you're hoping is interested in you. The next minute your fighting for your life. I almost lost my best friend, Emily. And I ended someone's life tonight, to boot. He wasn't a good man and I don't feel bad about it but in the end, someone's life ended tonight because of me. Life changes in a flash, Emily, and I don't want to waste any more time than I have to before I marry the woman that I love. Why are we waiting until June to get married when instead we could be expecting a baby by then?"

"Why indeed." Emily laughed. "Are you sure about this, JJ?"

"Yes. I've never wanted anything more in my life, Emily. I want to marry you and I want to start a family, our family, as soon as possible after that."

Emily smiled, "Okay. Let's get married, as soon as possible." Emily kissed JJ and JJ pushed her back onto the couch and straddled her, her tongue hungrily seeking entrance into Emily's mouth. Emily felt JJ shiver as her hands sought the skin under JJ's blouse. JJ started kissing along Emily's neck and took an earlobe into her mouth. Emily undid JJ's bra and brought her hands to her front, cupping her breasts.

"Take me to bed, Emily," JJ whispered

XXXX

Later that night after making love, Emily was spooned behind JJ holding her in her arms.

"JJ?"

"Hmm?"

"I can't have children."

"You're not that much older than me, Em. You could still get pregnant. But I've already figured that I would be the one to carry our children."

Emily reached up to turn on the light on the nightstand.

"No, JJ. I _can't_ have children. I'm not able to conceive." Emily said sadly, sitting up and pulling the sheets up to her chin when she suddenly starting feeling very exposed.

This was a conversation she had long put off having with JJ. Because they were thinking about starting their family sooner than they had originally planned, Emily thought she'd should tell JJ one of her biggest secrets. They had done a little research on in vitro fertilization but had not really discussed anything specific. Emily thought that they both assumed because JJ was younger, she would be the one to carry their baby. But Emily wanted to be honest with JJ and let her know what had happened so many years before.

"Emily, I'm sorry. I had no idea. Are you sure?"

Emily explained to JJ what happened with John Cooley all those many years ago. How she got pregnant when she was fifteen. How she had an abortion. And how, as a result of that abortion, she'd had complications and ended up in the hospital.

"It probably wouldn't have been as bad had I been able to tell my mom I was bleeding sooner. I was a scared kid and she was already going through so much with my brother's death. I didn't want to complicate things for her."

"I'm sorry, honey."

"She didn't know until I nearly passed out in the bathroom. I pulled the shower curtain down with me and she came in when she heard the clatter." Emily continued, "My uterus was perforated during the procedure. It was repaired but when I started to have pain several years later, I found out it was severely scarred. Even if I wanted to, I would never be able to conceive."

Emily had been aware of this for years but had never shared it with anyone. There had never been a need to before but, with JJ, she didn't want to have any secrets between them when they got married.

JJ reached up to wipe away tears that Emily hadn't realized she'd even shed. JJ kissed Emily and pushed the hair that had fallen in her face back behind her ear.

"Were you afraid to tell me, Em?"

"I didn't want you to think less of me, Jennifer."

"I am so in love with you, Emily Prentiss. I could never think less of you." JJ said straddling Emily once again and kissing her. JJ kissed Emily through her tears. Kissed her passionately and with every fiber of her being. Pressed her naked body against Emily's until they were as one, until Emily could feel the want coming from her lover.

After making love again, they ended up in the same position they had been in when that whole conversation started,

"We're literally going to put all our eggs in one basket, aren't we?" JJ asked. "Mine"

"It's a lovely basket," Emily said pressing kisses into the nape of JJ's neck as she ran her hand down JJ's torso and continued a little lower.

"I'm serious, Em. What if I can't conceive?"

"I don't think you've ever tried before have you, JJ?"

"No."

"Then let's not worry about something we might not need to worry about, Jennifer," Emily said, "We'll make an appointment with that Dr. Schreiber we read about and start the tests."

"Okay. It's just…"

"No 'it's justs', okay? We'll figure out a way. Regardless of how he or she gets here, we will have children. I promise." Emily said in the dark

JJ rolled over and kissed Emily.

"I love you, Emily. How did I get so lucky?"

"I'm the lucky one, JJ. Now, it's been a long day. Let's get some sleep. Lots of details to hammer out if we're going to get married sooner rather than later."

"You still okay with that, Em?"

"I'd marry you tomorrow if I could. I love you, JJ. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Em," JJ said barely able to stifle a yawn as she settled in to sleep.

XXXX

Because of the shooting in the BAU the previous night, the team had been given the day off to regroup. Emily and JJ spent the day hammering out the details of their wedding. They sat side-by-side on JJ's couch laptops open, calendar out, notepad and pencils ready to go. They had a lot to do and only so much time to get it done…especially since they were also going to be moving in a week.

"You wanted a clambake in June, JJ. Are you sure you want to get married next month? It'll be December and not exactly beach weather."

"We'll figure out something, Em. I just want to be married. I want to be your wife and I want to start our family," JJ said

"Then that's what we'll do." Emily said kissing JJ softly on the lips

"We can just go to a city hall or something."

"No, JJ. We'll have a real wedding. We'll come up with something that will make us both happy."

"In a month, Garcia should be well enough to travel without any discomfort."

"I hope so. Can't get married without your maid-of-honor."

"No, she'd never forgive me."

"Good thing she's who you wanted. She wouldn't have taken no for an answer."

"Yeah, no kidding." JJ said rolling her eyes

"They're all going to freak when we tell them we've moved it up, Jayj." Emily said grabbing the calendar. "So, what day in December?"

JJ looked over the calendar Emily had handed her.

"How about December 15th? 10 days before Christmas. Has a nice feel to it."

Emily was silent.

"Em?"

"The 15th?" Emily said with a heavy sigh.

"Bad day? We can pick another."

"No, it's fine, JJ."

"Em? What aren't you telling me?"

Emily gathered her thoughts for a moment. "December 15th…that's the 20th Anniversary of the day that Alex died."

"Oh my god, Em. I'm sorry. I had no idea. We can pick another day. Another month if you'd like. We can…"

"You know what, Jayj. For a long time I've dreaded December 15th. I think Alex would be honored. It's not like I won't be thinking of him and this will give me a reason to look forward to that day."

"Are you sure you're okay with this, Emily?"

"Yes. I'm sure, baby."

XXXX

A week later, they moved into their new home. Even though Emily had hired movers, the team was still there to help. They all thought their new house was beautiful and JJ had enjoyed giving them all the grand tour. The guys were all finishing moving some boxes and arranging some things upstairs with JJ while Emily and Garcia opened up the pizza and salads that had arrived just in the nick of time to feed the hungry crew.

"Finally, something that you'll let me help with," Garcia grumbled

"Garcia, honey, you were just shot a week ago. You're only here to lend moral support. The lifting of our spirits is the only lifting you will be doing today."

"But I feel great."

"And we'd like to keep it that way. You have an important duty in a few weeks."

"I can't wait. JJ is letting me pick out my own dress."

Emily laughed, "I sure hope she knows what she's asking for."

"Emily Prentiss I'll have you know I have great taste and style. Voted Best Dressed every year starting in the 8th grade," Garcia said proudly

"I have no doubt about that. You do have great taste and you certainly have style but this is a wedding, our wedding. You can't upstage the bride."

"Brides o'gorgeous one…brides. And trust me, I will not be stealing either of yours' thunder that day."

"Am I really going to get it all, Pen?"

"Sugar, you both are. You're going to have it all, kitten…Jill, Kelly, and Sabrina!"

The rest of the team came downstairs and hungrily dug into the food having worked up quite an appetite. They shared pizza, beer, and a lot of laughs. If Garcia's being shot proved anything it was that they were family…each other's family. Always there for one another; without questions, no matter what.

Emily looked over at JJ and noticed she'd gotten quiet. JJ had moved away from the team and walked over to look out onto their backyard. Emily walked over to where she was and wrapped her arms around her from behind. Emily wasn't one to often show her affection for her lover in front of the team but this was her house…their house and, if not here, then where.

"You okay?" Emily asked

"Why is it easier for these 5 people…people that we would never have known if we didn't all work for the FBI, people that aren't necessarily required to love us unconditionally...to support us more than my family?"

"I don't know, Jayj."

"Emily, these people never blinked when it came to us. Even Hotch. Never looked at us askance. We're just Emily and JJ. And they love us for it. These people are going to be there for us next month, but my family won't."

"Do you know that for sure, Jayj?"

JJ slid out of Emily's grasp and walked over to where she had placed her purse. She pulled out a while envelope. It was a response envelope for one of the few invitations they had sent out for their wedding. JJ opened it and pulled out the response card from her parents. It was marked "Not Able to Attend".

"I'm sorry, honey." Emily said as she kissed JJ's forehead. "I was hoping they would surprise me."

"Me too, Em."

"Have you heard from your brothers?"

"Not yet. I'm not counting on them either. Even though they don't have a problem with us, I know they won't want to deal with my mother if they come."

Just then they heard laughter coming from the kitchen area and it brought smiles back to the faces of the two women.

"That's our family…in there, Jayj. Those people put their lives on the line for us every day. Those people…each and every one of them, even Garcia, would die for us."

"You're right, Em. Plan B?"

"Yeah…Plan B."

Everyone was still having a good time when they walked back into the kitchen.

"Hotch, can Emily and I speak to you for a sec?" JJ asked their Unit Chief

"Sure" Hotch said shoving the rest of his pizza in his mouth.

They walked over to the living room.

"Hotch, we received your RSVP card and we're glad that you're coming up to Massachusetts for our wedding. The whole team is going which is wonderful." JJ stated

"We wouldn't miss it," Hotch replied

"I was wondering if you would do me a favor?" JJ asked

"Name it."

"My father isn't going to be able to make it, Hotch."

"I'm sorry, JJ."

"Yeah. Me too. I've always dreamed of him walking me down the aisle when I got married but that isn't going to happen. Your support has meant a lot to both of us. The way you faced Strauss for us. Hotch, I would be honored if you would walk me down the aisle. You're a rare individual Aaron Hotchner and, besides my father, I can't think of a man that has meant more to my life that you."

"JJ, the honor would be mine."

JJ hugged Hotch and Emily wasn't positive but she thought she saw a tear start to develop in the unflappable man's eye.

So by the end of that day they were all set.

They were moved in. Their wedding date was set. Plans had been made. Rooms had been booked. Guests had been invited. Attendants had been asked. They had even already paid a visit to one Dr. Melissa Schreiber to discuss their plans for IVF. Their lives were moving forward…one day at a time.

And as a tired Emily made love that night to an equally tired JJ, only one thought kept creeping through her mind. "_How did I get so lucky_?"

*******************************************************************

"Lucky indeed, my darling," Emily said to a sleeping JJ. "Even after all that we've been through for the last 4 days, we're still extremely lucky. You're still here. And you're getting stronger. You came back to me today. I love you."

Emily felt her eyes start to close. She was tired. She didn't think she'd be able to but she somehow found a position comfortable enough to contemplate sleep and then before she even realized it, she was out.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…**

**Next week...can you hear the wedding bells?**


	20. Dearly Beloved

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story that will continue even though JJ is now awake. **

**AN3: This chapter is rated a slight M…there's a little fooling around.**

**AN4: Thank you so much for the kind reviews and PMs. They are all appreciated. **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

*******************************************************************

Emily woke up when she felt her hair being stroked. Thinking it was Garcia again, she opened her eyes expecting to see her curvaceous friend in the room. Instead the room was empty except for her and JJ. It was JJ who was awake and lightly running her fingers through her hair.

"You're awake again," Emily said, stretching her body back into an upright position after having rested her head on JJ's bed. "Ow, I've really got to stop sleeping hunched over like that. I don't even remember laying my head there."

JJ raised an eyebrow

"You can say more with one eyebrow than most people can say with a hundred words," Emily said smiling. "If I had a dollar for every time you cocked an eyebrow at me."

JJ raised two eyebrows at her

"I'll take that. You woke without fighting the vent. You feeling any better?"

JJ blinked once, but it was a long solo blink accompanied by a squinting of her eyes.

"A little?"

JJ blinked once

"I'll take that, too," Emily said placing her lips softly on JJ's forehead. "I love you."

JJ took Emily's hand.

They didn't hear anyone enter the room but the next thing they heard were the rings that hung the privacy curtain sliding across the curtain rod.

"Can I come in?" JJ's mother asked

Tears immediately started to fall from JJ's eyes; which Emily wiped away as quickly as they could fall.

"You're awake. I kept hoping Emily would come get me."

"I'm sorry, Donna. I wanted to sit alone with her for a little while. I was going to come get you but I fell asleep. I just woke up about 5 minutes ago."

"It's okay, Emily. I took a chance that it would be all right for me to come see my baby."

Donna walked to the other side of JJ's bed and started to brush her hand across JJ's hair.

"Honey, I'm so happy that you're finally awake. I've been so worried." Donna said.

"Donna, I'm going to leave you alone with JJ for a bit. Would you like me to send James back for a little while, too?"

"Thank you, Emily. That would be wonderful."

"No problem. Donna, when you talk to her, JJ is blinking once for yes and two for no. She's good at it. Aren't you baby?"

JJ blinked once.

Donna laughed softly, "Okay, one time means yes. Twice means no. Got it."

"Good. I'll be back in a little bit, honey. I'll let your mom and dad spend a little time with you," Emily said kissing JJ on top of her head.

Emily left JJ's room and found her way back to the waiting room. She recognized the laugh even before she came upon the unexpected sight in front of her. She smiled when she saw her son bouncing on his grandfather's knee and chatting animatedly. James held Henry by the waist and was rolling the little boy from side to side while bouncing him on his knee at the same time. Henry loved it. Every time James tried to stop, Henry would bob up and down on his own and try to move himself from side to side. If the smile on his face was any indication, James seemed to enjoy playing with the little boy too.

"_I guess we'll add one James Jareau to the list_," Emily said making a mental note of yet another person that Henry had under his spell.

Emily felt a tear start to develop in her eye and quickly wiped it away.

"Hey sweet pea, how's our patient," Garcia said when Emily walked into the room

"She's awake and alert. Donna's with her now. James, would you like to go back there and visit for a bit?"

"Sorry, Henry," James told his grandson as he got up, "Grandpa needs to go see your mommy."

"I'll take him," Emily said, holding her hands up to receive her son. Henry looked at his grandpa for a second and then reached out for him.

James took the tiny hand in his, "It was nice to meet you too, Henry."

Henry laughed then watched as James made his was to JJ's room.

"Score another one for Henry," Emily said to her son. He crashed his head into her chest and stayed there. "Tired little dude?" Emily asked as she rubbed his back. "Too much playtime with grandpa?" Henry's answer was to put the pacifier clipped to his shirt into his mouth.

"How does Henry do it, Em?" Garcia asked from her position in front of her laptop

"How does JJ do it? It's just a natural charm. He can't help it anymore than she can."

"You know you and JJ are going to be chasing away girls by the dozens when he's older."

"Oh we know. We're going to need to keep a close eye out on this one." Emily said of the innocent little boy in her arms; now sucking contentedly on his pacifier.

Noticing that she was left in the room with only Garcia, Emily asked, "Where is everyone?"

"Well, now that JJ's awake and hopefully out of danger, people felt a little better about leaving for a little bit. Hotch went to the station to check on the case and your mom and Amanda went to get a bite to eat and took Paul with them. I said we'd watch Henry. I meant Donna, James, and me but it looks like you've got him now, cookie."

"That's fine. I missed my little guy today," Emily said rocking her son. "Mommy misses you too, dude. She's awake and hopefully you'll get to see her soon."

"How is she really, Em?"

"She told me she loves me. Do you know how badly I needed that?"

"She can talk!!" Garcia asked with her mouth agape

"No, but she didn't have to. She didn't have to say anything at all. I know. It's in her eyes and it's in her touch."

Garcia smiled, "I can only hope that someday I find a love like you two have."

"What about Kevin?"

"I think he's a 'for now' boyfriend, not a forever boyfriend," Garcia said of her longtime boyfriend, Kevin Lynch. "I like being with him, and I love him, but I can't see forever with him, Em. I can't see what you and JJ have. And I can't see that," Garcia said pointing at the little boy now sleeping peacefully in his mother's arms.

"It's special, Pen. I wouldn't trade what JJ and I have, what the three of us have for anything," Emily said brushing the soft, blond hair off of her son's forehead.

"I'd like to have that someday, Em,"

"You're too special not to find it, Garcia. If you don't find it with Kevin, you'll find it eventually. Just like you told me one day not too long ago…'you're going to have it all, kitten…Jill, Kelly, and Sabrina'."

Garcia laughed, "You remember me telling you that?"

"Of course I do. It was not too long before the best thing that has ever happened to me." Emily said, then added when she felt her son shift in her arms, "Well, one of the best things. He's pretty special too."

*******************************************************************

Emily and JJ had decided to get married on the beach regardless of the fact it was going to be mid-December; they just needed to make a few more arrangements to get it done. The found a company they felt could do the job and had flown up over the long Thanksgiving Holiday weekend to meet with them and the hotel where they planned on holding their big day. Once satisfied they could handle everything, they moved forward with their plans.

Two weeks before they were to be married, JJ told Emily she wanted to take her to dinner. They went to the restaurant that they went to on their first date. They had been several times since then and they considered it their special place. JJ had even reserved "their" table. The second time to the restaurant, they found there was a booth towards the back that allowed for a little more privacy than most of the other tables. They tried to get this booth whenever it was free for them to reserve.

"So what's the occasion, Jayj?" Emily asked as she nuzzled her soon-to-be wife's neck after they had ordered dinner.

"Just because I love you. You've seemed a little stressed the last few days."

"We're leaving to get married a week from Wednesday. There are a lot of things to get done before then."

"Have you forgotten how to compartmentalize, Emily?"

"Maybe, but this is helping," Emily said into JJ's skin. "How are you so calm?"

"All my anxiety is below the surface. You know that. Never let them see you sweat." JJ said as she tilted her head to the side allowing Emily greater access to her neck. Emily started to trail her hand along JJ's bare thigh and under the skirt she was wearing.

"Em, not here. Save that for later." JJ struggled to say. She knew Emily was not above taking her here if she felt she could get away with it.

Emily pulled away from JJ's neck and smiled, "Can't blame a girl for trying."

The two women enjoyed the dinner, the wine, being with each other and they were now just finishing the tiramisu that they were sharing after JJ took care of the bill.

Emily heard JJ clear her throat.

"Emily?"

"Jennifer."

"You make me happier than I've ever been in my life," JJ began

"Ja…"

JJ placed a finger to Emily's lips, "Em, I need to say something to you."

Emily nodded as JJ left her finger pressed against her lips

JJ smiled, "You dazzle me, Emily Prentiss. I never thought that I would feel this way about anyone. I was afraid for a long time to let anybody get this close to me, to get inside my heart. But you are so special and I can't wait to be your wife."

JJ leaned over and planted a slow, long, lingering kiss on Emily's lips. Tasting the amaretto and the sweetness of their luxurious dessert, Emily gladly deepened it. They broke the kiss only when air became a necessity.

"I've happily given you everything that I have; my heart, my soul, my body. Now I'd like to give you this." JJ said as she placed a familiar blue box with white ribbon on the table. "I love you, Emily."

Emily didn't know what to say. A look of confusion crossed her face. She opened the box to see a large, beautiful, square-cut diamond. There were no other diamonds on the side, no diamond encrusted band, just a large solitaire in a platinum setting.

"JJ…" Emily began

"Do you like it? I know my ring has lots of diamonds but the solitaire seemed more, I don't know, more you."

"It's beautiful, Jennifer but you can't afford this."

"Yes I can, Emily."

"JJ, we're going ring shopping tomorrow."

"Yes, for bands. You deserve an engagement ring and you shouldn't have to pay for it. I'm paying for your wedding band too, and please don't argue with me about it. I promise, I've got it handled."

Emily started to protest but it was JJ and arguing with her was pointless. To this day Emily didn't know where JJ came up with the money for her rings but she had a feeling JJ took out money against her house. Emily had never asked any more questions and JJ had never offered any explanations.

Realizing she'd won the argument, JJ removed the ring from the box and placed it on the traditional finger of Emily's left hand before she moved in to recapture Emily's lips. Emily's breath hitched as they kissed when she felt JJ's hand slip under her blouse and onto her heated flesh. Emily resumed skimming JJ's bare thigh, reveling in the silky smoothness of her lover's leg. Emily needed JJ, she wanted JJ…badly.

"Jayj, take me home," Emily said breathlessly

JJ held Emily's face in her hand, " I love you, Emily. Let's go home."

XXXX

The next week and a half went by quickly but they had managed to get everything done, in spite of having to fly to Los Angeles to investigate the grisly slayings of some gang members. They were both very quiet on the plane ride back to Quantico. When they returned to their new home, JJ walked out to their backyard where Emily found her sitting on a chaise in the cool fall air and went to make sure she was okay.

"Hey you." Emily said sitting in the space JJ had left on the chaise since her knees were brought up to her chest. The previous owners had beautifully landscaped their backyard and Emily knew it reminded JJ of her backyard in Woodbridge. Outdoors is where JJ sought solace and reflection most often.

"Jayj?" Emily said placing her hand on JJ's ankle.

"I'm not sure I'd be able to handle it, Em. I might go crazy too," JJ said so softly it was barely audible.

Emily gently rubbed the skin where her hand lay.

"All he had left was her voice on a message on her phone. He dialed it incessantly. I think I'd probably do the same if I lost…" JJ was unable to finish her sentence

Emily moved up to sit beside her, JJ scooting over to allow her to do so. Emily wrapped her arms tightly around her. "I'm not going anywhere." Emily said kissing JJ's temple.

"In this line of work, Em, we both know that it's a possibility that one or both of us could end up on the wrong end of a bullet. Are we crazy to think that we should bring a child into this life?"

"No, honey, we're not crazy. Yes, you're right. I suppose we do have somewhat of a greater chance of not coming home one day but nobody's life has any guarantees. We shouldn't let that fact stop us from having what we want."

"Just the thought…"

"Don't think about it," Emily said bringing JJ closer to her. "You were right about one other thing, Jayj."

"What's that?"

"Life does change in an instance. One minute Jonny McHale was a successful writer and artist. He was happy. He had a girlfriend he loved very much and they had a baby on the way. Six months later he had turned into a brutal killer because all that was taken away from him. I can understand why he became what he did. I think that capability may lurk in all of us."

JJ nodded her head.

"Rossi said something interesting to me on the plane today. He said, 'Life is a hell of a thing to happen to a person.' Life does happen to all of us, JJ."

JJ tilted her head up to look at Emily.

Emily caressed JJ's cheek, "You were right not to want to waste a minute of it. I am so happy that we are getting married in a few days." Emily said as she bent down to kiss her fiancée.

XXXX

The two women had managed to get two weeks off from work for their wedding and honeymoon. The plan was to fly up the Wednesday before their wedding to make all the final preparations, get married Saturday, and leave for their honeymoon the next day for 8 glorious days. Emily had surprised JJ by booking a romantic honeymoon in Belize. Emily and JJ had made lists of things they would need to take with them and it was extensive. They had to not only pack for their wedding but for the few days beforehand and their honeymoon. They had made arrangements with their team to bring back the items they were not going to need in Belize.

Emily was stressed out the night before they were going to leave and she was driving JJ crazy. They both had checked their lists ten times and had covered everything yet Emily kept rattling random items off to JJ and she could tell JJ was ready to kill her. It got to the point where JJ disappeared and stopped answering her altogether.

"Marriage license…check. Rings…check," Emily said going over her list for the umpteenth time. Though every box on the list she had made was checked a multitude of times, she was starting to panic over the idea of forgetting something.

"Passports! JJ? Jayj!" she yelled looking for her wife-to-be

"You're going to give yourself a stroke, Emily." JJ said walking back into their bedroom and leaning against the doorframe. She wore nothing but a smile and a teeny, tiny red bikini…that barely covered anything.

Emily had turned when she heard the sound of JJ's voice but had been stopped dead in her tracks at the sight before her. JJ walked over to Emily and gently used her hand to close Emily's jaw, which seem to have dropped off its hinges.

"You like what you see?" JJ asked seductively

Emily gulped and tried to find her bearings.

"There are two more in the suitcase…and one covers less than this one," JJ whispered in Emily's ear. Emily couldn't help the moan that escaped her lips.

"Now, I have our passports. We have checked that list over and over and then over again. We haven't forgotten anything and, if we have, we'll either have Garcia come get it or we'll just take care of it in Massachusetts."

Emily nodded, words still eluding her.

"Give me your list."

Emily complied.

JJ walked Emily over to the bed, pulling at the hem of Emily shirt as she did.

"I know what'll relax you," JJ said as she pulled Emily's shirt over her head and then helping Emily out of her jeans. "Four little strings are all that's keeping this bikini on my body. Wanna see what happens when I pull on this one?" JJ asked reaching for the string tied around the back of her neck.

Emily smiled and nodded vigorously looking up at JJ who was standing above her while she was seated on their bed. JJ released the string that held the small amount of material covering her breasts

Emily looped her arm around JJ's waist and brought her closer to her so she could take one of JJ's breasts in her mouth. She gently bit down on JJ's nipple before circling it with her tongue and finally devouring it with her mouth. She reached behind JJ's back to undo the string there leaving her lover wearing only the skimpy triangle bikini bottoms.

Emily finally found her voice. "I want to fuck you so bad," she growled, running her hands down JJ's taut stomach muscles, hooking her thumbs in her bikini bottoms, and then pulling them down. Emily then brought one hand up to cup JJ's ass while the other sought out the wetness between her legs.

"I'm yours," JJ moaned as she pushed Emily back onto their bed and covered Emily's semi-naked body with her completely nude one, capturing her mouth with her own.

JJ made Emily forget all about her list.

XXXX

The next day, three days before their wedding, they flew to Providence, RI and then rented a car to drive to the Cape Cod area. The made sure all the last minute details were taken care of with the hotel and caterer they were working with. All the rooms for their guests were booked. The menu was set. The outdoor canopy was ordered and would be in place Saturday morning. They were expecting cool but not cold temperatures which was a little unusual for this time of year. The enclosed canopy, however, would have heat pumped into it just in case so their guests would be comfortable. They also met with their wedding official, who they had spoken to several times on the phone but wanted to meet in person before their big day.

They managed to get most everything done Wednesday and their guests weren't arriving until Friday so they spent Thursday with each other. Their day started with a rather boisterous romp in the sack and then a little breakfast before leaving the hotel. They walked through various shops looking at antiques and local fair. They walked hand in hand along the boardwalk enjoying the cool breeze; glad they only needed sweaters despite the fact it was less than two weeks from Christmas. More than one person commented on how happy they looked and what an attractive couple they were.

After finding a little dive for lunch so that Emily could introduce JJ to a lobster roll, they went for a walk on the beach. The beach was rather deserted which wasn't too unusual given the time of year.

"Oh my god! Tell me again how I made it this far in my life without having a lobster roll," JJ said rubbing her belly.

Emily laughed, "I knew you'd like it. Grew up eating those. My mom's family is from Boston. We spent a lot of time there when I was a kid. My father's family is originally from Maine. Lots of lobster growing up."

"I like it here," JJ said. "The air is crisp, the ocean is wonderful. You're wonderful."

Emily stopped JJ and pulled her towards her and into a passionate kiss. Feeling the need to breathe, Emily broke from the kiss and placed her forehead against JJ's.

"Two more days. Two more days and I can call you my wife." Emily said as she kissed JJ again.

"I can hardly wait to be Mrs. Prentiss," JJ replied lost in the feeling of Emily's lips and tongue as they danced along her collar.

Emily stopped and looked at JJ

"Is that what you decided, JJ? You'll change your last name to Prentiss?"

"Emily, I'd love nothing more. I'm legally going to change my name from Jennifer Lynne Jareau to Jennifer Jareau Prentiss. Not hyphenated. Jareau will be my new middle name. That way I'll really be JJ Prentiss."

"Yay! I can still call you JJ."

"Yes you can, silly girl." JJ said giving Emily a kiss. "I'm still going to be Jennifer Jareau at work though. All the contact sheets and my e-mail address, everything all says Jennifer Jareau. Is that okay?"

"Fine with me. I kind of like the idea of you being different at work and at home. At work…JJ. At home…Jennifer Prentiss. At work…press liaison. At home…pressed against my body." Emily said with a wicked grin.

"One track mind, Prentiss. One track mind." JJ said watching the grin on the woman she was about to marry spread even wider.

"I love you, Jennifer," Emily said as they continued their walk down the beach hand-in-hand.

Clasping the hand entwined in hers even tighter, JJ said, "I love you too, Emily."

XXXX

With Friday came the arrival of friends and family that were going to gather for their wedding. The first to arrive were Garcia and Morgan. The two were sitting in the restaurant of the hotel where they were staying, holding hands, Emily trying to get JJ to eat breakfast, and going over the schedule of the day's events when their two friends arrived.

"Ahhh! There are my favorite lovebirds," squealed Garcia as she walked out onto the room. There were a round of hugs from the friends.

"You two ready for the big day?" Morgan asked settling into a seat and grabbing a piece of toast off JJ's plate. "What? You were done right?" Noticing the glare shot at him by his blond friend.

"She hasn't eaten anything at all. She thinks I don't notice her just pushing her food around her plate," Emily said with a raised eyebrow.

"You on the other hand ate enough for both of us," JJ snapped back as threw her napkin down, got up, and walked away.

Emily raised both her eyebrows at her friends, shook her head, and got up to go after JJ.

"Nerves," Emily said by way of explanation, throwing her hands in the air.

Emily found JJ outside and down the path a ways, staring off into the ocean with her arms wrapped tightly around her. She walked up behind her and wrapped her arms over hers and placed her chin on JJ's shoulder.

"You okay?"

JJ leaned back into her, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. What's wrong?"

"Same thing as a few weeks ago, Em. This is going to be the biggest day of my life and I won't have any family on my side."

"I'm sorry, Jayj. It's not like I'm going to have a lot on my side either. My mother, a cousin and her family, Bill. You know it's mostly the team and a few friends."

Emily turned JJ around and it broke her heart to see the tears in her eyes. She wiped them away and gently kissed her.

"Tomorrow you and I become a family. Tomorrow is the single most important day of my life so far. The only tears that are going to be allowed are tears of joy. I love you, Jennifer Jareau."

" I love you too," JJ said. "And Em?"

"Yeah?"

"You did eat a bit like a grizzly today."

Emily laughed, "What? I eat when I'm nervous."

"Eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, pancakes…do I need to go on?"

"I didn't finish my pancakes," Emily protested causing JJ to laugh.

"I just hope you can still fit into whatever it is you're wearing tomorrow." JJ said

Emily wanted what she was wearing to their wedding to be a surprise so she hadn't let JJ see it. In fact, she had entrusted Morgan, who was standing up for her, to pick it up from the tailor that had done her alterations and bring it with him. She didn't so much as offer a vague description of it to JJ.

Emily laughed, "No worries, JJ," Emily said giving her another kiss. "Come on, let's go back and find Morgan and Garcia. We've got a lot of stuff to do before the rehearsal dinner tonight."

They were walking hand-in-hand back towards the hotel's terrace when JJ stopped.

"Jayj?" Emily asked and then followed JJ's gaze. Walking out onto the terrace were her brothers and their families. A wide smiled spread across Emily's face and tears filled her eyes as she watched JJ run to her brothers and leap into their arms. The three Jareau siblings hugged each other like they were never going to let go. JJ finally did let go of Andrew and Paul then turned to hug Maggie and Courtney, who were holding the babies, and then her two older nephews.

Emily hung back a little letting JJ have a moment with her family. Garcia and Morgan came out onto the terrace to join her. Garcia placed her arm around Emily's waist giving her an encouraging hug.

"Looks like we need to make sure we've got a few more plates tomorrow night, sugar."

"I already included them when I confirmed the headcount. I'm not sure why but I had a feeling they wouldn't let her down." Emily said as tear finally made its way down her cheek.

"I'm going to go say hello," Emily said, starting to move towards to the Jareau clan.

XXXX

Slowly the rest of their family and friends trickled in. The Ambassador had picked up Bill and brought him with her. Hotch came up with Reid and Rossi. Emily had a cousin and her family drive out from Boston. Emily and JJ both had a few college friends they still kept in touch with coming up as well as a few other friends from both inside the Bureau and out that had flown up for the nuptials.

Since everyone was coming from out of town, they were all invited to the rehearsal dinner. All in all there were about 45 people that were going to be celebrating their special day with them. Everyone was mingling in one of the hotel dining rooms after dinner and Emily looked around the room for her fiancée.

She found her talking to Garcia in a quiet corner of the room and walked over to join them. Garcia excused herself to go flirt with one of Emily's former neighbors who just happened to be a handsome, single man.

"I thought she was going to go on a date with that Kevin guy?"

JJ just shrugged her shoulders and laughed.

"Happier now?" Emily asked lightly stroking JJ's cheek

"Yeah. I really am sorry about earlier."

"I know. I didn't think anything of it."

"We're good?"

"We are so much better than good there are no words to describe," Emily replied as she kissed JJ. They slowly sank into the kiss and Emily could feel that familiar arousal start to build. "When can we get out of here?" Emily asked wiggling her eyebrows.

"Um, Em. I'm…um…." JJ started

"JJ?"

"I'm sleeping in Garcia's room tonight."

"What? You're kidding right?"

"We moved my stuff over there earlier when you were down here hosting Happy Hour."

"But JJ…"

"Emily, its bad luck to see the bride before the wedding."

"JJ, its bad luck for the _groom_ to see the bride before the wedding. No groom here."

"Don't be technical with me, Em."

"But…"

"I'll make it up to you tomorrow night. Promise."

"JJ, I need you now." Emily coaxed.

Exasperated, JJ laughed and looked at her watch. It was 11:20.

"I can't believe I'm saying this but you have 30 minutes. In 30 minutes, this Cinderella is turning into a pumpkin."

Emily smiled and grabbed JJ's hand. She caught Garcia's eyes as she pulled JJ along. She didn't care that she had a room full of people; she knew Garcia would handle it. She had 30 minutes with the woman she loved and she was going to make the most of it.

They barely made it out of the elevator and into their room before Emily used up every last bit of those 30 minutes. Afterwards, while lying naked between the sheets, Emily watched JJ get dressed to leave.

"It's a stupid superstition, Jayj. Just stay here with me."

JJ bent down to place another slow, languid kiss on Emily's lips.

"Superstition or not. I'm leaving. Did you write your vows?"

"Yes, they're written. Are yours?" Emily said getting up with the sheet wrapped around her so she could walk JJ to the door.

"Of course. I love you, Emily." JJ said

Emily kissed JJ again, "I love you too, Jennifer."

"I'll see you tomorrow. I'll be the one in the white dress." JJ said as she flashed the smile that always made Emily go weak in the knees.

Emily looked at the clock. It was 11:59.

XXXX

Emily woke up early. Went for an 8am massage. Ate a little breakfast, no huge breakfast today, she knew she'd never be able to keep it down. She was now getting ready for the wedding that was going to take place this evening at 5 o'clock. She had showered and was now at the mercy of Sarah, the woman that was doing her hair and make-up for the big day.

Emily propped the door to her room open so people could come and go as necessary. Morgan had brought in her clothing for the day. Bill had come by to say hello and to tell her how happy he was for the two of them.

Her hair was done and her make-up almost finished when her mother walked in already dressed for the wedding in a gorgeous black cocktail dress. All guests were requested to wear black for the evening.

"Emily, you look beautiful. JJ is going to fall over."

"Have you seen her mother?"

"Yes, I just came from Penelope's room."

"How is she?"

"Nervous but a good kind of nervous. She looks amazing. YOU are going to fall over."

Emily smiled, "Did you give them to her?"

"I did. She loves them."

"They're her Something Old and her Something New." Emily said of the one-carat diamond stud earrings she had given JJ as her wedding present. "Thanks for letting me give them to her."

"Your father gave them to me on our wedding day. It's only right that you should give them to the woman you love."

"Thanks for supporting us, mother. I know you have your doubts…"

"I don't have my doubts, Emily. I have the worries that every mother has but you love JJ very much and I hope the two of you will be very happy."

Emily started to cry; which made Sarah start to freak out because Emily was threatening to ruin all her hard work before the night had even started.

The two Prentiss women laughed.

"She wanted me to give you this," Elizabeth said handing Emily a velvet box

Emily opened it up to find a pair of drop earrings with a teardrop shaped sapphire dangling from the bottom. Emily couldn't help it this time and the tears started to fall. They laughed again when Sarah said she was going to have to start over.

"Hang on one second, Sarah. JJ said it's your Something New and Something Blue," Elizabeth said. She reached into her purse and pulled out a box, "Here is your Something Old," she said opening the box.

Inside was a beautiful diamond bracelet that Emily recognized as belonging to her grandmother. "It belonged to my grandmother. Your grandmother wore it until the day she died four years ago. I've worn it since then and now I'm giving it to you."

Sarah went to sit on a chair until Emily could get herself back together.

XXXX

Morgan and Bill walked into Emily's room about 45 minutes before the wedding was supposed to start. They found Emily just finishing up by putting on the earrings that JJ had given to her as her wedding gift. Elizabeth was there lending moral support and a helping hand like when she had helped Emily with the clasp on the ankle bracelet that Garcia had loaned her for her Something Borrowed. One of their photographers was in with her capturing her every movement. Emily assumed their second photographer was with JJ doing the same.

"WOW! Just wow!!" Morgan said taking in the vision that was Emily. "So not what I expected to see you in."

"Did you think I was going to butch it up on my wedding day?" Emily chuckled at her friend's reaction. "You didn't open the bag when you picked it up?"

"No. You seemed to want it to be a surprise so…WOW!"

Bill walked over to her and gave he a hug. "I couldn't be happier for you if you were my own. I knew you two had something special that first night I met her. Congratulations."

Emily threw her arms around the man that had always been there for her, the man that loved her unconditionally. She pulled back to give him the once over.

"You look good, Bill," she said straightening his bow tie. "It's been a while since I've seen you in a monkey-suit."

"I'm sorry your father couldn't be here to walk you down the aisle," Bill said

"I'm not. I've got the right man for the job right here," Emily said giving Bill a kiss on his cheek.

"You about ready, kid?" Bill asked

"Almost."

Emily walked back over to the mirror to have a look.

Emily was wearing a beautiful satin, floor-length, form fitting, white wedding dress with metallic embroidery on the bodice. It was strapless and tight around her waist, hugging her hips. Emily had decided to leave her hair down and flowing in soft curls the way that JJ liked it.

Taking a deep breath, Emily said, "Okay…this is as good as it gets."

"It's pretty good, Em. You look hot," Morgan said giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Let's go get you married."

XXXX

Emily was nervous. She just wanted to get the wedding over with so they could celebrate with their family and friends. She felt like she couldn't breathe and she was certain she wouldn't feel grounded again until she could see JJ.

The hotel and the caterer they were working with had set up a canopy on the beach behind the hotel. The chairs were arranged in rows right now for the wedding but would be rearranged with tables for dinner service. At the end of the aisle, an arch was adorned with tulle and perfect roses that were blood red in color. Strands of soft lights ran across the perimeter of the canopy. Candles were lit throughout the room. The aisle had candles in lanterns acting as runway markers with large shells in between the lanterns from the beginning of the aisle to the end. They had been blessed with weather that was cool but far from cold and the heater had made it rather comfortable for the everyone.

Garcia came out from the other side of the hotel carrying Emily's flowers. Everyone was doing their damnedest to make sure the two women did not see each other until it was time.

"Oh my vision!" Garcia gasped when she saw Emily.

Emily rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious, Em. You look beautiful."

"Thank you," Emily said feeling her cheeks begin redden. "Your nicely understated, Garcia." Emily said taking in the simple black dress that Garcia was wearing. She had added her own style with long black gloves, seamed stockings, and clunky costume jewelry to accent the dress.

"You like?"

"Yes, I like. How's JJ?"

"She's still breathing." Garcia said

"What do you mean? Is she hyperventilating?"

"No. I mean I managed to keep from killing her today."

Emily laughed. "Has she been bad?"

"Well, I guess not really. I'm sure I'd be the same if it were me getting married."

"Probably. We'll remind you of this when it's your turn."

Garcia laughed. "Okay, pumpkin. Here's your bouquet. I'll see you at the alter." Garcia said handing Emily her bouquet of deep red roses that matched the arch and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

Emily was waiting in the wings for her turn to walk down the aisle; she was running the vows she had written over in her head. She watched as their guests took their seats. She was really pleased that JJ's brothers had decided to come; she just wished JJ's parents had decided to come too. Emily's thoughts went briefly to her own father. Part of her did wish that he was here for her big day but there was just no tracking the man down. It made her a bit sad.

Emily watched as Morgan walked Elizabeth down the aisle and her mother took her seat in the first row on Emily's side. Bill would be seated next to Elizabeth once he was done walking Emily down the aisle. Emily's cousin and her family were seated in the same row. JJ's family was seated on the other side of the aisle along with Reid and Rossi.

Morgan then took his place by the arch, waiting for Emily to walk down the aisle.

Emily took Bill's arm as the song "Only Time" by Enya began to play. Their guests stood as Emily walked down the aisle. Emily was sure she was going to faint but just kept holding tightly onto Bill's arm. When she reached her mother, she broke away from Bill. She gave Bill a kiss on the cheek and then turned to her mother and did the same.

Emily walked over to Morgan and kissed him on the cheek too.

Their wedding official, Sandra Stevens, took her place under the arch and motioned for the guests to retake their seats. She looked at Emily to make sure she was ready. Emily took a deep breath and nodded.

JJ's favorite song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan started to play as Penelope Garcia walked down the aisle. Emily was trying to hold it together. Every time she heard this song she thought of JJ and she wanted nothing more than to see her right now.

Garcia gave Emily a hug and a kiss before she took her place on JJ's side of the arch.

The "Wedding Song" by Kenny G started to play and JJ appeared next to Hotch at the entrance to their own personal cathedral. Their guests stood. Emily truly thought she was going to faint. JJ looked like an angel. She was wearing a dress not all that dissimilar from hers but it was somehow sexier on her. It was a little longer with a much fuller skirt. The metallic embroidery was carried throughout the dress and onto the train. JJ had her hair pulled up with soft curls wisping along the sides and crowned with a beautiful, rhinestone-wedding tiara, her Something Borrowed from Garcia; only Garcia would have a tiara in her accessory collection. She carried the identical bouquet that Emily's held in her hands.

They locked eyes and, in that instant without a word exchanged, Emily felt safe and grounded. A smiling Hotch walked JJ down the aisle and stopped just before reaching Emily. Emily could see that JJ had tears in her eyes; she gave her a smile and winked at her.

JJ gave Hotch a kiss on the cheek after Sandra Stevens motioned for JJ to stand before her and for Emily to join her. Emily grabbed JJ's hand and squeezed it tightly. Emily could feel JJ shaking.

"You both look amazing," Sandra whispered. "Now remember to relax and have a good time."

Emily smiled at JJ as they turned to face each other. Dark chestnut colored eyes met bright azure ones. She ran her thumb across the back of JJ's hand trying to quell the trembling.

"You look beautiful, Emily."

"So do you," Emily whispered. "You ready for this?"

JJ smiled, "Yes. I'm more than ready. I love you," she whispered back

"I love you too."

Sandra began the ceremony. She welcomed the guests that had come to witness the joining of the lives of Jennifer Jareau and Emily Prentiss. She finished with the traditional opening wedding remarks and had finally come to the vows.

"Instead of traditional wedding vows, our two lovebirds have written their own. Jennifer you may begin."

"Emily Prentiss, I was mesmerized by you the first day I saw you but the professional side of me pushed that away. You became my friend instead and, as my friend, you became my rock, the one person I could always lean on that would let me break without breaking too. That became even more evident as we fell in love.

You know I've always run away when feelings became too intense. That all changed with you. You're brilliant, kind hearted, beautiful, a little goofy, sexy as hell…"

Their guests laughed as Emily blushed.

"and you make me feel safer and more loved than I've ever felt in my life. I don't want to run anymore. Emily, when you need someone to encourage you, I want it to be me. When you need someone to lean on, I want it to be me. When you long for someone to smile at, turn to me. And to you, the woman that I love, I vow to do the same."

Emily released JJ's hand so she could wipe away a couple of tears that had fallen.

"Emily?"

Retaking her hand, Emily started, "Jennifer Jareau, I never realized what love was until I found it with you. You made me realize that I was missing something in my life. That something was you. You made my heart open up to so many possibilities, things I'd never dared dream of. You are the light to my darkness, the day to my night. Together, we can accomplish anything. Together, we are stronger than we are as individuals. Together, is how we will make it through this life. Together, our love will forge a bond that will be too strong to ever break.

Your heart, mind, and beauty inspire me to be the best person I can be. I promise to love you for eternity, respecting you, honoring you, being faithful to you, and sharing my life with you. This is my eternal vow to you."

It was JJ's turn to brush away some tears. Emily glanced past JJ and saw tears running down Garcia's cheeks.

"Jennifer and Emily have decided to exchange rings as symbols of their love and devotion to each other. May I have the rings please," Sandra requested

Garcia and Morgan handed Sandra the rings that JJ and Emily had picked out and took their bouquets. Though their engagement rings were completely different, they had decided to get identical platinum wedding bands that had small diamonds encrusted halfway around them.

Sandra handed one to JJ and asked her to repeat the following verse.

"Emily, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you. I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we've shared today, our wedding day." JJ said as she slipped the ring on Emily's finger.

Emily smiled and repeated the same vow to JJ as she slipped JJ's wedding band on her finger. Emily and JJ stood facing each other beaming.

Sandra continued, "May I be the first to congratulate you both. You are officially married. I hope that you will always have the happiness you share today for the rest of your lives. Emily, I know you've been waiting all day to hear this, you may now kiss your bride."

A big grin broke out on Emily's face. With one hand cradling the back of JJ's neck and the other on the small of her back, Emily gave JJ a kiss; a slow, languid kiss full of the emotions of the day. They deepened the kiss and found both their tongues gently caressing one another's.

When they finally broke apart, Sandra declared, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am happy to present to you…Jennifer and Emily Prentiss."

Everyone cheered. Emily turned to Morgan and gave him a kiss as he handed her back her bouquet. She turned back around to find JJ completely enveloped by Garcia. The rejoined hands and headed back up the aisle while "These Are Days" by 10,000 Maniacs played in the background.

Once outside the canopy, Emily brought JJ in for another kiss.

"I love you, Mrs. Prentiss," Emily said

"And I love you, Mrs. Prentiss," JJ repeated

Morgan walked Garcia out of the canopy and into the cool night air; the cool night air that nobody seemed to notice thanks to the propane heaters that had been set up. Bill walked Elizabeth out of the ceremony and they both made their way to congratulate Emily and JJ. The rest of their guests followed suit.

Appetizers and drinks were served on the terrace followed by a sit down dinner where guests feted on filet mignon and lobster, even JJ who finally found her appetite and broke her no red meat rule for the occasion.

It was a very romantic setting. The soft lighting. The candles. The two of them dressed in white while their guests were all in black, the only color in the room besides the deep red roses that decorated the room and adorned the tables.

After dinner their DJ requested that the two of them take center-stage on the dance floor for their first dance.

Emily took JJ into her arms and whispered the lyrics into JJ's ear as they danced to the Alison Krauss version of "When You Say Nothing At All".

"**Its amazing how you can speak right to my heart. Without saying a word, you can light up the dark. Try as I may I could never explain. What I hear when you don't say a thing**," Emily sang softly as they swayed to the music.

"**That smiled on your face lets me know that you need me. There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me. The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall. You say it best when you say nothing at all**." Emily got choked up singing the chorus so JJ picked up where her wife left off.

"**All day long I can hear people talking out loud. But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd. Old Mr. Webster could never define. What's being said between your heart and mine." **JJ whispered, her voice breaking with emotion

JJ was unable to finish any further either and the two newlyweds just held each other and finished their dance, ending it with a tender and loving kiss.

The rest of the evening concluded without a hitch. People danced, mingled, and had a good time. Champagne flowed. They even managed to have fun cutting the cake while still respecting each other. Soon their tired guests, including JJ's family and Emily's mother, started to make their way to their rooms leaving only Emily and JJ with the rest of their team, their FBI family.

Emily sat in a chair with JJ on her lap.

"Thank you all for coming today," Emily said. "It meant a lot to us both to have you all so involved."

"It was an honor," Hotch said. "I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we all hope the two of you are very happy."

"Well, Hotch, the odds are stacked against them. Statistically speaking…" Reid started.

"REID!" They all shouted in unison

"Not a good time I suppose," Reid said a little flustered

"Ya think?" Morgan said, generating a laugh from everyone.

JJ looked at Emily with a look only Emily could read. She didn't need to say anything at all.

"Guys…and Garcia…we're, um, going to turn in now," Emily said, knowing that sleep was going to be a long ways away.

Emily and JJ wished everyone goodnight and made their way back to their room.

XXXX

When they walked into their room, they found that the room had been straightened and tidied. The covers had been turned down. Dom Perignon chilled on ice with a bowl of strawberries next to it. There was a card next to the bucket of expensive champagne.

"'Congratulations to the both of you. Have fun!' Love The Team" Emily read. "P.S. Have A LOT of fun (Love, Garcia), " Emily laughed as she popped the bottle of Dom.

She poured both her and JJ a glass and they toasted each other and took a sip.

"Emily, have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?" JJ asked

Emily blushed

"Amazing. Simply amazing," JJ said pulling Emily into her arms. "The dress couldn't have taken me more by surprise." JJ said running her hands down Emily's bodice.

"I love you, JJ," Emily said as she kissed her wife "_My wife_!" she thought. "I thought you looked pretty amazing yourself tonight."

Emily reached behind JJ, unhooked the clasp on her dress, and slowly pulled the zipper down. "But now, I believe Mrs. Prentiss, you said something about making it up to me for sleeping alone last night"

"Hey, you got your quickie," JJ laughed

"Not nearly as much time as I needed," Emily said as she finally pulled the zipper all the way down.

"Well, you might like this then," JJ said dropping her dress to the floor

JJ stood wearing a white bustier with garters supporting her white thigh-high stockings and white panties. Though the bustier had material covering JJ's breasts you could see right through it leaving nothing to the imagination.

"Jesus Christ, Jennifer. If I had known you were wearing that under that dress…"

"You wouldn't have made it through the ceremony," JJ snickered

JJ helped Emily out of her dress and the two of them made love for the first time as a married couple.

"Emily?"

Emily murmured.

*****************************************************************

"EMILY!"

Emily snapped out of her thoughts. She had no idea how long she had been thinking back to their wedding, one of the happiest days of her life. She still had her sleeping son on her chest.

"What?"

Garcia pointed at Dr. Harden who was standing there with an odd expression on his face.

"Where'd you go, Emily?" Dr. Harden asked.

Emily felt a blush start to creep upon her face.

Dr. Harden and Garcia both laughed.

"Emily, why don't we go see if JJ is ready to have her breathing tube removed."

**********************************************************************

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…**

**Long chapter but I hope you feel it was worth it. **


	21. Bliss

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story that will continue even though JJ is now awake. **

**AN3: This chapter is rated M…repeat rated M. RATED M - FEMSLASH. After all, what would a honeymoon be if there weren't some lovin going on? **

**AN4: Thank you so much for the kind reviews and PMs. They are all appreciated. **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

*******************************************************************

Emily wasn't sure how long had been sitting there with her eyes closed, her sleeping son against her chest. She had been thinking back to the day when she took Jennifer Jareau as her bride. It truly was a spectacular day, one that would forever be ranked in her top 2 or 3. It might have even been number one if not for the day the little boy she currently held in her arms had been born. JJ made so many great memories in her life possible.

Even these last few days, as horrible as they may have been most of the time, weren't without some happy memories that would forever stay with her. The sound of her son's laughter as he played on his grandfather's lap; would that moment have even been possible had JJ not almost been killed? The happiness she felt when the woman she loved squeezed her hand for the first time after she thought that all hope was lost. Seeing JJ open her eyes when she was afraid she'd never see those blue eyes again. The way JJ conveyed her love for her, despite her current condition, without a word being said. Emily recognized that these were powerful memories that she would take and tuck into the compartment that held this experience.

There was another byproduct of this tragedy. It had allowed Emily to reflect on their relationship…both the good and the bad. All in all, there were far more happy times than bad. Their wedding, their honeymoon, the birth of their son far out shadowed any occasional blip on the radar they experienced. Even though Emily realized every day how much she loved her wife and son, how truly lucky and happy they were, this situation had really driven that point home. And now that JJ was on the road to recovery, now that Dr. Harden was ready to remove her breathing tube, Emily vowed to always remember just how close she had come to losing JJ, so close to losing everything.

"You ready?" Dr. Harden asked again.

Emily stood up. "Sorry, I just can't believe she's doing well enough to take her off the ventilator when just a couple of days ago I was afraid I was going to lose her."

"The second surgery saved her life, Emily. No doubt about it. She's made remarkable improvement since. She's not completely out of the woods but I'm optimistic she'll continue to get better," Dr. Harden relayed. "Now…you ready?'

Emily looked at Garcia.

"Of course I'll take my godson," she said of the little boy still sleeping soundly in his mother's arms. Emily gently placed him in Garcia's and left with Dr. Harden.

Neil stopped Emily before they reached JJ's room.

"This is going to hurt her, Emily. Removing the tube is not comfortable which is why we prefer to do it while sedated if possible."

"You have no idea how much it hurts me to see her in such pain," Emily said

"I know more than you think, Emily. My wife, Sandy, was involved in a very serious car accident four months ago. She's had three surgeries and is now having to endure intensive physical therapy. She's in agony even on a good day," Dr. Harden related

"I'm sorry, Neil. I guess you know all to well what it feels like to have someone you love hurting and there isn't anything you can do to help her."

"I'd trade places with her in a heartbeat, Emily."

"I know that feeling."

"So hold her hand and don't let go. We'll extubate her and then put her on a mask. Now that she's awake the mask will be better for her. It will make her stronger."

"Got it, Neil. Thank you," Emily said.

The two of them walked into JJ's room. JJ's parents were still there as were Dr. Lee and Tam. Emily was also introduced to Michael Leary, a respiratory therapist.

They explained to JJ what was going to happen and how they were going to get her on an oxygen mask as soon as they removed her from the ventilator. The medical team was in place and, quicker than Emily thought possible, JJ was off the vent. JJ coughed and gagged and Emily could see that every movement put JJ in agony. Emily held her hand and let JJ squeeze it. With her other hand she wiped the tears that rolled down JJ's face and gently caressed her cheek. With every breath JJ seemed to be in more and more pain.

JJ's oxygen levels dropped but started to come back up with assistance from the oxygen coming through the oxygen mask Michael had placed on her face. JJ pressed her free hand against her throat and tried to swallow.

"It's going to hurt to swallow for a while, JJ. Also, as I instructed earlier, do not try to talk yet. Give your vocal cords time to heal. Tam will give you some ice chips to help with the dry throat."

JJ rolled her eyes.

"When she was in labor with Henry all she could have were ice chips. She began to hate them after a while. I think she began to hate me after a while." Emily said.

They all chuckled.

"We can't give you water just yet. Ice chips will have to do for now," Dr. Lee said

JJ coughed again squeezing the crap out of Emily's hand as she did so.

"JJ, scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the least amount of pain and 10 being the greatest, how much pain are you in right now?" Dr. Harden asked his patient

Emily watched as JJ closed her eyes to think. She let go of Emily's hand so she could hold up five fingers on one and four on the other.

"Nine. Okay, something tells me you're not one to complain about pain. It must hurt a hell of a lot. I know you don't want it but I'm going to recommend we give you a Morphine drip. It will make the pain more manageable."

JJ closed her eyes. Emily knew JJ what JJ was afraid of. They had both watched as their friend Spencer Reid battled his addiction with Dilaudid following his kidnapping by Tobias Henkel. JJ opened her eyes to stare at Emily with worry.

"Take the drugs, JJ. It'll be okay. I'll make sure it's okay." Emily encouraged as she retook JJ's hand. JJ squeezed Emily's as she consented to the new drug regime.

A few minutes later everyone had left the two of them alone and shortly thereafter Tam had the Morphine drip in place with a plunger that allowed JJ to administer a dose as needed. Emily sat back down in her chair beside JJ's bed and held JJ's hand tightly between her own; bringing them to her lips for a soft kiss.

"I love you, you know," Emily said smiling at her wife

JJ lifted the mask and mouthed, "_I love you too,_" before putting it back in place.

Emily could see JJ's eyelids getting heavy.

"Sleep baby, get some rest,"

It wasn't long before JJ fell back asleep

Emily was worried about the pain that JJ was in. It seemed like the more alert and awake she was the more cognizant she was of her pain. Emily lightly traced her hand down JJ's cheek and across her chin.

Tears welled in Emily's eyes, "I promise, as soon as you're able, I'm taking you back to Belize, back to Cayo Espanto. You had such a good time there. I want to see that smile on your face again," Emily whispered to a sleeping JJ.

*****************************************************************

The morning after they were married, a tired Emily and JJ were up very early after getting almost no sleep at all the night before.

"Tell me again why we're up at 7 this morning," a sleepy JJ yawned as she stood at the foot of their bed packing.

Walking up behind her, Emily wrapped her arms around JJ. "Because your wife's an idiot," she said kissing JJ' neck. "I should have booked our trip for tomorrow. I should have known we'd probably be up late the night of our wedding."

"Well, last night was worth it. You were amazing," JJ said turning around in Emily's arms and giving her a kiss. "We'll sleep on the plane. We're kind of used to that."

Emily tugged at the sash holding JJ's soft white robe closed, revealing her wife's naked body. She placed her hands on JJ's bare hips and started to kiss along JJ's collarbone when there was a knock on the door.

"Shit! Who's that?" Emily grumbled

"Only one way to find out," JJ said walking towards the door as she pulled her robe closed again

She looked through the peephole and turned back around to give Emily a look of surprise

JJ opened the door to Garcia and a young man who rolled in a catering cart.

"Good morning, my doves," Garcia said as she waltz in. "Room service!"

"Garcia!" they newlyweds exclaimed together.

"Robert, show my friends what we have here,"

Robert opened two silver domes, "Veggie omelettes, home fries, fruit, and wheat toast," he covered the plates back up. "Coffee and orange juice."

Garcia tipped Robert and he left, "Thank you, honey."

"So, I thought I'd be lucky and be interrupting something good," Garcia said lifting her eyebrows up and down a couple of times.

"You were about five minutes too early," Emily wickedly advised

"Damn!" Garcia grinned, "What time are you two out of here?"

"We have to be at Logan at noon," Emily said. "I guess we should leave her around 10 just to be on the safe side."

"Derek and I will be here to get your stuff around 9:30 then," their friend advised. "So today you fly to Miami and then tomorrow Belize, right?

"Yes ma'am, that's the plan,"

"Well, enjoy yourselves until then," Garcia said with a wink

They ate breakfast, packed, said their goodbyes to their family and friends, and then were off on their honeymoon.

XXXX

Later that day they flew from Boston to Miami. They spent most of their time in Miami catching up on their sleep but had managed to make a little time to indulge in their favorite activity…each other. They ordered room service and never left the hotel…they could have been on Mars instead of in Miami for all they knew.

The next day they flew from Miami to Belize and then from Belize to the San Pedro Airport.

"I still don't get it, Em," JJ started, "I thought we were going to Belize."

"JJ, just enjoy the ride," she said giving her wife a quick kiss. "I promise you'll love it."

The two landed at the San Pedro Airport off the coast of Belize little after 2 PM. They grabbed their luggage and then made their way to the transportation area. It was there Emily found what she was looking for. A nice looking young man held a sign that read: "Cayo Espanto – Prentiss".

JJ looked at Emily and smiled, "Cayo Espanto. Is that our hotel or resort?"

"Something like that," Emily replied coyly

The young man put them in a Hummer and took them to a boat dock where they boarded a 25' vessel that took them to Cayo Espanto, a private island three-miles off the coast of San Pedro Island, about 6 miles off the coast of Belize. The island has five private beachside villas and a villa built on a dock out over the water. There were a maximum of 16 guests allowed on the entire island at any one time. Each all-inclusive villa came with a private butler to cater to you and there were a few others staff members that would cater to the services of the island; an island that was surrounded by beautiful turquoise waters and was home to the largest barrier reef outside of Australia.

"Oh my god, Emily," JJ exclaimed. "This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." JJ stood at the front of the boat, the wind blowing through her long, blond hair.

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," Emily said drawing JJ into a kiss

Once docked, their private butler, Ramon and his assistant, Amelia, took them to their villa. Emily had chosen a 1,500 square foot villa built right along the shore; the most cloistered of the villas on the island. It had one king-size bed with luxurious bedding and sheets, a private dock with chaise lounges for two, it's own private plunge pool, and an alfresco shower. The room was beautiful with it's rich wood paneling, plantation shutters, and tropical décor. Palm trees adorned their private beach and surrounded their secluded patio. You could step right outside of their villa and onto their beach or jump off their dock and into the water.

Ramon and Amelia left after they had shown them where everything was, how to go about ordering their meals, and how to request any additional services they may need. They said they would return in a couple of hours with their dinner of grilled lobster tail, Basmati rice, and grilled vegetables.

"We never have to leave this villa," JJ said as she looked out through the open door of their bedroom that led to their patio and out over the waters of the Caribbean Sea.

"That was the whole idea, Jayj. We've got everything we need right here," Emily whispered as she wrapped her arms around her lover. "Beach, sun, food, bed…each other. Now, I've got a day's worth of plane on me and need a shower. Care to join me?"

As an answer, JJ cupped her hand behind Emily's neck and drew her into a heated kiss. JJ then grabbed the hem of the t-shirt she was wearing and pulled it over her head, then help Emily do the same. They grabbed their toiletries out of their suitcases then both headed to the alfresco shower. The sun was still shining down on the shower but that wasn't the only thing making it hot. Emily pressed JJ up against the tiled wall of the shower and kissed her deeply while her hands roamed JJ's body. One hand kneading a breast, the other behind her running her fingers down JJ's spine and then along the crack of JJ's ass.

"Em…" JJ said breathlessly

"Don't worry, honey."

"It's okay, Em. I trust you,"

Emily knelt before JJ and kissed her taut stomach then kissed her way to her pussy. Emily blindly reached for her shower gel and, when she found it, poured a little in her hand then rubbed her other one against it. She ran her soapy hands up JJ's smooth legs while her tongue was dancing in JJ's folds. She could hear JJ's breath start to become ragged. Emily brought her hands up to JJ's ass and she slowly started to finger her.

"Relax, baby. You need to relax," she cautioned. Emily loved to finger JJ's ass while she was going down on her but JJ had always balked at Emily actually penetrating her...until now. Emily picked up the tempo of her tongue and then slowly inserted a soapy finger into JJ's tight hole.

"Oh…my…god…Emily," JJ panted

Emily felt JJ's hand on the back of her head as JJ pushed her deeper

JJ started to buck and then Emily slipped in a second finger. JJ came a couple of seconds after that. Emily continued to fuck JJ with her tongue and pump her two fingers inside of JJ's ass and was rewarded with a second orgasm from JJ a minute later, which Emily happily indulged in. She felt JJ's legs shaking and stood up to hold her.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked kissing JJ softly, the water still flowing over them.

Once she got her bearings, JJ said, "You never cease to amaze me. That was…that was, just…wow,"

"Ah see, that's why you are our press liaison. You never get flustered," Emily teased

JJ looked at Emily wickedly, "I'll show you flustered, missy"

JJ spun Emily around so her front was pressed up against Emily's back. Emily could feel JJ bend down and then run her tongue along her spine. She could feel JJ's hands on each of her breasts tweaking her nipples roughly. One hand trailed down her belly. Emily was pretty worked up from having gone down on JJ and her body was begging for release.

"Please," she breathed. "Please, JJ. I need you. Fuck me, JJ."

JJ moved Emily to face her and then moved her hand down and started to play with Emily's clit. She started slowly, teasing.

"Is this what you want?" JJ whispered

"Harder, JJ, please," Emily begged

JJ increased the tempo of her one hand rubbing Emily's clit and she slipped the three fingers from her other had deep inside Emily's buzzing core. JJ plunged her tongue into Emily's mouth and devoured Emily's with her own.

Emily broke the kiss and looked up into the bright blue sky as she tried to gather air into her lungs. She was so close to the brink and was ready to come hard when JJ stopped. Emily looked down with what she was sure was a shocked look on her face just in time to realize that JJ was on her knees and watch her move her mouth to her mound. She felt JJ run her tongue along her slit and then take her clit in her mouth while she slipped her fingers inside her again. Emily needed something to grab onto but there was nothing so she placed both hands on JJ's head and pushed her deeper. Emily felt the coil within tighten and then give her the most beautiful release.

JJ stood looking like the cat to Emily's canary.

"Goddamn, JJ. I thought you were going to make me pass out."

"Turnabout is fair play," she said kissing Emily, "I love you, Emily."

"I love you, too baby."

Emily reached to grab JJ's shampoo and poured some in her hand making the shower smell like citrus. She washed JJ's hair for her and then rinsed it out. In between the loving touches and passionate kisses, the both actually were able to get cleaned up and refreshed. They dried off and still had about 20 minutes before their dinner arrived.

They opened a bottle of wine that was in the small room fridge and shared a glass while watching the sun go down. They shared more kisses as the sky went from blue to blush to orange and then finally dark. After dinner, which was perfect, they had some more wine out on their private patio before kisses turned to passion and they decided to head to bed for yet another round and then finally sleep.

XXXX

Emily awoke feeling amazing the next morning. Why wouldn't she? She had the woman of her dreams sleeping in the bed on their own personal fantasy island. What could be better? The sex the night before was remarkable and the both fell asleep exhausted a short time later. Emily looked at her watch and realized they'd been asleep for about 8 hours. It had been a very long time since Emily had slept for 8 consecutive hours.

Emily extracted herself from JJ, got out of bed, put on her robe, and opened the front door of their villa. Ramon had said they would find a tray with coffee, juice, and muffins for them whenever they woke up and to call him when they were ready for breakfast. Emily brought the tray inside and poured herself a glass of fresh orange juice. Not wanting to wake JJ, she sat outside and read over the guide for the island and its activities. They could go snorkeling, boating, scuba diving, though neither of them was certified, and best of all, there was a full-service spa on the island.

After an hour, Emily was bored and decided to go see what kind of mischief she could get into. JJ was still sleeping on her stomach with her face turned away from her. JJ was naked and the sheet was resting along the small of her back leaving the rest of her tanned skin exposed. Emily took off her robe, climbed on the bed, and slowly lifted the sheet off of JJ's body to get a closer look. Emily knew every square inch of the woman lying there having kissed, licked, or bit her way across it. She draped her naked body over the younger woman in her bed and started to kiss along her spine. She dragged her fingers across JJ's sides, which Emily knew were very sensitive. She felt JJ start to come alive beneath her.

"Roll over," Emily said giving JJ room to do so.

After making love, Emily was resting on an elbow beside JJ lightly tracing her fingers along her young wife's body, which was spooned up beside her.

"Did you sleep well, Jayj?"

"Yes. Really well, why did you let me sleep that long?"

"You seemed to need it," Emily replied. "No more nightmares, Jen?"

"Not for a while. Not since…" JJ stopped as if to really think hard about it. "Not since I can't remember when. I think you really did chased them away, Em."

"Good. I'm always going to be here to chase away your nightmares," Emily said kissing JJ while still tracing along JJ's body.

Emily stopped, "I've always wondered about this scar. What happened?" she asked as her finger trailed along a faint three-inch jagged mark just above the back of JJ's left hip.

"Ah. That's actually a sex injury."

"Never mind. I'm not sure I want to hear this story."

JJ laughed. "You do know I wasn't a virgin when I met you, right?"

"Yes but I don't need to be reminded."

"Okay."

Emily sighed, "Against my better judgment, okay…what happened?"

"Kyle and I were fooling around in the loft of his parent's barn. He bent me over…"

"STOP!"

JJ laughed again

"You just like making me uncomfortable, Jayj."

"I'm just telling you what happened."

"Damn it. Finish your story."

"He pressed me against a hay bale. We didn't see the hay hook there and it scratch me…badly. Needless to say, the mood was broken."

"So you didn't have sex that day?"

"No. No, I didn't. I had to go to the hospital and get stitches and a tetanus shot instead."

"Yay!"

JJ laughed a third time then rolled on top of Emily and kissed her.

XXXX

The discovered their villa was so private that they had this whole area of the island to themselves. Against Emily's advice, JJ sunbathed in the nude adding yet more color to her body. Emily stayed under the umbrella or patio most of the time to protect her sensitive skin. They swam in their private part of the ocean. The really had no desire to leave their own little cocoon.

One night, after a delicious dinner of grilled prawns, JJ decided to take a shower while Emily took their golf cart to the main building to set up their spa treatments for the next day. When Emily came back, JJ was waiting for her.

"We're all schedu…"

Emily stopped mid-sentence when she saw a very willing and eager JJ waiting for her in bed. JJ was sitting in the middle of it wearing a black lace flyaway apron babydoll nightie with matching panties.

"You like?" JJ asked devilishly

A wide smile spread across Emily's face

"I need a shower. Don't you move," Emily said to her lover

Emily took her shower as quickly as humanly possible and then got ready to be with her wife. She had a special surprise for JJ tonight.

Emily reappeared into their bedroom wearing nothing but her robe. JJ was kneeling on their bed in anticipation and Emily joined her.

"This for me?" asked Emily, lightly fingering the strings hanging between JJ's breasts.

"All for you. Only you." JJ said running her hand along Emily's body. Emily closed the small distance between them and pulled JJ into a scorching kiss. There was no room between their bodies and Emily heard JJ murmur.

"Em?" She said reaching under Emily's robe, "You didn't."

"You bet I did," Emily smiled

"You are going to get caught one day."

"Maybe, but I don't care."

JJ undid Emily's robe to reveal the harness hidden below. JJ reached down to stroke Humberto. "Hola, Humberto" JJ said as she coaxed Emily into lying with her back propped up against the pillows and her robe open. JJ kept eye contact with Emily has she trailed her tongue down Emily's body. She hesitated and then winked at Emily as she positioned herself between Emily's legs and took Humberto into her mouth.

"God I love when you do that," Emily moaned. "It turns me on to no end."

JJ ran her fingers along Emily's slit while giving her head and then inserted two fingers into her dripping center. JJ timed the rhythm of pumping her fingers in and out of Emily with the sucking she was doing on the dildo. Emily tried to watch JJ as she gave her a blowjob but she couldn't help it as her head flew back when she could feel herself start to come. Emily saw stars as her orgasm struck and Emily sank all the way into the pillows she had been resting on.

She felt JJ position herself on her lap. She had her fingers in her mouth licking the juices off of her fingers. Emily could feel JJ's wetness against her legs. When Emily finally caught her breath, she flipped JJ onto her back and assaulted her neck with her mouth. She untied JJ's nightie freeing her breasts from the soft demi-cups that held them. Emily took a nipple into her mouth and sucked on it hard while a hand trailed down JJ's belly, under the waistband of JJ's panties, and into her drenched core.

"God I want you, Emily," JJ was barely able to choke out.

"On your knees, JJ. I want to fuck you from behind."

JJ positioned herself while Emily discarded her robe but not before reaching into the pocket to pull out a bottle of lube. She rubbed some on Humberto and then moved behind JJ. She bent over to kiss along JJ's spine and reach under her to with one hand to tease a breast and with the other to tease her clit. "Emily, I want you inside me so badly," JJ pleaded

Emily turned on the small vibrator hidden within the harness, grabbed the dildo by the head and rubbed into along JJ's slit. She then guided it into her lover; JJ's breathing hitched as she took it all in. Once Emily felt JJ was ready, she began to thrust in and out of her. Slowly at first to let her adjust and then she started to thrust harder. Emily rose up on her knees and pumped in and out of JJ. She placed both her hands on JJ's slender hips and picked up the tempo.

"Oh god, Em, I'm coming," JJ panted after several minutes

Emily kept the tempo as JJ came down from her orgasm, feeling her own orgasm build as the vibrator massaged her own clit. Emily came again before she pulled out and rested on the back of her legs. JJ collapsed onto the bed breathing heavily. Emily lay down beside her, turned off the egg, and stroked the small of JJ's back.

"You okay?"

JJ nodded then rolled over onto an elbow to look at Emily

"God I hope I you don't ever get tired of having sex with me," JJ said breathlessly

"That is never going to happen. God JJ, you're the best and most receptive lover I've ever had. You and I, well, I don't think it gets much better than this. Whether its gentle and loving or its fuck-me now sex, there is a lot of love behind it all," Emily asserted. "Jennifer?"

"Yeah, Em"

"You do know when I get like this…when I just want to take you…that I love you very much, right?" Emily worried. She hated the way it sounded but Emily knew she could be a bit aggressive at times and, though she already knew it to be the case, she needed to hear that JJ was okay with it.

"Of course I do. We have a very healthy sexual relationship. It's never boring; it's never stagnant. I love making love with you, I love having sex with you, and I love fucking you. They aren't always the same but the love is always there." JJ leaned in and kissed Emily. "Emily, you're a very respectful lover and that is why I feel comfortable being open and receptive to you. I know you would never push me to do something I didn't want to do."

Emily kissed JJ back and brought her into her arms. "I love you, Jayj."

"I know you do, baby. And I love you too." JJ replied as she snuggled into Emily's arms. "You're going to get caught one day, Em."

"Hmm?"

"Yes hmm….Humberto. I don't know how you keep managing to sneak him on our trips. And now he's traveled internationally. You are risking an international incident because you like to fuck your wife with a strap-on," JJ teased. "Where the hell are you hiding him, anyway, because I've never seen him in the suitcase."

Emily laughed, "Those hide-a-safes that look like hairspray cans are perfect. He fits in there harness and all and it just looks like a can of hairspray."

"Emily Prentiss you are a sexual evil genius."

"Aren't you glad you married me?"

XXXX

The next couple of days were paradise. Emily and JJ were lost in their own little world they were sure they never wanted to leave.

"I could get used to this," JJ said one night while wrapped in Emily's arms. The shutters were all open and the warm tropical breezes were blowing in.

"We could come here every year for our anniversary if you'd like, Jayj."

"Em, as nice as that sounds, I know this trip had to cost a mint. I haven't mentioned it because it is our honeymoon but I'm not sure about every year."

"You let me worry about that."

"Emily, you said you had more money than you would ever need as long as you continued to live a quiet life. This isn't that life. Besides," JJ said sitting up, "this time next year we could be expecting a baby."

Emily smiled and ran her hand along JJ's face, "God willing," she said bringing JJ in for a passionate kiss.

XXXX

The 8 days and 7 nights went by really quickly. They had done very little aside from relaxing with one another. They went snorkeling in their little reef, took a boat trip to Belize to do a little sightseeing of the Mayan ruins, and had a couple of spa treatments. But mostly their time was spent in their villa eating, drinking, relaxing in the sun (at least for JJ), and making love. They talked a lot too especially while they lay in bed. They talked about the future they hoped to have and the children that they wanted to bring into their lives. They agreed on two but Emily secretly hoped for 3 or 4. She loved the idea of raising a brood with JJ but she knew their schedules would make any family a challenge never mind a large one.

They had just finished dinner on their last night and JJ got up to walk down to the end of their private dock. Emily went to join her.

"Sad?" Emily asked

"Yes. I could stay here forever with you. I wouldn't miss not seeing the crime scene pictures I have to see on a daily basis or worrying if I'm making the right decision when I pass on a case."

"You do a great job, JJ. It's a difficult job, one I'm not sure I could handle. I think I would be constantly second guessing myself. I think it would eat at me if I passed on a case and someone else died."

"Happens all the time, Em."

"I know it does, sweetie and you handle it remarkably well. I'm so proud to call you my wife." Emily said taking JJ into her arms and holding her

"Em?"

"Yeah babe."

"I was thinking about what you said. About coming back here."

"You wanna come back next year?"

"No but, well yes but no. Maybe on our 10 year anniversary we could come back here."

"All you have to do is say the word JJ and we'll make it happen," Emily said. "Now, this is our last night here. I'd really like to make love to you one more time before we leave."

"Just once?"

Emily smiled and took JJ's hand leading her back to the villa and to their bedroom.

Once there, Emily held JJ's face gently in her hand. They kissed, a slow languid kiss that shook their very core. Emily moved to kiss along JJ's jaw line and down her neck. Fingers tried desperately to remain calm as they deftly worked to undo buttons. Emily could feel JJ untuck her t-shirt from her shorts. Next hands worked on bikini tops to uncover the beautiful breasts beneath. Emily felt JJ direct her towards their bed.

"You taking control tonight, Jayj?"

"For now. I might let you have it back later." JJ said as she undid the button on her shorts and slid them and her bikini bottoms off her hips.

"You take my breath away, Jennifer Jareau."

"Jennifer Prentiss," JJ corrected

JJ bent down and gave Emily a scorching kiss

"Off with your pants, Em." JJ breathlessly told Emily lending her a hand.

Both women were soon naked on the bed wrapped in each other. JJ placed heated kisses along Emily's neck and worked her way to her breasts. Emily felt JJ take one of her nipples into her mouth and gently run her tongue around it. She could feel JJ's hands running down her body and then where she needed them the most.

"Oh god, Jennifer."

"I love you so much, Em." JJ said as continued playing in the soft flesh.

Emily was stroking JJ's back trying to keep her composure, trying to make it last a little longer; never wanting it to end knowing that this was the last night of their honeymoon.

Their eyes were locked onto one another's, their connection so real, so intense. JJ would always say that Emily's eyes got almost black when she was in the throws of passion and Emily loved to watch as JJ's would become the color of the midnight sky.

Emily arched her back as she felt her orgasm approach. JJ shifted and then replaced her fingers with her tongue. She was astride Emily and it allowed Emily to reach her, to touch the wetness between her legs. Emily coaxed JJ to straddle her so that Emily could do the same fantastic things to JJ that JJ was doing to her. Emily tried to concentrate on running her tongue along JJ's slit but it was becoming increasingly hard to do so as she felt her impending release.

"God Em, I'm coming," JJ cried

Emily could hear moans, she wasn't sure whether they were hers or JJ's, but it encouraged her to speed up the movement of her tongue. She held JJ's hips steady with one hand as the other found JJ's clit.

She felt her release explode just as she received JJ's. JJ moved back around and kissed Emily furiously; they could taste themselves on one another's mouth. Emily rolled over so she was on top of JJ. She moved down JJ's neck to her chest and took one of JJ's nipples into her mouth.

"God you have the most beautiful tits."

Emily could hear JJ start to moan as she moved to give the breast she was neglecting the attention it deserved. She then moved back up to JJ's neck, pressed kisses there, and then took an earlobe between her teeth.

"Tell me what you want, Jennifer," Emily whispered

"I want you, Em. I want you inside me," JJ said hoarsely

Emily moved off her lover and opened up the side table. She opened up the velvet bag and took out the harness. Once it was on her, Emily turned on the egg and felt it start to hum against her already too sensitive clit. She looked back at JJ and found that JJ had taken matters into her own hand while Emily readied Humberto. She watched captivated as JJ continued to play within her own velvety depths.

"Goddamn you're hot when you do that," Emily said giving JJ a scorching kiss. Emily took the hand that JJ was using to pleasure herself and placed the fingers in her mouth licking her lover's juices off her hand before positioning herself between JJ's legs.

Emily reached for the bottle of lube when JJ grabbed her hand and placed it between her legs. "I don't think you'll need that," JJ said allowing Emily to feel how wet she was.

Emily rubbed the tip of the dildo through JJ's fevered flesh and then entered her, placing her hands on either side of JJ's shoulders for leverage. JJ raised herself up onto her elbows and Emily bent forward to kiss her. Their tongues dueled for control and JJ broke away seeking air to fill her lungs. Emily could hear JJ moan as she moved down to JJ's neck all the while pumping fervently in and out of JJ's increasingly wet center. Emily felt JJ's nails rake down her back. She could feel her arms shake as she continued to support herself above JJ. She rested on her elbows as she brought her body down to press tightly against JJ's, kissing her neck and then her breasts.

"Oh god, Em, I'm so close," JJ panted

Emily took one hand and found JJ's sensitive nub. Eyes locked with JJ's, Emily pumped harder and rubbed her clit, until she heard JJ scream her name. "Emmm…ahhhhh…leee!"

Emily collapsed on top of JJ as they both tried to catch their breaths. Emily could feel JJ run her hand along the moist trail on her spine while the other ran through her hair.

"Em, did you, ah…"

Emily shook her head. She felt JJ nudge her onto her back.

"We'll have to take care of that right away," JJ said removing the harness from Emily.

JJ aggressively kissed Emily as if she were trying to steal every ounce of oxygen from Emily's body. She then trailed her tongue along the slope of Emily's collarbone.

Her hand glided along Emily's body and, without much warning, she plunged three fingers into Emily's aching core.

"Oh my fucking god," Emily cried out

JJ pumped hard into her lover as she gave her another breathtaking kiss. JJ released Emily's lips and positioned herself to watch as Emily's orgasm build within. JJ pumped her hand in and out of Emily with increasing speed using her thumb to stroke Emily's clit.

"Come for me, baby. Come for your wife." JJ gasped. "I love you, Emily."

Emily could feel her impending release and the weight of JJ stare. She reached up, cupped the back of JJ's neck and brought her crashing down onto her lips as her orgasm struck.

The two women lay in bed completely boneless and exhausted from their activities.

After a while, Emily had JJ lying on her chest and could feel that she was starting to drift off.

"Sure we can't sell everything we own and move here?" Emily asked, absently stroking JJ's arm

"If we did that, we wouldn't remember how special this time was. How much time we spent in each other's arms. How much we really love each. It's not just about sex is it, Emily? This is what intimacy and love is really all about."

"Yeah, Jayj. I think that's what it's all about. I think what you and I have is pretty special."

"Me too, Emily."

"I love you, Jennifer." Emily said kissing JJ's temple. "We have a long journey back to civilization tomorrow. We should get some sleep."

"Night, Em. I love you too."

*******************************************************************

"_This is so not the place for those memories_," thought Emily. "_Good lord, I'm in a hospital room next to my injured wife who's asleep in her bed and I'm wetter than hell. What the fuck is wrong with me?" _

That little voice that resides in all of us finally spoke up, letting Emily off the hook.

"_**Nothing's wrong with you, Emily. It was a very happy time. You and Jennifer shared your own personal Xanadu…your own personal playground. And it was magnificent." **_

Emily smiled, "Yep, I'm taking you back there. Just as soon as you're able to travel, you and I are going to relive those memories. Might be a little different with Henry there but they have two-bedroom villas on the island. We'll manage to find alone time just fine. We always do."

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review.**


	22. Balance

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story that will continue even though JJ is now awake. ****This chapter is rated T.**

**AN3: My apologies for the delay between posts. Between work, family, and friends, writing time has been hard to find. **

**AN4: Thank you so much for the kind reviews and PMs. They are all appreciated. **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

*******************************************************************

Tap. Tap…tap.

JJ tapping on her forearm, which was resting on her bed, brought Emily out of her thoughts. Emily met JJ's quizzical gaze over the oxygen mask covering her nose and mouth.

"Just thinking. About you. About the island, our island."

JJ let her fingers run down Emily's arm and then grab Emily's hand, where her thumb gently rubbed across the back of it. Emily gently squeezed JJ's hand in return.

JJ let go of Emily hand, pinched her fingers together, and waved her hand back and forth in the air.

Emily looked at her for a second before realizing what JJ was trying to tell her.

"You want to write?"

JJ bent her wrist and moved it up and down in a nodding motion.

"I'll be right back," Emily said as she left in search of a pen and some paper. Finding a marker and a note pad at the nurse's station, she handed it to JJ when she returned.

"_I love you_!" was the first thing JJ wrote.

Emily kissed the top of JJ' head. "I love you too, baby"

"_Henry_?" was the next item written

"He's here. Or at least he was when I came back here. He was sleeping in Garcia's arms when I left him with her," Emily said wiping away a tear that had slid down JJ's cheek. "Maybe when they move you out of ICU I can sneak him in to see you."

"_I'm thirsty Throat hurts Tastes gross"_ was next

"The ice is melted. Let me go get some more for you."

JJ pointed at the glass and made a drinking motion.

"You can't, babe. Let me go get you some more ice."

Emily got a nurse to bring some more ice for JJ. The night nurse, Jackie Turner, raised the back of JJ's bed a little more than Dr. Harden had done before he left.

JJ winced.

"Are you sure that's okay?" Emily asked concerned

"It's important for her to sit up a bit more every once and a while. It will keep the fluid from resettling in her lungs," Jackie advised. "You okay, Jennifer?"

JJ nodded after the pain subsided a bit.

Jackie poured a little water in a plastic cup. Removing JJ's mask, "Take a sip. Can't let you have too much but we'll start introducing a little liquid," JJ said placing a straw between JJ's lips. Emily watched as JJ struggled to swallow.

"That's my girl," Emily said encouraging JJ.

Jackie placed the mask back on JJ and helped her get comfortable again.

"FBI agents, huh?" Jackie asked

"Yeah."

"Thanks for coming to Minneapolis to help find this guy. He has a lot of us scared."

Emily noticed for the first time that Jackie was blond-haired and blue-eyed like JJ; like the other victims of this serial killer. Emily nodded her head.

"Sorry this happened. I'm glad your wife will be okay."

"Me too," Emily replied, looking first to Jackie and then at JJ, "Me too."

"Tam said you gals were special and that I needed to pay extra attention to you two. Let me know if you need anything. I'll be back in a bit to try and give Jennifer a little more water." Jackie said leaving them alone again.

"_I like her_" JJ wrote

"Cuz she gave you water?" Emily teased

JJ nodded her head.

"You're easy, Agent Jareau."

JJ took off her mask, licked her lips, and mouthed, "_Come here_"

Emily placed her lips against JJ's and they exchanged the softest of kisses. Over the course of their love affair they had shared many, many kisses. Some were chaste; some were passionate. Some curled your toes; some took your breath away. But none were more special than that second long tiny peck they exchanged in that hospital room that evening. Emily pulled back and looked at JJ. In those beautiful blue eyes she saw only one thing…Love.

"I love you, Emily," JJ whispered so softly Emily almost thought she had only imagined it. But it was real and it brought tears to her eyes. JJ wiped away the one that decided to venture down Emily's cheek with her thumb. Emily kissed JJ's lips again, just as chastely as the one previously.

"I love you too, sweetheart, but no more talking, okay?"

JJ nodded her head. Then Emily saw a look cross over JJ's face.

"_Ranger_?" she wrote

"Amanda has the Riley's checking on him. Stop worrying. You need to rest and leave everything else to the rest of us."

Emily stroked the top of JJ's head, which seemed to have a calming effect on her wife. Soon enough JJ's eyes slowly closed as she once again drifted off to sleep

_Ranger_. Emily thought. He was JJ's but she loved that dog more than she ever thought that she would.

*************************************************************

They arrived home from their island paradise two days before Christmas. It was very late by the time they landed and even later by the time they grabbed their bags. It was almost midnight after they packed up the Lexus, which had been left sitting at the airport much to Emily's chagrin, and headed home.

"I can't believe it's all over," Emily lamented

"Well, we knew it couldn't last forever. But we're married and now we get to start our lives as a married couple."

"When is your next appointment with Dr. Schreiber again?"

"January 3rd. She's off all next week because of the Christmas Holiday."

"You told Hotch we're leaving early that day, right?"

"Yes."

"I can't believe Christmas Eve is in 5 minutes," Emily said looking at the clock on her dashboard. It read 23:55.

"We're not even going to have a tree on our first Christmas in our house."

"Sorry, JJ. I didn't plan this out right. I'll make it up to you next year. At least we won't have to go back to work for a couple of extra days."

They pulled into their driveway about 30 minutes later; it was officially Christmas Eve.

"You're not going to pull her into the garage, Emily?" JJ asked making sure to refer to Emily's Lexus as "her". Emily hated when JJ referred to her car as it.

"I want to walk in through the front door. I'll come get the bags in a few minutes and pull her into the garage then."

"Why do you want to walk in through the front?"

"I want to carry my wife over the threshold"

"You're my wife too, Em"

"True, but you're smaller than me. Plus…it was my idea."

"You're going to hurt yourself, Emily."

Emily got out of the car and opened the door for JJ. She walked JJ up to the front door, unlocked it, and opened it slightly before swooping JJ into her arms to carry her into their home, their lips pressed tightly together.

Emily broke the kissed and almost dropped JJ.

Their home was beautifully decorated with the spirit of Christmas. There was a huge wreath above the mantel; verdant garland with poinsettias adorned their banister and almost anything else that would stand still; a very jolly Santa Claus was on a table; while 3' toy soldiers stood sentry at the foot of the stairs. Best of all was the fresh 8' Christmas tree that stood in the corner of their living room, decorated from top to bottom with an abundance of twinkling lights, burgundy and gold Christmas ornaments, and ribbons.

"Oh my god, Emily. This is so beautiful."

"This isn't me, Jayj. I'm just as much in awe as you are." Emily replied as she looked around in amazement.

They walked around their house looking for a clue as to who had come in and done this for them. They found their answer in the kitchen. On the island were a couple of dozen Polaroid pictures and a note:

"_Welcome Home! We knew you wouldn't have time to do this yourselves. You deserve to have a proper Christmas, your first as a married couple and the first of many in your new home. We all love you! Mom and her elves P.S. check the fridge." _

They looked at the pictures of the Ambassador and their team all wearing Santa hats – including Hotch! – and having fun decorating their house. JJ went to the fridge and found it stocked with groceries and, more importantly, a tray of cheese, chocolate, and fruit and a bottle of wine waiting for them.

"We have the most awesome family, Emily," JJ said retrieving the plate of goodies and setting them on the counter.

Emily was very quiet.

"Em?" JJ asked walking over to her. Emily stood there with tears in her eyes and a picture of her mother in her hands. JJ put her hands behind Emily's neck. "You okay?"

"Just really happy. I never thought I would feel this much love and happiness in my life. You Jennifer, you made this all possible."

JJ pulled her forward into a heated kiss. They looked over all the pictures, shared a little cheese and wine, Emily grabbed their bags and took care to put her baby into the garage, and then they spent their first night in their home as a married couple; too tired to do anything but fall asleep in each other's arms.

XXXXX

The next morning they called and thanked their team and Elizabeth for their very thoughtful gesture and to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. They had decided to spend the holiday quietly at home. When Emily checked the fridge, she found a turkey breast to make for Christmas Eve dinner and all the trimmings to go with it.

"Mother knows I love turkey on Christmas Eve. No matter where we were this time of year, she would always make sure we had turkey on Christmas Eve." Emily said. "Mostly it was at some fancy restaurant, but we had turkey."

"That's good to know, Em." JJ replied. "We want to make sure we incorporate the traditions that are important to us into our family."

Emily wrapped her arms around JJ's slender waist, "Our family. Sounds nice, doesn't it?"

"Yes it does," JJ said turning around so she could kiss Emily. "Now what can I help you with?"

After dinner, Emily lit a fire in their fireplace. It was cold but not supposed to snow. So much different than the week they had just spent in the tropical heat. She sat on the couch with JJ nestled beside her, both just watching the roaring fire before them, while Emily absently twirled her fingers through JJ's hair.

"Jayj?"

"Hmm?" JJ replied sleepily

"Tell me one of your traditions."

"Well," JJ started, "we were always allowed to open one gift on Christmas Eve."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It would help keep three very excited children calm for the night."

"Wanna open one of your gifts tonight?"

JJ beamed, suddenly wide-awake, "I thought you'd never ask. But first, open one of yours."

They had agreed, because they spent a lot of money on both their wedding and their honeymoon, to keep Christmas simple. They had set a budget of $200 for each other, yet there seemed to be many presents under their tree. That morning both had retrieved their gifts from their hiding places and placed them where they belonged.

Emily scurried to the tree and picked up a 6x6 inch square box to open. Inside she found a new belt.

"You always wear the black one with the square buckle. Now you have one that's a little different."

"It's great. Thanks honey" Emily said giving her a small peck on the cheek.

"Your turn"

JJ wandered over to the tree and settled on a large, rectangular box that seemed to hold nothing but air. JJ looked over at Emily curiously and saw Emily trying to suppress a smile. Once unwrapped, JJ pushed aside the massive amount of tissue paper, to reveal a very tiny, very sexy black silk nightie.

"I was hoping you would pick that one," Emily said with a grin that would rival that of the Cheshire cat.

"Hmm…a gift for me…or for you?"

"Well…" a very smug Emily started before JJ straddled her and gave her a rather arousing kiss, their tongues tangling together in the rather ardent exchange.

"Merry Christmas, Emily." JJ said breathlessly

"Merry Christmas" replied a panting Emily

JJ stood, pulled the naughty nightie from the box, twirled it around her finger and headed for the staircase, "Give me five minutes, then come upstairs and open your gift."

"I thought only one gift could be opened on Christmas Eve."

"That's a Jareau tradition. We're starting one of our own." JJ said with a wink

Emily groaned knowing this was one tradition she would look forward to every year.

XXXXX

They went back to work the day after Christmas. Traditionally a quiet time of year in the BAU, they had spent the time catching up on paperwork. JJ was especially frustrated since Reid had taken over her duties of distributing the cases while they were gone. It took her three days just to get her office back to the way she liked it…orderly chaos.

Emily had steered clear of JJ at work while she was out of sorts. She was out of sorts for a couple of reasons, one Reid and two…nerves. They had a preliminary meeting with Dr. Melissa Schreiber; a local fertility specialist that was renowned for helping same sex couples start families, before they left to get married. This upcoming visit was meeting number two, the one that was going to start the actual process of them becoming parents.

The afternoon of January 3rd, JJ seemed better so Emily decided to try and poke her head into her wife's office, waving a white paper towel that she had snared from the break area.

"Funny" was JJ's comment

"Aw, come on, Jayj…better?"

"Yes it's better. Finally. Do you know how long it took me to get everything in order."

Emily looked around JJ's office and, if it were Emily's, she would have trashed everything and started all over. Emily grinned, she was just happy that their house didn't look like this.

"How can you tell?" Emily said sardonically

JJ glared at her and started to say something when Emily held up the paper towel again.

JJ chuckled. "Again…funny. Did you want something, Emily?"

"Did you lose track of time? We have to be at Dr. Schreiber's office in an hour."

"Crap. Yeah, I did. Thanks, I'm ready"

Forty-five minutes later found Emily sitting beside a very fidgety JJ in Dr. Schreiber's office.

"You okay?"

JJ didn't answer.

"If you're not ready, Jennifer, we can put this off for a while."

JJ took Emily's hand. "That's not it, honey; actually the opposite. I can't wait to get this started. I'm just afraid she's going to tell me there's a problem with our conceiving."

Before Emily could answer, they were called back to the examination room. JJ did all the routine tests; weight, temperature, blood pressure, etc. She was then told to undress and given a gown to put on.

"I love you," Emily told her. "I can't wait to start this either. And it's going to be fine. Trust me."

"Good afternoon, ladies. I hear congratulations are in order." Dr. Schreiber said walking into the room.

Dr. Melissa Schreiber was a tall, pretty redhead of about 40. She was slim and athletic and it didn't take a profiler to see she was an avid runner. More importantly, she had a demeanor that put people at ease relatively quickly. Emily and JJ had both liked her instantly when they had met her shortly before they got married. Dr. Schreiber had garnered quite the reputation in D.C. for her expertise and discretion in dealing with same sex couples that wanted to have children. Not everyone necessarily agreed with this subject and Emily and JJ wanted someone that would support them 100% in their decision to become parents.

They smiled at the doctor when she walked in.

"So how did everything go? Jennifer, you look nice and tan – especially since it's about 35 degrees outside."

"The wedding was perfect and we just got back from Belize," JJ replied, holding tightly onto Emily's hand.

"I hear it's beautiful there. I've told my husband I want to go there for our 10th wedding anniversary next year."

"Let us know if you decide to go. We've know a great little spot" JJ said giving Emily a wink.

"Okay, I will. Now…are we ready to discuss babies?"

JJ swallowed hard and nodded her head.

"Relax, Jennifer. Remember this is a good thing. Try not to be nervous." Dr Schreiber said giving JJ a soft tap on the forearm.

JJ smiled, trying to relax but still gripping Emily's hand tightly.

"Okay, today we are going to take a little blood, urine, and I'm going to do a pelvic. We're going to check your follicle and other hormone levels. Have you been doing the homework I gave you?"

"Yes. We've been charting body temps and JJ has always kept good record of her cycle. And we've even been thinking about what we're looking for in a donor."

_Flashback…_

"_So I think I'd like him to be blond," Emily said one night after making love. JJ was wrapped in her arms and Emily was lightly rubbing her arm up and down with the back of her fingers._

"_Who?" _

"_The donor."_

"_Really? Why?"_

"_Cuz I think it would be great to have a daughter that looked just like you." Emily mused_

"_And what if we have a boy?"_

"_We're not going to have a boy. I wouldn't know what to do with a little boy?"_

"_What does that mean?" JJ chuckled_

"_What if he likes football or a sport I know nothing about?"_

"_Okay, Em. First of all, that would cover most sports with the exception of skiing. Secondly, we can't predict what we're going to have. And finally, you're cute and you think about the oddest things. You'll be a great mom no matter if we have a girl…or a boy." JJ said shifting so that she lay on top of Emily. _

"_What if he likes bugs and snakes and…bugs!"_

"_Ah Em? I like sports and I'm not freaky about bugs. I grew up with two brothers that used to collect them. Don't like snakes too much but everything else is okay."_

"_I know. And realistically I would just want a healthy baby. But…"_

"_You think you would prefer a girl?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Em, you know girls can like sports, bugs, and snakes, too right?"_

"_Not my daughter. I see ballet and recitals. The arts."_

"_Stereo-type much, Em? Our son could like ballet, recitals, and the arts too you know?"_

"_I'm just saying."_

"_You think you would prefer a girl. I get it."_

"_Yes."_

"_I'll see what I can do." JJ laughed. "But what if I'd like our child to look more like you. Dark hair, dark eyes." _

"_You like dark hair and eyes do you?_

"_Yes." JJ said pulling herself even with Emily and kissing her thoroughly. _

"_Maybe number two." _

"_Can we get through the first one first?" JJ said nestling down again in Emily's arms. "So what else are you looking for in a donor, Em?"_

"_Well, healthy. Good genes. Intelligent. Highly educated would be nice. Benevolent. Athletic. Good-looking. All good. And blond…_

"_Okay, okay," replied JJ. "You know the fates are listening right now and we're going to have a boy right? A sports loving, bug collecting, snake charming boy!" _

_Emily groaned and JJ laughed._

XXXXX

"Well, then after we're done here, we'll get you over to our databanks." Dr. Schreiber said, laughing as they recalled their conversation. "I'm sure you'll find a suitable donor. If you have an idea what you're looking for, you can refine your search but that's only for the donor. The baby itself, well that out of my hands."

"So Jennifer, lay back for me. " Dr. Schreiber requested

After Dr. Schreiber had finished her examination, JJ was instructed to redress and they met their doctor back in her office.

"Everything looks good, Jennifer. You're healthy, you're young. Let me ask you a few more questions."

"Okay," JJ replied nervously

"How's your sex life?" Dr. Schreiber asked

"Um," JJ chuckled, "good. Really good."

Emily could feel her cheeks turning red.

"Do you have any problems achieving orgasm?"

"Not at all," replied JJ. Emily looked down at her hands and knew she turned a distinct shade of crimson. Emily could hear the smile in JJ's voice.

"I'd like you to try something before you consider IVF. I'd like to see if Emily can get you pregnant first."

"EXCUSE ME?" Emily and JJ both exclaimed in unison

"I may be good but I'm not that good," Emily said with a nervous laugh

Dr. Schreiber laughed, "What I mean is, I'd like you to try artificial insemination first, using a syringe to administer the semen. You could even do it at home."

"At home?" JJ asked

"Yes. You would monitor when you're close to ovulation and then pick up a kit to take home. Emily would administer the specimen during the course of your normal lovemaking. Given your health and your age, I think you will find success this way without having to go through the hassle and expense of IVF," Dr Schreiber said. "That and well, it's a lot more fun."

"I like the idea of me getting you pregnant," Emily said with a wide grin and grabbing JJ's hand.

XXXXX

After getting the results of JJ's tests back and confirming everything was good to go, that was the course of action they decided on. They had tried once in January and again in February but still no baby. JJ was very upset every time they discovered their attempts were unsuccessful. Emily felt a little helpless because there wasn't really anything she could do.

"Honey, Dr. Schreiber said it could take a few attempts. Be patient, it'll happen." Emily said wrapping her arms around JJ's waist the morning they discovered that once again their attempt at conception had failed.

"I was sure it was going to work this time, Emily."

"Why? Because we attempted it on our anniversary?"

"Yes. That was the one-year anniversary of the first time we ever made love. I thought it would hold a special meaning."

"It does, JJ…to us." Emily said wrapping her arms around JJ tighter. "Now our child's conception will have it's own anniversary and won't have to share it with the tower."

"What if this doesn't work?" JJ worried

"Then we go IVF. But…I'm having way more fun this way." Emily encouraged placing light kisses on the back of JJ's neck.

The stress, the hormones, and her cycle were putting JJ in a particular sensitive mood these days. Emily almost felt like she was walking on eggshells. She was trying to be supportive yet give her wife a wide berth right now.

Work was another issue. Emily noticed the weight of their personal decision seemed to be affecting the way JJ was handling her job. JJ seemed to be losing the ability to push her emotions aside when reviewing cases.

The team was gathered around their conference table waiting to be briefed on their next case. Normally JJ was the first one in the room setting everything up, waiting for the team to make their way to her. Not this time. Everyone, including Garcia, was waiting for her for a change. Emily noticed that the whole world seemed to be on her wife's shoulders when JJ finally made her way in to present the case.

They had a case, locally in Fredericksburg, Virginia, where three women had gone missing over the last six weeks. The body of the first victim had just been located; it had been cut to pieces. The case closely resembled a case that took place 27 years ago in the very same area, same M.O., same dumpsite. As the team discussed the case, Emily watched JJ as she stared at the women on the video monitor, worrying that JJ was having problems dealing with this particular case.

The team made the drive over to Fredericksburg and started their investigation. Emily tried to approach JJ to see if she was okay and was met with a very brusk "I'm fine"

"Sounds like it," Emily muttered as JJ walked away. Emily knew that eventually JJ would come around and it was nothing personal, just that JJ sometimes had trouble processing the horrible cases that she saw every day under normal circumstances. These days were even worse.

The case itself was a bad one. The recent murders seemed connected to the ones that had taken place back in 1980 but for a killer to resurface after that length in time was almost unheard of. Emily had the unpleasant task of speaking with a woman they suspected was his first victim. Karen Foley was held prisoner, beaten, raped and tortured a few months prior to the killings in the winter of 1980. It was an experience that she chose to forget, despite a very permanent reminder…her son.

After yet another abduction, the team met at the local sheriff's station to discuss the case. After their meeting, Hotch pulled Emily aside.

"JJ okay?" Hotch asked

"I have no idea. She's not talking very much, to anyone."

"She's struggling. We had a talk at the site of Molly's abduction. Keep an eye on her."

"I'll try but you know, JJ. She always has to be the tough chick." Emily replied

The cases ended when the killer, Charlie Wilkerson, was killed by his pregnant wife, Chrissy. It was the same demise the man that killed those other girls 27 years before, Charlie's father Robert, had met when Charlie's mother pushed him into a piece of farm equipment. Mary Wilkerson knew what her husband had done to those other women and had also been a victim to his drunken rages on more than one occasion. Both of the women had decided that their children would not be brought up around such evil. Turns out in Charlie's case that didn't matter since the apple hadn't fallen far from the tree in spite of Mary's decision.

Emily watched from a few feet away as she could see Hotch speaking to JJ as the crime scene investigators when through their motions. From the angle she was at she could see that JJ was still trying to find her balance. JJ was quiet the entire trip back to Quantico.

Things went from bad to worse once they arrived back at the BAU. The team was in the bullpen when Morgan suggested everyone going out for drinks. JJ passed claiming she had a ton of work to do. Everyone chose to pass once Hotch was served with his divorce papers. Everybody knew there were problems in the Hotchner marriage but nobody thought they were headed for divorce. The team thought that Haley would eventually come back to Hotch. Emily watched JJ make her way to her office and close the door.

Emily would have rather have been enjoying a drink or five with the team instead of doing paperwork but the mood in the office was decidedly thick, especially after Hotch had been served. So Emily had lost herself in finishing up some files on her desk and before she knew it, a couple of hours had passed. Morgan and Reid got ready to leave and she said goodnight. Looking at her watch, she saw it was approaching 8pm. She decided it was time to check to see if her wife was ready to go home; she was surprised to find JJ's office was dark. She opened her cell and saw she missed a text from JJ that had been sent an hour before.

"_I'm going home. I'll see you there. J_" the text read. Emily was surprised JJ would send her a text instead of poking her head into the bullpen and letting her know she was ready to go home. JJ had come in early so she had her own car but still, they always left the office together whenever possible.

Emily tried to call JJ and found JJ's phone had been forwarded to the agent on-call. That rarely happened since JJ liked to filter all calls that came into the BAU. Emily became increasingly worried. She knew JJ was very emotional these past few days. Driving at breakneck speed, she made it home in record time.

Opening the garage, Emily was more than a little relieved to find JJ's Mustang sitting in it's normal resting place. She went into the house through the garage and found JJ had dumped everything on the kitchen table; briefcase, go bag, cell phone, gun. JJ may have been organized chaos at work but at home, JJ was very careful about putting her stuff in the downstairs office once they got home and she always put her gun away in their gun safe. Emily noticed it was cold in the house and that the sliding glass window that led to their backyard was open. Emily saw JJ sitting on one of the couches in their family room in the cold and dark. She grabbed a throw and without saying a word, Emily sat next to her, throwing the blanket over them. She took JJ in her arms and let her break.

After several minutes of holding a shaking JJ in her arms, she started to feel JJ calm down. JJ lifted her head out of the crook of Emily's neck and looked at her. The full moon coming in through the windows allowed Emily to see her wife's tear-stained face. They stared at each other and then JJ's mouth was on hers. It was hungry and passionate. It left Emily gasping for air whenever she could snare a little. JJ maneuvered her body so that it straddled Emily's and she grabbed Emily's shirt and tore it open, sending buttons scattering to the floor.

"Easy," Emily said into JJ's mouth.

"I need you," JJ gasped in return. "I need to fuck you. I need to feel."

After Emily had let JJ abuse her body, she felt JJ get upset again.

"Hey, you want to talk about it?" Emily asked as she felt JJ's tears land on her bare shoulder. "I hate seeing you this upset."

"These girls reminded me of me," JJ said once she was finally able to speak.

"Lot of girls reminded me of you, Jayj. I think you see a lot of women that resemble you; probably even more than these women."

"I just feel it more these days and I'm not sure why. Maybe the stress of trying to get pregnant? Maybe my hormones are changing. I've never let this shit affect me this badly before. I barely held it together out there the last couple days."

"I wish you would have let me know how badly you were struggling."

"You were busy out in the field. Hotch helped but he's so cut-off these days I'm not sure how much it helped."

"What did he tell you?"

"He said it was okay to lose it every once in a while." JJ relayed as she recalled part of her conversation with Hotch.

"He should. Might help him out too."

"He knows that. That's what he told me earlier."

"When you spoke to him after Chrissy Wilkerson shot her husband?"

"Watching me, Agent Prentiss?"

"Worried about my wife, Agent Jareau. I knew this was getting to you, I just didn't know how much."

"I feel like it's eating me alive. I need something else to focus on besides these cases that cross our paths."

"Like having a baby?"

"Maybe. But I don't want to use our child as an escape."

"Is that what you think you're doing, JJ? Honey, he or she will be a source of love and light. A balance. Isn't that what everybody strives for?"

JJ nodded her head

"We all need balance, Jayj. Like you and me…we balance each other."

"I feel like I've lost mine, Em."

"Talk to me."

"I feel like I'm a little talked out."

"Why?"

"I tried to talk to Hotch about it. I don't think he has the answers anymore than you or I would."

"What did you tell him?" Emily asked

JJ recalled the conversation that occurred while the case was wrapping up; the one that Emily watched from afar.

_Flashback_

"_You stop caring, you're jaded. If you care too much…it'll ruin you." JJ said sadly_

"_Just know that you did everything you could. Sometimes we get it right, with a little luck. And most of the times we don't. That's the job. It's never perfect. It's still better to care."_

"_You really believe that?"_

"_I believe it's never perfect." Hotch replied_

"It isn't ever perfect, Jayj. We do the best that we can with the information that we have. We're human and unfortunately we miss things. We make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes cost additional lives but we do the best we can and we try not to let it eat us up inside. I told you on the island, I could never do what you do."

"I feel like I'm only successful 10% of the time."

"It's more than that, Jennifer and you know it. It's just when we make a mistake, lives are at stake. But the team, this team…our family…we all believe that we are doing the work we are meant to do. And we pick each other up and carry on."

"Maybe I'm starting to care to much."

"No way, Jayj. We all rely on you to care. You are the heart of this team. The one that makes sure we don't forget we're dealing with people. The one the keeps us human," Emily said adamantly before adding. "You're the heart of this team too."

"Team you and me?"

"Yeah…team Prentiss." Emily said giving JJ a gently kiss right under her ear.

"What if what happened to Hotch happens to us?"

"It won't. There are no promises, no guarantees but you and I have in each other something really special," Emily said holding JJ in her arms. "We don't question what it is that we do for a living or why. We already get it. Haley didn't and she had to leave."

"That would crush me."

"I'm not going anywhere, Jennifer. We just got married for crying out loud. This is still the honeymoon phase. Now…how 'bout I take you upstairs and make love to you properly? Hmm?"

"I'd like that," JJ said giving Emily a kiss.

XXXXX

The next morning was Saturday and Emily decided that JJ needed to get out in the fresh air and sunshine. It was a cold February morning but at least it wasn't expected to rain or snow. So they took off in JJ's mustang for the Rock Creek Trails. Emily wanted to get JJ thinking about something else other than babies, conception, or worse…work.

It was a gorgeous day for a hike and the two newlyweds walked and talked, held hands, and kissed along the hiking paths. It was so lovely that many people were out enjoying the beautiful day. They came to a ranger station about 5-miles into their trek and decided to see if he had any pointers on stuff they should look at in the immediate vicinity. They were a bit disappointed to find that the ranger station was closed most of the time during the winter months. As they started to leave, they heard a whimper.

JJ stopped to listen more closely. They heard it again.

"Okay…that wasn't my imagination right?" JJ asked

"I thought I heard something too."

Listening closer, they heard it again. JJ was able to hone onto the sound and walked behind the ranger station. There they found a young, male German Shepard. He growled a bit and JJ flinched. Since the incident at Tobias Henkel's house, JJ had been a little nervous of dogs. She didn't even like it when Morgan's dog Clooney would get too close when they visited Morgan at his house.

Someone had cruelly left this poor dog in the cold tied to a post on at the back of the ranger station. You could tell he wasn't left recently. He looked half-starved and was shivering. Emily watched as JJ approached the dog carefully. She took out the water bottle she had in a holder attached to her hip. She looked around and found a paper cup near a nearby trashcan. She poured a little water into the cup and held it out for the young dog. He smelled it and hesitated. Emily watched in awe as JJ visibly shook her fear off to take care of this animal. The dog finally accepted the water offering. JJ then reached into her satchel and pulled out some turkey jerky they had bought for their hike and tore off a piece for the hungry canine. He accepted that far more readily than he had the water. Emily's fears eased a little when she noticed that the dog had stopped growling and was now wagging his tail.

JJ held out her hand for him to smell. He stuck his nose out to smell JJ's hand and then licked it. JJ laughed. They could both see the gratitude in the animal's eyes.

"Who left you here, boy?" JJ asked

She now easily was petting his head and scratching behind his ears. He seemed friendly enough but was afraid after having been left abandoned.

"We can't leave him here, Emily,"

"I know. What are we going to do with him?"

"He doesn't have a collar. He's obviously been left to starve here."

Emily stared at her wife knowing where this was headed.

"We have a big backyard, Emily."

Emily continued to stare at JJ

"You've never had a dog have you?"

"No. I've never had a pet."

"Really?"

"JJ we moved around so often when I was a kid we never would have been able to take an animal with us."

"Dogs are nice. I had several dogs growing up." JJ said. "We could give him a really nice home?"

"And what about the baby we're planning on having?"

"We can have that too. The American dream…a couple that loves each other, 2 kids, a dog, and the house with the white picket fence."

"The American dream of the new Millennium I suppose. I don't think Norman Rockwell painted a picture of the dream family with two women."

JJ laughed, "So does that mean I, I mean we, can take him home with us?"

Emily shook her head, "I'm so not picking up dog crap."

JJ smiled and gave Emily a kiss

"Yes you, I mean we, can take him home." Emily replied

XXXXX

The decided to name him Ranger since that is where they found him. They took him to the vet and, besides being a little thin, found he was in good health. Their vet thought that he had probably only been out there for three or four days. They found out quickly why perhaps he had been abandoned by his previous owner. He liked to tear things up and dig holes in their backyard. Emily decided, for her own sanity, that perhaps a doggie boot camp was best for their new four-legged family member.

***********************************************************

Emily looked over at her sleeping wife and smiled. JJ loved Ranger so much and he had come at the perfect time in their lives. Ranger had given JJ new focus, something to throw her energies into instead of cases and babies. She had a new cause; a new balance and Emily could not have been more relieved. She was finally able to stop worrying about the inner turmoil JJ was going through. Despite his shaky beginnings, Ranger was a godsend.

And after a couple of weeks of training, Ranger came back home a new dog. A perfect dog; good watchdog, good companion, good playmate. He loved JJ and would follow her everywhere. Emily liked the fact that when she had to leave JJ and Henry alone, Ranger was there to keep a watchful eye over her family. They had never even been afraid that Ranger would hurt Henry when he was brought home.

Yes Emily did have the perfect American dream. Just a slight variation from what most people thought of as traditional. But it was perfect. She loved her life. She loved her wife and her son. And yes, she even loved Ranger.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…**


	23. Milagro

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story that will continue even though JJ is now awake. **

**AN3: This chapter is rated M…repeat rated M. RATED M - FEMSLASH. **

**AN4: Thank you so much for the kind reviews and PMs. They are all appreciated. I can't believe I'm nearing 200 reviews. Thank you all so very much!**

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

***********************************************************************

Emily sat watching over her sleeping wife. She stretched her stiff back and tried to crack her neck to get a little feeling back into her body. She felt a pinch in her neck and groaned. She longed for one of JJ's massages. JJ's strong hands were magic and she was always able to work out the kinks whenever Emily was sore from the long hours, the unbearable stress they were sometimes under, or whenever she overdid it. She sadly realized it would probably be some time before she would feel that touch again.

"_God you've got a long recovery ahead of you, baby_," Emily thought sadly. "_I promise to hold your hand every step of the way. For better, for worse. In sickness and in health. Right?"_

Emily picked up JJ's hand and kissed it gently. _"I'm so afraid every time I touch you that I'm going to hurt you. How do I get over that?" _

Emily was brought out of her thoughts when Jackie walked into JJ's room.

"Excuse me, Emily. Someone would like to see you in the hall," she said.

"Oh. Okay, um…"

"Don't worry. I'm going to take a few readings of her monitors and such. I'll be in here for a little bit. If she wakes up, I'll come get you."

"Thanks, Jackie. I appreciate it."

Emily went to the corridor to find her mother waiting there for her.

"How is she?" Elizabeth asked

"Getting better. She sleeps most of the time but she's getting stronger."

"And you?"

"I'm doing better now that she's awake. God, I was so worried, mother,"

"I know you were, honey. I told you to have faith in her. She was going to do everything in her power to come back to you and the baby."

Elizabeth gave Emily a hug

"Speaking of which, Amanda and I are taking him back to the hotel. I take it you are spending the night here?"

"Yes. I can't leave her."

"I figured as much. Thought you might want to kiss him goodnight before we left."

"Of course, I would. Thanks for coming to get me."

Emily and Elizabeth walked to the waiting room to find Henry already asleep on James' chest. James was reclined back and had his eyes closed himself. Donna sat beside them in a duplicate position. Emily hadn't realized how late it was.

"He's hardly put him down. I think James has fallen in love with his grandson." Elizabeth said.

"Seems like you have a little competition, mother."

"Good thing they live in Pennsylvania," the Ambassador said in jest.

James stirred when he heard the Prentiss women walk into the room.

Emily softly stroked the hair on her son's head. James handed the sleeping boy to his mother. Emily cradled her son in her arms.

"I love you, little man," Emily whispered, giving Henry a light kiss on top of his head. She could still smell his shampoo from the night before.

After a few minutes of holding her son, Emily handed Henry back to James, as they all got ready to leave for the night and head back to the hotel. Henry opened his eyes, looked at his mommy, and then laid his head back on James' chest taking a couple of pulls on the pacifier in his mouth while he stared at her. He reached for her but then the power of sleep overcame him again and he closed his eyes instead of fussing.

"He's tired," James said to Emily. "We'll get him put down."

"Thank you. Thank you all," Emily said as she watched James, Donna, Elizabeth, and Amanda leave with Henry. "_Sometimes it does take a village_," Emily thought.

She realized that nobody from her team was there and wondered where they all were. She shrugged her shoulders as she realized she was alone in the room, turned and walked back to her wife's room.

Emily could not have been happier that JJ's family seemed to be coming around. "_Better late than never_," she said silently to herself. Henry had that effect on people. People seemed to fall in love with him. Emily certainly was but he was her son so she was a bit biased. She may have thought she wanted a daughter at first, but she couldn't imagine not having Henry. She loved that little boy with all her heart. And she had from the moment he was conceived.

******************************************************************

It was a couple of weeks after they got Ranger back from doggie boot-camp and the ladies were adjusting to life with their new four-legged friend. They were still new to the neighborhood but had met their neighbors the Riley's that lived across the street. The Riley's had a teenage son that appeared to be a good kid. Emily decided to ask if he would walk and feed Ranger when they were away. So far the arrangement had worked out well. It had gone without a hitch when they had been called to cases in Philadelphia and Indianapolis. Ranger seemed to fit right into their home without a hitch. He had the run of the house and the yard too after they had a doggie-door installed that required an infrared device on his collar for added security.

The team was back from their latest case and was spending the day in the office catching up on the backlog of paperwork that filled their in-boxes. Emily was reading over a forensic report when her cell phone rang. She looked at the display to see JJ was calling her.

"JJ?"

"Hey"

"Where'd you go? I just saw you an hour ago in your office and you were up to your eyeballs in case files."

"I'm still in my office" JJ said quietly

"Then why are you calling me from your cell? And why are you whispering?"

"Guess what I found out this morning before we left for work?"

"JJ, I'm trying to finish the some paperwork," Emily said. "I'm a little busy for guessing games."

"Okay if you don't want to know my LH levels have increased I guess I can tell you later"

"Your what!?"

"You heard me. You interested in trying to make a baby tonight?"

Emily sat at her desk; the case file she needed to complete utterly forgotten. Tonight was going to be the night they tried again to start their family. A wide smile slowly made its way across her face.

"Yeah, I'm interested."

"I'm leaving here in an hour. I need to stop by Dr. Schreiber's office to pick up our sample"

"So that's why you insisted on driving separate cars this morning."

"Yep. You should know by now that I don't do anything without a logical reason."

"I just thought you were being JJ."

"Funny, Em"

"Hey, Jayj?"

"Yeah"

"Let me stop by Dr. Schreiber's."

"You want to?"

"Yeah. You don't need to be examined or anything right?"

"Nope. Just need to grab the sample."

"I'll take care of that. You go home and rest. You're going to need it." Emily was happy Morgan and Reid had taken a late lunch and weren't at their desks to overhear this exchange.

"I'm still leaving in an hour."

"I'll be right behind you and I'll see you at home."

Emily made her way to their fertility doctor and was waiting to pick up their specimen when Dr. Schreiber poked her head into the waiting room.

"Hi, Emily. Got a minute?"

"Sure?" was her confused reply.

"Have a seat," the doctor said once they were in her office. "So, how is the baby making going? This will be the third attempt right?"

Emily nodded, "They're going okay. JJ is a little frustrated that it hasn't happened yet."

"Don't let her give up, Emily. It'll happen. You both just need to relax and let nature take its course."

"Easier said than done sometimes,"

"I understand. But let me give you a few pointers. Make sure she's relaxed. Have fun. Have her lie still for at least 30 minutes afterwards. And most importantly, make sure she has an orgasm after you've administered the sample."

Emily nodded her head, "That's my favorite part," she said with a smile.

"That's pretty much everyone's favorite part," Dr. Schreiber said with a smile as she rose to get up. "Okay. Have fun over the next few days. Hopefully it'll take this time."

Emily drove home with her cooler on the passenger seat. After pulling into their garage, she sat for a minute in the driver's seat and put the cooler on her lap. She ran her hand across the top of it.

"There is a woman inside this house that I love very much," she whispered to the cooler. "I want you all to swim your hardest and one of you needs to make your way to the promise land, okay? The winner, I promise, will have the best mommy ever. Her name is JJ and you will be the most loved child known to man. Mommy is counting on you…we both are."

Emily exited the car and walk into their house. She took the vile and the syringe they would need for this evening, wrapped it in a clean dishtowel, and walked upstairs with it carefully in her hand. She heard the soft music before she'd even made it to the threshold; she could see the flickering flames coming from their bedroom that let her know JJ had lit some candles. Inside, kneeling on their bed was her beautiful wife waiting for her. No matter how many times she saw JJ, she was always stunned by her wife's beauty. She hadn't changed into one of her sexy negligees but rather had put on one of Emily's button-down shirts. Emily recognized it as the one she had worn the day before and left on the chair in their bedroom so she could remember to have a button replaced on one of it's cuffs. Only the bottom two buttons were done and Emily could see that JJ wasn't wearing anything underneath.

Leaving it wrapped in the towel, Emily gently placed the vile and syringe on her nightstand and sat on the bed near JJ.

"You're wearing my shirt," Emily said

"Yeah. It smelled like your Chanel and I missed you,"

"You just saw me a couple of hours ago,"

"I know. I still missed you,"

Emily reached her hand up, placed it around JJ's neck, and brought her wife's lips to hers. They shared the sweetest of kisses - passionate yet gentle, hungry yet soft. Emily ran her tongue across JJ's bottom lip and entered her mouth when JJ coaxed her tongue inside. They kissed for several minutes, the kiss drawing deeper and deeper losing them both in each other. They broke the kiss when neither could breathe properly any longer.

Emily stood up and unclipped her gun from her waist. She placed it in the gun safe that was bolted to the top of her nightstand, right next to where she had placed the vile. She took off the boots she was wearing and then started to unbutton her blouse when JJ stopped her.

"Let me help you undress, Em," JJ said as she started undoing the buttons on Emily's blouse. She pushed it off of Emily's shoulders and off her body completely. JJ then undid the button on Emily's slacks and helped remove those from Emily's body as well.

Standing beside the bed wearing only her undergarments, Emily brought JJ up to her and into another passionate kiss. As the heat rose between them, Emily could hear panting and realized it didn't belong to either of them. She looked over towards the door and saw Ranger sitting there watching them.

"No way," Emily chuckled. "Sorry boy, this is going to be for mature audiences only." Emily closed the door to their bedroom and left Ranger in the hallway. She removed her socks as she made her way back to JJ.

She set some pillows against the headboard and sat up against them. JJ straddled her lap and the two of them kissed some more. They were lost in the feeling of lips against lips and tongues dancing against one another's. Emily could feel the passion between them reach unbearable levels. Emily loved making love to her wife; she wanted her badly.

She could feel JJ grind herself against Emily's lap. The wetness between JJ's legs could be felt against her own. "Oh god, Jennifer. I love you so much," Emily whispered as she broke the kiss and placed kisses along JJ's neck

"I…love…you…too…Em" JJ panted. Emily could tell JJ was getting worked up good just by the cadence of her voice. She undid the buttons and pushed the shirt, her shirt, off of JJ's body and exposed JJ's breasts to her. JJ rose on her knees so Emily could take one of her breasts in her mouth while her hand massaged the other.

"Oh…god…Emily…" JJ stammered. "I…want…you…so…badly."

Emily broke away and looked at her lover. She ran her hand down JJ's face. "You are so beautiful and I love you more than I've ever loved anything in my life."

A tear made its way down JJ's cheek.

"Lie back," Emily instructed.

JJ lay on her back and Emily moved over her. She kissed her hungrily for a couple of minutes before moving to JJ's neck and down her body. She paused to suckle each breast and to run her tongue down JJ's sternum and to her taut stomach. Emily made sure to kiss every inch along the way until she reached the last article of clothing on JJ's body, her panties. JJ raised her hips as Emily pulled them off of her. Emily placed her fingers into the wet heat at the apex of JJ's legs and started to slowly work JJ into a frenzy. JJ bent her legs and opened herself up wider for Emily. Emily moved down so she could run her tongue along each of JJ's inner thighs and then she ran it up JJ's slit beginning at the bottom and working it's way to the top before settling on JJ's clit.

Emily could hear JJ's breath hitch and her breathing was uneven but Emily stopped before JJ could come, it wasn't time yet. She moved back up and kissed her deeply. She then pulled back and looked at JJ in the glow that the candles provided. Emily ran her fingers down JJ's face and held her stare for a couple of minutes; neither woman able to find their voice during this beautiful moment they were sharing.

Without saying a word, Emily sat up and retrieved the vile from the nightstand. She prepared it for use, warming it between her hands and making sure it contained no air bubbles, and then sat back next to JJ. She placed the throw pillow that normally rested on the chair in their bedroom under JJ's hips and helped JJ get comfortable.

"You ready?" Emily asked.

"Yes." JJ whispered

Emily carefully inserted the syringe into JJ's vagina, stopping when she felt a slight resistance indicating she reached JJ's cervix. "Do you want to help?" Emily asked

With tears in her eyes, JJ nodded her head. She placed her hand on Emily's and together they slowly and carefully depressed the plunger emptying the contents of the syringe into JJ. The next two steps took place simultaneously and were both extremely important. Emily lay down next to JJ and rested on her elbow. It was important for JJ to be as still as possible for the next 30 minutes and JJ also needed to have an orgasm. While she stared at JJ, she put her hand between JJ's legs again. She slowly started to caress JJ's clit, picking up the tempo as JJ neared her climax. A couple of minutes later JJ came.

Emily nestled next to JJ and stroked her hair. "Emily you didn't get off."

"It's not about me tonight. It's all about you and our child."

"But…"

"No buts. Just relax, that's your only job right now. Relax."

"Emily, you are the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I love you so much and I'm so glad we're sharing this together."

Emily kissed JJ's temple. "Me too, baby. Me too."

While they lay there, they fell asleep, with Emily pressed up against JJ. The next thing Emily felt was a weight across her body and it took a minute to realize that JJ was on top of her.

"JJ, you need to stay still." Emily said as JJ kissed her neck

"Emily, we've been asleep for two hours. I can move now and I want to make love to my wife. I need to make love to my wife."

JJ reached under Emily and undid her bra. After it had been removed, she felt JJ's lips surround one of her nipples and pull gently on it. She moved back up to Emily's mouth and hungrily kissed her. Emily could feel JJ's hand roam over her body. While their tongues were entwined with one another's, she felt JJ slip her hand under her panties and into her slick folds. Emily was already wet and more than a little ready to feel JJ inside of her. She pulled her mouth away from JJ's to bring some much-needed oxygen into her lungs.

"Tell me what you want, Emily." JJ whispered in Emily's ear

"Your…tongue…inside," Emily said, her voice thick with desire

JJ kissed her way down Emily's body stopping to admire Emily's new tattoo. Emily had the Chinese symbol of love placed in permanence on her other hip the month before to commemorate the one-year anniversary of their first date and the start of this wonderful journey they had embarked on. JJ suckled the new marking and then positioned herself between Emily's legs. Emily bent her knees to lift her hips so that her panties could be removed. She left her knees bent and turned them outward allowing JJ better access. She groaned when she felt JJ's tongue move along her inner thighs and then sucked in her breath when JJ's tongue moved to her pussy.

Emily was in ecstasy as JJ's took her clit between her lips and arched her back as JJ inserted her tongue deep within Emily's core. Hands holding her in one spot, JJ fucked her with her tongue, using her nose to work her clit at the same time.

"Ahh…hmm…god…right there….don't stop…please, don't stop," Emily moaned incoherently. Her body was on fire and begging for release. JJ picked up the tempo of her tongue and moved one of her hands from Emily's hip to rub Emily's clit.

"God…Jennifer…I'm….coming. I'M COMING!" Emily screamed, flashes of white darting before her eyes.

JJ didn't stop the motion after Emily's orgasm; she could feel JJ lapping up the juices that had flowed from her body as she struggled to catch her breath. JJ moved back up and draped herself across Emily's body in the position they had started in. She kissed Emily's lips gently.

"I love you, Em." JJ whispered as she moved to her neck

"God you're amazing JJ." Emily said once she was able to speak again.

She could feel JJ smile into the soft skin of her shoulder. "I'm glad I could please." JJ teased as she nestled back down into Emily's arms.

Emily chuckled softly. "You did more than please. I love you, Jennifer."

"Do you think it worked this time, Em?" JJ asked pensively.

"I hope so, baby. I hope so."

They repeated this process over the next three nights not realizing that they had been successful in the first attempt this time around.

XXXXX

Over the next two weeks the team seemed like they had a never-ending stream of cases that took them to Pittsburgh, a small town in Texas, and to Miami. The cases in Pittsburgh and Miami held a little personal turmoil for Emily and JJ, which just added to the stress they were feeling while they waited to see if they were going to be parents.

After the case in Pittsburgh had wrapped, the rest of the team delayed their return to Quantico so JJ could drop in on her family. Hotch had allowed Emily and JJ to use one of the SUVs to make the short trip to East Allegheny. Unfortunately it was more or less a wasted trip. JJ's mother barely gave them five minutes outside of her house. Just a quick hello before she gave some excuse about having somewhere else to be. They stopped by the service center and spoke to Ralph, one of the mechanics. They found out Andrew had taken his family away for a long weekend to attend a friend's wedding. Ralph attempted to get James to come out to see his daughter and had to relay the bad news that he was "too busy" and "couldn't get away".

Paul was at work but they had been able to spend a little time with his wife, Courtney and their little boy Cody Robert. It was this visit with Courtney and Cody Robert that made the trip worthwhile. Emily enjoyed spending time with the adorable little boy while JJ spoke with Courtney. Emily kept waiting for JJ to mention to Courtney that they were trying to get pregnant but JJ never did. After about and hour and a half, the women left to head to the airstrip so they and the rest of the team could head back to Quantico.

"I'm sorry you didn't have a good trip home." Emily said has they headed back

"I'm not surprised. It's not like they support us anyway. I actually thought I'd have a chance just dropping in on them. No excuses that way. I guess I was wrong." JJ said staring straight ahead.

"They'll come around. It might take a while but we have our whole lives ahead of us. It'll happen," Emily tried to encourage.

"Maybe when we have a baby? Maybe they'll come around then," JJ hoped

"I'm surprised you didn't mention to Courtney that we're trying to have a baby."

"I don't want to tell anyone yet, Em. What if this doesn't work?"

"When do we get to pee on a stick again?"

"I'm pretty sure it's just me peeing on the stick," JJ laughed, "I would be more than a little surprised if we got a positive reading for a test you took. You'd have an awful lot of explaining to do."

"Trust me Jayj, there isn't a chance in hell mine would come back with a positive reading."

"I want to give it another few days. Just to be sure."

"You weren't feeling well this morning. That could be a sign, Jayj."

"Or it could just mean that I was nervous about going home."

XXXXX

They barely had time to pack their go bags again when they were called to hunt down a killer and his missing girlfriend in Texas and then immediately after that to Miami where they had to investigate the death of some gay men.

As they were speaking with the female detective in charge of the Miami case, Emily looked up to see Will LaMontagne walk over. Will's partner on the New Orleans Police force, Detective Charlie Luvet, was the unsub's latest victim.

"Hey isn't that…" Emily groaned

Emily could tell that LaMontagne was still interested in JJ. She couldn't stand to watch him flirt with her. JJ got testy when Emily brought that to her attention, which caused a lot of tension in their hotel room. In fact, Emily noticed that JJ was increasingly irritable and started to wonder if they had in fact finally been successful.

"You told him you're married. Why haven't you told him you're married to me?" Emily asked JJ rather loudly as soon as they walked into their room.

"Keep your voice down, Emily."

"Answer the question."

"Why should I tell him? That's MY business, nobody else's."

"It's our business, JJ. Are you ashamed that you're gay?"

"Are you fucking crazy? Emily, we are out. What ever gave you that impression? Because I won't tell some hick detective?"

"Some hick detective that has asked you out in the past and keeps checking out your ass. If you don't tell him, I will."

"Emily, don't make things more awkward than they are."

"Wow. I never realized how much awkward could sound like ashamed."

"Why do you want to rub this guy's nose in it? I'm not some prized trophy. It's not like I slept with the guy. He just asked me out."

"I'd just like some acknowledgment to the guy that you're not available to him. The ring on your hand should be enough but I see the way he looks at you and it pisses me off."

"This, our relationship, doesn't belong at work and you know it. I'm taking a shower. Between this bullshit and the fucking humidity down here, I need to cool off." JJ said slamming the door to the bathroom behind her.

Emily took a walk while JJ was in the shower. By the time she got back, JJ was sound asleep, or at least pretending to be. The next morning and for the rest of the case, words between the two of them were few and far between.

At the end of the case, after their unsub had been apprehended, Emily and JJ stood in the police station watching as Will packed up his files. JJ said goodbye to Will and they watched as he walked away.

"If he's what you want, you should go to him. You'd make a cute couple." Emily said sarcastically. She wished she knew exactly why this man, of all the men and women they encountered, really got under her skin. JJ was a very attractive woman and garnered lots of attention from both sexes, why did Will LaMontagne piss her off so much. She hated when her jealously reared its ugly head but it was what it was.

"You know what?" JJ said and for a spilt second Emily thought that JJ was actually going to chase after the New Orleans detective. Instead she found herself being kissed rather passionately by her wife in the middle of the precinct, not caring who saw. Emily found herself kissing her back, the emotion from their argument spilling out between the two of them. It took all she had not to take her against the desk.

Emily broke the kiss and stared into her wife's eyes. She could see they were filled with a mix of both love and frustration.

"I'm sorry, JJ. I should have never said the things I said the other night. I'm not sure why he gets under my skin so much. It's the way he looks at you, it's his accent, and it's…"

JJ cut her off, "Shut up, Emily," JJ said before kissing her again, this time even harder and longer. JJ broke the kiss this time and looked at her intensely. "You'll have to prove how sorry you are when we get home," she said seductively.

"Gladly," Emily said and they turned to leave.

They saw Will LaMontagne standing there staring at them. He smirked then turned and walked away. He'd evidently seen quite a bit of what happened between Emily and the object of his affection.

XXXXX

A couple days had past since their return from Miami and things were back to normal between the two of them. They had returned from Miami on a Friday and had spent the weekend mostly wrapped in each other's arms. Emily had felt horrible for picking a fight with JJ over such a stupid subject. Of course JJ wasn't interested in Will and Emily knew it. JJ loved Emily just as much as Emily loved JJ and they proved it over and over to each other that weekend.

On Sunday, JJ still wasn't feeling herself and Emily had her take another home pregnancy test. Both were disappointed to see it come back negative. A positive reading would have explained the nausea and general tiredness JJ was feeling.

"I'm going to stop by Dr. Schreiber's office on my way in tomorrow. I think I need to take a test there."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"Honestly? No. I just want to run in. I don't want to make a big deal out of it."

"Is that what I would do, Jayj? Make a big deal out of it."

"That's not what I meant. Stop being so sensitive. This whole thing has us walking a tightrope with one another."

"You're right. I'm sorry, JJ. I'm just worried about you."

"I know you are, Em and I love you for that. Thank you," JJ said. "I'm just tired. We've had 3 cases in two weeks. I had that 'visit' with my family and that thing with Will. Plus our futile attempts at getting pregnant. It's all just wearing on me."

Emily wrapped her arms around JJ and gave her a kiss. "Again, I'm sorry. Let me know how I can help."

"This, right here, helps a lot," JJ said kissing Emily deeply in return.

XXXXX

Bright and early Monday morning, JJ went to Dr. Schreiber's office. Emily saw her walk into the office around 9:30.

"How'd it go?"

"Okay. I, um, met with Dr. Schreiber for a little bit. She was…encouraging."

Emily chuckled, "Yeah, she always is. Rah rah," she added sardonically as she turned to leave.

"Hey, Em. I have a 10 o'clock meeting with a woman that is being stalked. Read her letter and let me know what you think?"

Emily read the tale of Keri Derzmond, a woman that was living in nearby Baltimore that was being stalked by the same man that had stalked her when she lived in Atlanta. Both Emily and JJ agreed that the team should be involved in finding this man. Hotch and Rossi were in Boston giving a seminar so the two of them left for Baltimore with Morgan and Reid in tow. Emily watched as JJ struggled with yet another case.

"_IF she's not pregnant, then what the hell is wrong with her_," Emily thought.

Emily and JJ had to dig through every aspect of Keri's life and they both felt badly about it. It, however, had been necessary in order to catch the creep that was terrorizing her. The man abducted Keri and they found him holding a gun to her head. Emily was not comfortable with JJ having to put on a Kevlar vest and approach this man with the rest of the team and the Baltimore P.D. Under normal circumstances it bothered her…but now, if she was pregnant, well that terrified her.

The man was apprehended and soon enough the team was back at the BAU. Emily found JJ safely ensconced in her office, sitting in her chair, rubbing her eyes, an odd expression on her face.

"Hey, everyone's waiting…" Emily said to her wife. Morgan had suggested dinner and drinks since they had arrived back at Quantico at a reasonable hour.

"You should go," JJ replied. Emily turned to look at her. She didn't want to keep harping on her but JJ was beginning to worry her. She just looked exhausted.

"Keri's going to be okay," Emily started, hoping to draw JJ into conversation about what was wrong with her.

"I know."

"Okay, then, what is it because you've been a little off."

"Really, I'm okay. I'm just a little tired."

"Okay, I'll see you at home if you're not asleep." Emily replied. She felt that JJ was in need of a little alone time. Maybe if she went out with the team, JJ would be her normal self when she got home.

Three hours and a couple of martinis later, Emily pulled into her driveway. She noticed that the bottom floor was dark but that there was a light on in their bedroom, JJ had said she was trying to stay awake when Emily had called her on the way home. Emily walked into her house. It was dark but she noticed that there was light coming from the office. She walked in and saw that the lamp on her desk was on. She went to turn it off and noticed a box was on her desk. There was a note on top of the box written in JJ's very familiar writing.

"_Emily, this was sitting on my fax machine when we got back from Baltimore. I love you with all my heart, Jennifer." _

Emily opened the box to find a picture frame with a sheet of paper placed inside. The paper was from Dr. Schreiber's office. Emily read it and realized it was the results of JJ's pregnancy test. It said: POSITIVE

"_Oh my god, we're going to have a baby_," Emily thought to herself as tears started to form in her eyes.

"JJ…" Emily said softly, as she turned to head up the stairs taking them two at a time.

She found JJ had fallen asleep on her side of the bed wearing one of Emily's old oversized Yale t-shirts, one of Emily's favorites for sleeping in. The profiler in her recognized that as JJ's attempts to keep Emily close while she was waiting for her to get home. Emily also found Ranger sleeping in their room.

After shooing him out, Emily slipped off her gun and put it away. She then took off her shoes, socks, and pants and spooned up beside JJ, taking her into her arms. She wrapped her arms around JJ's waist and placed her hands on JJ's tummy. JJ stirred and then placed her hands on top of Emily's. Emily kissed the back of JJ's neck.

"We did it, huh?"

"Yeah,"

Emily lay there with JJ, their fingers interlocked and resting on JJ's stomach.

After a couple of minutes, Emily couldn't wait to kiss her any longer and she rolled JJ onto her back. She placed her lips on JJ's and kissed her tenderly.

"How do you feel?"

"Tired but good. I guess this explains my mood over the last couple of weeks."

"At least there's a reason…a good reason."

"I'm sorry Em if I've been a bitch."

"You haven't been but I could tell you were a little off." Emily replied, kissing the tip of JJ's nose. "I love you."

"I love you." JJ said as she brought Emily's lips back to hers. "Make love to me, Em."

"Are you sure you're up for it?"

"Emily, I'm pregnant, not made of glass," JJ said as she changed positions with Emily. She sat across Emily's lap and pulled her t-shirt over her head. JJ bent down and kissed Emily lovingly.

After making love, Emily was once again spooned up behind JJ with one hand on JJ's belly. She couldn't stop touching this area of her lover's body knowing what was growing inside.

"Have I told you how happy you make me, Jennifer?" Emily said, pressing kisses into JJ's bare shoulder.

"I think I have some idea," JJ said, rolling on her back so she could share some soft kisses with Emily.

Emily lifted the sheet that was covering them to reveal JJ's naked body. She lovingly stroked JJ's belly and then moved to place gentle kisses on it.

"Our baby's growing in here."

"Yes he or she is. I don't want to call him or her, 'it'"

"Me either but what do you want to call him or her because that's going to get old fast."

"I don't know, we'll think of something I'm sure."

"You're so beautiful, JJ," Emily said as she lavished JJ's tummy with affection

"You ready for me to get fat, Em?"

"It's not like you decided to go on a doughnut binge, Jayj. You're having a baby, our baby. But, you can get as big as you want and I will always love you."

"I hope never to test that theory." JJ laughed

As Emily kept kissing JJ's belly her hand started to run along JJ's leg. Before either of them realized it, they were having sex again; then fell asleep with Emily spooned up against JJ again.

Emily woke up the next morning to the sound of JJ getting sick in the bathroom. She popped out of bed quickly and ran to help her. Emily held her hair back and rubbed her back. When she was finished, JJ rocked back on her heels and sat on the floor. Emily got up and ran a washcloth under cold water then put it on the back of JJ's neck.

"How 'bout 'little thing that makes me sick'?"

"What?"

"The nickname for the baby."

"No. I don't think I like that very much," Emily laughed. "I'm sorry you're not feeling well. Can I make you some toast?"

"You have no idea how little I feel like eating right now."

"I know but you need to eat. I'm making you some toast, dry. And no coffee, Jayj."

Emily left quickly not wanting to see the daggers she was sure JJ was directing at her.

JJ managed to eat the toast and keep it down. Emily thought she actually looked much better. They were ready to leave for work when Emily wrapped her arms around JJ from behind.

"Feeling a little better?"

"Yes. A little bit. I just need to keep this toast down."

"I love you and I'm calling our child Milagro…for now."

"Milagro? What does that mean?"

"It's Spanish for miracle."

"I love it, Emily…and I love you."

Emily kissed behind Emily's ear.

"And Em, I don't want to tell anybody yet, okay? Not even Garcia because you know once she finds out, it's all over. Let's get through the first few weeks and make sure everything's okay."

"Okay. Do you have an appointment to see Dr. Schreiber soon?"

"Yep. Next week, wanna come with?

"I wouldn't miss it."

********************************************************************

The doctor's appointments she went to when JJ was pregnant and since Henry had been born were so much better than the ones she knew she had to look forward to in the near future with JJ. But Emily was going to help JJ through this. She knew JJ was probably going to be difficult at times but good times or bad, they were always going to get through things together.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review.**


	24. Someone to Watch Over

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.**

**AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story that will continue even though JJ is now awake. **

**AN3: This chapter is rated T. **

**AN4: Thank you so much for the kind reviews and PMs. They are all appreciated. Thank you all so very much!**

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

***********************************************************************

Emily settled down back into the chair that, until 45 minutes before, she had been sleeping in. It was just past 2AM and she'd been awakened when JJ started to cough…and couldn't stop. She was choking and it racked her body with pain and caused her oxygen saturation to reach dangerously low levels. Two night nurses and the on-call doctor had assisted in bringing it under control and raising her oxygen saturation back to acceptable levels. She was now sedated and resting comfortably but Emily wasn't.

She sat rigid in her chair watching JJ for any sign of distress. Though JJ was awake now, Emily knew she wasn't out of the woods. She hated that the woman she loved was in so much pain and, more importantly, that there wasn't anything that she could do about it. So she kept vigil and prayed that JJ would continue to get well.

Watching JJ. Again, until this week, it had been one of Emily's favorite pastimes since they first got together. She loved watching JJ sleep. She loved watching JJ with their son. She loved watching JJ move around their house. Of course, she loved watching JJ when they were being intimate. She even loved watching JJ while they were working; sometimes it was the only light in the darkness that they saw everyday. It was awesome watching JJ present a case, she was always so strong, so confident. It filled Emily with pride to watch JJ take control of a police precinct when they arrived or conduct a press conference – despite the current circumstances. And there was nothing hotter than JJ with a gun on her hip – except for maybe when JJ had her Kevlar vest on, her hair pulled back into a ponytail, and her gun drawn. Yep…that was hotter. But now that they were parents, she wasn't very fond of that when it happened. Once JJ became pregnant, Emily wanted JJ to remain out of the field as much as possible.

But the blond force that she was married to would never agree to such things. That was obvious from the very beginning.

*********************************************************************

"You're doing it again," JJ murmured with her eyes closed

Emily was propped up on an elbow watching what she thought was a sleeping JJ.

"Doing what?" Emily said feigning ignorance of what JJ was talking about

"You're watching me."

"Am I?" Emily asked innocently. "How do you know?"

"I can feel you."

"I can't help it. You're so beautiful."

It was Sunday and they were doing their favorite thing to do on Sundays. Whenever possible, they would make some coffee and a little breakfast, grab the newspaper, and spend the day holed up in their comfortable bedroom lair, wrapped up in newsprint and each other. They couldn't really do the first part of their ritual any longer. JJ had to give up coffee so Emily did too; they settled for a little juice. Breakfast now consisted of dry toast and oatmeal instead of omelettes because most everything else made JJ sick to her stomach. So it was a modified ritual but still something they loved to do if they were able to. Now it was about noon and the two of them were lazily lying about after making love that morning. Emily thought that JJ was sleeping but had been obviously busted for staring at her lovely wife.

JJ chuckled, "Emily…"

"What? You are and I was just observing…again."

"Observing what?" JJ asked, her eyes still closed

"What I was looking at last night."

"Oh that…you can't tell."

"Yes I can. I can tell. I can see it."

"You can't see it."

"It's small but I can see it," Emily insisted

"You can't tell I'm pregnant. I'm only about four weeks. Nothing's changed."

"It's slight, but I can see a bump."

"Emily…"

"JJ, I know your body better than I know mine. I know it better than you do; I've spent a lot of time studying it, kissing it…worshiping it." Emily said running her hand along JJ's tummy. Maybe it was her imagination but she did think she saw a slight difference in the appearance of JJ's belly. JJ's stomach was so taut before and now there seemed to be a soft rise in it.

JJ's hand found Emily's; she placed it on top and interlaced their fingers. She opened her eyes and gave Emily the smile that always made Emily's heart sing.

"I love you, Emily"

"I love you, too" Emily said bringing her lips to JJ's.

"God I love Sundays," Emily said as she moved her lips to JJ's neck, her hand trailing downwards from where it had been stroking JJ's stomach.

"Me…too," JJ moaned

The two of them decided to stay in bed for a little while longer.

XXXXX

A couple of months passed and things were going well. At 14 weeks, JJ was feeling better and her doctor's appointments all went well. Emily still could hear their baby's heartbeat when she thought about it; it was the most magnificent sound she'd ever heard. She'd clipped one picture of their first ultrasound picture on the visor in her car and she carried another one in her wallet. Once she had seen their baby on the ultrasound she had changed it's nickname from Milagro to Blip; since he or she was just a blip on the radar. They had been told that Blip was due to arrive the first week of December and to Emily that seemed like a lifetime away.

Emily thought they had been really lucky in that they had been working from Quantico for the last few weeks…and JJ had either been working out of her office or conducting interviews. Nothing that had put her in harms way. Whether JJ had done that intentionally or not, Emily didn't care. She was just happy JJ wasn't taking part of any raids or anything else that was dangerous. So far they hadn't shared their news with anyone, not even Garcia. They wanted Elizabeth to be the first person to know and they wanted to tell her in person. She was coming for a visit in a couple of weeks and they were going to tell her then. After that they had decided they could finally tell the team.

Until New York changed their plans.

JJ had gone to the office early and Emily was just pulling into the parking lot when her cell phone rang.

"Hey," Emily answered seeing JJ on her display.

"Hey yourself. You almost in?"

"I'm here. I'm just walking towards the building."

"Looks like we're going to be in town tonight. Wanna go look at cribs for Blip?"

"That sounds like fun. We could do a little dinner first."

"Yeah, cuz we wouldn't want to look for cribs on an empty stomach," JJ replied.

Emily was going to reply but she heard a click on her phone and then silence. She looked at the display and realized JJ had put her on hold. After a minute, she heard JJ click back on.

"Change in plans. We got a case. Head to the conference room as soon as you get in. It must be big because it bypassed me and went right to Hotch."

"Crap," Emily said pressing the button to end the call.

Emily did as JJ asked and headed directly to their round table room as soon as she dropped her go bag off at her desk. Hotch told them they were headed to New York immediately. Five people had been shot in broad-daylight over the past two weeks. The team, including Garcia, headed to New York City 20 minutes after Emily had walked through the doors that morning. "_So much for crib shopping_," she thought to herself

Kate Joyner, a former Scotland Yard investigator that now headed the FBI's NYC field office was beginning to butt heads with the local NYPD and was requesting some assistance from the BAU. She had worked previously with Hotch while she was still at Scotland Yard, before the FBI had snagged her services, and had called Hotch direct.

Emily noticed that JJ was pensive on the plane. JJ didn't join them in the discussion of the case prior to take off which was unusual; rather she sat staring out the window looking out at the tarmac. Emily sat next to JJ as they readied for take-off.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine, Em. Just wish we could have kept our plans for tonight. I was looking forward to them."

"We'll do it as soon as we get back, okay?"

"I know we will. I'm just a little disappointed."

XXXXX

They got up to speed on the case quickly. Emily and the rest of the team met the lead detectives on the case, Detectives Cooper and Brustin. While Cooper seemed open to the BAU being involved, Brustin was an old-time hard ass that wasn't inclined to be very cooperative. JJ went with Morgan, Rossi, and Brustin to the latest shooting scene while Emily stayed behind with Reid and worked on the profile with Cooper. Normally, Emily would not have had a problem with JJ going to a crime scene but, since there was no rhyme or reason with this shooter, the thought of JJ being outside of the field office made Emily exceedingly nervous.

With the sixth victim, they discovered they had two shooters. "_Shit_," Emily thought.

When Emily, JJ, Hotch, and Reid walked into their hotel for the night, Emily found the newspapers' evening editions had already reported the latest shooting that had just happened hours before. Emily felt the concern for her unborn child rise.

"Goddamn it," she said picking up one of the papers. "You're staying in the field office tomorrow, JJ," she demanded of her wife before she had even realized what she had been thinking had flown out of her mouth.

"Emily, not here."

"I can't stand the idea of you being in the field, Jayj. Not with what's going on,"

"Is there a problem?" Hotch asked.

Emily looked at JJ as JJ stared at her. They were playing a mental game of chicken; each one trying to decide are you going to tell him or am I. Finally Emily saw JJ noticeably relax as she let a small breath of air escape her lips.

She turned to Hotch and said, "I'm pregnant."

Emily smiled. There it was out in the open, she could finally share the good news she'd been keeping with her team, her closest friends.

"We're pregnant," she corrected, putting her arm around JJ

"Emily," JJ said

"We're working out some kinks," Emily advised their boss

Hotch smiled and shook Emily's hand while Reid gave JJ a hug.

"We'll, um, give you both some privacy," Hotch said turning with Reid to leave.

"H-Hotch," JJ said walking to catch up with their Unit Chief

"JJ, you could have told me," he said. Emily noticed that the usually stoic man seemed more than a little hurt that he was not in on their little secret.

"I know."

"So I understand if you need to take some time," he said. Hotch was a father himself so he understood some of what JJ was going through having been through it with his ex-wife, Haley.

"No. I…I want to be here," JJ said, much to Emily's chagrin.

"Okay, 7AM" was his reply. He gave them both a look that told them they had until then to figure it out between them.

Once they got into their room and set their things down, JJ turned to Emily.

"Are you fucking crazy?" she asked

"Concerned. For both you and Blip. He knows now. You can stay in the office, he'd understand."

"Oh you're not serious,"

"Come on, JJ. There are two shooters out there killing people at will."

"Emily, we are working a case with 6 murders. We need all hands on deck,"

"Exactly, 6 murders. This job is too dangerous,"

"It's exactly like yours. Are you going to stay out of the field too?"

Emily ran her hand through her hair in frustration and sighed.

JJ wrapped her arms around Emily, "Look. I get what you're saying. I love the concern…and I love the romance but we're both going to be parents, Emily. Neither one of us has, you know, a typical job."

"But I'm not the one carrying our child. I'm worried, for both of you,"

"I know you are but can we please not argue about this? I won't go into the field if I can help it but I won't shy away from it either, Em. Is that a deal?"

Emily stared into JJ's blue eyes. Damn it. She knew from Day 1 that those blue eyes were going to get her every time. She didn't stand a chance against them. Emily reluctantly nodded her head.

"Good. So, we only have until 7am, can we argue about something else now - like names and cribs?"

"Only if you let me win," Emily said

"Not a chance," JJ said, kissing Emily softly on the lips.

Emily placed her hand under JJ's oversized shirt to rest it on her bare belly. JJ was starting to show now and Emily loved touching the little Blip bump.

"You know what this means right?" Emily asked. JJ shook her head.

"You can stop wearing all these oversize shirts to hide your tummy from people,"

XXXXX

The next morning, the team gave the profile to the local cops. They knew that this was a team and that they weren't killing just for the fun of it. There was something bigger they were aiming for but it wasn't clear yet what it was. New York City was on edge, there were undercover police officers working the streets. Given her own personal circumstances, Emily was glad that Joyner had refused to put the BAU team on the streets with the undercovers.

Until one more person was killed that afternoon on a subway platform where no one happened to be stationed near.

Joyner wanted all available personnel on the streets the next day. And JJ said that included her.

"Then I want to be paired with you," Emily told her that night back in their room

"No. That won't get anything done. I'm going to be with Morgan. He isn't going to let anything happen…to either of us. Emily, do not let this baby tear your focus away from this case."

"This baby. You mean our baby. How is that even possible?"

JJ sighed, " Em, you need remain objective here. You need to forget that your pregnant wife is on this team."

Emily turned her back to JJ and JJ came up from behind and placed her hand gently on her shoulder.

"I know that doesn't seem possible but you are in danger too. I can't have you so focused on me that you forget to take care of yourself. Do you think I'd be able to raise this child, our child, without you?"

Emily turned to look at JJ, blinking away the tears that were starting to build.

"You'd manage. But I get what you're saying. Please do me one favor?" Emily asked

"Sure,"

"Don't be a hero. If it gets too dangerous, think of yourself and Blip first, okay? For once, put yourself first,"

"Okay. I promise," JJ said. "I love you, Emily."

Emily kissed the tip of JJ's nose. "I love you, too." She placed her had on JJ's tummy again. "Both of you."

XXXXX

The next day Emily took a deep breath as she saw JJ walk out of the field office with Morgan. She had a lengthy conversation with him about looking out for her wife. She left Morgan with the impression that the Witness Protection Program would be his only safe haven should anything happen to JJ or their unborn child.

Emily herself was paired with Detective Cooper. They walked and rode the subways around their area of the city all day, keeping an eye out for anything suspicious but also spending a little time getting to know each other. Emily felt very comfortable around him. He seemed like a decent guy.

They had reached their destination and walked to the top of the subway exit. They looked around the street before they headed to the subway entrance around the corner to make their next loop. A gunshot rang out.

Emily radioed to Garcia, who was stationed in the NYPD bunker with her NYPD counterpart, for assistance to locate where the shooting had taken place. With so many skyscrapers and buildings plus the din of the traffic, figuring out which direction the shot had come from was next to impossible.

"Garcia," Emily said into her microphone.

"I'm on it. I'm on it," the normally bubbly blonde said urgently

"16th and Broadway. He's running east on 16th."

"He's headed our way," Emily realized, heading towards 16th and the shooter.

As the two of them reached the corner, Emily and Cooper saw a black kid in a gray hooded sweatshirt stop when he saw them. He turned and bolted in the direction he had just come from. Cooper bolted after the guy.

Emily pulled out her gun and followed suit. The kid was younger and much faster than either Cooper or Emily but they tried to keep him in their sights. The crowds on the busy city streets didn't help. With Cooper yelling at people to get out of their way, Emily followed closely in Coopers wake. They saw the kid turn down an alley. Emily watched as Cooper slowed down to approach the alley and heard a shot fire. She saw her partner recoil backwards as the shot hit him and then fall to the ground.

Emily turned the corner of the building and could not believe the kid was standing there watching Cooper on the ground. He pointed his gun at Emily and she fired twice, striking him dead center in the chest…with both shots. She walked over to the kid and secured his weapon before calling Garcia for help.

She kept talking to Cooper, telling him he was going to be all right. Where was the medical help? This guy was going to bleed to death if help didn't arrive soon. A few minutes later, Brustin and others arrived to help. Emily felt more than a little rattled by what had happened. It was the first time she'd actually killed someone. There had been a couple of other times where she was one of many that had fired and who knew who was actually responsible for the unsubs death, but this one there was no question. This kill was her own. That it was a kid, well that just made it that much worse.

JJ approached the scene with Morgan.

"Are you okay?" Emily heard one of them ask. She didn't have an answer to that.

"Is he going to make it?" JJ asked, trying to bring Emily back to focus.

"I don't know. He lost a lot of blood," Emily replied. Her hands were still shaking.

Emily started to reflect in her head about the shooting as it transpired. Things didn't make any sense to her. This guy was so far ahead of him. Why deliberately stop and shoot Cooper knowing he had a partner that was going to take him down in return?

This case wasn't making any sense to any of them. Their jobs were to analyze behavior to come up with a profile but these unsubs were all of the map. None of it made any sense. Until they threw all of the behaviors together and came up with the only logical reason for all the apparent randomness that had been going on…terrorism.

Once they realized what they were looking at, they all scattered to the wind with their next assignments. Emily went to the hospital to check on Cooper and to fill Detective Brustin in on what they had discovered. She felt relieved knowing Hotch was sending JJ back to their hotel to get a little rest rather than join Reid when he was sent to update the Port Authority Police. Emily was finally able to breathe since JJ was safe.

Until the explosion.

Emily had been outside the hospital getting an update on Detective Cooper from Brustin when they heard the loud explosion. It rocked the ground where they were. Detective Brustin hopped into his vehicle and she was following him when her cell phone rang.

"Is everyone okay?" Emily asked urgently as soon as she connected. She assumed it was a member of her team. She hoped it was JJ but it was Garcia.

"I've spoken with Rossi and Reid and Morgan's on the line," her friend replied; sounding calmer than Emily was sure she actually was.

"Emily where are you," Morgan asked

"I…I'm following Detective Brustin to one of the NYPD's critical incident command posts," Emily said, upset that JJ still hadn't been heard from.

"One of them?" Garcia asked

"Yeah. After 9-11 they decentralized. They had way too many eggs in one basket on that day." Morgan informed.

"Has anyone talked to JJ?" Garcia asked

"She was headed back to the hotel," Emily said hopefully.

"In an SUV?" Garcia asked the one question Emily had been avoiding. She knew JJ didn't have any other way to get back to the hotel. She certainly wasn't going to take a cab. Emily felt nauseous.

"I think so," Emily replied, she was trying to keep the terror out of her voice.

"Stay with me while I dial her mobile," Garcia said

Emily heard JJ's voicemail pick up.

"_This is Agent Jareau, Communication Director for the FBI's Behavioral An_…."

It cut off.

"What was that?" Morgan asked. "What happened?"

"It went dead mid-message," Garcia replied.

"Try her again. She's probably back at the…" Emily's phone went dead.

"Fuck!" Emily screamed in the SUV.

Taking a deep breath and knowing that she needed to remain calm, she continued to follow Detective Brustin back to the command center. She tried her phone again but no luck it was dead. Emily realized that she needed to have faith that JJ was safe and that panicking wasn't going to get her anywhere.

"Garcia had us on conference and the system crashed," Emily said as she rushed into the command center. Rossi and Reid were already there working on gathering information about the explosion.

Then she heard the most glorious sound she'd ever heard.

"Emily!"

Emily turned to see JJ rushing towards her.

"Oh thank God you're all right," Emily said. She wanted to wrap her arms around her pregnant wife but knew this wasn't the right place or time. She was just elated that JJ and the baby were both okay. "You are okay, right?"

"Yes. I'm…we're, fine."

They soon discovered that the bomb was under Kate Joyner's SUV and both she and Hotch had been injured in the bombing. They watched as Garcia fed them video footage of the explosion that had sent Hotch and Joyner flying through the air. Morgan had found Hotch and was trying to help him when they found the bomber nearby. Morgan chased after him and the bomber electrocuted himself rather than be caught. Emily, JJ, Rossi, and Reid formulized a game plan for their current situation and Rossi asked JJ to contact Homeland Security to bring them up to date.

JJ left to make the call while Emily stayed with Rossi and Reid. After a brief discussion about the case, Rossi told her to go find JJ and spend a few minutes with her alone. She found JJ in a quiet office in the back just hanging up the phone. Emily closed the mini-blinds on the office window and made her way to JJ.

Emily took her wife into her arms and kissed her.

"Thank God you're okay…both of you," she said trying to fight back her tears

"We're okay, Em. Really."

"I was so worried."

"I know. I was worried about you too," JJ said kissing Emily some more.

"You sure you're okay?" Emily asked placing her hand on JJ's stomach. "Blip's okay too?"

"Blip is fine. I swear," JJ replied

Emily pulled JJ into her arms and held her tightly. Emily then pulled out of the embrace to look at JJ. "I love you, Jayj" Emily said

"I love you, Emily. Now, we need to get out there and find these guys."

They turned to walk out of the office.

"Jayj?"

"Yeah?"

"Now that we don't have to hide the fact that you're pregnant, can you get rid of that shirt?"

"What wrong with it?

"It makes me dizzy."

"You don't like the pattern."

"Not so much," Emily replied as they walked out the door.

XXXXX

The next day they made their plans to return back home. Kate Joyner was dead, the unsubs were dead and their assassination plans thwarted, Hotch and Morgan had both nearly been blown up, and the rest of the team was left a little shaken by the whole experience. Morgan drove Hotch down from New York City since Hotch's inner ear trauma inhibited his ability to fly but the rest of the team traveled in their usual manner back to headquarters. Strauss, of all people, gave the team a week off; Hotch needed to physically recover and the rest of the team needed a little time to decompress.

Once Emily arrived back at Quantico, she had to file a report on the shooting she had been involved in despite the fact she had already filed one with the NYPD so Garcia took JJ home so she could rest. When the report was complete, the week was theirs and Emily made her way home after making a stop along the way.

The house was dark when she walked in except for one light on in the living room. She walked upstairs to find JJ asleep on their bed still fully clothed. Leaving JJ where she was, Emily made her way back downstairs, poured herself a glass of bourbon, grabbed the item she had purchased, and went outside to their backyard. After she took a sip, she opened the pack of cigarettes she had bought, took one out, and lit it. She took a deep drag on it and filled her lungs with the intoxicating smoke. She had stopped smoking shortly after she joined the FBI and now only had one occasionally when the stressed was too much to bear. This was such an occasion. She had almost finished her cigarette when she heard JJ join her in the backyard with Ranger following closely behind.

"Wanna talk about it?" JJ asked.

Emily quickly extinguished her smoke to keep it away from her pregnant wife

"Sorry Jayj,"

"It's okay. I understand," JJ said coming down to join Emily on the chaise she was sitting on. Emily put her arm around her and drew her near, her drink in her other hand.

"He couldn't have been more than 19-20 years old, JJ," Emily said sadly

"I know. He was kid. A stupid, disenfranchised, looking for something to believe in kid."

Emily nodded her head

"But Emily, he shot a cop. And he would have shot you if you hadn't shot him first,"

"I know but somehow that's not making it any easier,"

"You didn't have a choice, Em. The shooting was clean."

"How did you get through it?"

"What?" JJ asked. "Killing Battle?"

"Yes."

"You just move on, Em. You can't dwell on it, especially given the circumstances. I did what I had to do and I would do it again in a heartbeat. He'd already tried to kill my best friend and now he was in the BAU threatening my family. I didn't have a choice. And neither did you."

Emily took another sip of the amber liquid.

"I know but…"

JJ sat up and moved to straddle Emily's lap.

"But nothing, Em. Would you have rather him finish off Cooper or worse, shoot you?"

Emily shook her head.

JJ took Emily's free hand and placed it on her very slight baby bump.

"You feel this?"

Emily smiled and nodded her head.

"If you hadn't shot that guy you might not be here to feel this; to feel your unborn child. You shot him because I need you. I need you here with me. I need you to help me raise our child. You shot him because your will to live was stronger than his."

Emily balanced the glass on the arm of the chaise and then placed both hands on JJ's stomach. She then used one of her hands to bring JJ's lips to hers. Emily kissed JJ hard and drew her body to hers. Emily finally pulled away.

"I'm sorry, Jayj. I probably taste like cigarettes and alcohol."

"It's okay, Em. I'm always going to be here when you need me."

"I love you, Jennifer."

"I know you do, baby." JJ said kissing Emily again. "And I love you," she said stroking the side of Emily's face.

"Not to bring up a sore subject, JJ but…"

"But…"

"But this is why I didn't want you in the field. It's too dangerous. This could have easily have been you and Morgan just as easily as it was me and Coo…"

Emily stopped speaking with JJ put her finger across her lips.

"I get it, Em. And I won't go in the field anymore. Not like that at least."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean. I'll continue to travel with the team but I'll stay at base camp. I'll still work support and interview but I won't put myself…and Blip… in harm's way anymore."

"Thank you. That makes me feel better. It was hard enough worrying about whether you were involved in the explosion, I don't need to worry about you being shot too."

"You won't have to worry about that anymore. I promise."

Emily and JJ shared some light kisses before JJ got off of Emily's lap, stood and held out her hand. "Take me to bed, Emily."

Emily grabbed JJ's hand and led her wife upstairs where they readied for bed. Emily walked out of their bathroom to find JJ slipping on her pajamas.

Emily stopped her, "You might want to hold off on that a bit," she said seductively as she gently palmed JJ's tender breasts. She carefully lay JJ down on their bed and kissed her passionately.

"Better?" Emily said. "Minty fresh."

"Much," JJ said pulling Emily on top of her.

Emily held JJ after they made love.

"I forgot to ask you how your visit with Cooper went." JJ said

"It went well. He's a nice guy. I'm glad he's going to be all right."

"Good. Did he like the tickets you got him?"

Emily laughed, " Yeah, he did. He was surprised. Thanks for helping me pick those out."

"You're welcome."

"You did good."

JJ looked into Emily's eyes and they just stared at each other. Emily felt her throat constrict as she tried to hold back the sobs that threatened to escape her body. Somehow JJ managed to maneuver herself so that she was now holding Emily. After a few minutes, Emily felt like she could speak.

"This whole case could have changed everything. Since we've been together, I think this is the first time we've been in this much danger."

"I know, Em. But everything's okay. We can't dwell on what might have happened."

"It could have been me that was shot instead of Cooper. Or I could have been shot with Cooper. Either one of us could have been involved in that explosion. You were in too much danger. Blip."

"Shhh. It's okay, Emily." JJ said stroking Emily's hair

Emily pulled back the covers to reveal JJ's naked torso. She moved over to speak to JJ's tummy; it always made her feel happy which is what she needed most at that very moment.

"Hi Blip. It's mommy," Emily began, while she ran her hand along JJ's belly. "You were so brave out there for mommy. Did you watch over her? Are you going to be an adrenalin junky like mommy?"

"I'm not an 'adrenalin junky', Em. I…" JJ stopped speaking

"Yes you…"

"Wait." JJ said, staying perfectly still. She smiled and laughed softly.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked.

"I just felt our baby move for the first time." JJ said with tears in her eyes.

JJ grabbed Emily's hand and placed it on the other side of her belly.

"I don't think you can feel it yet, Em."

Emily tried and was sad she couldn't share this with JJ.

"What's it feel like, honey?"

"Like a soft fluttering."

"I wish I could feel it."

"I know you do but you will soon enough. If it makes you feel any better, I think Blip was responding to you. You were talking to him or her when Blip moved."

Emily moved up to share a kiss with JJ.

"I guess our plans were thwarted." Emily said

"What plans?"

"To tell my mother before we told the team."

"Crap!" was JJ's reply

XXXXX

After they returned to work, the team had a case in Lower Canaan, Ohio that got them home the day that Elizabeth Prentiss was due to arrive back in Washington, DC. It was rushed since they weren't sure if they would be home or not but Emily had managed to pick Elizabeth up from the airport on time while JJ went home to prepare dinner.

Emily and her mother walked into their house and could smell the wonderful aroma coming from the kitchen. They walked in and Emily opened the oven to see the roast beef warming in the over next to the mashed potatoes. She could hear JJ in the shower upstairs. The gift they prepared for Elizabeth was on the counter with a note that said, "_Go ahead, Em. I love you. J_" written beside it.

Emily handed the card they had written for Elizabeth to her mother.

"What's this, Em? What's going on? Everything okay between you and JJ?"

"Mother, everything is great. Just open your card."

"You didn't need to get me anything," Elizabeth protested

"Mother."

Elizabeth opened the card and it read,

"_You will always remember this day. We hope you'll be as happy as we are. Love Emily and JJ."_

Elizabeth looked at her daughter and narrowed her eyes.

"You're not?"

"Open your gift mother," Emily said

Elizabeth unwrapped the box and inside was a sterling silver folding picture frame from Tiffany's that read "_Grandma's Pride and Joy_".

Emily watched as her mother's eyes started to well with tears.

"Open it," Emily said fighting back her own

A speechless Elizabeth opened the closed frame to see a picture from their last ultrasound inside. They both looked over as JJ walked into the kitchen. Elizabeth hugged Emily tightly and then walked over to JJ and gave her one as well.

After pulling back, Elizabeth asked, "Would you mind?" as she held out her hand.

"Not at all." JJ replied as Elizabeth placed her hand on JJ's tummy.

"You look beautiful, JJ. I'm so happy for you both."

Emily walked over to JJ and kissed her on the cheek. "We're both pretty happy ourselves."

Emily pulled out the roast and potatoes from the oven and prepared it for the table.

"Meat?" Elizabeth asked knowing JJ's normal aversion to red meat.

"The baby likes beef," Emily laughed.

"It's true, well, once everything stopped making me sick. I'm sure I've eaten more red meat in the last 2 months than I have in the last 2 years." JJ replied. "Maybe longer."

They spent the rest of the evening telling Elizabeth everything they had gone through to conceive and talking about the future. Elizabeth left later than night, picture frame in tow, very exited at the prospect of becoming a grandmother.

*********************************************************************

Emily's memories were cut short when she heard JJ start to stir. Emily was surprised to find out it was almost 6AM. The sun was just starting to make it's way into the day.

"Em?" JJ whispered

"Shhh. Here write."

"No. Water."

"You're very stubborn Jareau."

"I'm a Prentiss." JJ whispered again so softly Emily could barely hear her.

"Stop talking." Emily said as she helped JJ drink a little water. They wanted her to start to take in a little more liquid and Dr. Harden had discussed taking the drainage tube out soon. To Emily it seemed fast but Dr. Harden said the sooner they got JJ on her feet the faster she would start to recover. Unfortunately, she couldn't take the first step until her tubes were removed.

"I need to talk, Em. It's the only way I'm going to get past this."

"Could you keep it to one or two words at a time then?"

JJ smiled. "I'll try"

"Good."

"Emily?"

"Yeah baby"

"Tell me what happened."

Emily stared at her wife and bit on her lip a little. She took a deep breath and started to tell JJ how she had ended up in the hospital.

***********************************************************************

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review.**


	25. Occupational Hazards

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them. I'm planning on this being a rather long story that will continue even though JJ is now awake. **

**AN2: This is a special Tuesday edition of The Story of Us. The reasons are two-fold. a) in anticipation of the 5****th**** Season Opener tomorrow and b) as a birthday present for my friend and fellow writer, eGoofy34. Happy Birthday girl!! **

**AN3: This chapter is rated a slight M…there's a little fooling around.**

**AN4: Thank you so much for the kind reviews and PMs. They are all appreciated. **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

*******************************************************************

"Tell me what happened."

Emily stared at her wife and bit on her lip a little. She took a deep breath and started to tell JJ how she had ended up in the hospital.

"Okay but on two conditions."

"What are they?" JJ said lifting her mask

"You need to leave your mask in place," Emily said raising her eyebrow, "and try not to talk so much."

JJ nodded

"Do you remember flying to Minneapolis?" Emily asked. If JJ truly wanted to know, she was going to do her best to help fill in the blanks.

JJ nodded

"Do you remember the case?"

JJ nodded again.

"Do you remember the morning of the shooting? Having breakfast with the team? Discussing the press conference?"

JJ shook her head.

"Okay. So that morning you were giving a press conference to give the description of our unsub. Can you remember doing that?"

JJ shook her head again

"God JJ. I was watching you. You were so in command. You always seem so confidant up there. And, honestly, I was just staring at you. I never heard the shot. Nobody did. The guy must use a silencer on a high-powered rifle. You just stopped speaking and stared at me." Emily said lowering her head. It upset her to recount the sight of blood spreading across JJ's chest and the realization that the women she loved had been shot.

"I wasn't sure what had happened. But you looked scared and in pain. Then I saw red start to spread across your white shirt." Emily sobbed. "I've never been so scared in my life."

JJ started to cry and held Emily's hand tightly.

Once Emily had regained some semblance of composure, she continued. "They figured he was on the roof of a nearby building but he was gone before anyone could find any trace of him."

Emily brought JJ's hand to her lips and kissed the back of it

"We should have held it inside. We should have had someone else do it."

JJ pulled her hand away so she could lift her mask.

"This isn't anyone's fault but the unsub's," she whispered

"I know. Logically I know that but…" Emily trailed off as she started to cry again

Emily composed herself once again and continued.

"It was chaos, people running in all directions. I didn't think I'd ever make it to you. The world started to move in slow motion. Hotch helped you immediately. You should have seen him, Jayj. He took off his jacket and pressed it against your chest. He put himself between you and the direction that the shot came from in case another one was fired."

"Was I the only one shot?"

"Yes. He targeted you. We should have put a vest on you. We all know you fit his type."

"Emily, stop blaming yourself."

"I felt so helpless. I'll never forget the look on your face while you were lying there."

A few more tears fell from Emily's eyes.

"Your last word before you passed out was Henry."

Tears were now falling freely from JJ's eyes as well.

"Please don't cry, Jayj. It'll make it too hard for you to breathe. I can't have a repeat of last night." Emily said running her hand along JJ's head. Emily grabbed the box of tissues and dabbed JJ's eyes and then her own.

"We're quite the pair you know," Emily joked

Once she was able to continue Emily explained to JJ about the rush to emergency, her first surgery and then her second. She told her how frightened she had been during the whole ordeal.

They were interrupted when Dr. Harden came in. He wanted to remove JJ's drainage tube and he needed to kick Emily out to do it.

"You don't want to be here for it, Emily," he explained. "If you wait outside, I'll come get you when it's over."

"You okay with that, baby?" she asked JJ

JJ nodded her head

Emily went outside and stood by the nurse's station. She grabbed some more tissues to wipe away her tears. A short time later, Dr. Harden came back out.

"It's out. Your wife's is a hell of a trooper. Sedated or not, I know for a fact that hurts like hell and she didn't even flinch. She has a very high threshold for pain."

"Yeah she does. She's very strong. Too strong sometimes but try telling her that."

"She's should sleep. I need her to rest, Emily. My hope is to get her out of ICU later today or tomorrow - and on her feet. That's where you're going to have to find even more strength than you've already shown."

"Okay. I'm ready. I can take it."

"I know you can," he said patting her on the elbow as he turned to leave. "I'll be back to check on her later."

Emily walked back into JJ's room to find her lover asleep. Emily was happy to find that the tube and fluid reservoir were gone and that her mask had been replaced by a nasal cannula. Slowly but surely JJ was getting better and Emily was ready to help JJ every step of the way on her road to recovery. She meant it when she told Dr. Harden she could take it.

"I can take it," Emily repeated.

Emily laughed lightly. "I can take it," she said again.

That thought could only lead her to one place…Colorado.

************************************************************************

"I'm going to tell him I can't go," Emily said as she stopped packing her go bag.

"No you aren't," sang JJ's voice as she came out of their bathroom

"Jennifer,"

"Emily, you need to go to Colorado."

"You have a doctor's appointment this morning. I don't want to miss it."

Emily looked at JJ. Her wife was 20 weeks along and things were going well. JJ was radiant and she was thoroughly enjoying the whole pregnancy experience.

"Em, it's just a 20 week well-check. You aren't going to miss anything. You need to go to Colorado. There are kids there that might need our help. I'll take notes and I'll tell you everything when you get home. Deal?"

Emily knew that JJ was right. They had received a call from Colorado Child Services requesting the BAU's assistance in investigating allegations of child abuse at a small religious cult in La Plata County, Colorado. Hotch had decided to send Emily and Reid there to check out the situation before deciding if the entire team should be involved. Emily and Reid were going to go undercover as child victim interview experts and interview all the children at the ranch.

"You'll tell me everything?" Emily asked as she pulled her wife towards her.

"Yep. Everything." JJ said giving Emily as loving kiss. "I should be done with my appointment and in the office before you even step foot on the grounds of that compound."

Emily kissed JJ goodbye and scratched Ranger behind his ears,

"Take good care of them boy," she told their four-legged sentry.

XXXXX

So Emily left her pregnant wife and flew with Reid to Denver where they were met by Nancy Lund who drove them out to the Separatarian Ranch where Emily and Reid were introduced to the church leader, Benjamin Cyrus. Emily found Cyrus to be about her height, attractive. He was soft spoken and she could see the charisma in him that one needs to lead a group of followers.

Emily interviewed a young woman named Jessica and her mother regarding the allegations. Jessica was a fiery young girl who firmly believed what Cyrus was teaching…and she was his wife. Just had Emily learned that Jessie's mother had given consent for her 15-year-old daughter to marry this man, when all hell broke loose. Cyrus came into the emptied classroom where they were conducting the interviews with his men; who were all carrying assault rifles. Emily and Reid were patted down for weapons. Emily was relieved that they had left them secure in the car they had ridden out in.

They found out the ranch was going to be raided just seconds before the state police stormed the place. Emily could hear gunfire being exchanged between both parties as they were all herded into an underground bunker. Emily silently prayed to herself to keep them safe. She needed to get back home to her wife and unborn child. Emily took note of the arsenal that this allegedly peaceful group had at their disposal. They had enough to arm every man at least twice over and ammo for days. Despite Emily's efforts to stop her, Nancy stupidly left the security of the bunker to try to negotiate a cease-fire only to get shot and killed. After a while, the shooting finally stopped and the state police pulled back but both she and Reid knew they were now trapped inside.

"_God, how long before JJ finds out_," Emily thought to herself.

The bunker was hot and Cyrus' men kept Emily and Reid segregated from the rest of the congregation and under heavy guard.

"_Thank god he doesn't know our true identities. That could get us killed_," she thought.

Emily heart sank when she heard Cyrus tell his men to distribute the weapons and ammo; she knew that meant this was not going to end peaceably or without further bloodshed. She wished she knew what was going on outside of the bunker. Did the team know what was going on? Situations like this were almost always headline news so they had to know, right? Especially when there were already four people dead that she knew of just by listening to the conversation going on between Cyrus and his men.

If the team knew, JJ knew. The BAU often led hostage negotiations, was her team on the way? If the team was on the way, was JJ on the way too?

"_God JJ for once in your life think of yourself first. Stay home_," Emily prayed. She knew there was more likely to be a snowball in hell than for JJ to stay behind if the team was on the way but she still hoped for it.

They wouldn't let her talk to Reid while they were in the bunker. Emily kept going over the protocols in her head. She knew this wasn't going to end well. She knew that the team out there negotiating with the sect – whether BAU, local FBI, or local law enforcement – would follow the minimal loss scenario. Knowing that not everyone was going to be saved, they would save as many as they could. Emily needed to assure that she and Reid would be amongst those saved.

The night wore on. She could tell by her watch that it was well past midnight. She was tired yet she couldn't sleep. She was worried more about JJ than she was about herself. She could take care of herself; she hoped that JJ wouldn't worry herself too much. JJ was strong but she also had a passenger she needed to take care of too. She felt JJ was close but she had no way to confirm it. She hoped she was wrong but it was just a presence that she felt. Random thoughts preoccupied Emily's mind - the training manual, the team, what could happen, worst-case scenarios. Wanting to fill her head with better thoughts, she decided to think about baby names.

"_Girls names, hmm, I like Anna. Lauren is nice, too. Olivia. Katherine is really nice but JJ's ex's name was Kate so she'll never go for that. Mother will want an old family name like Martha or Mildred…but no. I used to like Jessica until this case. Boys names…hmm. I suppose I should think about those too. JJ's convinced we're having a boy. JJ. Oh God, JJ you are here aren't you? I can feel you. I wish I could actually feel you right now." _

Emily wasn't sure when it happened but she actually fell asleep.

Come morning, she and Reid were brought upstairs to the church with the rest of the sect members. Emily watched as David Rossi brought in supplies to Cyrus and, it was all the confirmation she needed to know JJ was near as well. She and Reid continued to observe the behaviors displayed in front of them to try and secure their safe exit from this situation. The FBI had trained them well in case they had ever fallen into enemy hands, it was now time to invoke that training.

Emily and Reid were back down in the bunker a couple hours later when Cyrus came to see them. Emily knew something wasn't right; Cyrus was agitated.

"Which one of you is it?" Cyrus asked calmly, looking first at Emily and then settling on Reid.

Emily and Reid looked at each other. Emily could see Reid swallow hard; both of them hoping he wasn't asking what they thought he was asking.

"Which one of you is the FBI agent?" Cyrus asked again as he pulled his pistol out of his waistband.

"_Fuck!_" Emily screamed in her head, looking at Reid and then at Cyrus.

"Why do you think one of us is an FBI agent?" Reid asked softly.

Emily was terrified. "_This is a bad…really bad_," she thought to herself.

"God will forgive me for what I must do," Cyrus said pointing his weapon at Reid head.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Reid said sounding like he was going to cry.

"One of you does. Who is it?" Cyrus demanded, still aiming his gun at Reid's head.

Emily knew she needed to think fast. Reid was never going to make it through another incident like he had gone through with Tobias Henkel. Beside that, Reid seemed like he had a good line of communication going on with Cyrus. So Emily did the unthinkable.

"Me," she told Cyrus. "It's me."

She met Cyrus' eyes and knew she was in trouble. Before she knew what was happening, Emily felt herself pulled by her hair and dragged across the floor and into another room. Cyrus released her hair and Emily tried to bring herself to her feet.

"I told you not to put me in this position," he said as he backhanded her across her face.

_"God please help me,"_ her head screamed

She tried to stand again only to get kicked in the ribs, knocking the breath out of her.

_"Fuck almighty that hurt,"_ she thought as she fought her instinct to fight back, that would have made it worse. That would get her killed.

"Get up," he said menacingly as he pulled her to her feet only to punch her in the face, sending her crashing into a mirror that was hanging on the wall.

Emily heard him cite scripture that she couldn't make out as he then threw her across the room making her careen into some shelving. Though it all happened so quickly, her head kept thinking the whole time. Emily knew if they team had ears on the compound they could hear the beating she was taking and would be tempted to swarm the place. That would not only jeopardize her life but the lives of every other innocent person, especially the children, that was trapped inside. Better she take the beating than risk the bloodshed she was sure would take place. She just prayed JJ wasn't listening to her getting her ass kicked. She needed to get a message to the team to let them know not to come in.

"I can take it," she said.

Cyrus, of course, thought she was talking to him.

"Oh you can take it, huh?" he asked, as he slapped her hard across the face yet again.

"I can take it," she repeated. _"Please Hotch, Rossi someone understand what I'm saying,"_ her head screamed.

"Pride comes before the fall," Cyrus said, punching her hard in the stomach and then throwing her to the ground.

Emily was left shaking on the ground. She hurt all over. She'd never experienced anything like that before. She knew it could have probably been a whole lot worse. He could have continued beating her. He could have really hurt her. He could have raped her. He could have killed her. But he stopped for now. She heard him tell someone to tie her up and take her upstairs. Now she was going to be separated from even Reid. No raid ever came so her message must have been loud and clear.

Lying there on a bed with her hands tied behind her back, her thoughts kept going back to JJ and Blip. What if she didn't make it to see their child come into this world? That thought frightened her more than any other. She needed to make it out alive; she needed to find that will within.

Kathy Evanson, Jessie's mother, tended to her wounds. Emily knew she was badly bruised and might have even had a cracked rib or two but she was still alive. She had to use every ounce of strength she had to make it back to JJ and her unborn child. Emily also realized that it was Kathy that had made the call that started this whole mess. She needed to figure out how to use that to her advantage.

Emily was dragged back to the church where she finally had a chance to speak with Reid again. He was concerned for her but there was work to do so she quickly told him she was all right. They knew they needed to separate the followers from the loyalists but how and, more importantly, when. They needed to know when the compound was going to be raided because she knew it was imminent.

Emily was taken back upstairs and thrown back down on the bed. Her shoulders were aching from her arms being tied behind her back for so long. The rest of her body ached from the beating but she didn't have time to dwell on her pain. She was alone. She knew there should be microphones trained on the compound. She needed to take advantage of her being alone to get a message to the team and to see if she could somehow find out when they were coming. She started to talk and lifted the blinds in the window with the heel of her boot to allow the signal to get through. She said the same message over and over hoping that someone would eventually hear her and be able to communicate vital information to her.

"If you can hear me, I know you're coming. I can try to get the women and children down to the tunnel but I need to know when you're coming," she repeated over and over and over again. And when she felt like stopping, she said it again until finally she saw a red laser beam from a rifle laser scope shine against the wall in the room where she was being kept.

"Okay, okay, I got you. What time? What time?" she asked. Emily was more hopeful than she'd been since this whole thing started.

The red beam flashed three times indicating to her 3AM was the raid time.

To be sure, she asked, "3AM?"

The red beam moved up and down indicating affirmative.

"Understood," she said, relieved. "Reid is on the first floor somewhere with Cyrus. And please remember there are children here."

The red beam moved up and down again.

Taking a chance, she asked "Morgan, is that you?"

The red beam moved up and down one more time. Emily somehow knew it was.

"Is JJ here?" she needed to know

The sighed when she saw the red beam move up and down again.

"Is she okay?"

Before she could get her answer, she heard someone headed towards her room.

"_Damn it,"_ she thought.

"Someone's coming," she told Morgan

Kathy entered her room. She admitted to Emily that she had indeed made the call that had brought the FBI to the Colorado compound. Emily knew she wasn't going to be able to get the innocents to the tunnel by herself, especially if she was tied up. She told Kathy about the 3AM raid. She had to trust someone, and Kathy was really the only one at her disposal. Kathy didn't seem to believe that she could break from Cyrus and she left abruptly. Emily feared she was going to advise Cyrus of the FBI's plan. Much to Emily's surprise, Kathy returned a short time later and untied her. There were only 15 minutes before the place was going to be raided. Kathy told her Cyrus was rigging the place to explode.

Emily needed to find Reid but she also had a responsibility to get the women and children out of harm's way.

Down in the tunnel she was relieved to find Rossi and Morgan already trying to get people out of the building. Morgan told her to get out of the building while he went to find Reid. Once she had made her way out with Kathy, the building exploded behind her.

She looked around for her team. Reid and Morgan were still in the building when the bomb went off. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw them make their way out the burning building and through the smoke. She hugged Reid. And she felt awful for Kathy when she realized the Jessie never made it out of the building. Kathy had lost her daughter, her child.

"_What about my child?"_ Emily's thought, as her mind snapped to more important things.

She looked around for JJ. She hadn't seen her since she'd escaped the building. She found Hotch. He gave her a slight smile.

"You okay?" he asked

Ignoring the question, she said, "Where's JJ?"

"I sent her to a motel a couple miles away."

"She's alone?"

"No. There is a female deputy with her."

"Do you want to call her?" Hotch said offering his phone.

"No. I want to see her."

"Okay."

"Where?" Emily said heading towards their vehicles

"Emily wait. You don't know where you're going." Hotch said. He turned to a deputy and said, "Take Agent Prentiss to the motel where Agent Jareau was taken."

The motel was only two miles up the road but to Emily it seemed like two hundred. She found a squad car parked in front of one of the small units and assumed that was where her wife was. She got out of the car she was riding in and went to the deputy sitting in their cruiser.

"Is this Agent Jareau's room?"

"Yes ma'am," the deputy offered

She tried the door and found it open. JJ was asleep on the bed. From the look of her, JJ had been crying and Emily assumed she'd finally fallen asleep from exhaustion. She crept inside and sat on the bed. She pushed hair that had fallen onto JJ's face behind her ear and ran her finger down JJ's jaw line.

JJ's eyes fluttered open and she looked at Emily as she tried to focus.

"Emily?"

"Yeah, baby. It's me."

"Are you really here?" JJ asked as tears welled in her eyes. "Or am I dreaming?"

"I'm really here, my love."

JJ sat up, her eyes focused now. She noticed the bruises on Emily's face and ran her fingers lightly across them.

"Oh my god!" JJ said as she started to cry. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, sweetheart. I'm okay," Emily said pulling JJ into her arms. The adrenaline was wearing off and it was starting to hurt like hell but she wanted nothing more than to hold her wife in her arms. They kissed tenderly and held each other.

"Is Reid okay?" JJ finally asked when they broke apart.

"He's fine too." Emily said. "How are you?" she asked placing her hand on JJ's belly.

JJ placed her hand on top of Emily's and said, "We're fine. Now!"

Emily sat there with her hand entwined with JJ's for a long time, both relieved that the ordeal was over. JJ kissed her and Emily eagerly deepened it. There were times during her entire ordeal where she wasn't sure she'd ever get to kiss her wife again so she took her time, she was in no rush. The kiss was passionate and loving, breathless. Their tongues weren't seeking control of one another's but were rather moving as one. It made Emily feel alive, it made Emily realize exactly how much she had to lose inside that compound if things had ended up differently. But they hadn't ended differently. She was here and the woman she loved was holding her and seeking out the heat of the skin under the bloodied clothes she was wearing. Emily reluctantly broke away from the embrace and stood up.

"I need a shower. I haven't had one in three days. Can I borrow your toothbrush and something to sleep in?" she asked as she dragged her sore, aching body to the bathroom. Emily had no idea where her go bag was and she hadn't wanted to take the time to look for it. Last she had seen it was in the back of Nancy Lund's car.

She finished cleaning up and fully expected JJ to be asleep once she returned to the bedroom. JJ surprised her by still being up.

"Come here," JJ said, making room for Emily on the small bed. Emily sat down and JJ kissed her. JJ wanted to pick up where they had left off. The kiss started out soft but quickly escalated to equal the emotions of the last few days. JJ pulled Emily down on top of her. Emily braced herself above JJ with her arms not wanting to land on JJ's pregnant belly; pain tugged at her ribs.

"I don't want to hurt you or the baby," Emily said breathlessly as she kissed JJ's neck and moved her body so it rested along side JJ's.

"He's fine." JJ responded. "You're not going to hurt him."

Emily continued to kiss down her wife's collarbone and gently palmed a supple breast when she stopped and looked at JJ.

"_He's_ fine?" Emily asked

JJ pushed the hair out of Emily's face.

"Yes. _He's_ fine, honey." JJ said with tears forming in her eyes again. "We're going to have a son."

Emily watched as JJ bit her lip waiting for a reaction from her. The emotions of the beating she'd endured, being held hostage, and worrying about her family finally caught up with Emily. She broke down and cried. She was going to have a son. A little boy. A little prince. A little Prentiss.

Suddenly things didn't hurt so much anymore and Emily kissed JJ hard. She moved from JJ's mouth and down her neck again. She removed the pajama top JJ had been wearing to expose her wife's breasts. She licked around the nipple and then took one in her mouth. She could hear JJ start to moan.

JJ moved so she was on her side facing Emily. Emily let her hand explore her wife's body stroking, touching, and caressing along the way. Emily sat up to take off the shirt she had stolen from JJ's bag. Emily had seen the black and blue marks Cyrus had left her with in the mirror while she was in the bathroom. She saw JJ grimace at the bruises on her body.

"I'm okay, JJ. It doesn't hurt that much."

"But it hurts some right, Emily?"

"A little. But I so need this right now. I need to make love with you."

XXXXX

They fell asleep shortly after the sun rose, after making love to one another. Hotch called them around noon to see when they would be ready to leave. The team all left for the airstrip by 1PM for the trip home.

Emily sat next to JJ with her arm wrapped protectively around her. They rarely displayed any such affection while they were technically on duty but these were extenuating circumstances. They had made it through a very difficult situation. JJ fell asleep and Emily gently pulled herself away from the sleeping blonde. She wanted to speak with Reid.

He was quietly sitting by himself reading. Emily sat down across from him.

"Hey," she said as she sat down.

"Hey," Reid acknowledged, barely looking at her.

Emily removed the book from his hands.

"Hey. I need you to listen to me. What Cyrus did to me is not your fault," she began. "It was my decision and I would do it again. Do you hear me?"

Reid didn't answer her. Emily could tell he was struggling with the guilt he felt over Emily taking the beating instead of him. He reluctantly nodded his head.

"Thank you," she told him

He picked his book back up and smiled slightly at Emily.

All was going to be right with the world again. She just needed to get home.

She made her way to the galley of the plane to grab some coffee when Hotch stopped her. He motioned for her to take a seat in the soft leather chair across from him.

"You okay?" he asked concerned.

"I'm fine. Really," she replied

"I'd like you to get checked out by a doctor when we get back. Just to be sure."

"Really Hotch, I'm fine."

"Emily. That's not a request."

Emily laughed lightly. "You're worse than JJ."

"How is she?" he asked

"She's strong."

"Yes she is but that's not what I asked."

"She's tired but she's okay."

"Good."

She paused. "We're having a boy," she told him smiling

"Yeah?" he asked smiling back. "Congratulations."

"You know something? I thought I wanted a girl but I'm really excited to be having a boy. Is that weird?"

"No. I think you think you have an idea what you want. Then once you find out what you're actually having you realize all you want is what growing in you wife's womb. It doesn't really matter as long as the baby is healthy."

"I think you're absolutely right." Emily said smiling as she got up to get that cup of coffee.

She stopped and turned around.

"Hotch?"

"Yes."

"Thank you for getting her out of there. I was worried about her hearing what was going on in that room."

"She was worried about you."

"I was more worried about her."

"She didn't need to hear it. And I wasn't going to let her."

"Thank you. And thanks for getting her to the motel. She'll go till she drops, you know?"

"Oh I'm aware. She one of the hardest working people I know. I'm already concerned about her being away when she takes her maternity leave."

"I think we're going to be in trouble."

Emily got her coffee and made her way back to JJ. She sat down next to her wife and gently brought her sleeping form back to nestle against her.

XXXXX

Emily had never been so happy to arrive home as she had been when they got home from Colorado that evening. She went upstairs and took a long soak in the tub before putting herself to bed. When she woke up she was surprised to see the clock read 2AM; she'd been asleep much longer than she thought she had. What surprised her even more was the fact she was alone.

She looked around for JJ and found her asleep on the couch in their family room. Paint swatches and wallpaper samples were displayed beside her personal laptop on the coffee table in front of her. Ranger was sleeping in a corner nearby.

Emily gingerly sat down; she was still very sore and was convinced she had a couple of cracked ribs. She ran her fingers down the face of the beautiful woman beside her and placed her lips gently against JJ's, wincing as she bent at the waist. She watched as JJ's blue eyes opened. JJ pulled her down so her lips were upon hers again and they shared a long, deep kiss.

"You're up." JJ said

"Why are you on the couch?"

"I didn't want to wake you."

"Jennifer, I'd have preferred that to waking up alone."

Emily leaned down and kissed JJ one more time.

"I love you," she told JJ before sitting up again.

JJ ran her hand along the small of Emily's back. "I love you too, Em."

Emily looked at the decorating items strewn about the coffee table.

"When did you get these?" Emily asked

"While you were sleeping I ran over to the hardware store. Now that we know what we're having, maybe we should think about decorating the nursery."

"You mean…having the nursery decorated right?" Emily corrected

JJ rolled her eyes at her.

"What JJ? I'm not good at that stuff. I'm not 'Little Miss Handy' like you. I paid someone to decorate my apartment remember?"

"We painted a couple of rooms in this house. I can help you with the nursery."

"Not in your condition you can't"

JJ growled at her.

"Look, Jayj. You decorated this house a few months ago and you did a beautiful job but that was before you were pregnant. I only helped and did what you told me to do. We can bring someone in to decorate the nursery. You're not getting around paint and wallpaper paste."

"I give up," JJ replied

"Good…I like this JJ," Emily said, smiling. "The one that let's me get my way."

Emily kissed JJ's temple

Emily looked at the wallpaper. "I like this one," she said, picking up a swatch that covered an array of different sports - football, baseball, basketball, and soccer.

JJ smiled, "I'm surprised. You hate sports."

"Yeah, well, it looks like I'm going to have to get used to them. I'm married to you and we're having a boy."

"You okay with that?"

"Yes. I'm happy. I didn't think we could find out yet?" she asked. "What else did you find out that I should know about?"

"Well, first of all, I'm sorry. Dr. Schreiber kind of slipped. She did the ultrasound and she said 'and there's his winkie'."

Emily laughed, "It's okay."

"She apologized. She was just moving the wand around and pointing out his eyes and his fingers…and his winkie."

"We're having a boy."

"Yes we are, love," JJ said running her hand along her belly. "Hey, hand me my laptop."

Emily balanced the laptop on JJ's belly and JJ showed Emily her latest screen wallpaper. It was the latest ultrasound picture.

"You have a scan in your e-mail but I don't think you've had a chance to check it yet with everything that has been going on."

Tears filled Emily's eyes as she stared at pictures of her son. Their son.

"Everything else okay? With both of you," Emily asked

"Aces." JJ replied. "Weight is okay, I gained two pounds. Blood pressure was good. His heartbeat was strong. We're doing good, Em."

"Good. That makes me happy," she said kissing JJ lightly.

"JJ?"

"Yeah, Em."

"I'm glad Hotch got you out of there. I was worried about you."

"I'm fine now. Then…not so much. I was so afraid I was going to lose you."

"It would take more than Benjamin Cyrus to take me away from you…from both of you. You two kept me fighting. I needed to come back to you. I need you."

After placing the laptop back on the table, Emily kissed JJ and she felt JJ run her hand down her sides. Emily deepened the kiss and she felt JJ's hand move between her legs. The thin material of the pajama bottoms she had on allowed her to feel the pressure as JJ was rubbing her.

"God, JJ," Emily panted as she placed her head against JJ's. JJ's hand snaked its way under her waistband and into the wet, heated flesh. "God JJ, please don't stop. Please…don't…stop."

JJ's hand picked up speed and Emily could feel her orgasm just below the surface. She captured JJ's lips with her own, plunging her tongue deep inside. She screamed into JJ's mouth when she came.

"Surprise attack," Emily laughed when she finally began to compose herself. "That wasn't fair,"

"What? You said you needed me," JJ joked back

Emily stood up, pulling JJ up with her. Emily kissed JJ passionately causing JJ to groan as Ranger got to his feet. "I'm not hurting her boy," she said to JJ's ever-present, tail-wagging bodyguard.

"Let's take this upstairs, baby," Emily said leading JJ towards the stairs by her hand.

JJ turned to Ranger and told him to stay.

***************************************************************

"Emily?"

Emily stirred out of her thoughts when she heard JJ ask for her. She hadn't realized JJ was awake.

"What is it baby? You okay?"

"I'm thirsty."

Emily helped JJ with a little water and then to settle back down.

"How are you feeling?"

"Actually…a little better. Must be the drugs."

Emily chuckled.

"What were you talking about?" JJ asked once she was comfortable again.

"When?"

"Just now." JJ said. Her voice was still hoarse but was getting stronger.

"I didn't realize I had actually said something."

"You were talking about Colorado weren't you?"

Emily smiled slightly, "Yes."

"I can remember how scared I was. I can only imagine how hard this whole thing has been on you."

Emily looked down not wanting JJ to see how true that statement was. Their jobs often put them in danger, both of them, and it was never going to be easy on either one of them to watch and worry about the other. Emily shuddered when she thought about how close she had come to losing JJ.

"You've been here this whole time haven't you?" JJ asked

"Almost. If they let me, I've been here."

"I heard you."

"What?"

"Talking to me. I've heard you."

"You have?" Emily asked surprised

"Off and on. I could hear you. Talking about us. Telling our story."

"It's my favorite."

"Mine too."

"I wanted you to remember what was waiting for you." Emily said

"I could never forget but thank you." JJ whispered. "I love you, Emily. Please know that if I were to leave you it was not my choice. I will always do my damnedest to make it home to you."

Emily kissed JJ tenderly on her lips.

"So much easier without that damned mask." Emily said with a soft laugh.

JJ smiled. Emily felt her heart leap. It was JJ's smile…the one that made everything right in Emily's world. She'd missed it.

"Emily?"

"Yeah baby?"

"I want to see our son," JJ said.

Before Emily could answer, Dr. Harden walked into JJ's room.

"Well why don't we work on getting you out of ICU and so we can make that happen."

**********************************************************************

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…**

**Again…Happy Birthday eGoofy34 **

**And Happy Season 5 premier to everyone!!**


	26. What Goes Around

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them. I'm planning on this being a rather long story that will continue even though JJ is now awake. **

**AN2: This chapter is rated T **

**AN3: Thank you so much for the kind reviews and PMs. They are all appreciated. **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

*******************************************************************

"Well why don't we work on getting you out of ICU so we can make that happen."

"When?" Emily asked

"Probably tomorrow."

JJ smiled and Emily wished she could feel the same way.

"Neil, can I speak with you for a minute?" Emily asked

Dr. Harden and Emily walked just outside JJ's room. Emily took a deep breath and pressed her hands firmly together in front of her.

"I know you're the doctor, but is she really ready for that?"

"Yes, Emily, she is. We need to get her moving. She's young, healthy, and strong. The longer we treat her like she's weak, the harder it will be for her. I promise we will not push her harder than she is capable of going."

"You're not going to release her the day after, right?"

"Maybe."

Emily stared at him

"I'm kidding, Emily. There is no timetable for her release but I think she'll do better out of ICU. It has been my experience that moving out of this ward has a huge mental impact on patients. Recovery begins in the head."

Emily exhaled and ran her hand through her hair. "You're the boss."

"Trust me. I think she'll surprise you."

Emily smiled, "She never fails," she said as he led her back into JJ's room.

Emily spent the rest of the morning sitting with JJ. When JJ fell asleep, Emily asked Donna and James to come back and sit with her while she spent some time with Henry at the hotel and freshened up a bit. Elizabeth and Amanda drove her back to the hotel but Emily took Henry to her room with her when they got there.

She fed her son some lunch and then played with him on the bed. Henry wanted to sit up but he would fall over the second she removed her hands. She laughed with him when he cracked up every time he fell to the side. She placed him his back and blew kisses on his belly. She kissed and tickled his tiny little feet. God Emily loved being a mom. She played with him until he yawned and started to get a little sleepy. After she settled him down for a nap, she took a shower and they lay down with him for a bit.

She ran her finger along her sleeping son's cheek. "You're such a beautiful boy," she said softly. "Your mommy and I love you so very much."

She watched her son sleep and a peace came over her. JJ was on the way to recovery. Her son was healthy and strong. JJ's parents seemed to be coming around…finally. Sure it was about a year later that she had wished but they were finally coming around.

******************************************************************

About a month had passed since Colorado. Emily wounds sustained at the hands of Benjamin Cyrus had healed and she was feeling back to her old self again. JJ was 6-months pregnant and still working as hard as ever, much to Emily's chagrin. She had begged JJ to scale back a bit but it fell on the deaf ears of her stubborn wife.

Other than working too hard, JJ was taking great care of herself and their son. She ate right and had started taking a prenatal exercise class that was offered at a local health club. She and Emily had been working out together since they had first started seeing each other and Emily found she hated going to the FBI gym and running by herself so she started working out at JJ's health club too. JJ's class was held in a different room but at least they could go there together. Emily would work out on the fitness machines or lift weights while JJ attended her mommy-to-be class. It was the first day attending this new gym that Emily noticed the striking brunette with the gray-green eyes.

A week or so later, Emily was speaking at a recruitment presentation that took her out of the office and she was going to meet up with JJ at the gym. Emily did five-miles on the treadmill and every time she looked up, the brunette was staring at her. When she moved over to work on her abs she noticed the brunette was still checking her out. Emily had to admit it made her feel pretty good. Here she was in her late-thirties and someone that had to be at least 5 years younger than her couldn't keep her eyes off of her. Emily caught her staring and offered her a polite smile. The brunette smiled back but turned away.

After her workout she waited for JJ in their normal meeting place but JJ never came out with the rest of the group Emily recognized as part of that particular class. Emily reached in her bag to pull out her cell phone when she felt someone staring at her. She turned around to find the brunette looking at her from across the room. The other woman waved and Emily looked behind her to make sure she was the one the younger woman was waving at. Emily was alone in the common area. She hesitantly waved back. Yep…she is definitely flirting with me. _"Not good,"_ Emily thought but it still made her smile.

She called JJ and JJ told her she wasn't feeling well and was at home. Emily quickly drove the short distance home – all thoughts of the younger woman with the gray-green eyes pushed from her thoughts – to be with her wife.

"Jennifer?" she called as soon as she walked in the door.

She found JJ sitting on the couch in the family room staring out their family room window. Emily could see she'd been crying.

"What's wrong?" Emily asked as she sat down beside her. Emily wanted to find out what had upset JJ before she knew if she needed to be upset too. It could have been a myriad of things. JJ's hormones had been all out of whack since she got pregnant and they were driving Emily crazy. The previous week she cried when Morgan had killed a spider that was crawling on the counter in the kitchen area at the office. The week prior to that, Emily had accidentally left the milk on the counter when they went to work one day. The quarter of a carton that was left in it had spoiled and Emily had to listen to JJ as she cried about the starving children of the world. When they watched TV, Emily had to make sure the remote was in her hand in case a commercial or show came on that featured animals or babies; those were always risky subjects for her wife. Funny thing was, work and the gruesome things they saw on a daily basis didn't even make her flinch. She still handled the job like a pro. The only difference was she would wear headphones on her belly when they discussed the cases so that their son couldn't hear the gory details of what was being discussed.

Then there were JJ's crazy food cravings. Meat wasn't the only thing that their son desired. He apparently was an Elvis fan because JJ was now eating fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. She also liked vanilla ice cream with black pepper and watermelon with chocolate or butterscotch syrup. All things that made Emily gag.

Of course, Emily had also been the beneficiary of JJ's hormones. On several occasions over the past month, a very horny JJ had roused her in the middle of the night seeking to get off. Emily had been all too happy to oblige. And it wasn't just in the middle of the night either. There had also been a lunch or two where Emily had to find a private location to take JJ to so she could…assist.

But something in the way JJ was sitting made Emily think it wasn't something frivolous that had upset her wife this time. She looked tired and almost defeated. She wouldn't make eye contact with Emily and just continued to stare out the window into their backyard. Emily looked at Ranger who was curled up on the floor. He looked at her and then sighed before turning his head and closing his eyes. It was as if he was thinking, _"Thank god you're home. She's yours to handle now"._

"Jayj?" Emily asked softly as she tucked JJ's hair behind her ear.

JJ handed Emily an envelope. Emily immediately recognized it as one that Garcia had mailed out for their upcoming baby shower. It was addressed to JJ's mother. It had obviously been opened then taped closed again and marked "return to sender".

"Oh god, baby. I'm so sorry," was all Emily could think to say.

"She hates me, Em," JJ said numbly

"No she doesn't, honey. She loves you; she's your mother. This is just hard for her to accept."

"Your mom accepts it…accepts us and is actually looking forward to having a grandson."

"My mother's had a lot longer time to get used to it. She found out I was gay years ago. It's only been a little more than a year for your parents. Give them a little more time."

"I want to share this with her. I have so many questions and no one to talk to," JJ sobbed

"Talk to Maggie and Courtney."

"I have. It's not the same," JJ said.

Emily sat on the couch beside JJ and held her.

"I want my mom," JJ said in a strangled whisper

Emily did her best to comfort JJ, letting her break as long as she needed to.

"Shhh. I love you," Emily said, kissing JJ's temple.

After several minutes, JJ calmed back down but just kept resting against Emily. Emily just ran her hand up and down JJ's arm; she could feel JJ trembling beneath her touch. After a few more minutes, JJ seemed to be able to move on but she didn't move out of Emily's grasp.

"How was your presentation?" JJ asked when she was able to.

"Fine. I always feel like I'm being gawked at when I speak to these kids."

"It's cuz you're hot."

Emily smiled. "Am I?"

"You know you are. Don't even pretend you don't"

"I only feel hot because you make me feel hot…desired," she said kissing JJ's temple.

"I'm sure I'm not the only one with that opinion."

"Well…"

"Well?" JJ asked. "Something I should know?"

Emily hesitated. She was sure it wasn't anything but the woman at the gym definitely had been checking her out.

"There's this woman at the gym. I think she shares your, um, opinion."

"Really? I'm not surprised, Emily. My wife is…amazing." JJ said, struggling to get up. Emily thought it was cute the way JJ struggled with a body that was about 20 lbs heavier and a bit larger than she was used to. She placed a hand on the small of JJ's back to help her up.

"I hate this," JJ said when she finally was able to straddle Emily's lap.

"I don't. I think it's adorable," Emily said placing her hands on JJ's belly. She brought JJ's mouth to hers and they shared an exploratory kiss; a kiss that soon turned to one full of want and desire. Emily had left her hand on JJ's stomach and that's when she felt it – she felt her son move for the first time.

JJ smiled at her, "Did you feel that?" she asked earnestly, breaking the kiss.

Emily wanted to cry. JJ had been feeling their son move for weeks for Emily had never been able to feel him. "Oh my god yes! I felt him!"

JJ grabbed her hand and moved it down to the side of her belly. A few seconds later, Emily felt him kick again. Tears in her eyes, Emily smiled wider that she could ever remember doing before.

"That's your son, Emily." JJ said

It was the most amazing thing that Emily had ever felt. Everything else was forgotten – the returned invitation, the pretty brunette at the gym, even their lust. All Emily wanted to do was keep her hands on JJ's belly so she could feel her son move within.

XXXXX

A couple of days later they were getting ready to head to the gym when JJ recalled the conversation from a couple of days prior.

"So…" JJ began

"What?" Emily asked, looking up at JJ as she laced up her sneakers

"You going to point her out while we're at the gym?"

"Who?"

"You know who. Don't play coy with me Agent Prentiss."

"Are you jealous, babe?" Emily said rising to her feet and walking over to JJ.

"No"

"No?" Emily asked as she place her arms around JJ's neck

"I don't have anything to worry about."

"Because you know you can trust me?" Emily said, kissing JJ's cheek.

"No, because I know you like blondes."

They arrived at the gym and Emily looked around for her admirer so she could point her out to JJ but didn't see her. Figuring that maybe she didn't work out on Saturdays, Emily went to the main floor of the gym while JJ hit her prenatal yoga class.

Toweling off after almost an hour on the elliptical machine, Emily headed to the common area to wait for JJ. That's when she saw the brunette walk into the building. She was wearing the tightest workout gear she'd ever seen, an outfit that showed off all the curves this woman had. Even though JJ was right and Emily preferred blondes, this woman still would have turned her head…if she weren't in love with her wife. She watched as the attractive woman approached her.

"Hey," the brunette said

"Hi," replied Emily shyly

"I was hoping I'd run into you," the woman started

"Oh?"

"Sorry to be so forward but you've might have noticed I've been staring at you for a couple of weeks," the woman continued.

"I've, um, noticed," Emily replied shuffling her feet from one to the other; she was expecting JJ to walk out of her class any minute now.

"I find you very attractive and I was wondering if, maybe, you'd like to get a drink after the gym sometime,"

"I'm flattered but…"

"But?"

"I'm married."

"Oh, my bad. I'm sorry." the brunette said as a blush crept across her face. "I'm so embarrassed."

"It's okay, really. Thanks for the offer,"

"You, ah, don't wear a ring and I guess my gaydar must be broken; I didn't think you were…"

"You're gaydar works just fine," Emily interrupted. "I don't wear my rings to the gym and I'm waiting for my wife to get out of the prenatal yoga class."

"Prenatal yoga - a pregnant wife no less. Prefect. Well, I guess I've made a complete ass of myself,"

"No, really, it's fine…" Emily said. "I'm sorry I didn't catch your name."

"It's…"

"KATE!" came the sound of JJ's voice behind her.

"JJ?" Kate said surprised.

"Is this the woman you were telling me about?" JJ said incredulously

"This is Kate? Kate…Kate?" Emily asked pointing at the woman that had asked her out. "Your ex-girlfriend Kate?"

Emily watched as JJ's eyes narrowed and her hand protectively went to her stomach.

"Indeed. Emily, Kate…Kate, this is _my_ wife, Emily."

Emily watched as Kate blushed harder. Emily had certainly heard all the stories about JJ and her former lover. She could see why JJ was attracted to Kate - she was beautiful. But Emily also knew that Kate Gianelli had hurt JJ a lot and Emily wanted to do nothing more than to slap her across the face; somehow she managed to restrain herself.

"JJ you look beau…" Kate started to say before she was interrupted by JJ

"Bye Kate. Emily you ready?" JJ asked rhetorically

Once in the car, JJ started to rant.

"Are you fucking kidding me? The person flirting with you for the past couple of weeks is my ex?"

"I didn't know, Jayj"

"You should have." JJ said unreasonably

"You're right, honey. I should have known," Emily said placating her wife. Good lord a pregnant JJ could be an unreasonable JJ.

"How could you, Emily?"

"I'm sorry?" it was more of a question than an apology.

When they arrived home JJ went upstairs to their bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

"Perfect," Emily said to herself

After an hour or so of letting JJ stew, Emily had fixed JJ a cup of tea and made her way to their bedroom with her peace offering. She found JJ asleep on their bed.

Emily sat the tea on the nightstand beside JJ and turned to leave.

"Hey." JJ said

Emily turned back to JJ, "Hey back."

Emily looked at her wife…her beautiful, hormonal, slightly crazy wife…and smiled.

"I'm sorry, Emily."

"It's okay. Rest, honey, we'll talk about it later."

"Come here," JJ beckoned. "Come lay down with me."

Emily smiled wider and curled up next to the woman that she loved.

Emily was spooned behind JJ just relishing holding her in her arms. Quiet moments like these were soon going to be few and far between once their son arrived.

"Of course she hit on you," JJ said. She thought JJ had drifted back off to sleep and was surprised to hear her speak.

"Excuse me?"

"Kate. Of course she hit on you, Em. You're beautiful."

"Just cuz she hit on me doesn't mean she was going to be successful. You know that right?"

"I know that, Emily. It's just rather ironic don't you think?"

"Yes. And if I were a different person, maybe you would have a reason to worry." Emily said. "And it has nothing to do with her being my type or not."

"I know," JJ said rolling over on her back. "I wasn't mad at you, Emily."

Emily bent down and kissed the woman in her arms. "I know."

XXXXX

Emily thought that JJ would stop going to the gym now that she knew Kate was also a member there but JJ surprised her and they kept going. They hadn't run into Kate since that incident and Emily thought that maybe Kate had found another place to workout. Until a week later when Emily literally ran into Kate as she was leaving the gym.

"Oops sorry" Emily said as she banged into the woman coming in as she was leaving after her workout. Making contact with gray-green eyes, she realized she had bumped into Kate. "Hey," she said as she continued to walk out the door.

Kate emitted a soft chuckle, "I've been trying to come a little later to avoid this awkward situation."

Emily stopped and turned to look at her wife's former lover. "Thanks I'm sure JJ appreciates it."

"She's not here with you tonight?"

"No. She's, um, working late, so I did a little longer workout."

Kate nodded. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Emily thought about it. She could tell that Kate really wanted to speak with her but she knew if JJ found out she'd probably be pissed. "Okay,"

Kate walked outside to join Emily and they stood away from the doors for a little privacy. Emily placed her gym bag on the ground and crossed her arms across her chest.

"I'm sure you know about what happened between me and JJ back in college."

Emily nodded to acknowledge she did.

"I'm not proud of what I did to JJ," Kate admitted. "Actually, it sucked."

Emily nodded again, "Yeah…that's actually a huge understatement."

"I'm a different person, Emily. I was young and stupid then…and I hurt somebody that actually meant a lot to me."

"Why'd you do it?"

"Why'd I cheat? Or…"

"Why did you destroy her?"

Kate looked at the ground. Emily could tell she was uncomfortable and was happy for that fact.

"She'd caught me cheating. I was so cocky, so egotistical back then. I thought I could have any girl I wanted."

"That explains the cheating part but not the part where you tore her to shreds."

"I was too stupid to admit I screwed up, Emily. It made it easier on my ego to fuck her over and so I did. It was easier to think – and to let people think – that it was just a game but it wasn't. I loved her."

"Hell of a way to show it."

"I know. I was a bitch…actually I was a cunt."

"Well you aren't going to get any argument from me but let me tell you something. Your stupidity was my gain. I am married to the most amazing woman you could ever want. She is smart and caring. She is beautiful inside and out. She is loving and attentive. She is forgiving. Hell she might have even forgiven you for cheating on her if you hadn't fucked her over afterwards." Emily was speaking louder than she probably should have but she didn't care. Was Kate really trying to explain the hurt she put JJ through to her of all people?

"Emily…" Kate started but Emily cut her off.

"No, Kate. I'm done listening. Do me a favor? Find another gym. My wife is 6 ½ months pregnant and she feels better when she takes this class. You can find another gym. She can't. She is the most important thing in the world to me…her and our baby. Period. I don't give a shit about your remorse. I really don't. All I care about is her happiness. You don't make her happy. She hates you so you need to leave her alone."

Emily watched Kate as she shifted uneasily from one foot to the other.

"I'm actually glad you got to see her again. You can see what you're missing. So like I said…leave her alone. I don't want to see you around her…or me…again."

Emily then leaned in and whispered so that her voice was audible only to the woman standing in front of her, "And you know what else…" Emily was so close she could feel Kate's hair tickle her lips, "she is…a…really…good…fuck!"

Emily smiled cruelly at Kate then turned and walked away.

Afterwards Emily sat in her car shaking; she was so pissed she couldn't stop. She hated saying that about JJ because she felt it demeaned what she and her wife shared but she knew that was the rumor Kate had spread about JJ after they broke up. Emily was used to being cold and calculating when she had to for work, when she had to interrogate an unsub, but not in her personal life, and not in regard to JJ. She was about to start her car when she heard her phone ringing in her bag. Looking at the display she saw JJ was calling her.

"Hey babe," she said when she answered

"Hey Em,"

"Are you on your way home?"

"Nope. Still going over potential candidates," JJ said. "I've narrowed it down to three, one from white-collar crimes, one from fraud, and one from Counter Terrorism." JJ was going looking over files of agents to fill in for her while she was out on maternity leave. "Did you go to the gym?"

"Yep. Just leaving."

"Long workout. Did you see her?"

"No," Emily lied. She didn't think JJ needed to know about her confrontation with her ex-lover. And as long as Kate stayed away, JJ would never hear about their conversation. "Somehow I don't think she'll be bothering us anymore,"

"Well I have about another hour here and then I'll head home."

"Don't work too hard, Jayj," Emily replied. "I'll have something for you to eat when you get home."

Emily went home and threw a quick chicken salad together. She was thinking about the confrontation with Kate. She was still a little worked up, though it felt kind of nice to stand up to someone that had hurt JJ so badly. So, while she was still in a confrontational mood, she decided a phone call needed to be made to someone else that was hurting her wife.

Emily picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hello,"

Emily was glad it was Donna and not James that had answered. Emily was at a loss for words, which was not a good thing when you are the one that initiated the call.

"Hel...lo," Donna's said again, impatiently

"Donna, it's Emily."

There was silence on the other end.

"Donna?" she asked again. She hadn't heard a click but she momentarily wondered if she'd been hung up on.

"Yes, Emily. What can I do for you? Is Jenny all right?"

"Yes, Jennifer is fine," Emily said. She hated when Donna called JJ, Jenny. It was like it was done on purpose to annoy her.

"The baby?"

"He's fine too," she said. "You do know you are having another grandson right?"

"Yes, Jennifer told me."

"Donna, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yes, Emily. What is it?"

"You don't like me. I get it. You think I changed your daughter but I didn't. But this isn't about me. This is about JJ and your grandson."

"What about them?"

"Jennifer wants you at her baby shower. I know you won't come but it hurts her. You shutting her out of your life hurts her. Please don't shut her out. She is still your daughter; the same one your carried in your belly and raised. When she calls you, please take her call. When she e-mails you, please respond to her. She loves you, Donna…and she thinks you hate her."

Emily thought she could hear Donna sniffle on the other end of the line.

"That's all I wanted to say, Donna. Good night."

Emily hung up the phone and sighed. She didn't think that Donna would make the long drive out to DC but she at least hoped that Donna would open the door just a little.

XXXXX

A couple of Saturdays later, their best friend Penelope Garcia was going to throw them a baby shower. JJ was getting ready that morning when Emily walked into their bedroom.

"You're back," JJ said trying to tie a bow on a shirt that wrapped around her back. "Help me with this?"

"Probably not a shirt that a woman who is 7 months pregnant should wear"

"What? It's cute…and you're here to help me,"

Emily finished tying the bow and then kissed JJ's neck

"Where'd you go?" JJ asked

"I needed to pick up your shower present," Emily replied.

"Why are you getting me a shower present? The shower is for both of us."

Ignoring her, Emily asked, "Would you like to come look at it?"

"Sure," a curious JJ said

They walked downstairs and then Emily headed out the front door with JJ in tow.

Sitting in the driveway was a brand new silver Lexus RX350 SUV with a huge baby blue ribbon wrapped around it.

"What the hell is this, Emily?"

"You don't like it?"

JJ didn't reply but rather looked cross at her.

"Please don't give me a hard time about it, Jayj."

JJ sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I don't need a new car, Em. My Mustang isn't that old."

"I know but an SUV is easier with the baby. Your Mustang doesn't have four doors and barely has a backseat. And you're not driving _my_ Lexus."

"I like my Mustang,"

"I know you do and you don't have to get rid of it, I promise."

"We're going to have three cars?"

"If that's what you want, yes. I'm just trying to make things easier on you." Emily said as she placed her hands on JJ's hips.

Emily finally relaxed when JJ smiled.

"Thank you, Emily. It's beautiful."

Emily smiled. "Does this mean we can keep it?"

JJ laughed. "Yes. Good thing we bought a house with a three-car garage."

XXXXX

Emily and JJ drove the new SUV to a small, quiet local restaurant where Garcia was hosting the shower. It was a smallish affair with Elizabeth and other friends from both inside and outside the bureau plus a couple of neighbors they had gotten to know.

They had a beautiful lunch and shared laughter and stories. When asked if they had picked out a name for their son yet, the both just looked at each other and chuckled. They told their friends that that subject had been quite the sore spot in the house lately since the only thing they could agree on was that his middle name was going to be Jareau.

After lunch they opened their gifts. Garcia had bought them their carseat. JJ's sisters-in-law, Maggie and Courtney, had been unable to make the long trip to DC but had combined together to purchase the stroller that they had registered for. JJ understood that they couldn't be away from their young children for the weekend but was happy they had sent a beautiful card and shared in their day the best way they could. They continued opening their gifts and afterwards Emily announced to JJ and their friends that the guys on their team, Hotch, Rossi, Morgan, and Reid had offered to paint and decorate the nursery for them and that Elizabeth was going to be buying all the furniture for the baby: crib, changing table, dresser, and a glider.

JJ was stunned.

They thought they were finished when Garcia placed one more gift in front of them, a rather large box. The envelope for the card read: _For My Grandson_

Emily looked at Elizabeth who said, "It's not from me."

"It's from my mom," JJ said softly. "I'd recognize her handwriting anywhere."

They opened the card and it surprised them both,

"_I've saved this all these years. It used to be yours and hasn't been used since. I thought you'd like to use it for your son. Love Mom," _

Emily helped JJ open the box and inside they found the bassinette that had been JJ's as a baby. It had obviously been meticulously put away for safe keeping because it looked brand new. Inside the bassinette, Donna had placed a few new outfits for the baby and also some items she had knitted: a couple of blankets, a small cap for his head, and some baby booties.

Emily watched as JJ fought through her emotions and then excused herself to go to the restroom. Emily followed shortly behind her.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked, placing her hand on the small of JJ's back.

"Did you know she was sending this?" JJ asked, her voice barely above a whisper

"No," Emily replied. "I told you she didn't hate you, Jayj,"

"I wish she'd talk to me,"

"Give her time, honey. She will."

JJ turned around and gave Emily a kiss.

"It's been a great day hasn't it?" JJ finally said

"Yes baby it has. Now let's get back there. Penelope told me she bought an awesome cake and I'm sure they are waiting for us to serve it."

XXXXX

Sometime as Emily was thinking back to their baby shower she had fallen asleep. She woke up when her son started to fuss as he woke from his nap. She picked him up and placed him on her chest where they both fell asleep for a little while longer. She was finally forced to get up with he was no longer content to be sleeping.

Emily changed him and called Amanda and then her mother. She had Amanda come get Henry for the remainder for the day and then had Elizabeth take her back to the hospital. She'd been away from JJ for four hours and was anxious to get back. She was sure JJ had to be awake by now and was probably wondering where she was.

As she started to walk back to JJ's room, she heard JJ speaking with Donna and James. It brought a smile to Emily's face because it had been a very long time since that had happened. What made her smile even more was that the conversation was about her and it appeared to be positive.

"You're very lucky. She loves you very much," Emily heard Donna say

She couldn't make out JJ's soft reply as she hung out in the hallway for a second not wanting to interrupt.

Emily cautiously entered JJ's room. JJ was sitting up a little higher, her color looked so much better and the light was back in her eyes. Emily knew it was because she was getting better but she also knew it was because her parents were beside her. Too bad it took a near tragedy to get them to her.

"Hi," Emily said as she walked in.

JJ gave her a glorious smile

"Did you get some rest?" Donna asked with genuine concern

"A little. The shower felt better than the nap."

"Where's Henry?" James asked

"I left him at the hotel with Amanda. My mom can go get them later for you if you wish,"

"I'll talk to her about that when we go back out there," JJ's father said. "She's a lovely woman."

"Thank you for saying so," Emily replied.

"Sit down, Emily," James said as he offered her the chair he had been sitting in. The same one Emily had felt her ass had molded to over the last couple of days.

"It's okay, thanks."

"No seriously, sit down for a second," he reiterated. "Donna and I have something we'd like to say to you both."

Emily nervously took her seat. _"Oh no. Please don't let this be bad," _she thought.

"Emily," James began. Emily could tell he was every bit as nervous has she was. "We've already apologized to Jennifer while you were gone. This whole incident has really made us take note of what love is truly all about."

Emily looked at JJ confused.

"We just want to thank you for looking out for our daughter both over the last few days and the last few years. The love you have for her is so evident."

Emily blinked away the tears she could start to feel form in her eyes

"We're not perfect people but we do have our beliefs. Sometimes those beliefs aren't easy to reconcile with the truth. And the truth in this case is that you love our daughter. You've been with her every step of the way through all of this…and it hasn't been easy."

Emily grabbed JJ's hand, "I'm not going anywhere."

"We know you're not," Donna replied. " Emily, we were telling Jennifer that you're going to need a lot of help during her recovery. We'd like to offer our help any way we can. You two can talk about it between yourselves but know that I'm offering to come stay with you in DC if you need an extra hand."

Emily looked at JJ who was crying again and then back to her wife's parents, "Thank you. We'll, um, let you know what we decide."

"Okay," Donna said

The four sat in silence for a bit before James declared he was hungry and he and Donna left in search of dinner.

After they were alone, Emily said, "Well that was an interesting turn of events."

JJ laughed, "Yeah surprised me too."

"You really need to stop crying," Emily said grabbing a couple of tissues. "It's not good for your breathing."

"Shut up and kiss me," JJ said as Emily wiped away her tears

Emily leaned in and kissed her wife. She was surprised when JJ deepened the soft kiss. Emily pulled away.

"Mint?" she asked

"Yeah. Mom helped me brush my teeth while you were gone,"

"Nice," Emily replied a split second before reattaching her mouth to JJ's and kissing her the way she had been wanting to for the last few days.

**********************************************************************

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…**

**If you were able to see it, I hope you all enjoyed the Season 5 premier as much as I did!!**


	27. What's In A Name?

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them. I'm planning on this being a rather long story that will continue even though JJ is now awake. **

**AN2: This chapter is rated T **

**AN3: Thank you so much for the kind reviews and PMs. They are all appreciated. **

**I've been waiting all day for the download manager to be fixed so I could post this chapter. Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

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"I really need to get out of here soon. It's too uncomfortable for you to sleep." Emily heard JJ say when she woke up the next morning.

She was right, everything hurt but especially her back and neck. She was used to sleeping at odd times, odd places, and sometimes even odd positions because of work but she was usually able to get a little more comfortable than she could in the stupid chair she'd been sitting in for the last couple of days. Sitting up, her hand immediately flew to her neck when she felt a sharp pain. Yep, she was going to have to find a good masseuse as soon as she was able to get back home.

"Good morning," Emily said to JJ

"You're in pain,"

"I'm fine."

"Promise me something?" JJ asked, her voice a little stronger but still hoarse.

"Sure?" Emily said hesitatingly

"Sleep at the hotel tonight."

"I can't make that promise, Jayj. I don't want to leave you."

"I'm getting better and I think I'll be okay on my own for the night."

"Just a couple of nights ago you had a coughing fit. I don't feel right leaving you by yourself."

"You're going to have to at some point in time, Em."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Emily said. "Stop nagging me."

JJ raised her eyebrows as she looked at her. "I don't nag."

Emily looked at her in frustration but that soon melted and she laughed.

"No, no you don't," she said to her wife. Emily stood and bent over JJ. "Kiss me."

Emily placed her lips gently on JJ's. The night before they had finally been able to share more than a tiny peck and Emily had been able to kiss JJ deeply and passionately. They only broke apart from that kiss when JJ's monitors started to beep telling them that her oxygen levels were starting to get a little low.

Emily deepened the kiss and soon her tongue was wrapped around JJ's. She felt JJ's hand slide across the back of her neck.

"Aw, now there're my love doves. Not even ICU can keep them from making out."

Emily stopped kissing JJ. Still staring into her wife's blue eyes she said,

"Good morning, Penelope."

"Good morning, sugarplum," said their larger than life best friend. "I thought you could use this." Garcia said has she handed Emily a much-needed cup of coffee.

JJ groaned. "Where's mine?" she asked as Garcia kissed her cheek.

Emily smiled, "You can barely have water and you want coffee? I don't think so."

"You guys just like to torture me," the blonde complained. "Like when I was pregnant."

Emily raised her eyebrows, "I gave up coffee in solidarity, honey"

"Don't lie and say you didn't sneak a cup every now and again."

"Oh oh! What did I start?" Garcia asked

"You didn't start anything," Emily reassured her. "She's just a little grouchy this morning."

"I am not," JJ retorted

The three of them stood in silence for a minute.

"I am kind of hungry though, Em."

"That's great, JJ and I'm not surprised," Emily said. "You haven't had anything to eat in a few days. I'll see if they think you'll be able to eat something."

Those words had no sooner left Emily's lips when Tam entered JJ's room and told them they would attempt to give JJ a light breakfast that morning. Tam left after taking some vitals from JJ and giving her some medication.

"So how are you feeling, Jaybird?" Garcia asked

"Like I've been hit by a bus but the pains meds are great," JJ replied honestly. "I'm not sure how bad it would feel if I weren't on morphine."

"I've been so worried about you, we all have," Garcia said, tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

JJ grabbed her best friend's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze

"I'm going to be all right, Penelope. I promise."

Garcia offered her best friend a slight smile.

"Where are the guys?" Emily asked

"They've got some good leads recently. You know these guys. They're tireless under normal circumstances. But, when it involves one of us, they're relentless," Garcia said.

"Yeah, I remember how we all were when you were shot," Emily said. "We weren't going to stop until we found that bastard."

Emily saw JJ twinge slightly at the thought of when her best friend was in the hospital after being shot. JJ herself had been the one that ended the life of Jason Clark Battle, the man that had almost killed Garcia. Emily took JJ's hand and held it, reminding her of when they were sitting in the waiting room anxious for word on Penelope's surgery.

"I guess I know what you went through now," Garcia said to JJ

It was JJ's turn to offer the slight smile, "It's not often that two best friends have both taken one in the chest, is it?"

"No, no I guess it is rather rare." Garcia replied

"You guys mind if I skip the experience," Emily said

"Please do," JJ replied. "I'm not sure I could go through it again. Especially with you."

JJ squeezed Emily's hand.

"Seriously, Jayj, if…no not if, when…you need to talk about this, let me know," Garcia said. "It wasn't an easy thing to go through."

"Thanks, G. I, um, think I'm starting to realize that." JJ said furrowing her brow.

"Hey, why don't you two talk for a bit?" Emily offered.

"I didn't mean to interrupt you guys," Garcia replied.

"No, it's okay. Gives me a chance to stretch me legs and go to the restroom," Emily countered. "Besides, I think maybe JJ should speak with someone that knows what she's going through."

JJ looked at Emily with a grateful smile.

"I'm going to take my coffee and go for a walk or something," Emily said as she gave JJ a soft kiss on her forehead. "I'll be back."

Emily grabbed her coffee and headed to the waiting room. She was surprised to find it empty. She wasn't sure where everyone was but it was only 8am so maybe they were still making their way to the hospital. Emily decided to sit in the quiet waiting room and sip her coffee, which was still hot much to her surprise.

Hospitals. She truly hoped that once JJ was released she could avoid them for a while. The smell, the sounds, the looks on people's faces. All very different from the last time she was in a hospital. This ward was filled with people every bit as grave as JJ had been. The anxious looks on loved ones faces must have mirrored the one she wore, as she feared she'd lost the love of her life. Emily ran her hand across her face and took a deep breath. This ward was so different than the Maternity Ward. There people looked happy and were anxious for other reasons. New life meant new hope; the promise that a baby can bring to the world.

Emily's mind went back to the time when they were expecting their son's arrival. Yes, Emily hoped the next time she had to sit and wait in a hospital was when she and JJ were ready to welcome their second child in a couple of years, if that timetable was still feasible considering what had happened to JJ.

*******************************************************************

"I thought we settled on Adam," Emily said

"Well the more I run it around in my head, Adam Prentiss. I don't know," JJ replied

Emily sighed in frustration. Every time she thought that she and JJ had settled on a name, JJ would change her mind the next day. First they were going to name him Andrew, after JJ's brother but then she thought her brother Paul might take offense. They didn't want to name him Paul because they thought that he would be forever teased in the schoolyard if his initials were P.P.

They had dismissed naming him after Emily's father Phillip for the same reason. Well, that and the fact that she really didn't want to name him after a man that she hadn't seen very often in the last few years. They had also eliminated Aaron, Jason, Gideon, David, Derek, Morgan, Spencer, and Reid for obvious reasons. They bandied about Nathan, Jeffrey, Christopher, and Michael but for one reason or another they had been discounted.

"So what's wrong with Adam?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's too close to Andrew."

"Jayj, I think Paul will understand."

JJ sat across the breakfast table and looked at Emily with an expression that told Emily that Adam was officially off the table.

"So back to square one?" Emily asked as she reached for JJ's hand. Emily could hardly wait for the baby hormones to be over so she could have her wife back. JJ was never this indecisive about things before. Now even figuring out what was for dinner was a chore.

"I'm sorry, honey."

"JJ, this little boy is going to have this name for the rest of his life. We have to think it's perfect for him. So we'll keep working on it until we get it right."

As JJ got up to refill her cup of decaf, Emily looked over her wife's form. She was so beautiful, ripe with child. They only had about 8 weeks left until their son, whatever his name was going to be, made his appearance. They still had so much to do in preparation for his arrival.

Emily got up and followed JJ to the counter. She wrapped her arms around her, placed her hands on JJ's belly, and rested her chin on JJ's shoulder.

"You're beautiful, you know?" Emily said

"How can you say that? I feel like I'm as big as a house."

Emily turned JJ around so that her wife was facing her.

"I say it because it's true. You are truly beautiful," Emily said giving her wife a kiss on her lips and then moving to her jaw. "I love you, Jennifer." Emily whispered in JJ's ear.

JJ gently cupped Emily's face. "I know you do and I love you, too," JJ said before placing her lips against Emily's again.

"Babe?" JJ asked

"Yeah?" Emily replied, her head against JJ's

"Maybe we're having a hard time naming the baby because we already know what his name should be?"

Emily looked at JJ and raised an eyebrow in hopes that JJ wouldn't bring it up again.

"JJ?"

"Emily, I just want to make sure you don't want to name our son after your brother."

Emily broke away from JJ and walked out of the kitchen with JJ following close behind.

"Emily?"

"It's too painful, JJ. I could never…"

"Then what about his given first name?"

"What? His given…" Emily's voice trailed off. She'd all but forgotten Alex was actually named after her maternal grandfather Henri but Emily's father didn't care for the name so he insisted on calling him Alexander or Alex for short.

"You loved your grandfather," JJ said

Emily nodded her head, her vision started to cloud with tears. She loved her grandfather very much and had missed spending time with him in the French Alps since he had passed away. JJ walked over to her and placed her hand on her neck just under her chin.

"And you loved your brother," JJ said as she wiped a lone tear that had made it's way down Emily's cheek.

"How did you know Alex's given…?" Emily tried to say as her voice cracked

"Your mother told me. I told her we were having problem's agreeing on a name. I told her I liked the thought of naming him Alex but that it was too painful for you so I asked her what his middle name was. She told me Alex was actually his middle name and that Henri was his given name."

Emily nodded and drew JJ near. "_How did I get so lucky to find someone that understands everything there is to know about me?_" she thought.

"Are you sure, baby?" Emily struggled to ask.

"I wouldn't have suggested it if I weren't," JJ said, kissing Emily lightly on her mouth.

"Can we change one thing though, Jayj?" Emily said after she finally found her voice.

"What's that, babe?"

"Instead of Henri can we change it to Henry?"

"Would you like that better?"

"Yes. It honors both of them yet isn't a constant reminder," Emily said wistfully

"Okay. Henry. Henry Jareau Prentiss."

"Has a nice ring doesn't it?" Emily said, bringing JJ's lips to hers. "Thank you," she said before kissing her wife softly. The kisses stayed soft for a little while but then gradually gathered steam. Eventually Emily led JJ to their bedroom and they spent the rest of their Sunday afternoon in each other's arms.

Their sex life had slowed down as JJ headed into her third trimester but it hadn't stopped altogether. Emily loved making love with a pregnant JJ, feeling all her new curves, exploring her new body. But JJ was self-conscious and, no matter how hard Emily tried to reassure her that she was beautiful, JJ sometimes had a hard time allowing Emily to explore her new playground. Lucky for Emily, today was not one of those times.

Afterwards they lay in bed with Emily spooned behind JJ after JJ had tucked a pillow under her swollen belly; this was about as comfortable as JJ could get these days. Emily rubbed her wife's back knowing that it bothered her most of the time. She kissed her wife's bare shoulder.

"How much longer?" JJ asked

"Not much, baby," Emily replied. "You're uncomfortable and your back hurts. You sure you don't want to stop traveling so much?"

"Emily, are we going there again?"

"No, honey. Seriously, once you decided to continue traveling with us but stay out of the field, I was okay with it. In fact, I prefer you near. But I know you're hurting more than you'll ever say so I just wanted to ask."

"I'm okay, Em. I prefer to be close to you in case I need you."

"All right but if you change your mind," Emily reassured, "I just wanted to let you know it's still an option. Nobody would be surprised if you decided you needed to stop working. Least of all Hotch."

JJ didn't reply. Emily knew JJ wanted to stay until the end and, truth be known, JJ had been a trooper.

Deciding to change the subject, Emily said, "The guys are coming this weekend to fix the nursery and mother has the furniture being delivered the weekend after. It's all coming together."

"Good, then they'll already be here for the celebration."

"What celebration?"

JJ rolled over onto her back and looked at Emily. "The Emily Prentiss was born celebration."

"Jayj, you know I hate celebrating my birthday. Please don't make a fuss."

"Emily, I love celebrating the day you were born. Deal with it."

Emily laughed, "I'll show you how I'd rather spend the day," Emily said kissing JJ passionately while letting her hand trail down JJ's body. She gently kneaded a full breast and then moved her hand to the swell of JJ's belly as her tongue trailed her hand. She heard JJ moan and knew she had the green light to continue with Round 2.

XXXXX

The next weekend the gang showed up to fulfill their baby shower gift of painting and decorating their son's nursery. Emily and JJ had picked out a deep shade of blue for the walls and Morgan had come over during the week and did all the painting and prep work. They loved Morgan's suggestion that they put white wainscot paneling on the lower half of the wall and separate it from the paint with white chair rail. While Morgan started on the wainscot, Hotch and Rossi went to work on the border that was going to run along the top of the wall. They had decided to go with the sports theme that, as it turned out, even Emily liked. Reid's job was to stay out of the way. Emily made JJ stay downstairs because of the fumes and Reid eventually ended up downstairs with them.

The told him they had decided to name their son Henry which prompted Reid to spout off all the famous Henry's that he could think of. This led to an animated discussion between Emily and Reid about which famous author named Henry was the best: Thoreau, Miller, James, or the poet Longfellow. While Emily decided on Henry James and Reid on Longfellow, it was JJ that offered that perhaps Thoreau was the one that remained the most relevant given the current state of consciousness that people were experiencing in regards to conservation and social responsibility.

Emily smiled at her wife, put her arm around her, and kissed her temple. JJ had been flipping through a baby magazine while the debate waged on. Emily knew JJ could zone out during a good nerd session but, in typical JJ fashion, she'd actually been listening very closely.

They then moved back to the list of famous Henrys.

"I think my favorite Henry is Henry Fonda. He reminds me of my grandfather on my mom's side," JJ said

"How about coolest Henry?" Reid asked.

"Who's your choice, Reid?" Emily asked

"I would vote for Toulouse-Lautrec"

"Great artist. Didn't realize his name was Henri," JJ said

"You know a lot of people don't, JJ," Reid said. "He one of those artists who is mostly known by his surname. He…"

"Easy Reid," Emily cautioned

"Sorry, Emily." Reid replied. "JJ?"

"I would have to go with Henry Winkler," JJ said. "Nobody's cooler than the Fonz, right?"

"Except…" Emily started

Reid and JJ looked at her

"Henry Rollins. Nobody beats Henry Rollins when it comes to cool," Emily replied with a smile on her face. "I might even switch to men if it meant a chance to sleep with him."

JJ laughed and regarded her wife with a raise eyebrow. She was about to say something when Morgan came downstairs.

"I was wondering where pretty boy disappeared to. Down here playing with the girls, Reid?" Morgan teased

"Hey, they're a whole lot better looking that you are," Reid threw back

"Morgan…think quick…greatest Henry of all time?" JJ asked

"Aw, that's easy…Henry Aaron."

"Who's that?" Emily and Reid asked at the same time

JJ and Morgan just stared at their friends. "Never mind, Morgan. It's useless." JJ said

Morgan and JJ laughed. "Why are we talking about great Henrys?" Morgan asked

"That's our son's name," Emily replied

"Awesome. Henry Prentiss, I love it." Morgan said. "Would you like to come see Henry's room?"

"Oh my god, have we been down here that long? Is it finished already?" JJ asked

"It easy when you have 4, um 3, guys working on it," Morgan replied

They walked upstairs just in time to see Hotch and Rossi finish putting the wall plaques in place. The room was finished and it was perfect.

While they were admiring the guy's handiwork, they heard the doorbell ring. Garcia and her boyfriend, Kevin, came in with a birthday cake for Emily. The team celebrated her birthday with pizza and beer, juice for JJ, and then completed the evening with a rich chocolate cake.

Later, after everyone had left for the night, the two of them stood in their son's room and took in the hard work that their friends, their family, had done just for them.

"You know, if Morgan wasn't so good at his job, I would say he missed his calling," Emily said looking at the wainscoting and shelving that Morgan had put up. Morgan had done most of the work and he probably didn't need help from the other guys but they all wanted to do their part…even Reid.

JJ walked over to Emily and cupped her cheek in her hand. "Did you have a nice birthday, Em?"

Emily kissed JJ, "It hasn't technically started yet. The 12th doesn't start for another couple of hours."

"Well then, would you like your birthday present a little early?"

"Yes," Emily said moving in to kiss JJ intensely

JJ broke the kiss and chuckled lightly. "I wasn't talking about me. I meant an actual present."

"Oh?"

JJ grabbed Emily by her hand and took her to their bedroom where JJ produced a box from the back of the closet.

"What is it?" Emily asked

"Open it and find out, silly," JJ replied

Emily opened the box to find a new video camera.

"It's so you can take video of the baby,"

"Oh my god, Jayj. I love it!" Emily exclaimed

"There are two conditions,"

"Conditions?" Emily asked

"Yes. Condition number one…no video of me giving birth. Nobody needs to see that."

Emily laughed, "It might be nice to have a video of our son making his way into the world."

"Yes but I don't need my private area shown to said world."

"Then I think I can guess what condition number two is,"

"Can you?"

"Yes. I think it has to do with your private area being shown to said world while experiencing much more pleasurable things than childbirth."

"You got it."

"Come on, Jayj. Just once, just to make sure the camera works," said Emily teasingly

"Not funny, Emily."

Emily put the box down and walked over to JJ, "Thank you"

"You're welcome," JJ replied.

Emily pulled JJ into a passionate kiss, leaving no question what was on her mind camera or no camera. She felt JJ's hand reach under her shirt and run along the warm skin underneath. She broke the kiss and looked at her wife; she saw the love that JJ had for her in those dark blue eyes. She steered JJ to the bed and sat her down while pulling off her shirt.

Looking down at her wife, Emily said, "I love you, Jennifer."

JJ started to undo the belt that Emily had on. "I love you, too Emily. Now, come here and make love to me."

Emily smiled, sat beside her wife, and then did as requested.

Afterwards, she managed to get JJ comfortable and she spooned up against her. She rubbed the small of JJ's back like she usually did when they were in this position. She thought JJ was drifting off to sleep when she heard her say.

"Six weeks left until our son arrives,"

"I know," Emily replied after she gently placed a kiss on JJ's neck. "You've done good, Jennifer."

"I'm not going to lie and say I'm not more than a little scared."

"I know. I am too. But we have each other and we'll figure it out. I think all first time parents feel this way."

"What if something goes wrong?"

"You can't think that way, Jen." Emily reassured. "Everything's been great so far. You have to believe that it will continue to be."

"I'm so glad I have you by my side," JJ said

"Always," Emily replied. "And, Jayj?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks for thinking of me and naming our baby Henry. I know it's an old-fashioned name but it means a lot to me."

JJ rolled halfway onto her back so she was resting against Emily's shoulder and sighed, "You know, I've been thinking about the name Henry?"

Emily closed her eyes and silently chuckled to herself. Had JJ changed her mind yet again?

"I've been running the name Henry around in my head for the last few days."

"And?"

"And?" JJ started. "Well…I don't know. I think…" JJ hesitated.

"Yeah?"

"I think it's perfect."

Emily laughed, "Oh you think you're so funny." Emily said letting JJ roll all the way onto her back. She pinned JJ's shoulders to the bed and started kissing her neck ravenously while she tickled her sides.

JJ was laughing while Emily tickled her. Emily knew right where to get her but didn't want to tickle her too hard given her current condition.

"Em…Em…please stop,"

"Say uncle,"

"Uncle" Emily eased up but didn't stop.

"Say…you love me."

"I love you. Please stop, Em." But Emily continued to tortured her lightly

"Say…you want me."

"I want you," JJ pleaded

"That's what I wanted to hear," Emily said as she stopped tickling JJ and moved her lips from JJ's neck to her mouth and proceeded to continue her birthday celebration.

Afterwards, as they settled in to get some much-needed sleep, JJ said, "You would never sleep with a man. You like women too much for you to change teams."

Emily was confused. That was random…it was true but it was random.

"What are you talking about, JJ?"

"Henry Rollins. I don't think you would switch to men even for one night…even for Henry Rollins."

"Go to bed, JJ" Emily said smiling into her wife's bare shoulder. "Good night."

***************************************************************

Emily's train of thought was broken when she heard people enter the waiting room behind her. It was her mother carrying her son followed closely by Amanda. She smiled as Henry bucked in Elizabeth's arms and squealed at the sight of his mother. She grabbed him from her mother before he flung himself out of his grandmother's arms.

"The boy's missed you," Elizabeth said.

"Seems like," Emily said smiling at her son. Henry was laughing as he tried to grab her nose and then her eyes. He then started to play with the necklace that was holding JJ's rings and was fixated on that for a bit.

"How'd he do last night?" Emily asked Amanda

"He did really well. Ate all his dinner and slept for a solid 9 hours."

"I think he's handling this the best out of all of us," Elizabeth said

"Must be nice to be so innocent. Not know what worry is. I'm sure he misses JJ but he doesn't really know he misses her. Does that make sense?" Emily asked

"It makes perfect sense," Elizabeth replied. "Why are you out here instead of with JJ? Everything okay?"

"Yes. I'm giving Penelope some time with her. Out of all of us, she can probably relate most with what JJ's going through."

"She wasn't injured nearly as severely as JJ." Emily's mother said

"No but she does know better than the rest of us."

"Well, that's true. So what were you doing out here?"

"Just finishing up my coffee," Emily said gesturing towards the empty cup on the table, "and thinking about when JJ was pregnant with this little guy."

"It was a magical time," Elizabeth remembered

"Yes it was."

"Have you eaten, Emily?" her mother asked

"No."

Amanda handed her a paper bag.

"Blueberry muffin and a banana. Hope that's okay."

"Thanks."

"Do you need to get back?" Elizabeth asked

"Nah, she's got Garcia for now," Emily said taking a seat again. "I think I want to spend a little more time with my favorite man."

Emily kissed her son, stood him up, and balanced him on her legs. Henry was strong and both she and JJ thought that he would be walking well before he turned a year. Henry, it meant home ruler or king, and Henry _was_ king. He ruled their hearts and the hearts of almost everyone he met. Henry Jareau Prentiss. She had no idea what life had in store for the little boy bouncing happily up and down in her lap but she and JJ were going to do everything in their power to make sure that he had every opportunity that life had to offer.

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**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…**

**Happy Birthday to a PM friend…you know who you are!**


	28. The King of Hearts

**AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them. I'm planning on this being a rather long story that will continue even though JJ is now awake. **

**AN2: This chapter is rated T **

**AN3: Thank you very much for all the kind reviews and PMs. They are all appreciated and keep me work on this story. You all rock! **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

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After playing with her son for a half-hour, Emily decided she should go check on JJ. So she gave the little blonde a kiss on his head and turned him back over to the Ambassador. She turned back to look at him before heading down the hall, the sight damn near broke her heart. He just stared at her with watery blue eyes. She knew he'd be fine in a minute but it was the same look that he would sometimes give them when they had to leave for work. It never failed to get to her. So many times they had almost been late for work when they decided he needed five more minutes of their time, which always seemed to translate to at least twenty.

"_Would it ever get easier to leave him?"_ Emily asked herself. She already knew the answer to that question.

She smiled and waved goodbye to her son. She watched as he placed his head against his grandmother's chest, sucked on his pacifier, and just looked at her. The sight tugged at her heart. Emily and JJ had discussed this before. The thing about a child so small is that his feelings are genuine. He doesn't truly know how to manipulate yet; he just knows he misses you when you aren't around. It was their own guilt that actually manipulated how they felt when they left him.

"_The King of Hearts,"_ Emily said to herself as she turned and walked towards JJ's room.

Emily entered her wife's room and found JJ asleep with Garcia looking after her. Garcia looked up when Emily walked in. Emily motioned for Garcia to join her outside of JJ's room so that they could speak without waking JJ.

"Hey, thanks for sitting with her," Emily whispered. "How long as she been asleep?"

"Not even ten minutes. She just fell asleep. She's tired,"

"I know. Did she get to eat anything?"

"Yeah, clear liquids…broth, Jell-O, and apple juice."

"That must have thrilled her." Emily said rolling her eyes

"Well, she couldn't even finish the little that they gave her. Just the broth and half the juice."

"I guess this is one way to lose the baby weight she's been complaining about," Emily said. JJ had lost most of the 40 pounds she gained while carrying Henry but she had recently complained to Emily about not being able to shed that last ten. Emily thought she looked great and, truth be told, she actually liked the few extra pounds on JJ.

"She looks so small, huh?" Garcia offered. "I mean, I know normally she's smaller than either one of us, but she usually looks formidable. Strong. She looks really small and frail right now."

"I know," Emily replied. "But she's been through so much. They're going to try and get her up and walking in the next day or so. I think they're moving her out of ICU later today. Hopefully once that happens, and she's able to eat normal food again whenever that'll be, she'll get her strength back."

Garcia nodded her head has she looked back over at JJ.

"Garcia? Did you talk to her?"

"Yeah I did." Garcia replied. "I wish I could explain this to you, Emily. Being shot like this makes you feel violated by a lot of people. By the person that tried to end your life, by the bullet that tore through your skin, and even by the doctors that had their hands inside your body."

Emily winced. They had all helped Garcia through the physical aspect of her ordeal but she hadn't really wanted to talk about the mental part of it. Emily knew that JJ had talked to Garcia at length about the shooting and the aftermath but she had never asked JJ to betray their friendship by asking what they had talked about. Garcia had also embarked on a new relationship with Kevin immediately after the shooting so she had that to help her through it too. She had no idea what JJ's reactions were going to be. The thought actually frightened her because, if she knew her wife like she thought she did, JJ would put on the brave mask to hide her true emotions. She did it all the time to push away the horrific things that she saw on a daily basis in every file that was sent to her.

"This is going to be harder than I think, isn't it?" Emily asked

"You have no idea." Garcia replied. "I still have nightmares sometimes. Outside, other than my scar, you see no difference between who I am now and the Penelope Garcia I was prior to the shooting. Inside is another thing. Therapy and JJ helped me at first. Kevin helps me get through bad days now. You will help JJ."

Emily nodded her head. "Thanks, Pen. You've helped me realize it's not just the physical injury that she needs to recover from. Don't worry, I'm going to be there every step of the way."

"And when she tells you she's fine, know that she isn't. Watch her like a hawk, Em."

"We both will because we both love her."

"Yes we do." Garcia said.

Garcia patted Emily on the arm, "Okay, I'm going to go check on the boys. See if they need anything from the Fountain of Knowledge."

Emily smiled, "The can always use assistance from the Diviner of Data."

Garcia laughed, "Good one," she said as she hugged Emily and kissed her cheek.

Emily hugged her back, "I can't have my cell on in here. I'll call you if they move her back to the other ward."

Garcia nodded and then left Emily alone with JJ.

Emily sat in her chair, looked over JJ, and sighed in frustration. JJ never liked to let anyone know when something was bothering her. Yes over the course of their relationship, Emily had seen JJ break on more than one occasion but that was more when things were bothering her emotionally not physically. And if she was great at masking how things were bothering her emotionally, she was even better when it came to physical pain. She knew this for a fact. She'd seen it when the dogs in Tobias Henkel's barn attacked her. And, more importantly, she'd seen it when she went into labor with Henry.

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"I'm just saying, JJ," Emily said helping JJ put on her shoes. "We are expecting our son to arrive in 23 days. What if he comes earlier?"

"I feel fine and Dr. Schreiber says I'm okay to travel." JJ said while seated on their bed.

"UGH! You are so stubborn, Jayj," Emily groaned as she stood. "I just saying take the next 3-plus weeks off. Even Hotch suggested it."

"And I turned him down. I still have to train Jordan. She's not ready yet."

"You can't even put your own shoes on, JJ" Emily almost shouted.

"That's why I have you," JJ snapped back.

Emily opened her mouth to say something but then closed it again when she realized she didn't really want to fight with JJ.

JJ took a deep breath. "Em, I know you are concerned about me and about our son, but really I'm fine. I can go to work and I can sit at my desk and train Jordan."

"And you won't travel?"

"Are you traveling with the team?"

"Of course."

"Then so am I."

Emily ran her hand across her face.

"Look Em, which of these scenarios would you prefer? Tell me and then I'll do what you wish."

"Scenarios? What are you talking about?"

"I can stay in DC and, if I were to go into labor, you could be in San Francisco for all I know. If the team is working, you'd have to take a commercial flight home. Are you going to make it in time for your son's arrival? I would rather go into labor on the road with you than at home without you. I can give birth anywhere really but you might not be there if you're in the field and I am here and I don't want to do this without you."

Emily stared at JJ. She hated that she was right. She know she should probably ground herself but she was already taking two weeks vacation once the baby came she didn't want to add to the burden if they both weren't traveling with the team. They were replacing JJ temporarily but not her.

JJ extended her hand so that Emily could help her up. Emily pulled JJ into a standing position and then into her arms.

"I'm sorry Jen, I'm just so worried about the two of you."

"I know you are, Em," JJ said as she gave her a long kiss.

"Hmm…" Emily started, lost in the feel of JJ's lips on her own, "who knows, maybe we'll get lucky and we won't have any cases that take us out of town for a while?"

"I really hope so," JJ replied. "Jordan isn't nearly where I'd like her to be before I leave and I only have three more weeks left to train her."

XXXXX

But they weren't lucky. As soon as JJ sat in her office that morning, she received a call from the Las Vegas Police Department regarding a missing little boy. This missing boy was on the heels of a murder of another little boy whose body had just been found. The team grabbed their go bags and was on their way to the land of lights, casinos, hot sun, and decadence. This was also Spencer Reid's hometown, which always brought drama for their friend and co-worker.

Poor Reid. Reid had a tough childhood. The only son of Diana and William Reid was a brilliant child that had to take on adult responsibilities way too young in life after Diana's life-long battle with schizophrenia caused William to abandon Diana and his young son. William had left a boy, a genius of a son but still a boy, with a parent with whom the roles were too often reversed because she wasn't always able to care of him. At the age of eighteen, after he'd already graduated from college and was working towards three doctoral degrees, he committed his mother to the Bennington Sanitarium in Vegas for her own safety. A decision that still caused him a lot of guilt even ten years later. Emily thought that the instability of both Reid's parents combined with his brilliant mind left him socially awkward and with a fear of abandonment. The horrible cause and effect that parents can have on a child. Reid may physically know where his mother is but he had no idea where she was mentally and Reid had no idea where his father was at all. Emily could never imagine either physically or mentally abandoning her son.

They landed in Vegas and got to work immediately on the Michael Bridges case but before JJ left the airport with Hotch to go see the parents of the missing boy, Emily pulled her to the side for a quick talk.

"You okay, " Emily asked, placing her hand on JJ's belly.

JJ squinted at her in the brightness of the Nevada desert sun. Even in November, the sun was already beating down on them. It was going to be a warm one.

"The flight was fine," JJ replied

"I'm not talking about the flight, JJ. A missing boy, are you okay with this case?"

"Emily, I'm going to have to learn how to be. You are too. This will probably be the first of many cases involving children that we're going to have to learn to deal with from a new perspective."

"I know, Jayj. But, like you said, it's the first and you're still pregnant. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"Thanks baby, I'm okay." JJ said giving her a slight smile. "Now, let's go bring this little boy home."

XXXXX

The cases ended well for the Bridges family when the team found Michael safe and sound. JJ had worked closely with Michael's mother Amy and was happy that there was a good outcome in this case.

When Reid asked Hotch if they could leave in the morning so he could visit with his mother, Hotch kept the team overnight in Vegas. Emily thought there was more behind Reid wanting to stay an extra night but didn't want to pry in accordance with the team's long-standing agreement not to profile one another.

So everyone, minus Reid, enjoyed dinner together. Emily loved when the team had the leisure time between cases to spend with each other. She sat across from JJ and watched her wife glow from across the table. Emily noticed JJ rubbing her belly absently and her heart swelled with the love for both the woman she was married to and the child she carried. After dinner, she and JJ returned to their room.

"It's Vegas, Emily. Go out with Morgan and Rossi. I'll be fine."

Morgan and Rossi had plans to hit a couple of casinos, gamble a little, and drink a lot. They had invited Emily along and joked she could be their wingman.

"Their going to go pick up women which would be great if I were single but I'm not so I'd rather spend the evening with my wife."

"Your very pregnant wife who is going to help Hotch with some paperwork for a little bit and then pass out. I'm not going to be any fun so you might as well go have fun with the guys."

"Hotch should be going out with us."

"I know. You can see he's been struggling ever since Haley left him. A night out might do him some good. Maybe he'd get lucky."

"I don't even want to think about it JJ," Emily said smiling. "I mean, he's a good looking guy and all but…ew."

JJ laughed

Emily walked over, placed her hands on JJ's hips, and kissed her wife's neck. "Speaking of getting lucky…I could stay here and wait for you to finish up the paperwork." Emily said with a wink.

"Emily, I feel like I've swallowed a soccer ball – and I look like it too – I'm afraid the chances of you getting lucky tonight are rather slim."

"Well then, I could just hold you, we don't need to have sex."

"Babe, please go have a good time. Opportunities like these are going to be few and far between once your son arrives."

"My son…I thought he was our son?"

"If he keeps kicking my kidney I'm disowning him. Now…babe, please go have some fun. Burn off some steam."

Emily knew that JJ was right…again…and decided to head out for the night with Morgan and Rossi. She changed into something less work like and met the guys in the lobby of their hotel.

Vegas. Emily hated Vegas each and every time she had been…mostly because it was just so much goddamn fun. Too fun. The three of them took a taxi to one of the larger casinos and proceeded to drink and gamble. Then they headed to one of the dance clubs where Emily sweated up the dance floor with Morgan. Emily lost count after her sixth shot of tequila but knew she was well on her way to getting drunk. Okay…she'd passed drunk a couple of shots before that and from there the night got rather hazy.

She woke up the next morning to a droning beep…an incessant, irritating noise that would not go away. After a few minutes, she realized that it was the alarm next to JJ's side of the bed. As she struggled to pull herself into consciousness, the alarm on her phone started to go off. She dragged herself to the nightstand and turned off the first annoying alarm and then sat up to find her phone. It was then that her head voiced it's opinion…loudly. She realized that her ears were ringing, her head was pounding, and even her hair hurt. She found her phone and shut that goddamn thing off. Next to her phone was a note JJ had left her. She squinted to read it.

"_Em, had to finish up some stuff for Hotch so I went to the hotel's business center. Get a shower and get changed. I'll meet you downstairs. We leave at 9. I love you, J _

_P.S. – Aspirin are in the side pocket of your go bag"_

Emily looked at herself in the mirror. She looked every bit as bad as she felt and that was pretty much like hammered shit. She was still wearing her shirt from last night and one sock but her pants and the other sock were on the floor beside the bed. Her shoes were placed neatly beside the desk. JJ must have put them there because she was pretty sure it wasn't her. Emily's head was killing her. Where were those aspirin? She wasn't even sure how she made it back to their room. She tried to think about what had happened last night or was it this morning?

She sort of remembered dancing with Morgan, talking to Rossi about casinos in Venice of all things, getting her ass grabbed on more than one occasion by men and by women, and making the drunk call to her wife to say goodnight. She was pretty sure JJ had been sleeping and she thought she remembered JJ laughing at her. Or maybe she was cursing and it was Emily that was laughing.

She was all but sure it was Morgan that made sure she got back to her room. Morgan always had her back. She's wasn't sure how but she had somehow managed to make it into their bed. She thought she remembered making an overture to her wife and JJ rebuffing her advances so she fell asleep…or passed out whichever the case may have been.

And that's where she was when the noise started.

She took the aspirin and then hopped into the shower and let the hot water take away some of the pain. She struggled to get dressed and noticed that JJ had packed her go bag for her, just leaving her essentials out. She felt like crap even more because her very pregnant wife had to pack for both of them.

Eventually, she slowly made her way downstairs to the lobby where thankfully they had coffee available for their guests. As she poured herself a cup, Morgan was sitting at a slot-machine yelling at it way too loudly. She asked him to stop as she gingerly sat down next to Rossi. Why didn't either Morgan or Rossi look or sound like she did. She also noticed JJ hadn't made it down from the business center yet.

"Oh my bad," Morgan laughed as he walked away from the machine even though it still had credits left on it. "You know these things are rigged, right?"

"Late night?" Rossi asked, as if he hadn't been out with them.

"I hate Vegas," Emily whispered and she covered her eyes from the bright light emanating through the windows.

"Come on, Prentiss. How can you hate Vegas? This is a grown folks playground." Morgan asked mocking her current condition.

JJ finally appeared and walked to where they were sitting.

"Anyone seen Reid?" she asked noticing that the boy genius wasn't with the rest of the team yet.

"I know he stayed with is mom last night," Morgan replied

"Well he should be here by now, he knows the departure time," JJ said.

Noticing the slot-machine that Morgan had left still had money left to play against it, JJ said, "Oh this thing still has credit on it."

"JJ, I swear to god," Emily said to her wife, watching as JJ reached to press the button that would send the machine spinning again.

"What?" JJ said, her hand stopping just above the button

Rossi made a gesture of raising an imaginary glass to his lips and then rocked back and forth to indicate that perhaps Emily had more than a little too much to drink the night before and might still be more than a little hung-over.

JJ laughed.

Just then Reid came in. He decided to stay in Vegas for a few days on his own saying that he hadn't seen in mom in a long time and wanted to visit with her more. Hotch was already waiting for them at the airstrip so they all quickly said goodbye to Reid and left their hotel. Once outside, the four of them discussed their young friend and decided that there was more to Reid wanting to stay behind than just visiting with his mother.

"He's lying," Morgan said. "Something is definitely bothering him."

"He's been that way since we got here," Emily offered, her headache taking a backseat since they were discussing something important.

"Think it has to do with his nightmares?" JJ asked.

Reid had a nightmare when he fell asleep on the plane on the way to Vegas. Morgan and Reid had stayed the night at the Bridges house in case the kidnapper had tried to contact the family. Reid had had one there too and had woke everyone up when he screamed.

"Probably and that boy he knew as a kid he keeps asking about," replied Morgan

"I'm not liking this," Rossi cautioned. "If this is personal, he could get in trouble out here on his own."

"I'm for staying and helping him out," Morgan countered

"Me too," Rossi said

Rossi then looked at JJ and turned to Emily, "Go to the airstrip with JJ. Get her home. Tell Hotch, Morgan and I are staying behind with Reid. You guys can help from Quantico if we need you."

"You sure?" Emily asked

"Yeah. JJ needs to be home not hanging around the desert with us fools."

Emily thanked her older colleague and then she and JJ made their way to the airstrip. Once on the plane, Emily got comfortable and took a much-needed nap. By the time they arrived back at the office, Emily felt like a new woman. The aspirin had kicked in and the headache was all but gone.

Hotch asked if they wanted to head home for the day but they both thought Reid might need their help so they wanted to stick around. Besides, JJ still needed to work with her replacement, Jordan Todd.

JJ brought Jordan to the bullpen and reintroduced her to Emily. Emily had promised JJ that she would do her best to watch over her replacement and make sure she felt at home. Jordan came to the team from the FBI's Counter Terrorism Unit. They both hoped that Jordan's experience with that unit would prepare her for the rigors of JJ's job.

Over the next few hours, Emily worked with Hotch trying to help the guys while they were working the case in Vegas. She glanced at her watch and saw that it was quickly approaching quitting time. She was tired from her night on the town the night before and the trip back to Quantico. About another hour or so and she could take JJ home, eat a little dinner, and try and get to bed early.

She went to the break area to get a cup of coffee with Hotch to help propel her through that last hour when all of a sudden her plans for the evening changed dramatically. Garcia burst into the bullpen with JJ following in tow.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm not a doctor and I don't even play one on TV but I believe young JJ is going into labor." Garcia announced.

Here hands suddenly shaking, Emily placed the cup she had just poured herself on the table and quickly went to her wife's side.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "_OH MY GOD, THIS IS IT_," Emily screamed silently to herself.

"I'll get the car," Emily heard Hotch say. The team had discussed the possibility of JJ going in to labor at the office so they were all prepared to assist no matter who was in the office at the time.

JJ threw her hands up in frustration and Emily wrapped an arm around JJ's waist to guide her out of the office.

"I need to call Dr. Schreiber," JJ said

"From the car, honey," Garcia replied. "Breathe and walk. Breathe and walk."

"Agent Todd, I hope you're ready because your job starts right now," Emily said as they left the bullpen. Emily could swear it sounded like every phone in the office started to ring all at once behind her.

Hotch was waiting for them downstairs behind the wheel of one of the bureau's SUVs. Emily helped JJ into the backseat and took the seat beside her while Garcia hopped into the front passenger seat. They stopped briefly at their new SUV to grab the bags they kept in there just in case JJ went into labor while at work. They were so very different from their normal go bags.

"Are you in much pain, sweetheart?" she asked JJ. Emily sat right up against JJ with one arm protectively wrapped around her shoulders.

"I'm okay, Em," JJ said leaning into Emily's embrace. Another contraction started to build and Emily helped her breathe through it.

"You're doing good, baby." Emily told her after it had subsided

Hotch got them to the hospital quickly but safely and they were checked into the maternity ward where JJ was placed in a bed and hooked up to a fetal monitor and a couple of others. Shortly after they got settled, Dr. Schreiber came in to examine JJ and break her water. Lucky for them she had been at the hospital when they arrived.

"You're progressing nicely, JJ…especially for your first." Dr. Schreiber said. "You're already at 4 centimeters. Relax as best you can and the anesthesiologist will be in shortly to administer your epidural."

JJ had decided on a walking epidural which would take away some of the pain but would still allow her enough feeling to walk around and push better when the time eventually came. JJ and Emily walked around the room and Emily pushed the fetal monitor, she had affectionately named Monty, around the ward when JJ was going stir-crazy and needed to move around. Hotch and Garcia took turns keeping the rest of the team updated on Henry's impending arrival while keeping up to date on the unsolved murder that they were working on in Vegas. Emily had her camera with her so she was taking pictures to share with the guys later.

"How are you feeling, Pumpkin?" Garcia asked when JJ had settled back in bed. They had been at the hospital for almost 12 hours.

JJ was tired but couldn't sleep; she was restless and couldn't relax. The contractions were much stronger, longer, and closer together. She was now dilated to 7 centimeters. Emily thought JJ was doing great. Emily was tired too but she wouldn't dare sleep if JJ couldn't, though JJ had told her to. Besides JJ's back would hurt if she lay down too long so she needed to help her to her feet and walk her around. JJ also felt better when Emily sat behind her and rubbed her back. It was a long night and on top of the night before, Emily was dragging. She knew she was running solely off of caffeine and adrenaline.

"I'm okay. I just really want this to be over." JJ replied.

While Garcia stayed with JJ for a bit, Emily took the opportunity to get a cup of coffee and take a bit of a break. She also needed to update her mother. She had told the Ambassador that she would call her when she felt it was getting close to her grandsons arrival. Emily thought that maybe it was time for her mom to make her way to the hospital so she could be here for Henry's birth.

Emily was surprised to find Hotch in the waiting room. She wasn't sure if he was awake or not since he was resting with his eyes closed and his head against the wall. He heard her walk in and opened his eyes.

"I didn't realize you were still here," Emily said to her boss.

"Two of my favorite people are bringing a new life into this world, where else would I be?"

"Thanks Hotch," Emily replied.

"Sure. The, ah, rest of the team is on their way back."

"Did Reid find the answers he was looking for?"

"Yes. I'll tell you about it later. How are you doing?" Hotch asked

"I guess you're the one person on this team that knows how I'm feeling right now."

"I was thinking about that earlier. I was remembering the day Jack was born."

"Were you as scared as I am right now?"

"Probably more. And you don't want your wife to see your fear so you put on the brave face because she needs your strength."

"Exactly. But I'm scared shitless, Hotch."

"You'll be fine, Emily."

"I've never really been around small children. I'd never even had a pet before Ranger."

"I hadn't either, Emily, but somehow it just all works out. Haley was remarkable and helped me learn the ropes. I'm sure JJ will be just as amazing. She just has that about her. She is loving, patient, and compassionate; I think she's going to be a great mother."

Emily nodded her head, "She is amazing."

"And let me tell you one more thing," Hotch advised. "When you hold your son for the very first time, it blows away any other feeling you've ever experienced. You will never feel a love so immediate ever again in your life."

Hotch got up and gave her a hug. "Congratulations, Emily. Welcome to parenthood. You both are going to be amazing mothers."

"Thanks for the pep talk, Hotch," Emily said. "And thanks for staying this long night. It means a lot to me and JJ."

"You're welcome. How's she doing?"

"Great. Pain is a little more intense now. I think we've got another 2-3 hours."

"Hang in there...both of you."

"I guess I'd better get back in there," Emily said and she left to go back to JJ after making that quick phone call to her mother.

She went back into JJ's room to find Garcia animatedly talking to JJ about her latest escapades with Kevin. She had JJ laughing. Garcia got up to leave when Emily returned.

"Garcia, wait a second," JJ asked. "Em, shall we ask her now?"

Emily looked at JJ and nodded.

"Ask me what?" Garcia asked

"Penelope, you're the best friend we have," JJ started.

"Ah, thanks sugarplum," Garcia interrupted

"We both love you and we know that you are going to be an important part of our son's life. You're his Aunt Penelope." JJ continued then looked at Emily.

"Garcia, we'd like you to be Henry's godmother," Emily finished

Garcia was stunned and tears started to well up in her eyes. "Really?" she managed to say as Emily engulfed her in a hug.

"Really. So what do you say?"

"I say yes, of course. Thank you so much," their best friend said. "I'm beyond honored. Godmother… Oh, if you were worried this kid was going to be spoiled before, just wait until his Godmother showers him with gifts on his birthday and at Christmas. Thank you very, very much!"

"No, thank you," Emily said laughing and kissing her friend on the cheek.

Garcia kissed JJ and then left singing Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo.

"Did we make the right decision?" Emily said with a chuckle

"At least we know our son will be entertained. She's never dull"

XXXXX

The contractions continued to get stronger and a couple of hours later, it was almost time for their son to make his entrance into the world. JJ gritted through another contraction while squeezing Emily's hand and biting on a damp towel. Emily kissed JJ's sweaty brow and tried to provide has much support as she possibly could. JJ tried to practice the positions and breathing exercises she had learned in her prenatal yoga classes but it was harder to remember the stronger the contractions got.

"You're doing so good, baby," Emily said

"Remind me of this when you decide you want another one," JJ said. "Whose fucking idea was this anyway?"

Emily didn't dare reply.

Just then, Elizabeth poked her head in to see how they were doing. Emily was so glad to see her mother.

"How are you, sweetheart?" Elizabeth asked

"Fine," they both said at the same time

"I think she was talking to me, Em," JJ corrected

"I'm glad you're both fine. JJ, I know you're in a lot of pain right now but I promise you, the minute they place your tiny baby in your arms, you will forget all about it. It really isn't a cliché."

JJ squinted and bit down on the towel as another contraction ripped through her. Elizabeth helped lean her forward a little and rubbed her back as the contraction subsided.

"You can scream, JJ. It hurts," Emily's mother told her. "It doesn't make you any braver because you don't scream."

JJ smiled at her mother-in-law. "Tell me it's worth it again."

"It is. Look at the woman you love. I once went through this very experience with her. And someday, God willing, you'll help your daughter-in-law go through this, too. I love you, JJ and I love that you are going through this for you, for my daughter, and for my family."

Emily could not have been prouder of her mother. It almost made her cry.

"Elizabeth?" JJ asked softly.

"Yes, Jennifer."

"Would you like to stay and watch your grandson make his way into this world?"

"Really? But Emily said you said no one was allowed in the room."

Emily looked at JJ.

"I changed my mind. I'd like it if you would stay…if you want."

"I'd love nothing more," Elizabeth said with tears welling in her eyes.

Another contraction ripped through JJ…this time she left the towel out of her mouth and just screamed while she held Emily's hand in one hand and Elizabeth's in the other.

About 30 minutes later, around 7AM, Dr. Schreiber came in with a nurse to examine JJ. She had obviously made it home and had just made her way back to the hospital that morning. JJ and Emily had only dealt with nurses through the night because thankfully there hadn't been any complications.

"You're there, darling. You are dilated to 10. You ready to start pushing?" Dr. Schreiber asked

"Thank God," was JJ's reply

"I'll take that as a 'Yes'?" Dr. Schreiber chuckled

"There is actually a woman in Georgia that's gone through this 18 times. She needs her head examined."

Dr. Schreiber called in a couple of labor and delivery nurses and got JJ into position to start pushing. They placed JJ in a semi-upright position and placed her feet in the stir-ups. They uncovered and swung out a mirror that hung in the corner that would allow JJ to see what was happening.

"Is your video camera in your bag, Emily?" JJ asked, the sharp contractions subsiding for a moment

Emily blushed. "Yes," she said softly

"If you want to take video, you can" JJ said

"But you said…"

"I know what I said but I changed my mind about that too," JJ said. "But I swear, you show anyone that tape, and I will kill you. You know I'm not kidding about that."

Emily took out her video camera and turned it on. She had it all charged and ready to go thinking that at the very least she could take some video after Henry arrived. She looked at the LCD panel and it made her feel like she was seasick.

"Emily, let me shoot the video. You're shaking like a leaf," her mother said.

Emily turned the camera over to her mother and showed her how to use it. Emily realized it was better this way so that she should use both of her hands to help JJ.

Dr. Schreiber instructed JJ to bear down when the next contraction struck. Emily placed one hand in JJ's to let her squeeze and her other behind JJ's back. Emily encouraged JJ to push when the doctor told her to. Emily peeked between JJ's legs to see if her son's head had started to crown yet.

"Push JJ, you're doing great," Dr. Schreiber coached. "Don't stop…don't stop."

JJ grunted as she pushed and then the contraction subsided and JJ was told to relax. Emily placed her head against JJ's

"You're going so good, sweetheart." Emily said as she wiped a tear that had run down JJ's cheek

"heart rate…. ….dropping. ……..soon."

The words one of the nurses said filtered through Emily's subconscious

"What?" Emily asked

"JJ, Emily…we're going to want to push really hard with this next contraction. You're son's heart rate has dropped slightly. No cause for concern but we want to get him into this world sooner rather than later." Dr. Schreiber said calmly

"Is he okay?!!" JJ asked, her voice rising.

"He's fine. It's very common. We don't want him to take too long or we'll have to go get him, okay?" their doctor reassured them

The monitors started to indicate another contraction was approaching

"BIG PUSH, JJ" Dr. Schreiber said

JJ pushed as hard as she could and Emily coached her through it. Emily thought JJ was going to break her hand she was squeezing it so hard.

"KEEP PUSHING, KEEP PUSHING!! DON'T STOP," their doctor called

Emily peeked again and this time saw his tiny head appeared between JJ's legs: first his forehead, then his eyes and the bridge of his nose.

"Your doing great, Jennifer," Dr. Schreiber said. "I need another hard push when you feel the urge again okay?"

JJ felt between her legs and their doctor guided her hand to the top of his head so that JJ could stroke it lightly.

"Is he okay?" JJ said through her tears

"He's okay. His cord is probably wrapped a little tightly around his neck. It's very common. His heart rate is good," the doctor said

"But not great," Emily replied

"That's right, not great. So JJ, let's get your baby out, okay?"

Another contraction hit JJ and she pushed. Emily watched with amazement as the rest of his little face appeared: his nose, his mouth, and his chin. She watched Dr. Schreiber unwrap the tightly wound umbilical cord from around Henry's neck.

"There's the problem little guy."

Dr. Schreiber suctioned his mouth and nose.

"OH MY GOD, JAYJ," Emily said excitedly. "He's here…he's really here."

Henry's heart rate started to rise again and Dr. Schreiber continued to help Henry join two very anxious parents. Once JJ delivered his shoulders, Dr. Schreiber rotated him out and into the world. He was wrapped in a towel and cleaned off a little. They checked to make sure he was fine and then placed his little body across JJ's bare abdomen with a warm towel on top of him.

"He's not crying. Is he okay?" Emily was starting to panic

Dr. Schreiber rubbed Henry's back and Henry started to cry. The strong, lusty cry was music to Emily's ears.

Dr. Schreiber smiled.

Emily and JJ cried.

"He's fine…you have a healthy, beautiful baby boy," their doctor reassured

JJ gently stroked his head and his body

"I can't believe he's here," she said softly through tears

"You were wonderful, JJ" Emily said as she kissed JJ's temple

Emily marveled at the wonder that was their son. "He's really here,"

JJ noticed Emily hadn't touched him yet and knew Emily was scared. JJ took Emily's hand in hers and placed it on top of Henry's back then placed hers on top. Emily couldn't help the tears that ran down her face.

"Don't be afraid, Emily" JJ said

"He's so small," Emily replied

While the two of them spent the first couple of minutes of his life with their son, Dr. Schreiber had clamped off Henry's umbilical cord.

"Excuse me, Emily?" their doctor interrupted

Emily looked up

"Would you like to do the honors?" Dr. Schreiber said has she extended a pair of snips at her. Emily cut her son's umbilical cord.

"We need to get him checked out and measured and I will get him right back to you Jennifer," their doctor said

"You'll go with him, Em?"

"Of course, sweetheart. Lean back and relax. You've earned it."

Emily finally remembered her mother was in the room with them and had been filming the whole event. Emily looked into the camera, smiled, and gave a thumbs-up.

After he was cleaned, checked over, weighed, and measured, Henry was wrapped in a blanket and they put a little cap on his head to keep him warm. The nurse brought their little boy back over to JJ and placed him in her arms for the first time. Emily had never been so proud of her wife. She did it; she brought their healthy little boy into the world.

"He's perfect. Ten fingers, ten toes. Responding perfectly. 7lbs 8oz / 21 inches long. He's awake and alert," their doctor said.

She watched as JJ held her son and kissed his tiny head. Emily felt…relieved, was probably the best word.

"Jennifer?" Dr. Schreiber began. "You might want to see if he'll take your breast now. And I'm going to examine you while you do that."

Emily had read in JJ's baby books that breastfeeding immediately after birth would help JJ finish the childbirth process and it was better to introduce Henry to his mother's breast as soon as possible. JJ lowered her gown and pressed her son's lips to her nipple. Emily watched as mother and son stared at each other. JJ pressed his lips to her nipple again and this time Henry took it and began to nurse.

JJ burst into tears.

Emily leaned over JJ and draped her arm over her shoulders so she could watch her son nurse for the first time. She kissed JJ's temple again and then JJ turned her head. The two of them looked at each other with nothing but the love and emotion they held for each other. Emily kissed JJ softly on the lips, "I love you, Jennifer"

"I love you too, Emily"

They kissed again only this time a little deeper before turning their attention back to their son who was eating like a champ.

"You know you have a couple of tired and anxious people in the waiting room." Elizabeth reminded them from behind the video camera.

"Oh my god, I completely forgot," Emily said. "Let me go tell them."

"You stay, Emily. I'll go tell them," Elizabeth said as she handed the video camera to her daughter.

"Thanks Grandma," Emily teased and watched her mother shoot her a look in return.

"JJ, you're clear for visitors whenever you're up to it," Dr. Schreiber said as she finished her examination of JJ.

"Elizabeth?" JJ asked causing Emily's mother to stop and turn around. "Can you just ask them to come in?"

"Sure, Jennifer," Elizabeth said as she left. Dr. Schreiber and the nurses left too leaving just the two of them with their newborn.

JJ and Emily continued to watch their son feed but he was tiring and falling asleep. JJ wrapped the blanket around him and lifted him to Emily.

"Would you like to hold your son, Emily?"

"I'm not sure if I can, Jayj."

"Yes you can. Don't be scared."

JJ pushed herself up a little with one hand while holding Henry in the other then went to hand him to his mother. Emily turned off the camera, put it down and held out her hands.

"Put one hand under his head and neck and the other under his bottom." JJ instructed.

Emily did as JJ instructed and she held her son for the first time. Hotch was right, it was the most amazing feeling ever. She brought Henry's head to her lips and kissed him before lowering him to her bosom. She looked over at JJ through very watery eyes. The tears fell and rolled down her cheeks.

"Thank you," was all Emily could think to say as she watched JJ's matching tears roll down her face too. "He's beautiful."

JJ nodded, "Yes he is."

The door opened and in came Garcia and Hotch, "Where's my godson?" Garcia asked in an excited whisper as she walked in.

Emily proudly showed off her son to Hotch and their best friend, "I'd like to introduce you two to Henry Jareau Prentiss."

Garcia stroked Henry's head and then went to kiss JJ.

"Where's my mom?" Emily asked

"I think she wanted to get some air and make a couple of calls," Hotch replied. "He's a beautiful baby."

Emily didn't want to let her son go but she finally let Garcia hold him for a bit and then Garcia passed him to Hotch. Emily noted the sadness in Hotch's eyes and realized he must have been thinking about his own son. Hotch then passed Henry back to JJ.

After almost an hour of them being there together, Reid came to the hospital. They had decided several weeks before that they would ask Reid to be Henry's godfather. It had come down to Reid or Morgan and JJ felt strongly that Reid needed this more than Morgan did. Morgan had sisters and family and would probably be a godfather to one or more of their kids someday. Reid didn't really have anybody. He had a crazy mother, an absent father, and no siblings. Henry would give him something tangible in his life, something to make sense of why they did what they did for a living. JJ had told Emily during her labor that she wanted to talk to Reid by herself whenever he got there. JJ wanted to be the one to ask Reid to be Henry's godfather because she had ways to reach into him more than anyone else on the team did.

"You guys have room for one more in here?" Reid asked when he walked into JJ's room

"Spence, hi" JJ said welcoming Reid back from Vegas. All during the night JJ had been worrying about her friend and had been asking for repeated updates. Emily could tell JJ was relieved to see him.

"Welcome back," Hotch said

Reid greeted Hotch and then looked at the new life JJ was holding, "Wow," he said, "Congratulations."

"How is it that I just went through 15 hours of labor and you look worse than I do?" JJ asked, smiling

"Don't be ridiculous. You look beautiful." Reid replied

JJ smiled and looked at her son before looking over at Emily.

"Well, um, I could sure use some coffee. Anyone else?" Emily asked looking at Hotch and Garcia. They took the hint and the three of them left JJ with Reid.

Once they walked out, Garcia and Hotch told Emily they were going to head home for some much needed sleep with Garcia promising to come back later that afternoon. Emily walked out with them so she could find her mother who had disappeared.

Emily found Elizabeth sitting on a bench outside and sat next to her.

"You okay?" Emily asked

"I can't believe I'm a grandmother," Elizabeth simply stated

"Why?"

"When Alex died I didn't think anyone would carry on the Prentiss name. I figured you would get married and take your husband's name. Then when I found out you preferred women, I didn't think you'd ever get married or have children at all."

Emily nodded. "I didn't think I would either – especially after I hit thirty five," Emily said. "But JJ made all that change. I've never felt like this before. Like anything is possible. And now I have a son. It's all happened so fast."

"I'm very happy for you, Emily," her mother said. "And I hope that he brings you as much joy and happiness as you have brought to me. I may have lost sight of that for a while after Alex died…"

"And after you found out I'm gay," Emily interjected

"Maybe then too. But it was more my sadness over losing my son than anything else. It took me years to get over that loss."

Emily closed her eyes. She didn't even want to imagine losing Henry. It must have been so hard for her mother.

"I may not always understand you, Emily, but I do love you and, even if you believe that you have, you have never disappointed me."

Emily cried for the umpteenth time that day. They were all tears of happiness but they were all tears nonetheless.

"You haven't even held your grandson yet. Would you like to?"

"I would love to."

Emily and Elizabeth stopped by the gift shop to pick up flowers for JJ and then headed back to JJ's room where they found Reid still speaking with JJ. JJ held Henry in her arms and was gently rocking him back and forth.

"Are those for me?" JJ asked and the two women came in each carrying large bouquets of flowers.

"Of course." Elizabeth replied

Reid excused himself to head home. His exhaustion showed on his face since he'd gone straight to the hospital after he landed to go visit his friends and their new baby.

JJ looked down at her son who was just starting to open his eyes after his nap. He looked a little confused at his new surroundings and all the faces around him. But he didn't cry and he didn't fuss, he just observed.

JJ looked at Elizabeth. "Would you like to hold your grandson, Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth nodded and then took her new grandson into her arms.

Emily smiled at the sight. JJ gingerly scooted over to one side of the bed and patted the open space next to her for Emily to sit beside her. Emily sat down and gently took JJ into her arms as they watched the new grandmother coo at the new love in her life.

"You okay" Emily asked her wife

"I'm tired. How are you?"

"The same. It's over, he's really here."

"Yes he is, Em," JJ said. "Em?"

"Yeah babe?"

"I wish my mom was here, too,"

Whether JJ remembered or not, JJ had called for her mother during the delivery. Not wanting to upset JJ further, Emily thought it was best to ignore that fact.

"I know you do, Jayj. I'm sorry she's not"

JJ was quiet for a moment.

"I love you very much, Emily."

"I love you too, Jennifer," Emily said as she held JJ in her arms and kissed the top of her head. She heard JJ yawn. "Sleep baby. I have a feeling my mom isn't going to be putting him down any time soon."

Emily got comfortable and nestled JJ against her. She felt JJ relax and was pretty sure her wife was falling asleep. Emily watched as Elizabeth sat in a chair across from JJ's bed and rocked her grandson. That was the last image in her head before she fell asleep too.

*******************************************************************

Emily was pulled from her happy memories when heard JJ start to rouse from her nap.

"Hey, did you get a nice nap?" Emily asked

"I get so tired so easily," JJ replied

"You need your rest. It'll help you get stronger and out of ICU."

"Speaking of which…" Dr. Harden said as he walked in JJ's room

They both smiled at JJ's doctor.

"You ready for that now?" he asked

"You betcha," JJ said. "One step closer to going home."

"Yes it is," her doctor said. "Let me get everything ready and we'll get you moved."

Emily tried not to let her worry show on her face. She was afraid that it was too soon but she also had faith that Dr. Neil Harden knew what he was doing. And besides, if JJ were back in a private room, Emily might be able to get Henry in to see JJ. That was better than any medicine, any doctor, and any therapy would ever be.

**********************************************************************

**This was a long chapter…Hope you enjoyed it!! Please review…**


	29. Adjustments

**AN1: First let me apologize for the long absence. Life has gotten in the way of many things that I enjoy…including writing this story. I fear that I may have lost many of my loyal readers. I hope this is not the case. **

**AN2: This chapter is rated a slight M **

**AN3: Thank you very much for patiently waiting for this next installment.**

**So without further delay…**

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

* * *

Within a couple of hours, JJ was settled into her new room…well, it was actually her old room…back in the Critical Care Unit. The Ambassador had arranged for JJ's private room to be billed to her while JJ was in ICU. She hadn't wanted JJ's or Emily's stuff to be disturbed while JJ recovered from her second surgery. The CCU had the same constant nursing supervision but allowed for privacy and it allowed for more than a couple of visitors at the same time. Emily also hoped she would be able to bring their son in to visit his mother.

So that's where Emily was right now; in her wife's CCU room surrounded by JJ's parents, her brother Paul, and the Ambassador. Amanda had taken Henry back to the hotel for his afternoon nap. Emily watched with great joy the smile on her wife's face as she sat listening to her mother and father talk about life back home. Emily also loved listening to Paul and JJ share stories about their sons, cousins that had not yet met. JJ was still very weak but seemed to perk up so much in this new environment. Dr. Harden had been right, this was better for her.

Emily realized she was hungry and decided to head out in search of some lunch. Her mother offered to go with her but Emily declined. She really wanted to be alone for a little bit. Emily kissed her wife goodbye and promised to be back soon.

She remembered that Morgan had found a little deli near the hospital and asked the front desk for directions. It was a couple of blocks away and Emily enjoyed the cool air as she walked there. She truly felt alive for the first time in a couple of days. The sun was shining on her pale skin, the air was crisp, and her wife was finally out of ICU.

As Emily approached the deli, a small mom and pop place, the sign in the window said they had the best homemade matzo ball soup in town. She ordered that and half a corned beef sandwich and then, even though the lunch crowd was gone and the place was nearly empty, sat in a quiet corner. It was cute place, quaint with a train that ran along a track that circled the perimeter of the dining area. She thought that Henry would really have enjoyed watching the train going round and round tooting its faint whistle.

Henry. Emily loved that little boy more than she even imagined she could. From the day he was born, that little boy completed her life. She had everything you could ever want as a human being - the love of a good partner, a healthy, beautiful child, a job she believed in and excelled at, more money than they needed, and an amazing life. She visibly shuddered when she thought about how close she had come to losing a large part of that when JJ was shot and decided instead to think of other things.

* * *

In the two days since they'd brought their son home Emily hadn't felt entirely comfortable holding Henry. He was so small she was afraid she was going to drop him or unintentionally hurt him somehow. But JJ was tired and needed to sleep so she asked Emily to keep an eye on their son in the cradle they had for him downstairs while she went upstairs to take a nap. Emily hoped that Henry would sleep as long as his mommy did so she wouldn't have to pick up him. She loved her son but she preferred to sit down first and have JJ place him in her arms rather than trying to pick him up herself. Emily was working on his adoption paperwork in her office when she heard Henry start to cry. For such a little guy, his cry was loud and strong.

"You've got a good set of lungs, kid," Emily said looking in on her boy. She tried to pat him on his tummy to see if she could get him back to sleep but he just kept crying. His crying was starting to build to a wail and Emily was afraid he would wake JJ. She finally took a deep breath and picked him up. Unsteadily she placed her hands under his tiny body and then lifted him into her arms. Almost as soon as she had picked him up, Henry had stopped crying. Emily felt triumphant and there was nobody to cheer for her. Until she saw Ranger had come downstairs after he'd heard the baby start to cry.

"I did it, boy," she said to their dog as he just stared at her with his head cocked to one side. Ranger wasn't sure yet about the new presence in their household. Emily wasn't worried that Ranger would harm Henry but she watched him nevertheless. She could tell Ranger was curious and wondered what it was that made such loud noises but Ranger was just happy to have JJ home and he followed her everywhere as usual. He had followed JJ upstairs when she went to nap but came back down after hearing the ruckus that Henry was making.

Emily walked into the family room and sat on the couch with Henry in her arms and Ranger at her feet. She was so proud of herself for getting him to stop crying for the first time. Up until that point, JJ had been the only one that had been able to calm their son. Ranger popped up and she watched as Ranger padded into the kitchen. It was then she saw that her wife was up from her nap and was watching her while leaning against the doorjamb that separated the kitchen and the family room.

"I see you have everything handled, Agent Prentiss," JJ said as she moved over to walk to where Emily sat.

"I got him to stop crying, Jayj!"

"I can see that," JJ replied. "Are you good?"

"I'd be better if you came and sat by us."

JJ walked over to the couch and gingerly sat down. Emily knew JJ was experiencing a lot of pain but would never say so. Emily watched as JJ grimaced when she sat down.

"Here, you take Henry. Let me go get you an ice pack."

"No, Em, I'm okay."

Emily quirked her brows at the blonde, "JJ…"

"Okay, okay. Thanks!"

Emily handed their son to JJ and went to get some ice for her. Dr. Schreiber had said JJ would probably be very sore and she was. Emily felt bad that JJ had to climb stairs to make it up to their bedroom.

When Emily came back to the couch, JJ was breastfeeding Henry. She stopped to watch her wife feed their son.

"That is still the most amazing sight ever," Emily said as she sat next to JJ. JJ winced at the movement on the couch.

"I'm sorry, Jayj," Emily said as she placed the ice pack she had wrapped in a clean towel between JJ's legs.

"Thank you," JJ said turning her head to kiss Emily softly on the lips. "That feels much better."

"What does it feel like, JJ?"

"Tell me your talking about breastfeeding."

Emily chuckled and nodded her head.

"It's, um…I don't know? It feels like a baby sucking on your nipple." JJ said unable to really put the feeling into words. Emily actually thought it was adorable when that happened. JJ always had the right words and when they failed her, the way her brow furrowed always made Emily smile.

"Does it hurt?"

"It was a little uncomfortable at first but not so much anymore. It's actually pretty amazing and I love watching him. What do you think?"

"Well I think it's…beautiful," Emily said kissing JJ's temple. "And I think you're beautiful."

Emily watched as JJ smiled. It was the first time since Henry arrived home that the smile actually reached JJ's tired eyes. It's not that JJ wasn't happy, but it had been a rough couple of days adjusting to the schedule of a newborn. Emily felt more than a little helpless that she couldn't help more. She couldn't feed him and didn't have a clue how to change a diaper. So since caring for Henry fell entirely to JJ, Emily made it her job to take care of JJ. That she wasn't so helpless at.

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Emily's two-week vacation went by fast but at the end of her time off she had baby 101 down. She helped JJ whenever she could to give her wife a break. Emily wasn't so afraid to hold Henry anymore. She had learned the proper way to change Henry's diaper, after finding out the hard way that little boys could create their very own fountains, and she'd even given him a bath with JJ's help.

Thanksgiving came and went and the three of them celebrated their first Thanksgiving as a family by themselves. They had been invited to the Ambassador's house for a big shindig but they declined because JJ wasn't up for a lot of company and it was starting to get cold in DC so they both decided to keep Henry indoors for the holiday. Instead Emily had made a small turkey with all the fixings for just the two of them to enjoy.

The Sunday following the holiday was Emily's last day off before rejoining the team. She was rather melancholy all day despite JJ's best efforts to take her mind off the fact she was going to be leaving her family for the first time since Henry's arrival. Emily was packing her go bag that night as JJ fed Henry in the other room where it was dark and quiet. She could feel tears start to prick at her eyes at just the thought of being away from the two of them. Quickly wiping them away, she finished packing and then went to check on the two most important people in her life.

She found JJ in the glider slowly rocking Henry back and forth as he fed from her breast. JJ was staring at him and stroking the soft blond hair on his head. He really did look a lot like JJ and not the donor they had picked out. At least that's the way he looked now, who knew what would happen as he got older. Emily stood in the doorway looking at the two of them and felt the tears start to form again; she hated the fact she had to leave them.

"You know you have a ton of vacation and comp time accrued. You could stay home another week or so and not even make a dent in it." JJ said without taking her eyes off their son.

Emily hadn't realized that JJ even knew she was standing there watching them. Emily loved the fact that sometimes they just felt each other's presence. She walked over to JJ and kissed the top of her head.

"I know but it's not going to ever get easy to leave you two so it might as well be now. I told Hotch two weeks and I need to stick to it. The team hasn't gone in the field since we got back from Vegas and it's not like serial killers take a break for the holidays." Emily whispered not wanting to wake the little boy that was almost asleep in JJ's arms. Henry was still latched onto JJ's nipple but he was pulling only intermittently since he was all but out.

"True enough," JJ replied. "Em, would you like to try to burp him and put him down tonight?"

Emily smiled and reached out her hands. JJ moved their sleeping son away from her breast and gave him to Emily. JJ stood and switched places with Emily.

"Bring him to our room and put him in the bassinette after he's burped and you're ready to put him down. No rush, spend as much time with him as you need."

JJ placed a cloth on Emily's shoulder, kissed her son goodnight, and left the room.

Emily knew Henry was sleeping but he needed to get one last burp out before she could lay him down. She placed him against her shoulder and gently started to rub his back. They had found that was far more effective for their son than thumping him.

"I'm going to miss you little man," Emily said, the tears starting to come back again. "You take good care of mommy for me. I love you."

Emily smiled as she received a soft burp as a response.

She moved Henry from her shoulder and cradled him in her arms. She watched the angelic sleeping child for a moment and then kissed his forehead. She knew it was going to be hard to leave them but damn, until that very moment, she hadn't realized just how hard. Emily wiped at the tear that had rolled down her face. She was determined not to cry over this.

"I have to go back to work tomorrow, Henry. Part of my job will sometimes require me to hop on a plane and be gone for a few days. Please know that I don't leave you because I want to. Your mom works for the FBI and, though that means nothing to you right now, someday you'll think that's pretty cool. But that also means sometimes I'll be gone for a little bit. I have to go to where the monsters are and trust me, I'd rather go to them than have them come here. So I'm relying on you to be a strong boy and I promise to always make it up to you when I get home."

Emily stood and carried Henry to their bedroom to place him in his bassinette. She raised him to her lips and gave him a soft kiss on his cheek.

"I love you," she whispered and then gently placed him down as to not wake him. She turned on the soft nightlight near the bassinette and then turned off the brighter lamps in the room.

She looked over to their bed and saw JJ had changed into her pajamas and was waiting for her under the covers. Emily quickly changed into her bedclothes and crawled between the sheets. JJ scooted over to where Emily was and laid herself against Emily's chest and placed her arm across Emily's waist. Emily pulled JJ closer.

"I'm going to miss you both," Emily said sadly

"I know you will, baby. Hopefully you won't be called out of town and you'll be home tomorrow evening. No matter what, we'll both be waiting for you whenever you get home."

JJ propped herself up on an elbow and gently turned Emily's chin towards her. Emily could see the love in JJ's eyes even in the darkness of the room.

"I love you, Emily," JJ said as she kissed her lips and then moved down her jaw line as JJ's hand snuck under the tank top Emily had worn to bed and started to snake up her torso to Emily's breasts.

Emily was surprised by the unexpected romantic overture on JJ's part. Emily's breathing got heavy at just the little bit of contact from her wife. It had been well over a month since they had last made love.

"Oh god, Jennifer. Are you sure you're up for this?" Emily managed to ask, her head spinning with thoughts of lust and emotion.

JJ sat up and moved to straddle Emily's torso.

"This isn't about me. This is all about you, baby" JJ said and she leaned down and captured Emily's lips with her own.

"Our son is five feet away from us." Emily struggled to say as JJ moved to kiss her neck while JJ's hands were kneading her breasts.

"He's asleep."

"I don't want to wake him."

"Well then Emily Prentiss, you're going to have to be uncharacteristically quiet."

Emily's hands had been on JJ's hips and also running along JJ's spine. She moved her hand to touch JJ's breast and JJ stopped kissing her and sat up. Emily was confused.

"Jayj?"

"Em, I'm not ready to be touched but I really want to make love to you."

"But…"

"No buts," JJ said as she helped Emily pull her shirt over her head. "You've waited long enough and you've been a very patient girl."

Emily could feel JJ's tongue run along her shoulder blade. It had been so long since they had been intimate that Emily was already aching for release. She wanted so badly to touch JJ but she could feel JJ tense every time she tried to so she thought it was best to stop trying to force the issue. Besides it wasn't often that a hot blonde wanted to do nothing but pleasure her. So Emily just relished the feeling of JJ's tongue and hands running all over her body. JJ took her sweet, torturous time and an hour and three orgasms later Emily lay naked, chest heaving, bathed in sweat, with a rather large smile on her face.

JJ moved up to kiss her. Tasting herself on her lover's lips only started Emily's engine running again. She wanted to make love to JJ and tried once again to coax JJ into letting her only to feel her wife pull away.

"Not about me tonight, love" JJ said as she lay down in Emily's arms.

"Everything okay?" Emily asked

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just not ready. It's only been a couple of weeks and I'm still sore."

"Okay," Emily said sadden at the thought that JJ was still in pain.

"Em, I know you would never hurt me but really, and please don't take this the wrong way, I'm not ready to be touched."

Emily kissed JJ's temple and wrapped JJ in her arms. She didn't fail to notice that JJ had remained clothed throughout the entire time JJ had made love to her. Emily wondered what that was all about but kept her thoughts to herself. There was a long-standing agreement between the two of them not to profile each other.

"I love you, Jennifer," Emily simply said

"I love you too, babe."

* * *

Emily's thoughts were briefly interrupted when her lunch was placed in front of her. The soup smelled delicious and tasted even better and Emily thought the corned beef sandwich was amongst the best she'd ever eaten.

As she ate she went back to her thoughts.

* * *

Emily went back to work and was happy that they managed to stay close to home for the first week or so. Working without JJ being involved with the team felt odd to Emily. Not only did she miss her wife, the unit itself seemed off. Agent Jordan Todd's way of handling things was completely different than JJ's. Emily knew that was probably going to be the case but she didn't expect Jordan to ruffle so many feathers along the way.

The next big case they had took them to Atlanta, Georgia and Emily from her family for the very first time. She had called JJ to let her know she was leaving. JJ sounded frustrated and Emily could tell JJ was upset about something.

"Everything okay?" Emily asked

Emily heard JJ sigh in frustration.

"Henry being fussy?"

"No, not really. He's fine."

"What's wrong?" Emily asked. Was JJ mad that Emily was leaving for Atlanta?

"My mom," JJ simply stated.

Damn…Emily wished Atlanta were the reason for JJ being upset. She hated that JJ's parents still hadn't come around, even after Henry's arrival.

"What happened?"

"I called her this morning like we talked about." JJ started. " I asked her if she wanted us to come out for Christmas so they can see their grandson."

"What did she say?"

"That Henry's too small to travel. She said it nicely, like she actually was concerned about him traveling, but I know that isn't the reason."

"You said you thought she'd come up with some excuse."

"I know, but I hate that I was right. So I told her we would fly them out here, like we discussed."

"And?"

"She said my dad's been sick with a cold and that she didn't think that it was a good idea that he be near the baby and that, since she's been exposed…yadda, yadda, yadda," JJ mocked. "Em, Christmas is three weeks away…think they'd still be 'sick'?"

"I'm sorry, Jayj"

"I even suggested a visit after Christmas and she said she'd have to see what happens," JJ said sadly. "Do you have any idea how much it hurts that they don't want to see our son?"

Emily wanted to say so much but she knew it would serve no purpose to castigate her wife's parents so she held her tongue. She really wanted to tell JJ that her parents were the most narrow-minded, intolerant, ignorant people that she'd ever had the misfortune of meeting but she knew JJ would fiercely protect her parents against such an outburst. JJ may be upset with her mother and father but they were still her parents and she would protect her family to the death…even though she was pissed off at them.

"They'll come around, Jayj. Have faith. In the meantime, just keep doing what you're doing…sending e-mails and pictures. Just hang in there and I'll be…"

"We'll be fine. Don't worry about us. You have a case to get to."

"I wish I didn't" Emily replied

"But you do. I'll, um we'll, see you when you get back. We love you."

"I love you guys too."

As they hung up Emily felt like she had somehow let her family down.

They flew to Atlanta and started working the case of women that were killed after last being seen with a man that they had met in clubs in the area. After a long, tiring day Emily finally got the chance to get to her hotel room for the night. She had called JJ once during the day to check on things but had been too busy to make another call. Now it was almost midnight and she wasn't sure if she should wake JJ. Emily was beginning to think that she was stupid for being away from her family. She would have rather been beside JJ, asleep in their warm bed, their son just a few feet away from them in his bassinette than in this hotel room alone.

She had a headache and decided to take a couple of aspirin. She opened her go bag and that's when she saw the picture. JJ had placed a picture that Garcia had taken of the three of them while Emily was still on leave. Emily was seated on their couch next to JJ with her arm around her and JJ was holding Henry. Emily didn't think she could have been smiling wider. She turned the picture over and saw what was written on the back.

"_This is why you do it_," Emily read in JJ's familiar handwriting. JJ was right…she wasn't even with her but she was right. Emily needed to do her job to do whatever she could do to keep her family safe. She called JJ despite the late hour and they shared their day with each other including Emily's meeting with the sleazy so-called pick-up artist. Emily told JJ about Viper and JJ told Emily about diapers.

She felt renewed the next day. Ready to take on anything. The picture combined the conversation with JJ was just what Emily needed. Good thing she was ready for anything because anything included a late night of clubbing. Emily and Jordan got dolled up and went to one of the clubs to watch Viper, the pick-up artist they were convinced had some tie to the unsub, in action. Emily would have felt more comfortable with JJ by her side but Jordan did okay. They found the lead they needed to find their unsub and the next day they headed back home.

Emily wasn't home long though…the next day she headed out to Phoenix and, without much time off in between, she and the team went to Southern California. That's where Emily was when she and JJ celebrated their first anniversary.

Emily woke that morning with her wife on her mind and called her before joining the team for breakfast.

"Happy Anniversary, honey" Emily said when JJ answered the phone

"Hey…Happy Anniversary. How are you?"

"Lonely and missing you," Emily replied

"I miss you too, Em. How's the case?"

"Tiring. This whole city is tense. Some guy randomly shooting people in their cars, in a city where everybody drives, everybody's more than a little on edge. How's the little guy?"

"Good…he misses you."

Emily laughed, "He doesn't even know who I am yet," she said as she heard the baby gurgling in the background.

"He knows. And, if he doesn't, I do and I miss you."

"You know a year ago was one of the happiest days of my life."

"Me too, Em. I love you."

"I love you too, baby," Emily replied. "So you have another interview set for this morning?" Emily said referring to the series of interviews JJ had set up with prospective nannies for Henry. So far JJ had interviewed four and none, according to JJ, had even been worth Emily meeting.

"Yes, she should be her in about an hour."

"What's this one's name?" Emily asked

"Amanda. I'm beginning to think we'll never find the right person."

"We will…and, if not…"

"Don't finish that sentence, Prentiss." JJ threatened only half jokingly

Emily had not so subtly been hinting to JJ that perhaps JJ should take a leave of absence and stay home with their son for a while. Though JJ had already decided that wasn't going to happen, Emily still held out hope that she would change her mind.

"Alright…alright. No fighting on our anniversary." Emily said in mock defense

"That's better. I'll let you know how it goes."

"Okay babe, I gotta go meet the team. I just wanted to tell you I love you."

"I love you too, Em. Happy Anniversary"

Emily wished JJ a happy anniversary and headed to join the rest of the team.

Two days later they found the unsub. What made freeway shooter Norman Hill's crimes even worse was the fact that he was also a family annihilator. Emily was numb thinking that Norman killed his wife and his two girls, just shot them all while they slept and left them in their beds for days. She sat quietly in the back of the jet on the way home. She just wanted to be with the woman she loved and their tiny son. She didn't want to think that Norman was a normal person, living a normal life, albeit an unhappy one, until he witnessed his youngest daughter getting hit by a car. The grief and guilt he felt, especially since he felt his wife blamed him, caused him to snap, to kill his entire family and then kill random strangers. It was all a little much for Emily to consider. She'd been wondering for quite a while what exactly made her any different than the unsubs that they hunted on a constant basis.

After arriving back at headquarters, Emily walked off the elevator with the rest of the team. She was going to head straight home but she had called JJ when they landed only to find out that JJ had "gone to visit some friends". Emily didn't want to be alone and so she asked the team if anyone wanted to go get a bite to eat though the thought of eating didn't really appeal to her.

"There's someone in the BAU room, guys," Emily heard Reid say as he headed towards the steps leading to their conference room.

"What are you doing here?" Reid asked just before Emily followed him into the room to find her wife holding Henry in her arms.

"JJ!" Emily exclaimed

"Garcia said you were on your way back tonight," JJ said softly as she turned to look at Emily. "Thought you could use a surprise."

JJ beamed and Emily felt her heart swell. How did JJ always know just what she needed?

"Hi," Emily managed to say to her little boy. After the way she'd been feeling on the plane ride home, the sight of the two people she loved more than anything in this world made those thoughts and worries disappear.

"I thought I gave you strict orders to get this place out of your head for a while?" Hotch said, trying unsuccessfully to be upset with JJ

Emily placed her hand on the small of JJ's back and watched her little boy.

"My bad," Garcia said as she came into the room carrying a bottle for Henry. "I couldn't help myself. Here…I heated it up. Room temp, right?"

"I just realized with all we do and see in this room, it never smiles. I wanted at least one good memory to hold on to." JJ said

Emily was about to ask JJ if she could hold their son when Morgan asked to instead. Emily realized in the four weeks since Henry's birth, Morgan had never held him. How could anyone say no. Emily watch as Morgan awkwardly held her son. Emily wondered if she held Henry as clumsily at first as Morgan did now. She didn't want to seem like the overanxious parent that she really was so she let Garcia handle Morgan while she nervously ran her hands down her face.

"I got him," Morgan said

"No you don't…you're smothering him," came Garcia's reply

"Look…look…look, what's he doing? He's smiling at Derek Morgan" Morgan said proudly

Emily and Garcia exchanged a glance. "Gas!" they replied in unison.

Morgan looked exasperated and asked for Henry's bottle so he could feed him.

Though Emily watched Morgan with her son carefully, she didn't fail to notice Hotch speaking with JJ. After a few minutes Morgan gave Henry to Garcia and Garcia took her godson to her office to feed him the remainder of his bottle and to show him all her gadgets and gizmos. The rest of the team filed out and left JJ and Emily alone.

Emily stood in front of JJ with her hands resting on JJ's hips. Emily nuzzled JJ's neck.

"Emily not here."

"Why? I'm just holding you, it's not like the bureau doesn't know we're together."

"Yes but we aren't supposed to flaunt it."

"You're no fun." Emily teased.

She felt JJ sigh and relax a little against her.

"So…out visiting friends, huh?" Emily whispered still nuzzling JJ's neck.

"Well I couldn't tell you where I was. Garcia told me what a shitty case it was and I wanted to surprise you."

"You succeeded." Emily said as she enjoyed the feeling of being grounded that she always got when holding JJ in her arms.

"What did Hotch say to you?" she as she pulled away slightly

"He said that you guys miss me," JJ answered

"_We_ do…a lot…but _I_ miss you the most so how 'bout we get the little guy and head home so I can show you how much."

Emily lifted her eyebrow suggestively and JJ smiled shyly.

They went home and got themselves and Henry into pajamas and ready for bed. After JJ had fed their son and placed him in his bassinette, Emily wrapped her arms around JJ's waist from behind and started kissing the back of JJ's neck. JJ placed her hands on the ones that encircled her waist and tilted her head to one side to allow Emily greater access to the skin she was nibbling on. Emily heard JJ moan.

Emily was getting increasingly turned on.

"I love you, Jennifer," Emily whispered between kisses. It had been a long and brutal case and all Emily wanted to do was to lose herself in JJ.

She moved her hands under JJ's pajama top only to feel JJ hitch.

"Jayj?" Emily said turning JJ around to face her

JJ placed her hand behind Emily's head and pulled her towards her and into a passionate kiss. Emily quickly forgot about JJ's hesitation and found herself lost in her lust for her wife. Emily felt JJ push her in the direction of their bed and they fell into the bed entwined in each other. JJ tugged on Emily's t-shirt and Emily slipped it off. She could feel JJ all over her. JJ helped her out of her pajama bottoms and soon Emily could feel JJ's tongue suckle her neck, swirl around each of her nipples, trail down her body and then between her legs.

God she loved the things this woman did to her. Emily felt her orgasm starting to build and she couldn't keep her back from arching. She felt JJ's fingers inside her and her tongue picking up speed, working in concert with one another.

"Oh god, JJ" she gasped as she came

JJ continued to lap up the juices that flowed from Emily and then started kissing her way back up Emily's body, reaching her breasts and kissing them before moving to Emily's neck and finally her mouth.

"I love you, Em. Happy Anniversary."

Emily was still trying to catch her breath but managed to say, "I love you too, babe. Happy Anniversary."

Still clothed JJ straddled Emily's torso again. Looking up at her lover through heavy-lidded eyes, she met JJ's dark blue orbs as JJ leaned down to kiss her. Emily could taste herself on JJ's lips and it ignited the fires in her belly again. She deepened the kiss and ran her fingers through JJ's hair. Emily moved to kiss JJ's neck and she heard her wife's familiar moan again. JJ sat up and Emily looked at her wife and that's when Emily noticed the two large, wet circles on the front of JJ's shirt. JJ looked down where Emily was staring. Embarrassed, JJ covered herself up with her arms, pushed herself off of Emily, and ran to the bathroom.

"Crap!" Emily sighed

Throwing on her robe, Emily went to the bathroom to check on JJ. She found JJ sitting on the edge of the bathtub crying softly. Emily walked over to her wife and kneeled in front of her. The look on JJ's face broke her heart.

"Hey" Emily said as she took JJ's hands into her own. "Wanna talk about it?"

Not meeting Emily's eyes, JJ shook her head.

"Okay…then let me talk about it."

JJ sniffled

"I'm sorry if I made you self-conscious. I was just surprised for a moment that's all."

JJ continued to stare at their combined hands. Emily wiped at a tear that slowly made its way down JJ's cheek.

"You know it's bound to happen from time to time especially when you're turned on. It's perfectly natural…and a little hot," Emily said trying to lighten the mood.

But instead, more tears fell from JJ's eyes.

Emily sighed. She lifted JJ's chin to make her finally look at her.

"Hey, I love you. Are you afraid that this, that you, somehow turn me off?"

JJ pulled her head away from the hand that held her chin and look down again. The light bulb that had gone off in Emily's head a moment ago was right.

"Jennifer Prentiss, you are the sexiest woman I have ever seen. You walk into a room and it takes everything I have to control myself," Emily said. JJ still wouldn't meet her eyes. "JJ, look at me."

Even with only the light from their bedroom lighting up the bathroom Emily could see how red JJ's eyes were. She ran her fingers down JJ's cheek and tilted her head in her direction again. She rose up a little on her knees and placed a soft kiss on JJ's lips.

"I need you to talk to me."

After a minute or two JJ finally spoke.

"I'm not the same," JJ said so softly Emily barely heard her.

"What's not the same, babe?"

"My body…I thought I could finally let you touch me and then this," she said pointing to the wet spots on her chest, "happened."

"Is that why won't you let me touch you?"

JJ started to sob and Emily didn't know what to do. She had been traveling a lot since she had returned to work. When she was home she had tried to initiate contact with her wife only to be gently pushed away. Emily thought JJ was just tired or was still sore from having the baby and she had always been very understanding, always content just to hold JJ in her arms. But Emily, ever the nerd, had also read up on the subject and had read that it was a fairly normal thing that many women went through after childbirth. She knew she just needed to be patient and trust that this would get better over time. But she had, however, apparently underestimated the amount of anguish JJ was going through.

The dam broke and JJ cried harder. Emily could barely understand what JJ was saying. She was able to make out something about her body, bulges, not being able to fit into her jeans, and leakage. If it hadn't been so heartbreaking, Emily would have thought it was actually funny.

Emily pulled JJ close and held her. She let JJ cry in her arms for as long as she needed to. Emily wondered what she could do to help ease JJ's anxiety. Never in a million years would Emily have thought that JJ would be self-conscious about her body.

"JJ?" Emily began. "I love you and you turn me on like no one else ever has. I wish there was something I could do to convince you of that."

"How can I expect you to be attracted to me if I find myself unattractive and fat right now?" JJ said sadly into Emily's shoulder. "I'm trying to lose the weight but it's not working."

"Honey, you just had a baby a month ago. You're still breastfeeding. Your body is still changing but you're still JJ. Give yourself a break; give it a little time. If you want to lose weight, lose it because it's what you want, not because it's what you think I want. I just want you."

After another couple of minutes the tears started to ebb from JJ's eyes and she finally looked at Emily. JJ kissed her softly on the lips.

"I thought I was ready…I'm not. But I do know you love me, Em." JJ tried to smile but it died on her lips.

"Come on. Let's go to bed, sweetheart." Emily said. She stood up and extended her hand to the upset blonde.

JJ hesitated.

"To sleep, honey." Emily assured

JJ took her hand and allowed Emily to pull her towards her. Emily kissed JJ chastely.

"I'm here when you're ready, babe. The ball is in your court. Just always remember that I love you and that I want you very much."

Emily threw her pajamas back on, lay down, and wrapped JJ in her arms. Emily barely slept a wink that night; she was preoccupied with thoughts of JJ. She was pretty sure JJ didn't sleep much either but rather just lay with her head on Emily's chest. Neither said another word for the rest of the night but Emily felt more than one tear land on her chest.

They woke up when their son started to cry around 4am. The team had been given the day off by Hotch so Emily rolled over and went back to sleep when JJ told her to. When she woke up 3 hours later, she noticed JJ hadn't come back to their bed. She found her wife downstairs cooking breakfast. Emily had decided that pulling away from JJ was not the right course of action. Instead, she needed JJ to feel wanted…but without pushing her into something that she wasn't ready to do.

Emily came up behind JJ and placed her hands on her hips. She moved JJ's hair to one side and placed very gentle kisses on the exposed skin. She rested her chin on JJ's shoulder and watched as she mimicked the omelettes that Emily had made for her the morning after they had made love for the very first time.

"Veggie omelettes, yum!" Emily said as JJ put the second one on a plate.

"I heard you get up so I started breakfast. Figured these would remind you of happier times." JJ said sadly

Emily turned JJ to face her.

"This is the happiest I've ever been, Jayj. You and Henry complete my life like nothing else ever could."

"But last night…"

"Last night was last night. You're not ready, baby. I get it. I can wait for you…I will always wait for you."

"But sex is important to you, Emily. What if I'm never ready?"

"Stop it, Jennifer," Emily said sternly. "Is that all you think I want from you?"

JJ looked away sadly.

"Jen, I love you and it hurts that you think all I want from you is sex. Yes we have a very enjoyable sex life but that isn't everything that we share."

JJ tried to pull away from her but Emily only held on tighter. She lifted JJ's chin so that JJ would meet her eyes.

"What you are going through right now is an adjustment. You'll come out of it and I will still be here," Emily reassured. She was happy when she saw a slight smile cross JJ's face. Emily placed a soft kiss on JJ's lips. "Now let's eat before our omelettes get cold."

* * *

Emily vaguely heard a voice trying to break through her thoughts.

"Miss?"

Emily shook the memory of JJ's post-baby anxiety from her mind and looked for the source of the voice. She saw a handsome man of about 60 years old, with salt and pepper hair and almost black eyes, staring at her. His eyes danced when he smiled. He was wearing an apron that said Mike's Deli with the name Mike embroidered on it. He carried a brown tray and was reaching as if to inquire if he could clear her dishes.

"I'm sorry?" Emily asked

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt what you were thinking about? Are you okay?" he asked, pulling his hand away and pulling the tray to his chest.

"I'm doing better now."

"Someone you care about over at the hospital?"

"Yes. Someone I love very much."

"I'm sorry. I hope they're better soon," the man with the kind eyes said

"Are you Mike Mike?" Emily asked pointing to the larger Mike logo on the apron.

He laughed, "Yep, guilty. I'm Mike Mike."

"You make a hell of a matzo ball soup and corned beef sandwich, Mike."

"Thank you…" he replied obviously seeking her name

"Emily. Emily Prentiss"

"Well Emily, Emily Prentiss, glad you liked it. It's my late wife's recipe."

"I'm sorry for your loss," Emily said

"It's been five years now. I still feel like she's going to walk through that door."

Emily wondered if she would have felt like that five years from now if JJ hadn't pulled through. She quickly pushed that thought away.

"What happened?"

"Breast cancer," Mike answered sadly

"I'm sorry. Can't be easy watching someone you love suffer through that."

"It wasn't but it gave us a lot of time to talk things out. We had 30 years, two boys, and a lot of memories. She's the one that convinced me to quit my day job and open this place. She said life was too short to spend it hunting down the dregs of society."

"You were a cop." Emily said, not asked. She could see it now that she afforded herself a good look. He was strong, barrel-chested, and in great shape.

"Yep. You are too."

Emily tilted her head and looked at him quizzically.

"You are aren't you? We tend to sniff each other out."

Emily chuckled, "Sort of."

"Sort of a cop?"

"FBI."

"Oh, you must be worried about the agent that got shot the other day then," he correctly surmised. "She a friend of yours?"

"Sort of."

Now Mike chuckled. "Sort of again?"

"Yeah"

"She's a little more important to you than that isn't she."

Emily smiled slightly and nodded her head

"Well, I hope she's okay."

"Thank you," Emily replied then looked at him hard.

Noticing the once over Emily was giving him Mike asked, "Something wrong?"

"No. You just remind me of somebody."

"I get that a lot. Must look like every generic cop that's ever been on TV."

Mike started to clean up the empty dishes before Emily. "Emily, do you like bread pudding?"

"I couldn't eat another thing, Mike. Everything was delicious."

"Come on. My wife would say you need a little meat on your bones…and then would have tried to fix you up with one of our sons if you weren't already married." Mike said pointing at Emily's wedding ring.

Emily twirled it around her finger a couple of times.

"She's a lucky girl," Mike said with a wink. "I'll be back with a scoop of that pudding and some coffee to wash it down with. It's on the house."

Emily smiled and thanked him as he walked away. Mike didn't remind her of some generic cop that she'd met in some random police station during the job. Mike reminded her of her father.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed it!! Will try to get a new chapter out before Christmas but, if not, I wish everyone a joyous Holiday season. **

**Please review…**


	30. Winter Wonderland

**AN1: Thank you for all the kind notes and PMs. Still writing my story…glad you all still like where it's going. **

**AN2: This chapter is rated M **

**Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.**

* * *

Emily watched Mike make is way back to the counter. Heaven knows it was solely the physical aspect of Mike that reminded Emily of Phillip Prentiss, the salt and pepper hair, the dark eyes, even his smile. But that is where the resemblance ended. Phillip Prentiss wasn't even close to the family man that Mike appeared to be. Once Alex had died, Phillip retreated into his former life. Emily wasn't entirely sure what attracted her parents in the first place. They met in the congruent social circles that their families shared but Phillip Prentiss was the fun party boy and Elizabeth Bradford the shy, studious girl. Both of their families were extremely wealthy and vacationed on Martha's Vineyard. It was there that they met one summer while they were both in college.

The way Emily had heard it, Elizabeth's best friend was dating Phillip's best friend and asked them to double date with them. Her mother had told Emily that she was enthralled by Phillip's charm. Emily could see that. Her father could very well be amongst one of the most charming people she'd ever met. But charming does not make good husband or father material. Where Phillip was fairly happy living off of his rather generous trust fund, Elizabeth wanted to follow in the footsteps of her politically involved family. Phillip studied mostly alcohol and girls while at Cornell and Elizabeth political science and liberal arts at Radcliffe. Emily always wondered what the attraction was for either of them. Phillip wasn't nearly the counterpart to Elizabeth's ambitions that he needed to be and Elizabeth surely wasn't the type of sorority girl Phillip was used to dating. But they found love together even if they didn't quite seem to fit.

But their families – more importantly their families' money – fit very well together. The two were essentially rushed to the alter. Phillip's father thought that Elizabeth could settle his wayward son and Elizabeth's family loved the Prentiss name and the reputation that came along with it. Phillip got his law degree specializing in international law. He played dutiful husband for a while and even loved his wife and Emily but Phillip truly adored Alexander. Alex was the world to Phillip and Phillip introduced his son to everything that he loved in life: lacrosse, skiing, and even flying. Emily often wondered if her relationship with her father would have been different if she had been born a boy.

Alex wasn't like Phillip in a lot of respects though. Alex was a mix of both his parents. He loved life and he loved to play but was also very smart and an exceptional student. Alex was the common denominator in the family, the peacemaker. Emily watched her family fall apart before her very eyes the day that Alex died.

Phillip retreated into his former life. He was able to use his expertise as an international law specialist as an excuse for his travels though. Emily didn't know where he was about 90% of the time. She sometimes called him only to find out that he was on safari in Kenya, hiking in the Australian Outback, or skiing wherever he could find the optimum conditions. Emily wished she could say Phillip was out of the country doing something noble like working with Amnesty International in Darfur but really, he was probably following the snow season. He was only in DC maybe 2-3 times a year and didn't usually make time to see his daughter when he was "visiting". Emily always thought that it was strange when her mother would call her and tell her that her father was visiting, like he was company.

Emily often thought that for as much time as they spent together, that her parents should divorce. To hell with the financial ramifications, she just wanted them to be happy. She knew her father had women all over the world. She'd met more than one and even shared her father's tastes for blondes. Funny…he loved blondes yet was married to a brunette. Emily wondered which would make Elizabeth happier, her father settling down once again or divorcing him. Emily once read through some of the financial entanglements that they had and realized how truly complicated the relationship was.

Emily was curious to know if her father even knew that the woman she was married to was in the hospital. Emily had introduced JJ and Henry to her father when he came home to visit over Christmas. He knew that Emily had gotten married and that they had a son but it was the first time that Phillip had actually met them. Emily had more or less been summoned to be there and to bring her family.

Emily watched Mike as he walked back over to her with the promised bread pudding and coffee. She would love for Elizabeth to meet someone like him. She'd only known him for a few minutes but her profiling skills came to the conclusion fairly quickly that he was a good guy. He watched in anticipation as she lifted her first spoonful to her lips. She closed her eyes when she tasted the deliciously sweet treat.

When she opened her eyes, he was staring at her with a wide grin on his face.

"That's the reaction I was looking for," he said. "I'll leave you to it."

Emily watched him walk away and then went back to her thoughts about JJ

* * *

Emily watched over JJ as she ate her veggie omelette. JJ never looked at her and Emily wondered if JJ wasn't perhaps in the middle of a bout of postpartum depression. Emily was going to have to watch her closely and was glad she was going to be home for a couple of weeks. Emily decided now was the right time to spring that surprise on her wife.

"Jayj?"

JJ finally looked at her.

"I want to give you your anniversary present."

"Oh my god, Emily," JJ uttered excitedly. "I have yours too."

Emily smiled and was happy to see JJ perk up a bit. "Give me 10 minutes." Emily said leaving the kitchen. "Meet you in the family room."

Emily went to their office and went turned on her laptop. She had made her final decision after JJ told her about the conversation with her mother. She knew then exactly what she was going to get JJ for their anniversary and had bought them online while she was on her way back from California. She just needed to print it and put it in an envelope.

After putting everything together, Emily made her way back to the family room and found JJ sitting on the couch and the baby asleep in his swing. There was a brightly wrapped box sitting on the table in front of JJ. Emily sat on the side chair.

"Can I go first, Em?" JJ smiled. Emily could tell JJ was proud of her gift.

"You want me to open mine first?"

"YES!"

"Okay," Emily replied. _"Anything to keep that smile on your face"_, Emily thought.

"Well, the first anniversary is Paper. I hope you like this." JJ said handing Emily her gift.

Emily looked at the gift and then at JJ. JJ was beaming from ear to ear and the sight made Emily's heart soar. It was so much better than the haunted expression that had been present since last night. Emily had hoped the mood swings would end once the baby was born until she had read that the hormones coursing through JJ's body would continue to be out of whack for a few more months. Emily briefly wondered if she would survive.

Emily opened the anniversary card that was attached.

"_Emily, I love you so much and could never ask for anything more. I love everything that we have together…our love, our home, and, of course, our son. You have given me more than any girl could have ever hoped for. Happy first anniversary! All my love, Jennifer" _

Emily opened the box and pushed aside the tissue paper. She stared at what she saw inside and then at her wife who was looking at her intently.

"JJ?" Emily said as she pulled out the copy of To Kill A Mockingbird. Next to Slaughter House Five and a few others by Kurt Vonnegut, this was one of the books she loved to read over and over and over again.

"Look inside" JJ uttered excitedly

She opened the front cover of one of her favorite books. It was a first edition and it was signed. Emily read the inscription.

"_Emily, from one voracious reader to another. I'm glad to hear not all young people have minds like empty rooms. Keep plodding along with books. All my best, Harper Lee" _

Emily couldn't breathe. No one had ever done anything so wonderful for her before. Tears pricked at her eyes.

"JJ? How?" Emily asked astonished.

"Your mom helped me. She knows a friend of a friend of a friend. Kind of nice having an Ambassador in the family." JJ laughed, she was crying a little too. "I only wish Vonnegut had lived a couple more years."

Emily got up and sat next to JJ.

"Thank you," she said as a tear escaped and ran down her face. "This is beautiful and I will cherish it always."

Emily kissed JJ deeply for a few seconds. She broke the kiss and ran her fingers down JJ's face. "Your turn," she said.

Emily reached over and first handed JJ her card. She watched as JJ read.

"_Jennifer, a year ago you made me so happy when you became my wife. Since that day our lives have only become richer with the addition of our son. Our lives are perfect, sweetheart, and I look forward to celebrating many more anniversaries with you. My love today and always, Emily"_

JJ looked at Emily, who was still sitting beside her, and leaned in for a kiss.

"I love you, Em"

Emily put her arm around JJ and pulled her closer.

JJ opened the second envelope that contained her gift. It was a flight itinerary. Emily watched as JJ read it carefully.

"Em? We're going to New York in three days?"

"Yep. I wanted to take you back to back to the island but I figured you'd kill me. I think New York is a good second choice. I told you how my parents took Alex and me every year around Christmas when we were kids. I want to do that for Henry. I realize he's only a month old, but it would mean a lot to me."

"Of course, Em. It's a great anniversary gift. What about work?"

"Well, that's surprise number 2. I have to go to work tomorrow and the day after to catch up on some paperwork, finish this case. Then we are all off until the Monday after the New Year."

"Em, that's wonderful. Gives me a couple of days to pack and to meet with Amanda again."

"Amanda?"

"Sorry, I completely forgot to tell you about Amanda. She's the nanny I met with the other day. She's wonderful."

"Oh." Emily said sadly.

"Em?"

"Never mind,"

Emily didn't want to fight with JJ but she was disappointed to discover that JJ may have found someone to watch over Henry so she could return to work. "Do you like your gift?" she asked switching the subject.

"I do. I can hardly wait to see the Christmas windows with you," JJ replied allowing herself to be steered away from a subject that neither wanted to discuss.

JJ kissed Emily and Emily wondered if New York would be as magical for them this time around. Emily felt she needed a little Christmas magic to get JJ through whatever it was that she was going through.

XXXXX

A few days later Emily was in New York with her family. They didn't stay at the same place as before but rather Emily chose a brownstone that had been transformed into a bed and breakfast in the middle of the city. It wasn't like they were staying in the city at all. Handsomely decorated with rich, dark woods each room had a private sitting area with a dual-sided fireplace that also warmed the bedroom. The bedroom was tastefully decorated with the same dark woods and a soft, thick, white down comforter.

"This is beautiful, Em." JJ said as she walked through the door carrying a sleeping Henry.

They found that Henry was a really good traveler. He hardly fussed at all on the plane and didn't seem to notice his new surroundings one bit. Emily didn't realize just how much more stuff came with a baby. They needed his travel cot and his stroller with the detachable car seat and, of course his suitcase. Emily was just happy for bellmen and she gladly tipped him well.

The first day out they bundled Henry and themselves up tight against the cold temperatures of December and went for a walk taking in the Christmas displays. Emily felt like a kid again and was happy to share this experience with the woman she loved and their oblivious son.

Henry slept through a lot but he was awake the next day when Emily took him to where she proposed to his mother. While JJ was on the other side showing Henry around, Emily placed her hand on her favorite mushroom and made her wish.

"I wish that Jennifer would take down her walls and let me back in," Emily said softly. Since they had been in the city JJ had not given Emily any indication that she was ready. Sure they'd snuggled and kissed but what Emily really wanted was to make love to JJ; she really missed the intimacy that they once shared.

After leaving the Alice in Wonderland statue they walked down Fifth Avenue to the Central Park Zoo. Their son was too small to understand where he was but they enjoyed the family time anyway. Emily was worried about Henry being in the cold but they had him bundled up well. They grabbed a hot chocolate and decided to take a ride in a horse-drawn carriage. Leaving Henry's stroller safely secured, Emily tucked a blanket around him to keep him warm in the infant carrier that JJ was wearing. Emily drew JJ close as they took their ride trying to keep them all cozy. Emily paid extra for a little longer ride. They snuggled and Emily nuzzled JJ's neck. JJ relaxed into Emily's arms. Emily's other hand had been resting on JJ's thigh and Emily noticed that it had unconsciously moved between JJ's legs. Emily was happy that JJ hadn't made any attempt to move it.

"I love you, JJ," Emily said as she kissed her wife's temple.

JJ sighed and relaxed further into Emily's arms.

After the late afternoon carriage ride, they made their way to the ice skating rink.

"Do you skate, Em?" JJ asked eagerly watching the skaters moving on the ice.

"Yes but not well. I'd rather ski. You?"

"Grew up with a pond practically next door. Spent a lot of time on skates." JJ said. "Can we skate now? It's been years."

"You skate, I'll watch Henry. Be careful."

"Like riding a bike, Em!"

JJ beamed and ran off to rent some skates while Emily went to get a refill of her hot chocolate. A few minutes later Emily saw JJ on the ice. Emily marveled on how smooth and fluid JJ was on the sharp blade. Emily heard Henry wake and she picked him up out of his stroller so he could watch his mommy glide across the frozen surface. JJ did turns and spins and Emily heard some of the people around her make comments about how well the pretty blonde skated. JJ came out of a spin and looked over to where Emily was watching. She started to head in her direction when two idiotic teenage boys were horsing around and accidentally crashed into JJ sending her spiraling. JJ landed heavily on her backside.

An alarmed Emily wanted to go to JJ to help her but not only wasn't she wearing skates, she was holding their month-old son. A couple of young men helped JJ up and Emily could see that JJ was in visible pain. They helped JJ to the benches so JJ could change out of her skates and back into her street shoes. Emily met her at the exit.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, but I think I need to go back to our room."

"I'm sorry honey."

They took a cab to where they were staying and Emily helped JJ to their room. JJ took a long, hot shower to loosen the sore muscles while Emily changed Henry's diaper and readied him for bed. JJ came out of the bathroom wearing only a robe. She sat in the cushy easy chair in their room and fed Henry so she could put him down for the night while Emily left to go grab some take-out Chinese.

Emily got back just as Henry was finishing up.

"Good thing we came back to the room when we did," Emily said taking off her jacket.

JJ looked over at her, "Why? Did it get much colder?"

"It's starting to snow," Emily replied

JJ got up with Henry and walked over to the window. Emily stood beside her and wrapped her arm around JJ's shoulders.

"Look, Henry, your first snowfall," JJ said softly to boy now asleep in her arms.

The three of them stood watching the flakes fall softly to the ground.

"I've always loved watching the snow fall, especially the first one of the season," JJ said

"Me too," Emily said. "I love it even more here with you and our son."

After watching the snowfall get progressively heavier for a few more minutes, they put their little boy to bed. Emily started up the gas fireplace and then they had some dinner. JJ moved very gingerly when she got up after they finished eating.

"You want a massage, Jayj?"

"Please!" JJ pleaded. "I hurt"

"I'm sorry babe. Did those jerks even apologize?"

"Yes but it didn't really do anything for the pain."

"That's my job. Let me see what I can do."

Emily walked JJ over to the bed and told her to lie down. Emily help lower the robe JJ was wearing exposing her bare skin before her. Emily kneeled beside her wife and slowly started working the aching muscles along JJ's back. She pulled JJ's robe a little lower and saw the massive bruise that had already formed on JJ's tailbone. She lightly traced her fingers along the perimeter of the bruise then pressed cautiously. She heard JJ wince.

"Do you need to get this x-rayed?"

"No, I'm okay, Em. The massage is helping. Please don't stop."

Emily continued massaging JJ's back, rubbing deeper and deeper. Soon she heard little moans escaping from JJ. Emily was getting so turned on just touching JJ's skin. JJ's breathing started to get heavier and Emily hoped JJ was getting as aroused as she was. Emily lowered the robe a little more to expose almost JJ's entire backside.

She continued to manipulate JJ's flesh in her hands. She heard JJ's moans grow louder. Emily bent down and kissed the back of JJ's neck.

"Mmmmm…I love you, Emily" JJ purred

Emily traced her fingers down JJ's spine and she felt JJ shiver beneath her fingers. This was the most she'd actually touched her wife since before Henry was born. JJ carefully rolled onto her side, wrapped her hand behind Emily's neck, and drew her to her and into a passionate kiss.

"Oh Emily," JJ said pulling away, her voice thick with lust.

Emily felt JJ start to pull at the bottom hem of the shirt she was wearing and stopped her.

"Jennifer, I'm only going to continue with this if you let me make love to you."

"Emily, I'm not su…"

"Jen, I love you. Please baby…please let me back in."

Emily watched as JJ looked away from her. Emily ran her fingers down JJ's face and then to her chest, which had been exposed to her when JJ had rolled over. She watched her wife's face as she cupped one of JJ's full breasts and felt the weight of it in her hands. Emily watched as JJ closed her eyes when Emily took her nipple between her thumb and forefinger.

"God you're so beautiful," Emily says stating not only the obvious or what was in her heart but trying to reassure JJ in the same breath. Emily felt the slickness of JJ's milk as it landed on her fingers. Emily was afraid JJ would pull away so before she did, she ran her tongue around JJ's nipple, tasting the milk that had been expressed. She was surprised that it didn't taste much like milk at all but instead was thin and kind of sweet.

Emily kissed around JJ's breast and then the other before moving back up to JJ's neck. JJ pulled Emily's body on top of hers and Emily felt her relaxed underneath her, the self-doubts and the pain from the fall seemingly forgotten for the time being.

"I love you, Jennifer" Emily whispered in JJ's ear as she continued to suck and nibble on JJ's neck. Emily felt JJ's hands slip under her shirt and begin to knead the skin on her back. Emily slipped out of the shirt she was wearing and then moved back to kiss JJ deeply, their tongues moving in sync. Emily pulled back a little and looked at JJ. JJ smiled at her as she cupped Emily's face in her hand and ran her thumb across her cheek.

"I love you too, Emily" JJ said pulling Emily down and into a breathtaking kiss. Emily's synapses always went haywire when JJ kissed her like this, like there was no tomorrow, a kiss that Emily could feel throughout her entire body. Emily felt like JJ was going to consume her as she broke away from JJ's mouth and moved back to her neck where she nipped and licked along the soft flesh there.

Emily moved her hands along JJ's arms and then entwined the fingers of both hands together with hers, stretching them across the bed as she ran her tongue along JJ's shoulder, to her armpit and then back to her breast. She could hear JJ moan as she continued to lick one breast then moved to the valley between them as she crossed over to the other one. She hadn't made love to JJ in a while and, given her wife's recent insecurities, she wanted to make sure that JJ had her full attention. She was going to worship every inch of JJ's body and she didn't care how long it took.

She let go of JJ's hands so she could use them to continue her exploration. She heard JJ's soft moans begin to get louder and she felt JJ's hands in her hair, encouraging to move further down her body but Emily wasn't going to rush this, she'd waited too long for it to end too quickly.

"God, baby, I love you so much," Emily murmured before she flattened her tongue and ran it up the side of her breast. Her hand trailed along JJ's torso and felt the soft flesh of her belly.

JJ hands moved to shield her stomach away from Emily but Emily gently pushed JJ's hands aside and continued to worship her wife's midsection. It wasn't as flat as it used to be and she knew that is what JJ was most self-conscious about so she took her time kissing and licking her tummy, running her tongue into her bellybutton and caressing it with the backs of her fingers.

"Emmmm…." JJ moaned

"Yes, baby." Emily said into JJ's flesh

"I want you so…unf…please"

Emily positioned herself between JJ's legs and started to run her fingers along her legs starting at her ankles, up her calf, tickling the sensitive skin behind the backs of her knees and then coaxing JJ into bending them as she gently pushed them outward to give her full access. Emily ran her tongue on the insides of JJ's thighs and then dragged her teeth along the sensitive flesh.

"Please what?" Emily teased as she stopped just short of giving JJ what she truly wanted and needed. "What do you want, baby?"

"You…please…god, Em…stop teasing and fuck me please."

Emily smiled into the skin on the inside of JJ's thigh as she ran her fingers higher to the apex between JJ's legs. The neatly trimmed blond curls were already damp with desire and the light pink flesh glistened turning Emily on even more.

Emily swept a finger along the wet opening, teasing and swirling into the moist heat. She heard JJ's moans grow even louder and her breath started to hitch. It had been so long Emily wasn't sure how much longer JJ was going to last. She replaced her fingers with her tongue taking in the delicious elixir that was already flowing from her wife. She moved her tongue through JJ's heated center and then thrust it into her core while rubbing JJ's clit with her fingers of one hand and holding her down with the other.

Emily replaced her tongue with three fingers and deftly worked JJ's clit with her tongue when she heard JJ start to pant and moan louder. Emily could begin to feel JJ tighten around her fingers and she curled her fingers just as JJ came. Emily continued to lap and suckle between JJ's legs as JJ rode out her orgasm. She then kissed her way back up JJ's body leaving kisses on her hip, her belly, between her breasts, her neck, and finally returning to her mouth. Emily this time was the one kissing like there was no tomorrow.

Emily broke the kiss and rolled beside a breathless JJ, propping herself up on her elbow as she watched her lover. She stroked JJ's hair back and places kisses on her hairline as her other hand rubbed small circles on JJ's hip.

"I love you," Emily whispered

JJ's eyes remained closed and when she finally opened them Emily was surprised to see they were filled with tears.

"Hey…are you okay?" Emily worried

JJ smiled as she reached up and pulled Emily down to her and into another heated kiss.

"I'm more than fine," JJ said. "I love you, Em,"

It made Emily happy to realize that sadness did not appear to be behind JJ's tears this time. There were no Baby Blues in her wife's baby blues, which were actually a much darker shade right now. Emily was even happier when JJ slipped her fingers between her legs and began to kiss her passionately once more.

"Off with the rest of your clothes, Emily" JJ whispered heavily

XXXXX

Emily eventually fell asleep with JJ in her arms. A few hours later she heard their son start to cry for his 2AM feeding and she groaned when she felt JJ get up and move away from her. After about an hour, her subconscious registered the fact that she didn't feel JJ come back and it made her sit up looking for her. After her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she saw JJ standing near the window looking out into the night.

After putting on her robe, Emily went over to where JJ was standing and placed her hand on the small of her back.

"You all right," Emily asked

JJ just kept staring out the window.

"It snowed a lot since we went to bed," JJ said

Emily looked out the window and saw that the street, cars, and trees were covered with a thick pile of snow. Evidently quite a snowstorm had passed while they were wrapped up in each other. The storm had, however, moved on leaving the bright moon to shine down on the white winter wonderland before them.

"It's beautiful," JJ mused

Emily reached her hand up to push the hair behind JJ's shell-shaped ear and then ran the back of her fingers across JJ's chin.

"You're beautiful," Emily replied

JJ looked down, "I haven't felt beautiful lately, Em."

"Jen, you are you know? You're the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen and I am so thankful that you share your life with me."

Emily tilted JJ's chin towards her and gave her a slow, lingering kiss.

"We all have things that we don't like about ourselves," Emily continued.

"You're perfect, Em."

"I wish my nose was smaller."

"Oh Emily, your nose is…"

"Too long," Emily interrupted

JJ looked at Emily and smiled, "Well sometimes that's quite enjoyable," JJ smirked as Emily pulled her into her arms. Emily looked at JJ and lightly traced her thumb across JJ's cheek.

"The point is JJ, I love you. Period. I look at you and I see only the woman that I love. So whatever flaw you see when you look into the mirror, I don't see it," Emily said before pulling JJ into another kiss.

Breathless, JJ pulled back, "How'd I get so lucky?" JJ asked

"I was just thinking the same thing,"

"Let's go back to bed, Em."

And they did.

Overnight another storm came in and essentially held them snowbound for the last couple of days of their vacation. They probably would have braved the elements if Henry weren't so small and JJ's backside wasn't bruised. So instead they watched the snow and some old movies from the bed & breakfast's DVD collection.

And, while Henry was sleeping, they made up for some lost time. New York City had indeed been magical for them once again.

XXXXX

It was the day before Christmas Eve when they returned from New York.

"Again with the getting home from vacation so close to Christmas. Didn't we learn anything from last year?" Emily asked in frustration as they were driving home from the airport.

JJ shrugged, "I guess not."

"I'm sure Santa and her elves didn't decorate for us again this year."

"Probably not," JJ said calmly. "Last year was special."

"This year was pretty special too," Emily replied

"Yes, but only for us." JJ said taking Emily's hand.

"Next year we're staying home."

"Famous last words, Prentiss."

They got home and unloaded the car and walked into their house both a little disappointed to find that no Christmas magic had been performed again this year.

Christmas Eve found Emily running around the mall looking for presents for JJ. JJ had already done her shopping for Emily, Henry, and everyone else. All Emily had to do was buy a few things for JJ. Easier said than done in the crush of mall shoppers the day before Christmas. Emily picked up an expensive bottle of JJ's favorite perfume and a new Farragamo briefcase as well as a couple of other items.

Emily already had Garcia working on Henry's gift for JJ; a digital photo key chain and a digital photo frame that Garcia was loading with pictures of the three of them. As Emily was leaving the sporting goods store with a new Redskins jersey for her wife, her cell phone rang.

"Hello mother," Emily said after noticing the Ambassador was on the phone

"Emily. How was New York?"

"Great but a little cold. We were pretty much snowbound the last two days."

"You were lucky to get out when you did. There is another storm headed this way. How did my grandson do?"

"He was fabulous. He's a good little traveler."

"Good. He's a Prentiss. We are all good little travelers."

"What can I do for you, mother?"

"I know its last minute but tell me you don't have plans for tomorrow."

"It's Christmas Day. Of course we have plans. What's up?"

"Your father's coming to visit."

Emily almost dropped her phone.

"What?"

"I know. I was as stunned as you are."

"What does he want?"

"I have a feeling he'd like to meet his grandson."

"He knows he has a grandson?"

"I do speak with your father from time to time, Emily."

"Really?" Emily couldn't help saying.

"Yes, Emily"

"He's really here?"

"Yes. He arrived a short while ago and is upstairs taking a shower."

"Well the team is coming over tomorrow morning for brunch. I guess we can make it over for dinner. I'll talk to JJ and let you know."

Emily couldn't believe her father was in town. She wondered why he was here. Was it just so he could meet Henry?

XXXXX

Christmas Eve was about traditions, their traditions. Emily came home from shopping to find that JJ had put up a small tree and some decorations to set the mood. They started with a small turkey dinner for just the two of them. After Henry went to bed, they carried out their tradition of opening one gift. Emily opened the box that contained the new black leather jacket that JJ had bought for her. Emily made sure JJ opened the gift she got her from Victoria's Secret. They then carried out their favorite tradition.

The next morning they opened up the rest of their gifts and ALL of the ones belonging to Henry.

"He's five weeks old. How can a five week old need this many presents?" Emily exclaimed.

"He's got lots of uncles plus two parents, two godparents, and a grandmother that all spoil him" JJ replied.

"He's five weeks old! He does not need a rocking horse!" Emily said pointing rather animatedly at the gift from Rossi.

"It's beautiful."

"Ugh, JJ, seriously. What's next year going to be like?"

"Em, just roll with it babe. It's Christmas." JJ said getting up to sit on Emily's lap and quieting her down the best way she knew how…with a kiss.

The team came over with even more presents later on that morning. Garcia had gotten Henry a cute black leather jacket that almost matched Emily's.

Emily sat back and watched as everyone was talking animatedly with one another.

JJ was sitting with Jack helping Hotch's son put together the puzzles that Morgan had bought him. They were all so happy to hear that Hotch was going to get his son for the day. Garcia was watching them while holding Henry on her lap.

Morgan and Hotch were watching the DVD of Super Bowl XX that JJ and Emily had bought Morgan. That was the year that his beloved Chicago Bears won the big game. Morgan and Hotch were trying to explain to Reid the finer points of the game. Emily had to be honest and admit that she was just as lost as Reid was.

Emily was thinking about refilling her wine glass when Rossi appeared beside her with the bottle in his hand.

"You're a life saver," she told the older man

"You look happy, Emily." Rossi said

"I am. I'm very happy,"

"Marriage suits you. You and JJ are a good fit."

"Marriage didn't suit you did it?"

"I tried but, after a while, I don't know. Long hours spent away from home. Too much darkness kept inside. It's hard on your partner."

"I'm sure that's what happened with Hotch and Haley."

"Yep. You have no idea how lucky you are that the person that you chose to spend the rest of your life with completely understands your job. Never lose sight of that. It's rare especially in this line of work."

"I know."

"And Emily, remember this, her job is the same as yours and she feels every bit as passionate about it as you do about yours."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"You know why…and if you don't, you'll figure it out soon enough. Just remember we had this conversation."

And with that sage older man ambled over to join the rest of the guys.

XXXXX

After brunch, they drove over to the Prentiss residence.

"Are you sure you want to do this JJ?"

"Emily he's your father. How bad can he be?"

"I have no idea. I don't know him all that well. Do you have any idea when the last time I saw him was? Two, three years ago. Years JJ!"

"Yeah well, you guys aren't close."

"Understatement of the year, Jayj. I am actually closer to my mother. What does that tell you?"

"You and your mom have a good relationship…now."

"Yes now but …"

"Em," JJ interrupted. "It'll be okay. He just wants to see you …and your family."

"We'll make it quick and then we'll go home."

"Whatever you want babe"

Seeing Phillip again was interesting for Emily. He looked almost the same but just a little older. He was still fun boy. Laughing, joking, drinking. If he weren't her father she supposed she would have thought he was a great guy. But he was her father and she expected more of him.

Introducing him to JJ was uncomfortable. She thought she saw her father look JJ up and down and that made her very uneasy. But she did like his reaction to Henry. He held her son in his arms and chatted with him by the fireplace in the great room.

"Henry my boy, I had you mom on skis by the time she was two. I expect you to be the same."

"He's five weeks old, father. Let's get him sleeping through the night first then we'll worry about other things." Emily said taking a seat on the hearth next to Phillip.

"He's a good looking boy, Emily."

"Thank you."

"His last name is Prentiss?"

"Yes"

"Your mother says you are in the process of legally adopting him."

"Almost complete."

"Once it is, you let me know. We'll get his trust fund set-up."

Emily didn't reply. The last thing she wanted for Henry was for him to know he had a huge trust fund. She wanted her son to do something with this life other than catch the perfect wave.

After a few minutes, her father finally spoke again. "How's the job?"

"Never boring"

"You be careful out there. I worry about you."

Emily smirked

"What?" Phillip asked, obviously surprised by Emily's reaction.

"I haven't spoken to you in months."

"Doesn't mean I don't think or worry about you. You're still my daughter."

Emily sighed, "That's nice to hear, Phillip."

"Phillip?"

"Do you want me to call you dad? Or how 'bout pop" Emily said sarcastically

Phillip was quiet. Emily ire was starting to ramp up and she was having a hard time compartmentalizing her emotions with her father in front of her.

"You have a nice family, Emily. Make sure you hang on to it. I let mine fragment…I'm totally to blame for it. It's too late for me. Don't make the same mistakes I made."

"I'm not you. I can't stand being away from them. I can't wait to get home after a case. I don't think that will ever change." Emily said starting to get a little angrier.

"You need to watch over them and keep them safe. Maybe you should take yourself out of the field so you're home with them every night."

Emily stood up, "How dare you give me advice. YOU of ALL people giving me family advice."

"I only said don't make the same mistakes I made."

"Want to narrow the mistakes you are talking about down a little so I know which ones you are talking about?"

"I'm still your father young lady."

"You stopped being my father a long time ago!" Emily said much louder than she intended.

JJ and Elizabeth walked in from the kitchen when they heard Emily shouting. Henry started to cry and JJ picked him up out of Phillips arms and took him out of the room.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Elizabeth demanded

Emily walked away to get some fresh air without answering the question.

"_Damn it, that is so not the way I wanted this to go_," Emily thought to herself. Emily wrapped her arms around her body. It was freezing outside and it was expected to snow that night. She felt her jacket placed on her shoulders.

She turned to find blue eyes staring at her.

"I'm sorry," she said to JJ. "Is Henry okay?"

"He's fine. Your mother has him. She's quiet good with him."

JJ reached up and pushed Emily's hair away from her face, "Wanna talk about it?"

Emily sighed, her warm breath visible in the cold air. "I took what he said the wrong way. He was trying to tell me that he's made mistakes and that I shouldn't make the same ones. But damn it, the mistakes he made were with me."

"You're angry, I get it babe. You have every right to be. But…as people get older they often recognize their mistakes and just want to be forgiven for them."

"He thinks by throwing money at things it fixes everything. That's how his family is."

"Then he doesn't know any better," JJ said taking Emily's hands in hers. "You do. You're not him, Em. You know the value of love and trust. Of patience and honesty. Of companionship and making people feel worthy. That's you. Money can't buy that and that's why I love you so much."

Emily felt JJ pull her forward and give her a soft kiss.

"Now, let's go try to enjoy the rest of Christmas dinner."

JJ marched Emily back into the house and the rest of the evening went off without incident. It was only when they were wrapping up Henry to leave that her father asked to speak with her again.

JJ squeezed her hand for support before she walked away.

Emily felt ten again standing before her father.

"Emily, you're right…I've been a horrible parent. I didn't know how to deal with Alex's death and neither did your mother. We were horrible to each other after Alex died. And we ignored you. You paid the price for our apathy. I could never make it up to you and I won't lie to you and pretend like things will ever be any different between us. Too much has happened. But I do love you and I do care about you and your well being."

Emily wanted to cry but her body refused to give him the satisfaction.

"I'm happy that you found a great love with JJ and your son is magnificent. I only hope that someday you'll let me spend time with him again."

"You can see him whenever you're in town, Phillip."

Phillip hugged Emily and then they said their goodbyes.

XXXXX

JJ took Henry up to give him a bath, feed him, and then put him to bed the moment they got back home. Emily stayed downstairs and poured herself a Jack and Diet Coke. She routed around in her office desk to find the pack of cigarettes that she had stashed in there. They'd been there since they got back from New York. Emily walked outside. It was cold and had just started to snow. She sat on a cold chair on the porch, lit the stale cigarette and took a sip from her glass.

"I thought you were coming to bed," JJ said once she found Emily outside.

"Too worked up to sleep,"

"You usually turn to me to help you unwind," JJ said. "Not cigarettes and alcohol."

"I'm okay, Jayj. Please…just give me a few minutes."

She heard JJ turn to go back inside. "Okay Em…I love you." JJ said sadly

"Jayj?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"I know it's cold but would you come sit by me?"

"Of course," JJ said. She grabbed a blanket and sat down next to Emily, placing the baby monitor in their laps. Emily extinguished the cigarette and held JJ tightly.

They sat there in the cold winter's night for an hour, just watching it snow; neither said a word and they were perfectly content with that. It started to snow harder and blanket their backyard in a glistening white. Emily got up and extended her hand to JJ. They walked up to their bedroom and she let JJ help her unwind in a much better way.

With the rather large exception of the fight she had with her father, Christmas was pretty good, Emily thought. JJ seemed like was back to her old self, they had a healthy, happy son, they spent time with their team, and she even enjoyed spending time with her mother.

* * *

"_All in all, last Christmas was pretty good," _Emily thought as she finished her bread pudding. She could have done without arguing with her father but that was ancient history now. She told Phillip he could see Henry any time he was in town…big surprise that he hadn't been seen since that night.

Emily stood and put her jacket back on.

"Thanks, Mike. Everything was delicious," she said walking to the counter. "I've got to head back to the hospital."

"Hope she gets out of there soon," Mike replied

"Me too, Mike…me too."

Emily walked back to the hospital. On her way there she took out her phone and called Amanda.

"Hi it's me. How's he doing?"

"Fine. He just got up from a nice long nap," Amanda replied

"Good. I'm going to send my mom to pick you two up later. I think it might be time for me to sneak him in to see JJ."

* * *

**Hope you all liked this latest chapter. Please review if possible! **

**Sorry if the formatting looks odd… was not my friend today and I ran out of patience with it. **

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL! ENJOY!! **


	31. Doubts

**Can you believe it's been three months since I last posted a new chapter? RL has kept me very busy, I know it's not much of an excuse. **

**Let me know if you like this chapter, I really struggled with it. **

**And, as always, I don't own the characters but I do enjoy writing them. Please review.**

* * *

Emily walked back to the hospital as quickly as possible. She hadn't intended to be gone as long as she had been but she got lost in her thoughts and she enjoyed the conversation with Mike. It was early evening and the sun was starting to go down when she made her way back. The air was decidedly colder than when she had left so she stuck her hands in the pockets of her jacket to keep them warm and found the cigarettes she had bought the night JJ crashed and had to be rushed back to surgery. She smiled knowing they were there, not needing one right now but comforted by their presence nonetheless.

She walked back into JJ's room to find JJ sleeping and Elizabeth the only one left in the room, sitting there watching over her. The Ambassador got up from the chair beside JJ and walked just outside the door to speak with Emily when she saw her daughter arrive.

"Where did everybody go?" Emily whispered to her mother

"JJ was tired so they all went to get a bite to eat and then back to the hotel to get some rest themselves," Emily's mother replied. "I didn't think you'd want me to leave her alone."

"I'm sorry I was gone so long," Emily sighed, "but thank you for watching her."

"My pleasure. I wouldn't have felt right leaving but everyone was so hungry I told them to go."

"When did she fall asleep?"

"About 20 minutes ago, right after she ate a little. I think talking to everyone wore her out, she could barely keep her eyes open."

"You must be hungry too. I can watch over her from here on out."

Elizabeth placed her hand on Emily's arm. "You were gone for quite a bit, you okay?"

"Yeah. I needed to get out. Found a nice little deli, good food. You'd like the man that owns it."

"Oh?"

"Good guy," Emily said. She thought a bit before she continued, "Mother, this whole thing has got me thinking. Life is too short. Things can change in a moment. Know what I mean?"

Elizabeth slowly nodded her head as if wondering where her daughter was headed with this conversation.

"The odd 'relationship' you have with my father, if it's not enough for you, it's okay to let it go." Emily said. "You deserve to be happy. It might have been one thing when you had an active post. You were busy with work and you let him come and go as he pleased."

Emily watched as her mother pursed her lips, knowing she was walking a fine line.

"But you're home more often now. Whether that's because of Henry or because you haven't decided if you want to take another post I'm not sure but it's a fact. You're in DC now and your husband isn't. That's not a 'relationship'," Emily said using air quotes again, "or at least not a healthy one."

"Emily…"

"Mom, I'm just saying think about it. Are you happy? Do you like the absent husband? When was the last time you had sex?"

"Emily!"

"Well it's important, mother. Life's too short not to be happy."

"I am happy, Emily. I don't want to discuss this right now, okay?"

"I know, it's not the place but when we get back to DC, you and I need to talk."

The look on her mother's face told Emily that was not a conversation that Elizabeth was looking forward to having.

Changing the subject, Emily said, "Go get something to eat."

"I think I will."

"And Mother," Emily paused, "can you do me a favor?"

Elizabeth looked at her curiously, "Sure"

"I called Amanda on my way back. Can you bring her and Henry back here later tonight, after hours? I spoke with Tam on my way up here. She and Jackie are going to help sneak Henry in here to see JJ but I need your help."

Relived that Emily had dropped the previous topic of conversation, Elizabeth smiled at the lengths her daughter always seemed willing to go through for her family. "I'd love to be part of this clandestine operation."

Emily smiled, "Thanks. Here's Tam's cell number. Get back here around 9 o'clock with Amanda and Henry. Call her and she and Jackie will do the rest."

Emily hugged her mother goodbye and went to sit with JJ. She had a little over 3 hours before Operation Henry would happen. In the meantime, Emily would just sit and watch over JJ until she woke up, resume her thoughts about their life together. And later tonight, she hoped to return some of the lost sparkle to her wife's beautiful blue eyes.

* * *

A couple of days before the New Year, Emily was set to meet Amanda for the first time. This was the first prospective nanny that JJ had deemed worthy enough to meet Emily. Things were a little tense in the Prentiss household. They had fought the night before because Emily was closed off to the idea of JJ returning back to work.

_Flashback_

"_You're impossible," JJ said, throwing her hands in the air_

"_She's not good enough to watch my son," Emily threw back_

"_You haven't even met her," JJ said pointedly_

"_Doesn't matter. She's not good enough." Emily replied back illogically_

"_She went to Yale for Christ's sake. In Emily's world, I thought that would automatically get her passed Go…with $200 dollars to boot."_

"_She's a Yale grad that wants to be a little boy's nanny. Must be something wrong with her."_

"_There is nothing wrong with her. I've already explained to you, she's working towards her master's in Child Psychology at Georgetown. She does most of her work on line and off campus so she's available almost 24/7."_

"_Almost."_

"_Yes almost, we'll work it out."_

"_Nope, she's not good enough."_

"_Is there anyone good enough to watch 'your' son?" JJ said sarcastically_

"_Yeah…his mother." Emily snapped back_

"_I'm not having this conversation with you again, Emily. Like it or not…I'm going back to work."_

"_JJ…"_

"_No Emily! This is what…the fifth, sixth time we've had this same argument. I am not going to give up MY job. You want Henry's mother to stay home and watch him…YOU quit YOUR job, you're his mother too!" _

"_Yeah, right!"_

"_God forbid you entertain that idea, Prentiss," JJ said sarcastically. "You think your job is more important than mine, don't you?"_

"_The Bureau does," Emily retorted, knowing this argument was heading nowhere and that they would both regret it later. "They pay me more."_

"_Big fucking deal, Em. Tell me how things are running with Todd covering for me?" _

"_They're fine."_

"_That's not what I hear."_

"_Well we were great together when we went undercover in that club. You should have seen how she looked in that dress. She was fucking hot!"_

"_Fuck off, Emily."_

_And with that, JJ huffed upstairs leaving Emily standing alone in the middle of their family room, running her hand through her hair, knowing that she had gone to far. _

_Emily went upstairs a short time later and checked on their sleeping son. She patted his head feeling the soft down of his hair against his smooth skin. _

"_I didn't mean it, Henry. That was uncalled for and I want you to know, I would never cheat on your mother. But tell me…am I being unreasonable because I want her to stay home and watch over you?" Emily asked the sleeping little boy. "I love you so much and I just want what's best for you. God…this is all happening so fast."_

_Even the transition from the bassinette to his crib had happened sooner than Emily had thought it would. She was prepared to have the bassinette in their room for 2-3 months but at six weeks JJ felt Henry was ready to move into his own room. _

_Emily decided get some sleep and went to their bedroom only to find their door locked so she turned to head to their guest bedroom. In all their time together, this was the first time they'd slept apart because of anger. Emily lay in the bed tossing and turning. She didn't belong in this strange bed, she belonged next to her wife; her beautiful, stubborn, pig-headed wife that refused to listen to reason._

_Then the conversation she had with Rossi on Christmas Day filtered into her sub-conscious. _

_**"You have no idea how lucky you are that the person that you chose to spend the rest of your life with completely understands your job. Never lose sight of that. It's rare especially in this line of work."**_

_**"I know."**_

_**"And Emily, remember this, her job is the same as yours and she feels every bit as passionate about it as you do about yours."**_

_**"Why are you telling me this?"**_

_**"You know why…and if you don't, you'll figure it out soon enough. Just remember we had this conversation."**_

"_Damn it, this is what he was trying to tell me," Emily thought. "Shit!"_

_Emily got up from the bed and made her way to their bedroom. She reached above the top sill of the doorframe for the small key that unlocked their door. She knew it was there but if JJ had locked her out she wasn't going to beg…at least not until they both calmed down a bit. She found JJ asleep on her side facing away from Emily's side of the bed. She kneeled on the floor beside JJ so that she faced her and gently tucked the hair that had fallen across her face behind her ear. She watched as JJ's eyes fluttered open._

"_I'm sorry" Emily whispered. _

"_Me too."_

"_I didn't mean anything I said about Todd."_

"_I know you didn't," JJ said, propping herself up on an elbow_

_Emily raised herself up on her knees so that she could kiss her wife. Breaking the kiss, JJ scooted over to allow Emily to lie beside her. JJ rested her head on Emily's chest._

"_I really am sorry. I was out of line," Emily said wrapping JJ in her arms._

"_Why did you say that about Jordan?"_

"_I'm not sure. I knew it would piss you off and I was mad."_

"_But why?"_

"_I don't know."_

"_Em, I heard you on the baby monitor. I know this is all happening a little fast for you and I know that you love Henry with all your heart but you have to know I want what's best for him too."_

_Emily had forgotten that there was a baby monitor on in Henry's room. She saw it sitting on the table beside JJ's side of the bed; she could hear the soft breathing of her son coming through._

"_I know you do, honey. And I know you love your job every bit as much as I love mine. I get it, I really do but there is a part of me that wishes you didn't so that you could stay home and take care of our son."_

"_Em, this was a really tough decision and I wish I had your support."_

"_You do…"_

"_No I don't. I know what you want but I can't. Maybe at some point in time I'll feel differently but right now, I really need to get back to work."_

"_So I guess that means we search for the best nanny we can find. I'll meet Amanda tomorrow and we'll go from there."_

_Emily sighed into the darkness of the room and they fell asleep shortly afterwards, neither saying another word. _

Things were seemingly back to normal the next morning but there was an underlying tension throughout the house. Even Henry, normally a very happy baby in the morning, was grumpy and fussy. He didn't want to nurse and all he seemed to do that morning was cry.

"What's wrong with him today?" Emily asked as she walked Henry around the family room. She bounced him and rocked him but nothing seemed to soothe him.

"I'm not sure. He's just grouchy…like his mother."

Emily shot her a look, "Which one of us are you referring to?"

JJ was saved when the doorbell rang.

When JJ answered the door, Emily was surprised to find Garcia on the other side.

"Good morning my lovelies," Garcia said bounding into their home, taking off her coat and handing it to JJ.

"Hey G, what are you doing here this morning?" Emily asked, placing Henry in his swing.

"JJ invited me to check out the new possible nanny for my godson,"

Emily looked at JJ, who was hanging up Garcia's coat in the hall closet.

"I needed someone to give me an objective opinion on Amanda." JJ replied to the questioning look.

"And you don't think I could do that?" Emily asked somewhat insulted

Garcia heard Henry starting to cry and picked up him.

"Mommy and mommy fighting little one?" Garcia asked the fussy baby

"We're not fighting, Penelope," Emily snapped

"Hmmph," JJ replied

"Snappy," Emily retorted

"Wow, for two people that aren't fighting," Garcia began

"Garcia!" both JJ and Emily exclaimed

"Okay look, you two hardly ever fight. Admit you're having one now. It's okay," their blonde friend replied. "It means you guys are normal and gives us mere mortals the illusion that you guys are the same as we are."

Emily ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. She walked over to JJ and kissed her on her lips. "I will do my best to be objective."

"And when you talk to her, remember you are not in the box interviewing an unsub."

"I'll try."

"That's all I can ask, babe," replied JJ. "Besides, that's not the only reason Garcia is here."

"No it's not," Garcia replied handing JJ and Emily each a manila folder.

"What's this?" Emily asked

"You don't think I'm going to have someone watch our son and live with us around the clock without running a thorough background check do you?" JJ replied. "What good is working for the FBI if you can't use some of its resources?"

"Unofficially, of course," Garcia said

"Of course," replied Emily with a smirk as she flipped opened the folder she'd been handed and began to read it over. She hadn't gotten very far when the doorbell rang again. When JJ answered, Emily saw a pretty girl with light brown hair and glasses standing on her front porch. JJ let her in and took her coat.

JJ introduced Amanda to Emily and to Garcia. Emily politely offered Amanda coffee and then began her grilling.

After an hour, Emily had to admit, she was impressed, she'd learned a lot of interesting things about the young woman that wanted to be her son's nanny. Amanda Sullivan was valedictorian of her posh private school. However, Amanda was not a child of privilege, rather she had earned an academic scholarship to the elite academy in Connecticut.

Her mother had died from ovarian cancer when Amanda was nine. Her aunt came to live with them to help raise Amanda and her two younger brothers while her father worked two jobs. She was really close to her family especially her aunt whom she viewed as a surrogate mother.

After graduating from high school, she went to Yale on a full ride scholarship. In order to make some extra cash and to live somewhere other than a dorm, Amanda took a job as a nanny for one of the professors.

"It worked out really well for the last couple of years. I loved those kids and it was very hard to leave them when I moved down here," Amanda said

Emily and Amanda discussed Yale and, since both had a psychology background, actually found they had a couple of professors in common despite the 14-year age difference.

"So why not get your master's from Yale?"

"My scholarship was only for four years. I have to pay for my master's on my own. Yale is a little cost prohibitive." Amanda said with a wink. "Georgetown has the program I want and I can afford it with a student loan. This job would be perfect for me because I would have place to live and a little extra cash to boot."

Emily was indeed impressed by Miss Sullivan. Now came the tougher test and the harder questions.

Emily picked up a still-fussy Henry from Garcia and placed him in Amanda's arms to see her interaction with her son.

"Would you mind holding him?"

"Not at all. He's absolutely adorable."

"Tell me Amanda, would you have any issues working for a lesbian couple?"

JJ almost shot the decaf she was drinking through her nose.

But Amanda wasn't flustered. "Not at all." Henry had also calmed down as Amanda held him.

"Some of your best friends are lesbians?" Emily asked not without a hint of sarcasm

Amanda chuckled, "Actually…"

"Are _you_ gay?" Emily asked

"No but my aunt is. Now that she's able to have a life of her own, she finally married her partner. They adopted a little boy about a year ago, just after I left Connecticut."

Emily noticed that Henry was now asleep in Amanda's arms.

"Aw…um, that's nice," Emily replied. The she thought for a moment, "So you're straight. Do you date?"

"Not with any regularity right now. There was someone a few months ago but we've since split. Not really looking for a relationship right now. I'd like to finish my master's and then go for my doctorate."

"You do realize that JJ and I can be gone for days at a time? That there would be no relief during those times."

"I do," Amanda replied

"Actually Em," JJ interrupted. "Your mother has graciously volunteered to watch Henry if Amanda needs to run to school or just simply needs a break. As long as she has a little notice, she said she would happily work her grandson into her schedule."

Emily looked at JJ. _"When did she speak to the Ambassador?"_ Emily thought.

There was more conversation but Emily was a bit distracted. JJ had this all worked out and some of it hadn't even been discussed with her. She felt like the decisions had already been made and she wasn't part of them.

Next thing she knew, they were saying their goodbyes to Amanda with a promise that they would get back to her soon with an answer.

"When did you speak with my mother?" Emily asked as soon as the door what shut

"We needed a back-up plan in case we're working and Amanda needs to take a break for a couple of hours."

"So you spoke to my mother behind my back? You blindsided me JJ"

"It wasn't behind your back. And I would have told you all this last night but you were being unreasonable." JJ said quietly trying not to wake the sleeping boy she was holding.

"I wasn't being unreasonable." Emily said defensively

"Really?" JJ replied back

Emily turned her back to JJ and stared out into their backyard.

After a minute of silence, Garcia added her thoughts, "Well, I like her. I think she's great."

"Some objectivity, Penelope," Emily said sarcastically.

"Look Em, she's probably about the best you are going to get considering you two need someone 24/7. She's right for the job. It'll be perfect."

"No…perfect would be JJ staying home with our son!"

An irritated JJ decided it was time to take their sleeping son upstairs to put him in his crib for his nap.

Emily sighed in frustration. She knew Amanda was perfect, she knew JJ was going to go back to work, she knew it was actually great that her mother was willing to help, she knew all these things…she just didn't _want_ to know them.

"You're blowing this, you know," Garcia said to her, breaking Emily from her thoughts

"What are you talking about?"

"Emily, you knew this is what JJ wanted. You knew before Henry was even conceived that JJ was going to go back to work after the baby was born."

"I was hoping she'd change her mind," Emily said truthfully

"You do remember you're married to JJ, right? Know JJ to change her mind about things once she's set on them?"

"One can always hope…"

"JJ hasn't changed her mind, Peaches, you have."

"But he's so little,"

"Yes but JJ's job is important to her. You know it is. You know she never wanted to be a stay at home mom. If that's the life she wanted, she would have stayed in East Allegheny."

Emily started to rebut but instead cast her head downward. Garcia was right. JJ could have had this with Kyle but she wanted so much more.

"Sweetie, you need to let her do this. If you don't, she'll end up resenting you and I'm sure that's the last thing you'd ever want. Maybe in time she'll change her mind but you can't force her. This has to be her decision."

Emily nodded her head and let the words soak in. Garcia had made her finally understand the larger picture. Garcia walked over to Emily and enveloped her in a hug.

"Go talk to her, kitten" their wise friend said. "I'm going to go see Kevin. Who knows, I might even get lucky." Garcia said with a wicked twinkle in her eye.

After Garcia left, Emily walked upstairs to look for JJ. She found her standing over Henry, watching him sleep. Emily slipped her arms around her waist.

"You still upset?" JJ asked as Emily kissed her shoulder

"I'm sorry. I know I said that last night but I really am."

JJ led her out of their son's room so they wouldn't wake him.

"Emily, I love our son, you know I do but I can't help the fact that I also love my job. You need to accept the fact that I am going back to work whether you want me to or not. This is not anything new. We discussed this before I even got pregnant."

Emily felt JJ brush her bangs out of her eyes.

"I know we did, I just didn't think it was going to be this hard. He's just so small." Emily said, tears starting to form in her eyes.

"I'll tell you what. I know it's expensive to have a live-in but Amanda is going to be great. What's better, she's studying to be a child psychiatrist so she'll keep an eye on him. If she thinks we're doing any damage, we'll tell her to let us know. We'll work it out then. I'll do whatever is necessary for his well-being. I'll work from the office, transfer if I have to or I'll quit and stay home. But for now, can we please just try this?"

Emily looked into pleading blue eyes, those blue eyes that got to her every time.

"You know it's not the expense, right?" Emily said tracing her finger down JJ's arm.

"I know"

"It's all about him. I'm just worried and I'm letting it get the best of me. I know this isn't easy on you and I'm only making it harder."

JJ looked down and Emily brought her chin up so she could meet her eyes.

"I love you and you have my support. If this is what you want, it's what I want too."

"Good because this is going to be hard and I need you to help me be strong,"

Emily kissed JJ and then held her tightly in her arms. "I will. I promise."

XXXXX

New Year's Eve they had a small impromptu party when almost all the team realized that they were without plans. The only one not there was Morgan who wasn't due back from visiting his family in Chicago for another couple of days. They had the rest of their team and a few neighbors over for food, drink, and merriment.

Garcia had been the one to convince them to have an open house when they just wanted to have a quiet evening alone; she told them all they had to do was provide the house, she would do the rest. So that night, Emily and JJ relaxed with friends while Garcia played hostess and at the stroke of midnight they shared the sweetest of kisses while their son slept in his crib upstairs.

After everyone had gone, she and JJ cleaned up a bit before heading upstairs around 2am. JJ figured there wasn't a point to go to sleep until Henry had his feeding that occurred every night about that time. Emily leaned against the doorframe as Henry fed from his mother's breast, still amazed at the sight. When their young son was finished, JJ gave him to Emily to be put back down. Once Henry had settled down to sleep, Emily turned to JJ and pulled her into her arms.

"Happy New Year, baby," Emily said giving JJ a tender kiss

"I love you, Em. Happy New Year."

"I used to love New Year's Eve at my condo because I used to love to watch the fireworks from my window but tonight was so much better here in our home, with each other, our son, and our friends."

"It's not too late, you know," JJ said

"For what?" Emily asked

"Fireworks," JJ said pulling Emily into a passionate kiss.

Emily's easily succumbed to the ferocity of the kiss and looked at her wife in breathless anticipation. JJ held out her hand and, taking it, Emily followed JJ to their bed and, though it was late, they somehow found the energy to make love before falling asleep in each other's arms.

XXXXX

The Monday after New Year's Emily went back to work. It was also Amanda's first day on the job. JJ said that she would stay off work until she was comfortable about Amanda being alone with the baby and Amanda also felt comfortable moving in and then being on her own. Unfortunately for Emily, Amanda fit in and got adjusted rather quickly. JJ, in addition to breastfeeding, started pumping her breast milk and storing it. She felt comfortable enough to leave Henry alone with Amanda for a couple of hours while she ran errands.

They had a late dinner one evening at "their" place…the restaurant where they had their first date. They requested "their" table and sat in the quiet booth in the back just nuzzling and kissing.

"It's been awhile since it's just been you and me," JJ said as Emily kissed along her neck.

"I've missed not having to worry about feedings and diapers. You're mine tonight,"

"Hopefully all night," JJ said with a wicked glimmer in her eyes

Emily groaned, "That's the plan."

"See…having someone to watch Henry can work in your favor too, Em."

"I can see the benefits," Emily said, sliding her hand along JJ's leg.

Emily was surprised JJ was so relaxed on their first evening out without Henry. Emily watched her wife smile and laugh all night long as the enjoyed their dinner and then held hands as they took their time with dessert. JJ called Amanda once during their time out and all was well, Henry had been happy all evening and had been put to bed without issue.

"She makes you feel relaxed," said Emily when JJ got off the phone with Amanda.

"She does," JJ replied. "She's been great and Henry seems to like her; at least as much as a 2 month old can like a person."

"You're going back to work soon aren't you?"

"Yes," JJ said hesitantly, "Em I miss it so much. As much as I love our son, I miss my job. I can't believe I can't wait to get back to those awful files and the horrible things that people do to one another but I am."

Emily took JJ into her arms and kissed her temple.

"What kind of person does that make me, Emily? I'd rather spend my day going over horrific case files and hunting monsters than taking care of my son?"

Emily could feel the weight of JJ's statement in the blonde's body as it sagged into her.

"Look Jen, I may not necessarily want you to go back to work but it's not like I don't understand the reasons behind it. We make a difference out there. We both have a job that save lives, most of which we don't even realize we are saving. Whether we stop a serial killer at two victims or twenty, without us, those numbers just grow. Sometimes we get to see the people we save, like Tracy Belle or Katie Jacobs, but there are more often countless of other unknown victims. Lives that would have ended without our involvement."

Emily looked into JJ's watery blue eyes when she pulled back a bit. Emily leaned back in and captured JJ's lips with her own. JJ's lips parted and Emily deepened the kiss.

"Thanks, Em"

"For what?" asked Emily

"I think I needed the pep talk."

"Yeah, well…I guess I blew my opportunity."

"For what?" It was JJ's turn to ask the question.

"To try and convince you to stay home."

JJ sighed, "I'm glad you didn't."

"Like I said, Jayj, I might want you to stay home but I do understand the reasons behind your wanting to get back to work. It's your call…go back to work or stay home, it's okay with me. Honestly."

"Honestly?"

"Yes. I'm still struggling with it but I'm adjusting. I'm on board. Amanda is doing a great job and I do like her. She'll move in soon, we'll get settled, and we'll work it out."

JJ kissed Emily. "Come on, Em. Take me home. I think you mentioned something about me being yours tonight."

XXXXX

The team was in Alabama when Emily heard from Jordan Todd that JJ would be back at her desk by the time they returned from their latest case. She wasn't sure how she felt about that. JJ still had time off left.

Emily was sitting by herself on the jet on the way back to Quantico after the case had been wrapped up.

"Jordan said JJ's back," she heard Rossi say as she tried to lose herself into the sky she was staring at. She tried to ignore him hoping he would leave her to her thoughts.

"She still has three weeks left on her maternity leave," he said taking the seat across from her.

"_No such luck_," Emily thought as she turned her attention from the window she had been staring out of

"I know," she replied

"You should convince her to take her remaining time off,"

Emily chuckled, "Its JJ…really think I'll be able to do that?"

"You could try," Rossi replied

"Trust me, I have. It only leads to fighting and I don't like fighting with her."

"So you're good with this?"

"I have to be," Emily said, "She's my partner, my wife. It's important for us to both be on the same page."

"Well, you're a lot smarter than I ever was."

"You aren't saying that you used to like to fight with your wives?"

"Always made for good make-up sex,"

Emily tried not to make her internal cringe visible to the older man. The thought of Rossi having sex was almost more than she could take.

"Well, we're good …we don't need any extra incentive."

Rossi smiled and started to get up to leave, "It'll be good for the team to have her back. I think Jordan's ready to head back to counter-terrorism."

Emily nodded remembering the way Jordan had snapped at her on their flight to Alabama. JJ's job was tougher than any of them realized, especially Jordan Todd.

She watched Rossi walk away for a second before turning her attention back to window.

After landing, Emily went up to their offices on the 6th floor. Getting off the elevators she looked to the right and noticed the light on in JJ's office. Shaking her head, she turned to go say hello to her wife. Softly knocking as she slowly pushed opened the door she found JJ surrounded by files.

"Hey babe…"

JJ looked up and smiled and that's when Emily noticed it.

"You didn't tell me you were thinking about cutting your hair," Emily said taking in the much shorter haircut her wife had.

"Do you like it?"

Emily walked around JJ's desk and pulled JJ into a standing position and into a couple of spins so she could take a look at her.

"That's not a fair question. I'd love you even if you were bald."

"Yes, but do you like my hair,"

"It's cute but I like it better long," Emily said honestly

"Good to know, baby. I did it because it's easier with Henry but I'll make you a deal"

"What's that?"

"I'll let it grow back out if…" JJ said drawing Emily in close to her

"If what?" Emily asked, distracted by the closeness of her wife's body

"You grow out your bangs," JJ replied as she kissed Emily's jaw lightly

Emily chuckled, "You've never mentioned not liking my bangs before."

JJ smiled, "I'd love _you _bald," the blonde said giving her a wink

They shared as quick a kiss as they dared in JJ's office before Emily moved back over to sit in one of the chairs on the other side of JJ's desk.

"So how's it look?" Emily asked pointing at the myriad of files JJ had strewn about her desk and on the credenza behind her.

JJ sighed in frustration. "It's a mess."

"How can you tell?" Emily smirked. JJ's office looked like it always did.

JJ shot her a look that said don't go there.

"Are you officially back at work?" Emily asked. "Did Amanda move in?"

"Amanda is moving in next weekend. I'm going to put in 3-4 hours a day for the next 2-3 weeks and then come back full time. Jordan said she's split time with me until that happens. It will allow her to transition back into counter-terrorism at the same time."

"Good. I'm glad you're easing back into things and not just jumping head on into the fire."

XXXXX

JJ did take her time getting back into the swing of things. She put in a few hours everyday going over the stacks of case files that had built up on her desk while she was gone. The team had never been busier in just the few short hours JJ was in the office each day. JJ was doling out all of the cases for review that seemed to have multiplied in droves during her absence.

Emily noticed the closer JJ got to the return date she'd given Hotch, the more they both seemed to struggle. With Amanda settled into their home and Henry seemingly adjusting to the change, JJ was ready to return to work full-time but Emily could sense some hesitation on JJ's part. It was more a sense of things than anything overt on JJ's part.

Emily woke up in an especially snarky mood the morning JJ returned full-time. JJ was sadder than even she expected to be and Emily didn't quite know how to deal with it so it manifested itself into irritation and annoyance. It was all she could do to keep the words "_I told you so_" from leaving her lips. The fact that a case that demanded their presence crossed JJ's desk that morning did nothing to alleviate the mood.

The team flew to Washington State to investigate the abduction of four women in Olympia. She could feel that underlying tension back in her relationship with JJ. They didn't have much interaction during the case; Emily worked mostly with Hotch, JJ with Rossi. After wrapping up a hard day's work, Emily made her way to their hotel around midnight. JJ had already left for the hotel. Emily walked into their room to find JJ sitting on their bed, her eyes were dull and red-rimmed as if she'd been crying.

Suddenly all the irritation Emily had been feeling all day long left her. She went over to sit beside JJ and wrapped her arm around her. Emily felt JJ lean into her.

"Rough first day back?" Emily asked suddenly feeling very protective of the woman in her arms.

JJ sighed, "I feel so out of balance right now."

"Give yourself some time, Jayj, you aren't going to be back in stride the first day back."

"This is the most you've spoken to me today, Em."

"I'm sorry. I think I'm a little out of balance today too."

"Is that why you flipped Garcia the bird before we left the office this morning?"

Emily chuckled, "God I was snarky this morning."

"It's been a rough first day back, Em, for both of us."

"JJ, I spoke with Rossi before I left,"

"David Rossi can be such an ass."

"He can be when he thinks he's right but really, Jennifer, a psychic?"

"Emily, I just want this mother to find her daughter alive. Just to have a little hope. God forbid, if something happened to Henry, there wouldn't be a stone I would leave unturned or an avenue left unexplored to find him." JJ said, tears starting to form again.

Emily pulled JJ closer to her. "Nothing's going to happen to our son. Is that what this is all about?"

"I didn't get a chance to check on him today, Em. It's his first day without me and I didn't get a chance to check on him. It wasn't until I headed over here that I had a chance and it was already almost midnight back home."

Emily could feel JJ tremble slightly in her arms, "I checked on them a few hours ago…"

"You did?" JJ interrupted

"Yeah…it was about 7:30-8:00 their time. They were doing just fine."

JJ sniffled

"So you see, honey, between the both of us, we'll keep on top of things. I know I haven't exactly been supportive in your decision to return to work…"

JJ chuckled lightly, "No you haven't" JJ said as she wiped her tears away with the back of her hand.

"I know but I will do everything in my power to make sure we work it out. You and that little guy are the most important people in my life."

JJ sniffled

"I really am sorry, Jen."

Emily held JJ for a little while longer then they both changed and got some much-needed sleep. Emily watched JJ sleep that night, hardly getting any sleep of her own.

The case ended with the recovery of the missing young woman, alive, and their unsub in jail. Emily couldn't wait to get her wife back to their son. Something had been amiss with JJ during the entire case, a worry that had never been there before because of their son.

On their return flight to Quantico, Emily wondered if this was the new JJ. JJ had always been the sensitive one on the team, the heart, but this was different. JJ going to the psychic, taking evidence out of custody, was so out of character, Emily worried that her judgment had been clouded by the birth of their son; if being out of the field for so long, had changed her. She also wondered, and maybe even hoped, it was just the change in JJ's hormones since she had stopped breast-feeding or even pumping milk for Henry.

It was late evening when they arrived home. Emily decided getting JJ home was more important than the paperwork they both had to file; they'd come in early rather than stay late. They called Amanda on their way home to ask her to delay Henry's bath and bedtime, if possible, so they could tend to their boy.

They found Amanda watching TV on the couch when they walked in the door, the baby softly rocking back and forth in his swing close by.

"Henry sleeping?" JJ asked as she rushed into the house, not even bothering to say hello first.

Amanda chuckled lightly as she watched JJ head straight for the swing, "Not yet."

JJ scooped her son into her arms and brought him to her chest. Emily watched as JJ closed her eyes tightly trying to dam the tears that threathened to fall, a tear slipping down her cheek despite the effort to stop it.

When JJ opened her eyes again, Emily could see a range of emotions in them. Teary-eyed JJ took Henry upstairs to ready him for bed.

Emily gave Amanda an apologetic look, "She was pretty anxious to see him. How was he?"

"He was fine," Amanda replied. "A little fussy the first night but who could blame him? All in all, he was very good. I think this is harder on you two than it is on him."

They heard the water turn on upstairs indicating that JJ was getting Henry ready for his bath.

Emily nodded, "It is hard. I've had a couple months head start on JJ but this was her first time away from him for any length of time."

"It'll get easier as time goes on," Amanda said heading to the kitchen

"I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing," Emily replied following their nanny and watching her thaw a container of JJ's frozen milk for her son. Amanda immersed the storage container in warm water to slowly bring the milk to the correct temperature.

"Amanda, you will watch for any signs that we are causing him irreparable damage, right?" Emily asked cautiously as Amanda refilled the bowl with warm water.

"A couple more minutes," she said to Emily pointing at the containers in front of her. "Yes, I'd tell you if I thought this wasn't working for Henry but, honestly, I do think this is harder for the two of you, especially JJ."

'Yeah, I know," Emily replied. "It'll be my job to watch her."

Amanda poured the contents of the storage container into a bottle, swirled it around and handed it to Emily. "All set, go feed the little guy."

Emily took the bottle from Amanda and said goodnight before heading up the stairs. She glanced back at the young woman who was resettling on the couch and smiled; JJ really had picked the best nanny for their son.

The smell of the lavender lotion Henry was rubbed down with after every bath filled the nursery as Emily walked into the room. She looked and found JJ sitting on the glider, her blouse undone with Henry placed against her chest. Emily heard the soft sobs from JJ.

Emily knelt in front of JJ and placed the bottle on the floor. "Jayj?"

"He won't eat," JJ said through her tears

"Honey, you stopped pumping. You aren't producing milk anymore."

"It hasn't even been a week," JJ cried

"It doesn't take that long," Emily replied gently

JJ cried harder

Emily sighed, "Baby, maybe you aren't ready for this. Maybe you went back too soon."

Henry started to fuss in his frustration at not getting enough milk from his mother's breast, if he was getting any at all. Emily picked up the bottle, "Honey, give him the bottle. It's still your milk, he just doesn't get it from your breast anymore."

JJ took the bottle from Emily and offered it to her son. They both watched as Henry hungrily took it and started to feed. Emily was relieved when she saw the smile start to creep onto JJ's face. She rose up on her knees and watched her son eat then placed her hand behind her wife's neck and brought her into a soft kiss.

"I love you," JJ whispered softly when their lips parted

Emily traced her finger along JJ's cheek then pushed the hair behind JJ's ear. "I love you, too. Better?"

JJ nodded

"Good," Emily said as she started to get to her feet. "I'm going to go pick-up the bathroom. I'll be right back."

When Emily returned a short-time later, she saw JJ place Henry on her shoulder and got him to release his air bubble quickly.

"Em?"

Emily turned around from the changing table where she had been straightening up.

"Would you like to give him the rest of his bottle?"

"Are you sure?"

Emily saw JJ nod even in the dim light of the nursery

"I'd love to."

JJ switched places with Emily and placed their son into Emily's arms. Emily felt JJ sit at her feet as she gave Henry the bottle again. The three of them sat in the nursery and spent a little time together as a family.

After putting Henry to bed, Emily and JJ headed to their bedroom. Emily watched as JJ changed into her pajamas, as she pulled her own from her drawer. She lay down in their bed and pulled JJ to her when she felt her snuggle up beside her.

Emily heard JJ sniffle

"He seems okay," Emily reassured

JJ snuggled in tighter "Do you think he missed us?"

"Of course he did, babe but I also think he was okay."

"I missed him," JJ sighed

"We both did. Actually, I think our little boy is going to be very lucky."

"How so?" JJ asked quietly

"I think he is going to have three people who will watch over his well-being, will love him, will hold him when he's crying. Amanda's doing a great job, you picked the right person, JJ."

Emily rolled on top of JJ to look her wife in the eyes. "Jennifer," Emily whispered as she kissed JJ along her jaw, "you didn't have doubts when you made this decision, don't start having them now."

"I guess when you add your mom, Garcia, and the rest of the team into the mix, he's got a lot of people to watch over him."

"He will never be alone in this world, babe. Ever. He will never feel the loneliness that I felt growing up after Alex died. The loneliness that you felt after…"

Emily stopped short of bringing up the most-painful thing that JJ had ever endured. She felt JJ shudder underneath her.

"I'm sorry," Emily said quickly

JJ exhaled "It's okay. I don't want to talk about it though."

"I know. I didn't mean to bring it up." Emily said pushing JJ's hair behind her ear. "It's been a long, emotional day. Let's get some sleep."

Emily kissed JJ softly on the lips and intended to rollover and get some shuteye but JJ's hand around the back of her neck gripped tighter and held her in place.

"I love you, Emily. You've been wonderful these past couple of days. You're support means everything to me; it makes the doubts easier to deal with."

"I love you, Jennifer. I know I wasn't supportive at first but I really do want this to work because you want this to work. Together right?"

"Together," JJ whispered against Emily's neck, feeling JJ's lips pepper kisses starting at her jaw and working towards her collarbone; her hands sliding under the tank-top she was wearing and along her bare skin.

Emily sighed and moved to kiss JJ's mouth. Emily felt JJ tug on her hand. Emily started to kiss down JJ's neck and found her wife's rapidly beating pulse point. Emily felt JJ tug on her hand.

* * *

Emily felt JJ tug on her hand again and it brought her back to the present. She smiled as JJ looked at her with a confused look on her face.

"Sorry, I was lost in my own head."

"What were you thinking about?" JJ asked softly

"You," Emily replied, "and our son."

"How is he?"

"He's okay last I heard."

"Have you seen him today?"

"Not since this morning but I'm hoping to see him soon," Emily glanced at her watch and saw that visiting hours had ended five minutes before.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Longer than I thought. It's a little after 9pm."

"You should go, Em. Go check on the baby."

Emily heard her phone's ring-tone chime indicating that she had a text message. It read: **Operation Henry in progress**

Emily smiled. "A few more minutes, babe. You just woke up."

Emily turned as she heard the door to JJ's private room open and then turned back to watch JJ's face as Elizabeth carried their son into the room.

* * *

**I know, I know…How can I leave it here. Operation Henry is the next chapter, promise. **

**Thanks in advance to everyone that reviews. **


	32. Angels and Demons

**A/N1 – Well, the chapter that a lot of people have been waiting for…Operation Henry. Hope it's worth the wait. **

**A/N2 – Thank you for all the kind reviews and PMs. Almost 300…maybe I'll reach that mark with this chapter. I appreciate everybody that takes the time to read my story. Thanks for your patience and waiting for my story to update. **

**And, as always, I don't own these characters but I do enjoy writing them. **

"You should go, Em. Go check on the baby."

Emily heard her phone's ring-tone chime indicating that she had a text message. It read: _**Operation Henry in progress**_

Emily smiled. "A few more minutes, babe. You just woke up." Wild horses couldn't drag Emily away from JJ's room at this moment.

Emily turned as she heard the door to JJ's private room open and then turned back to watch JJ's face as Elizabeth carried their son into the room.

JJ looked confused, as if she were wondering if she were dreaming. She looked at Emily and then to Elizabeth. A sob escaped from her.

The baby strained to reach his arms across the room to his mother, his pacifier falling from his mouth. Elizabeth struggled to hold onto his wiggling body so Emily took him from her and brought him closer to JJ. JJ moved suddenly to try and sit up and winced in pain. Tam and Jackie had both followed Amanda into the room and immediately went to the other side of JJ's bed.

"Easy, JJ, you need to stay calm," Tam said

Jackie raised JJ's bed a little so she could sit up better and then adjusted her oxygen to help her breathe easier during her excitement.

"We're all here to help you visit with your baby, JJ but you need to relax," Jackie said

Emily brought Henry to the edge of JJ's bed. JJ held the little hand that he offered her and gently squeezed it. Emily kissed the top of his head. "Good boy. You've missed your mommy," she said as she stroked his hair.

"Not as much as his mommy's missed him," JJ said quietly through her tears. "Sit him here." JJ patted the bed beside her.

Emily thought about it and then reluctantly placed Henry over the safety bar and sat him on the bed beside JJ. JJ reached out with her hand and traced it over her son's face. Henry was grabbing for his mother, grabbing at the leads that ran from the various machines to JJ's body. Emily did her best to keep his hands at bay.

"He's sitting better," JJ said, tears continuing to fall down her cheeks

"His motor skills are rather remarkable," Amanda replied from the back of the room near the door.

"Hi Amanda," JJ said

"Hi JJ. How are you feeling?" their son's nanny asked

"Much better now," JJ said as she ran her hand through Henry's soft blond hair.

Henry laughed and raised his hands and brought them down, unfortunately he lunged forward a bit and brought them down on the incision left after the removal of JJ's drainage tube. JJ cried out in agony, startling Henry into crying.

Fearing this was going downhill fast, Emily did her best to stop her son's tears while looking out for JJ at the same time. JJ tried to smile through the pain so that Henry wouldn't be frightened. They both whispered words to soothe him so he would stop crying.

"Bring him closer, Em" JJ told Emily through gritted teeth.

"Are you sure?" Emily asked. "He doesn't understand."

"I know," JJ whispered, "And I'm afraid I scared him. I don't want him to ever be frightened of me."

Emily nodded and lifted Henry to reposition him closer to JJ.

"Hang on," Tam said as she scurried over to the chair that Emily had called hers since JJ had been in this room. Grabbing one of the pillows Emily normally used for her back, she placed it to the side of JJ to protect the sensitive area.

Emily placed Henry closer to JJ and the inquisitive little boy lurched forward again as he attempted to climb towards JJ. Emily placed her hand under his tummy and helped guide him to his destination. He rested once he reached the crook of JJ's arm, nestled between her armpit and her breast. Amanda handed Emily Henry's pacifier and Emily slipped it back into her son's mouth.

"God he sure knows how to get where he wants to go," Elizabeth commented

Emily raised her eyebrows and nodded.

Noticing that he was very close to where the tube had been removed, Emily asked JJ if she wanted her to move him.

"Not on your life," JJ replied

Emily watched her wife and son lying in front of her, neither of them moving, both content to lie closely to each other.

Emily looked to the others in the room and exhaled, happy that both JJ and Henry seemed to be settled. Emily smiled and mouthed "thank you" to her co-conspirators.

Now that everything seemed to be in hand, Tam and Jackie excused themselves. Tam was off-duty and had done this little espionage exercise on her own time, Jackie needed to get back to ICU. They both informed Emily that JJ's current charge nurse, Natalie Duran, was also in on their little plan and wouldn't disturb them unless they needed her.

Amanda handed Emily Henry's "baby go-bag", as they affectionately called it, and told Emily that there was a fresh bottle for him. "He had a little a couple of hours ago," their nanny told them. "He will probably be hungry again soon."

Emily thanked them all again and kissed her mother.

"We'll be close for a while before we take off," Elizabeth said as she left.

And just like that, the three of them were alone for the first time in a week and a half.

Henry rested his head on JJ and pulled softly on his pacifier. JJ held one of his socked feet in her hands, rubbing lightly. Emily kissed JJ on her forehead.

"You okay?"

"Never better."

"Never?" Emily laughed, "Really?"

JJ smiled, "Funny how having him next to me has made the pain fade."

Pulling her chair close to JJ's bed again, Emily dropped Henry's bag to the side and flopped into the seat. "That was nerve-racking."

"Emily?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Thanks for arranging this. I've missed him so much."

"I know you have. I'm glad I could get him up here."

"How long do I have him?"

"We'll see. As long as he stays like this, he could be here all night. My mom and Amanda are going back to the hotel in a bit but will come get him if he fusses too much."

"He's such a good boy," JJ said, patting her hand on his bottom.

Emily smiled, "He is."

After a few minutes, Emily reached into his bag, grabbed his bottle from its insulated case and placed it in JJ's left hand. She helped JJ position it since use of her left arm was limited due to the exit wound of the bullet. JJ was able to hold the end of it and Henry took the bottle immediately, sucking vigorously.

"He's always had such a good appetite," Emily said watching Henry down his bottle

"He takes after you," JJ joked

"I hope so, it'll be nice to have someone to share a steak with every once in a while."

"I eat meat…sometimes,"

"Yeah, when you're pregnant," Emily bantered back. "I'd like meat a little more often than that."

"I just want to eat normal food again," JJ lamented

Emily kissed the top of her head, "Soon baby, hopefully really soon."

JJ tilted her head upwards and Emily kissed her lips. Emily watched their son as he slowed down. Slowly his eyes started to close, lids getting heavy with sleep. She went to say something to JJ and noticed that JJ too looked tired again. A few minutes later Henry was out. Smiling softly, she took the bottle away and rinsed it out in the bathroom in JJ's room. When she went back both of them were fast asleep. She grabbed one of Henry's baby blankets out of his bag and covered him. She ran his fingers through his fine, wavy hair and sighed, marveling at the little life that she and JJ had created together.

"What did I do to deserve this? You're amazing," she whispered quietly. "You both are."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It took a few more weeks to learn how to balance home and work. Amanda was truly a godsend and Emily found herself really liking the girl. She felt comfortable having Amanda around even when they were home, comfortable enough so that Emily wasn't embarrassed when Amanda would catch her and JJ making-out or groping one another around the house. Amanda would just chuckle and leave the room.

JJ still tended to Henry most of the time when she was home with Emily doing her part too. Amanda used this time to make sure she was getting the work done to fulfill her masters and to have some sort of social life.

All in all, things were going pretty well…until they weren't.

The team hadn't had a case since they got home from Dallas the week prior. Emily and JJ had been relaxing at home after work, playing with their son, getting him ready for bed. The only thing on Emily's agenda after that was getting JJ into bed and messing around for a bit. That plan changed when the phone rang.

Emily answered the phone in the kitchen where she had been tidying up. She felt the blood drain from her face when she heard who was on the other line. The conversation was brief; she couldn't even remember what was really said. JJ walked into the kitchen and almost immediately a look of concern crossed her features.

"Em?" JJ asked as she gently laid her hand across Emily's arm. "You okay? Who was on the phone?"

Emily struggled to answer that question, especially not knowing what he wanted.

"Jen, do you trust me?"

"That's a loaded question, Emily."

"Jennifer?" Emily said pointedly

"Of course I do, Em but you're scaring me."

"I don't mean to," Emily said walking over to JJ who was standing near her, "but I need to go out for a little bit. I have to see an old friend."

"It's pouring outside, Emily."

"I know but I need to see what he wants."

"What who wants?" JJ asked

"Can we talk about this when I get home?"

JJ stared at her, her blue eyes dark with concern. "Okay," she said hesitantly.

Emily pulled JJ close to her and kissed the tip of her nose, "I love you,"

"Be back soon, Em"

Emily threw on her Burberry raincoat and head out in her Lexus.

"Shit, fuck," Emily kept muttering to herself on her way to the specified bar in the pouring rain. "Haven't seen the dude in years and yet he fucking tracks me down."

On her way to meet him, Emily ran over all the possible reasons her old friend, John Cooley, would have for reaching out to her. Once at the bar, finding out that their mutual friend Matthew Benton was dead, wasn't one of them.

Emily was numb. The questions started flooding her mind. She knew Matthew had struggled with drug addiction since they were teens growing up. She suspected this is what caused his death; she was surprised when John said that Matthew thought someone was trying to kill him. Emily agreed to see if she could find something out about it.

Emily called Garcia as she made her way to the BAU. She was thankful their tech genius was working late at the office, assisting Hotch with some research. Despite being busy, she managed to throw in a query for Tommy V, a name John had said that Matthew had mentioned to him.

Hotch gave her some leeway to look into Matthew's death, even brought the team in to help investigate. Emily had never before felt so unstable in her job; she lost her objectivity and her ability to compartmentalize. Dave tried to help and even got her to open up about what had happened in Rome more than half a lifetime ago. She wasn't sure what happened or how Matthew died but she was determined to find out. Matthew had been there for her during her darkest hour and she was going to find out how he died come hell or high water.

Emily and the rest of the team started to dig into Matthew's life. His recent trip to Spain brought some surprising questions. Were Matthew and John involved in a murder of another priest while there? The thought was too painful to think about. The found a name, Father Silvano, and Emily knew he was responsible for what happened to Matthew; she believed that with her entire being. His exorcisms had led to the death of three men including her friend. She became a little aggressive when questioning the priest and Hotch actually removed her from the case.

She was angry at Father Silvano for his involvement in Matthew's death, angry with Hotch for taking her off the case, angry with Rossi for making her relive her painful memories, angry with Morgan for not backing her up, and angry with herself because she hadn't been there for her friend that had been by her side all those years ago.

After they caught Father Silvano trying to perform his final exorcism on John Cooley, Hotch and Morgan arranged for the priest to be turned over to the Italian authorities. They had discovered earlier in their investigate that he had diplomatic immunity, even for the possible murder of three men, and the worse they could do was have him deported. After the ordeal was over, Rossi offered to give Emily a ride back to the office but Emily needed to walk, she needed to process everything that had transpired since she'd left her home to meet with John the night before. She needed to become less angry before returning to her family.

As the light snow got increasingly heavier, she walked aimlessly down street after street until she found herself in front of a church. She stared at it and remembered back to the days when she used to believe so strongly in it. The church was a big part of her childhood. Alex had been an alter boy on more than one occasion, the memories of catechism and communion replying in her mind. Her mother had turned to the church for strength when Alex died. Emily realized that was the beginning of her turning away from it; she found comfort and solace in other places.

Emily had kept an old picture of the three of them tucked in the back of a drawer at work. She kept it there as a reminder of just how far she had come since that darkest time of her life. She dug it out after hearing of Matthew's death. Emily took it out of her pocket while standing in front of that church. A drop of blood fell onto that old faded memory. She realized her nose was bleeding and she wiped it away with the back of her hand and then her fingertips.

"Are you okay?"

Emily was startled out of her thoughts by the sound of a familiar voice. She turned to find JJ walking towards her.

"I don't think so," Emily said crying into JJ's shoulder as she felt JJ's arms wrap around her. The anger had long subsided and had given way to hurt and remorse. Emily felt like that confused and lost fifteen year-old again.

JJ held onto her, snow falling all around them as they embraced. When Emily was able to finally speak again she asked, "How did you find me?"

"Intuition?" JJ replied, "I don't know how else to explain it. When I got to the crime scene, Dave told me you wanted to walk so I just drove down different streets until I saw you standing here. You were on foot, I knew you couldn't have gone far."

"I didn't even hear you pull up."

"You're in your own head again, Emily." JJ said. "Let's get you home."

Emily sniffled and wiped away the remaining blood. JJ reached into her pocket and pulled out a clean tissue.

"I probably got blood on your jacket."

"It's black, you'll never be able to tell. Besides, Henry's covered this thing with more stuff than I care to mention. Good thing we have a good dry cleaner."

Emily chuckled softly.

"Why is your nose bleeding, Em?

"I'm not sure. Hopefully from stress and not from anything that priest had that Holy Water."

They walked over to JJ's Lexus, "You're driving your SUV."

"Yeah, I figured you'd need to go home after this. No point going back to the office," JJ replied. "Like I said, let's get you home."

Exhausted, Emily tried to fall asleep during the ride back to DC but her mind kept replaying everything in her head. She kept thinking about what happened over twenty years ago, how Matthew had been there for her; she wished she could have been there for him, that they hadn't lost touch. She thought about her life and the various relationships she'd sabotaged between then and joining the BAU. She thought about the beautiful woman who was here for her now and was ever so grateful. The last thing she felt before sleep finally won out was JJ reaching for her hand and interlacing their fingers.

After pulling into their garage, JJ had to help Emily to the house. Emily felt frozen, both physically and emotionally. JJ helped Emily shirk off her coat and then hung them both in the garage to dry before guiding her into their home. JJ left her on the couch as she ran upstairs. It was late, the house was quiet and Emily assumed the baby was asleep. Emily was fixated on a red spot on a painting that hung in their family room. It reminded her of the blood that had dripped onto the picture of her, Matthew, and John. It was all she could think about. She thought she heard the distant sound of running water and voices from atop the landing but she couldn't pull them to her conscious state, instead they were like figments playing on her imagination.

JJ's gentle hand on her arm brought her out of her trance.

"Em, let's get you upstairs." JJ said softly

Emily let JJ lead her up to their bedroom and into their bath. JJ had left both rooms quiet and dark, with only a few candles lit for lighting rather than for romantic ambiance. JJ slowly undressed her, careful not to startle her. Once she was naked she felt alone and vulnerable despite the love of her life standing before her.

JJ must have sensed this because she pulled Emily to her and wrapped her in her arms. Emily couldn't stop her body from shaking in spite of the warm body pressed against hers. Without realizing it, tears were falling uncontrollably from her eyes.

"Ssshhh, ssshhh," JJ whispered. "I got ya. It's going to be okay."

"I can't stop shaking," Emily was finally able to say.

"I know. Come on, let's get you in the tub."

Emily hadn't noticed before but JJ had run the tub and it was warm and waiting for her.

JJ helped Emily slide into the sunken bath and get settled. The warm lavender scent of the bath salts filled the large bathroom.

"I'll be right back, babe."

When JJ returned a few minutes later, Emily noticed she had changed into a tank top and sweats. She also came bearing two glasses filled about halfway with an amber liquid. Carefully handing one to Emily, JJ said "All whiskey, no soda."

Emily was sitting in the warm, almost hot, water with her knees up to her chest. She took the glass from JJ and took a sip, feeling it burn all the way down.

"You take good care of me," Emily said

"We take good care of each other."

Emily started to cry again. JJ grabbed a bath sponge and slowly ran warm water down Emily's back then used it to gently wash her skin.

"Wanna talk about it?" JJ asked

"I don't think I can."

"Come on, Em. Just a couple of months ago I sat on the edge of this tub and you asked me to talk to you. It was the start of my healing process to rid myself of the baby blues." JJ reminded her. "You helped me then, let me help you now."

"It just, I don't know." Emily started. "It's too painful."

"We've talked about it before, Em. We've talked about what happened between you, John, and Matthew. This isn't anything new."

"This brought back all the demons I've been fighting my whole life."

"You don't have to fight them alone anymore, Emily. I'm here for you."

"It's too painful."

"And telling you about Ashley wasn't?"

**_Flashback_**

_Emily had just told JJ about Alex and afterward she had asked JJ to make love to her. They were lying on the couch in each other's arms as they both caught their breaths. They heard the alarm go off upstairs and headed back to Emily's bedroom to get ready for work. _

_Emily was talking about the case file she had been reviewing before her mother had shown up at the BAU the day before. She asked JJ a question about it and it went unanswered. She asked again getting the same results. Emily walked out of the vanity area where she'd been applying her make-up to check on JJ. She found her lover sitting on the bed, head down staring at her hands in her lap._

"_Jen?" _

"_I get why you never mentioned your brother before," JJ said softly_

"_Some things are just too painful to talk about," JJ continued, finally looking up to meet Emily's eyes_

_Emily kept quiet, afraid if she said anything JJ wouldn't be able to talk about whatever it was that was troubling her._

"_I've been keeping something from you," _

_Emily walked over to JJ and kneeled in front of her. "You can tell me anything, JJ." Emily watched JJ's blue eyes fill with tears. "Jennifer, talk to me."_

_JJ closed her eyes and all Emily wanted to do was hold her the way that JJ had held her just a few hours before. She hated to see her lover in such pain. She took one of JJ's hands in hers and held it tightly. _

"_I haven't been completely honest with you as to why I'm afraid of the woods," JJ said finally. _

"_It's okay, JJ. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." _

_Emily immediately thought that someone had hurt the woman that she loved and was almost afraid for JJ to continue. During her career, she'd seen way too many pictures and case files of what could happen to little girls._

"_You told me about Alex, I need to tell you about Ashley."_

"_Who's Ashley?"_

"_My sister."_

"_I never knew you had a sister."_

"_I never knew you had a brother. Like I said, some things are too painful to talk about."_

"_What happened, JJ?"_

_JJ thought for a moment, then told Emily a very long story._

"_I wasn't kidding about being lost in the woods when I was six, Em. When that happened, I stopped playing in the woods because I was scared. My sister, Ashley, was the oldest of us Jareau kids; she was six years older than me. Six years is a big difference. Some days she would look out for me and others I was the pesky little sister she couldn't be bothered with but I looked up to her so much, Emily."_

_Emily smiled and nodded; her relationship with Alex could sometimes be the same way._

_JJ continued, "She felt bad she was with her friends the day I got lost and she tried very hard to help me get over my fear of the woods. You've seen where I grew up; the place is lousy with trees. I felt safe with her and she was really the only person that I would let take me into the woods after I'd gotten lost. We had our secret spot where we would sit and she would tell me stories. Things that happened at school, things about her friends, things that had to stay hidden in our secret spot."_

"_As we got a little older, and Ashley got interested in boys, we didn't go there as often but she still made time for me. My dad let Ashley have a boyfriend when she turned 16, though I knew she'd already been dating him in secret for almost a year. I was insanely jealous of the amount of time that my sister spent with Doug and his family."_

_JJ smiled at the memory._

"_She was the first person to tell me about sex."_

"_What did she tell you?"_

"_That it hurt the first time she did it. That is wasn't everything it was cracked up to be. That I should wait until I really loved the person before I had sex with them."_

"_Smart girl," Emily said, holding JJ's hand tighter_

"_About six months after Ashley turned 16, she and Doug broke up. My sister was devastated to find out that he was sleeping with a couple of her friends, her so-called friends. They were all cheerleaders for East Allegheny High and I guess it was a very uncomfortable situation."_

"_I can imagine," _

"_My sister was different after that. She withdrew; she rarely interacted with my brothers or me. My parents tried to help, tried to find out what happened. It's a small town, Em…it wasn't hard for them to hear what happened but I had no idea until much later."_

_JJ swallowed hard before continuing. _

"_Ashley hadn't been herself. We hadn't gone to our secret spot for months. One afternoon, just after she turned 17, she knocked on the door to my bedroom. She told me that when my mom was pregnant with me all she wanted was a sister; that my brothers were fine but she really wanted a little sister. She told me that she loved me; that she always would no matter what happened. That I was the best little sister a girl could ever pray for. Then she gave me the necklace that my parents had given her as a Sweet 16 present."_

"_How old were you?"_

"_I was eleven," _

"_What happened JJ?" Emily asked. She already knew where this was headed but JJ needed to get it out._

"_I didn't want to take the necklace, it was hers but I was secretly happy that she'd given it to me because I had wanted one just like it for a year. She kissed me on top of my forehead and left my room. As I gazed in the mirror at the necklace hanging around my neck, I looked through the window and saw Ashley as she headed for the woods; she was carrying a brown grocery sack. I thought she was going to our secret spot. I ran downstairs to follow her, hoping we would get to spend some more time together."_

_Tears flowed freely from JJ now, she didn't even bother to try and stop them. Emily got up from her knees and sat on the bed beside JJ, pulling her into a tight embrace. "It's okay, JJ, you don't need to finish. This is too hard for you."_

"_I was half way there when I heard the shot," _

_Emily closed her eyes, "Oh god,"_

"_I stopped in my tracks, fearing where the shot came from. I hoped the woods were playing tricks on me. I ran to our spot and Ashley…was there, it was already too late."_

"_I'm really sorry, JJ."_

_JJ took a minute to compose herself before continuing._

"_I didn't really understand what had happened. I just knew my sister had shot herself and that I found her body. I ran back to the house and got my brothers. I took them to Ashley's body. Andrew was 15 and learning to drive. He told Paul to call 911 and to wait at the house for people to come. Andrew took one of my dad's cars and drove to the shop. My mom was there working on the books that afternoon. No son should ever have to tell his parents that their daughter killed herself. It's all a blur from there."_

_JJ cleared her throat_

"_I guess that's when my mom started to really change. She was tough on me before, but after my sister's death she became nearly impossible. You see…Ashley was the pretty one, the petite cheerleader that my mom lived vicariously through. Ashley took that away from her."_

"_Death changes people, JJ."_

_JJ nodded her head and sobbed into Emily's neck. Emily could feel JJ's body shake as the emotional memory rolled through her. _

"_Did you ever find out why your sister did it?"_

"_Yeah, I found out a few years later from Andrew. Doug and her 'friends' had spread rumors all over school about Ashley. That she was a slut, that she slept with nearly every guy on the football team. Guys believed the rumors and asked her out for the wrong reasons. And when the guy wanted sex and she said no, she was a cocktease. Andrew didn't really know about it while it was happening, he was a couple of grades behind her in school. He'd heard some guys talking but he had no idea they were talking about his sister."_

"_Crap, I bet he wanted to kick Doug's ass after that." _

"_He did, about 10 years later. Doug had gone off to college and came home one for the holidays one year. Andrew saw him in a bar and kicked is ass. Andrew spent the night in jail but Doug refused to press charges and the matter was dismissed."_

"_Bastard probably felt guilty about Ashley."_

"_He did. He actually told Andrew that…afterwards. He told Andrew that he was sorry and that he thought about Ashley every day. That she didn't deserve that. He was a stupid kid and he didn't think it would cause her to kill herself."_

"_He didn't think at all," Emily replied_

"_No he didn't. Emily you have no idea what it is like growing up in a small town, everybody knowing your business. There is no place to hide. Ashley felt suffocated by the rumors, suffocated at school, she had nowhere to turn. She might have been able to talk to my parents."_

"_Could they have done anything?"_

"_I'm not sure. Not a lot of options. They knew that she and Doug broke-up, they knew that he was sleeping around town, but they didn't know about the other guys. I think that's where the real pain was coming from. The rumors were worse after she killed herself. I could never find out for sure, but I think one of them may have date-raped her."_

"_Oh god," Emily said rubbing her hand across her face. "Poor kid."_

"_She was sweet, Em. All my memories of her are good ones, even when she was treating me like I was a pain in her side. I missed her so much growing up."_

"_There were no pictures of her at your parent's house, were there?"_

"_No, they took them all down a long time ago. It's too painful. But her room is still intact; I checked when we were back there. If I had taken you upstairs, you would have seen pictures of her. I'll show you next time you're at my house. I've got pictures, lots of them over at my place."_

_Emily ran her hand up and down JJ's back trying to soothe the pain her love was feeling._

"_It's gotten easier as time has gone by…it is a great healer."_

"_This is the true source of your nightmares isn't Jayj?"_

"_Yeah. Some nights I just hear the BANG; some nights I see her face half blown away." _

_Emily closed her eyes at the thought that JJ had to see her sister like that. She remembered all the blood that covered Alex when he had crashed into that tree. That had been bad enough; this had to be so much more tragic. _

"_Where'd she get the gun?"_

"_My dad. He has a lot of them. Taught us all to shoot and handle them when we were little so that we felt comfortable around them."_

"_No wonder you ace all the firearms tests."_

_JJ laughed lightly_

"_Did your sister's death prompt you into going in to law enforcement?"_

"_A little. My sister was the first dead person that I ever saw. As I got older, I didn't want it to be the last. Given everything that I'd been through, I started to think that I could help others get through it. Every time a friend lost someone, I was the first one they called. It was just kind of a natural progression." _

"_I understand why you didn't want to tell me. It still hurts, I get it."_

"_I know you do…now. When you told me about Alex last night, I knew you knew exactly how it feels, how much it hurts to lose someone you love."_

_JJ finally lifted her head from Emily's shoulder and kissed Emily._

"_Thanks, Em," JJ said after parting. "We'd better get going, we're already late for work."_

"_Crap! We'd better call Hotch."_

"_He won't be in until after 11, he's going with Haley to take Jack to the doctor."_

"_If he remembers," _

"_I reminded him before I left for the restaurant last night and I programmed a reminder text to be sent to him this morning," JJ said knowing their boss' tendency to focus only on work. "He'd better remember."_

_Emily kissed JJ again this time deeper and they then both finished getting ready for work. They arrived over an hour late. Good thing Hotch remembered and everyone else was too busy to notice. _

_XXXXX_

Emily sat shaking in their bathtub as she remembered the morning that JJ told her about Ashley. Ashley was the unspoken ghost that haunted the Jareau family. Emily had helped JJ work past the pain then, could Emily let JJ help her work past her own pain now?

JJ continued to run the sponge across Emily's smooth back and shoulders, waiting patiently for her wife to speak.

"I tried to push this all behind me," Emily said softly

"Sometimes our past is dragged out into the light no matter how hard we tried to hide it,"

"I feel like I don't deserve this,"

"Deserve what, Em?"

"You. Henry. I never thought…" she started then stopped.

"Thought what, Em?" JJ prompted

"I never thought I'd get a chance to have a family. I didn't think that God would allow it after what happened in Rome."

"I think you've beat yourself up enough about this. My parents raised us to believe that God is forgiving."

Emily sat silently in the tub.

"I've never said I love you to anyone," Emily began tentatively

"You tell me you love me all the time, Em."

"I mean before you," Emily corrected.

"Okay," JJ said. "Why?"

Emily was silent again for a long time.

"I don't think I ever really felt it before. Or maybe I didn't think I deserved to feel it."

"Em, we all deserve to be loved."

Emily started to sob and JJ dropped the sponge preferring instead to use run her bare hand across Emily's skin.

"This whole mess brought back all the feelings of unworthiness that I felt as a kid; the self-loathing, the self-doubt. Do you know how many times I wish it were me that died on that mountain instead of Alex?"

JJ leaned over to add a warm trickle of water to the bath, which was growing tepid. Standing, she stripped out of her clothes and climbed into the bath behind Emily. Once settled, she drew Emily to her and let her lover settle into her. Emily sighed heavily once she was safely ensconced in JJ's arms.

"I hate that you feel that way, Em," JJ said kissing Emily behind her ear. "If that had happened, I would never have met the fantastic woman that I share my life with."

"That one incident created a snowball of different sorrows in my life." Emily swallowed hard, "Alienation from my parents, seeking comfort in the wrong places, my pregnancy, my abortion, the alcohol."

"Alex's death was a tragedy."

"So was Ashley's and you didn't fall apart."

"Well, we all handle things differently and I was a lot younger. My mother may have been tough on me but she did care, maybe too much but she cared. I was always kind of daddy's girl but, after Ashley died, he and I were even closer."

"I didn't have that."

"I know."

"So I had Matthew, John, and a few other friends. We all drank and hung out, goofed around. I needed to feel like I belonged somewhere."

Emily raised her glass to her lips and took a drink.

"The other friends were a few of the local kids, mostly the kids of people that worked with my mother or for the Italian government. Spoiled, wealthy. Arturo, Mia, Marco, and…Paola."

Emily sat up and turned off the water before the tub overfilled, then settle back against JJ.

"Paola and I were really close friends. I started to have these feelings toward her. My stomach would ache and I couldn't wait to see her. Sometimes I caught her looking at me. I didn't get it. I was fifteen; I didn't know what I was feeling. I just thought we were friends."

JJ drew her arms tighter around Emily.

"Once day it was just the two of us and she kissed me…and I freaked. I didn't know how to react. I didn't know how I felt about boys much less girls."

"What did you do?"

"I ignored her, shut her out, and pretended it didn't happen."

"Ick."

"I would only hang around her if it wasn't just her and me. Until one day she came to our villa, confronted me about what had happened."

"What happened then?"

"We talked, yelled, ended up making out. She was about a year and a half older than I was. She had a little experience. She touched me places I'd never been touched before, rubbed me through my jeans. It was the first time I ever came."

"Did you like it?"

"Um," Emily thought about it. "I didn't dislike it but it confused me. She left after she rubbed me out. I didn't know what happened. She just stopped, got off me and left. After a few minutes, I took off to try and find her. I found John instead."

"Oh?"

"I never meant to sleep with him. I was looking for Paola. We didn't have any protection. We made out, he felt me and I was wet. He thought it was because of him. I didn't want him but it's not like I stopped him either. Next thing I knew he was inside of me, pumping like a jackrabbit. It was awkward and clumsy. He came, I didn't."

"And that one time you got pregnant?"

"No, we did it a few times after that. We were always careless so I'm not sure exactly when it happened." Emily laughed mirthlessly. "I was afraid. I had no one to talk to so I turned to Matthew."

Emily took another sip of the whiskey

"I regret ever sleeping with John…and not just because I got pregnant. I was just confused about Alex and Paola, I just felt so alone."

JJ ran her hands along Emily's arms.

"After Matthew found the doctor and helped me through my abortion, he started using drugs more. He felt he had sinned because he helped me end my baby's life. I'm not sure he ever forgave himself."

"Emily, you can't blame yourself for Matthew's messed up life."

"He was already so messed up when I met him," Emily said. "He was so smart and had so many questions about the Bible and God that people wanted to answer by telling him to pray. Not really the answer he was looking for. I think the abortion exacerbated his issues. I also think he had questions about his own sexuality but he would never talk to me about them."

Emily downed the remainder of the amber liquid that was in her glass.

"Those were his demons, Em."

"I didn't help and then I left Rome."

"You didn't leave Rome voluntarily, Emily. Your mom made you leave. You were a kid; you didn't have the ability to help him. You could barely help yourself."

"My mom had to get me out of Rome because I was drinking a lot and I think down deep she was worried about my relationship with my friends especially Paola."

"What happened with Paola?"

"Nothing. She felt I had made my decision when she saw me kissing John. She called me a coward and never really spoke with me again."

"My mom brought me back here to the States," Emily continued. "I threw myself into the music scene. Acted out, was a general pain in the ass to my mom…typical high school stuff. I didn't know what I was going to do after I graduated so I applied to Georgetown. Did my general ed."

JJ laughed softly, "Crazy how we both went to Georgetown at some point."

"Yeah. I wonder if you would have liked me back then."

"Of course I would have, Em."

"I'm not so sure JJ. I was a loner in high school, didn't go out with anyone. After I started Georgetown I dated a couple of guys just because I don't think I wanted to admit what my true feelings were. Then one of the waitresses where I worked started to flirt with me. I found myself gravitating to her and, after a while, we ended up having sex in the storeroom at work one night and nothing had ever felt so right."

Emily grabbed JJ's glass of whiskey from where it had been resting on the edge of the tub and took another drink.

"After that I knew, I knew and I never looked back. But I was still a little fucked in the head. All I was interested in was hooking up with girls in bars, in clubs, or at parties. Never taking them back to my place, never going to theirs. Just random meaningless sex."

"It was college, Em. It's like that for a lot of people not just you."

"I didn't feel anything for any of these women, Jayj. Nothing. I was empty inside. If anything, I wanted to hurt them because I was hurting."

"Did you?" JJ asked, "Hurt them I mean?"

"No. I mean I got a little rough, biting, bruising but nothing like I _wanted_ to do."

"What did you want to do?"

"I'm not sure. I tried to keep the dark thoughts away, I was afraid to explore them. I just knew I wanted it to hurt."

Emily took another drink

"I even went to a couple of S&M clubs. At least there the random sex came with the pain I was seeking."

JJ kissed the back of Emily's neck. "You don't seem to need that anymore."

"When I left for Yale, I told myself I was going to leave that dark passage behind me. I wanted more. I needed to feel something more than just the void inside of me. I think that's why I decided to study psychology. I wanted to understand myself."

Emily sighed, trying to figure out if she should continue, "Veronica is the first person that I ever felt anything for."

Emily felt JJ's hands tighten around her again.

"I know I've never really discussed her before. I'm sorry."

"Em, we all have a past. You don't really talk much about yours. Maybe you need to get it out because this has obviously been eating at you."

"Did you know she was the first person I ever had sex with in a bed," Emily said, her voice shaking. "How ridiculous is that?"

"Did you love her?"

"Maybe, I'm not sure. I do know that you are the first person I ever loved with any certainty."

JJ kissed the back of Emily's neck again. Emily settled deeper into JJ, she felt her chest constrict as she thought about just how deep her feelings for JJ ran. Emily shivered and not just because the water was growing cold again, she felt JJ's hands as they slipped down her torso to her thighs.

"I love you too, Em." JJ whispered as she slowly began to move her fingers along the tops of Emily's upper leg. Emily grabbed JJ's hands and, after intertwining their fingers, placed JJ's hand where she needed to feel her the most.

Emily tilted her head back as JJ's deft fingers slowly worked her towards climax. She was vaguely aware of the soft whispers JJ said into her ear, words of love, of devotion, of encouragement and of lust. Emily came hard and fast and then just cried as JJ held her.

After a few more minutes the water was too cold to sit in it any longer and JJ coaxed a spent Emily out of the water. Emily felt JJ slowly towel her dry and then lead her to their bedroom, sitting her down on their bed.

When JJ turned to retrieve a pair of Emily pajamas from the dresser, Emily stopped her by wrapping her hand around JJ's wrist. Emily pulled JJ towards her and then placed her hands on JJ's naked waist.

Emily gently kissed between JJ's breasts and then pulled her down onto the bed. She rolled on top of the blonde and kissed her mouth.

"Thanks again for taking care of me tonight, Jayj. I think it helped to talk about things. About Matthew and John. Paola and Veronica." Emily started softly.

JJ placed her hand gently on the side of Emily's face.

"I think I thought I loved Veronica, and maybe I did. I think she stirred something in me that hadn't been felt since Paola. I'm not sure what would have happened if my mother hadn't interrupted us that day," Emily said as she pulled herself away from JJ a little to look her in the eye. "Where we would have ended up. After Veronica, it was random lovers again and I sort of fell back into my old college habits. Thank god joining the Academy stopped most of that. There were random lovers but not quite like before. Never any relationships, I didn't have the time or desire for them or their complications. I didn't think it was in the cards for me. "

"But there has never been any doubt in my mind that I love you, Jen. I fell in love with you from the start, if I think about it hard enough it was probably from the very first day you introduced yourself to me. And from our first kiss, I knew right there in your living room I was in this forever. I love you Jennifer, you are everything to me, you and Henry. I don't need anything else. I'm not sure what I ever did to deserve this, I'm not even sure I do deserve this but I have it and I'm never letting it go."

JJ pulled Emily lips to hers and they kissed passionately; tongues entwined together and moving as one. They only stopped when the need for air became greater than their need for each other.

After a minute or so to catch her breath, Emily said "I promised myself, Jen, when we first started this relationship, I wouldn't hold anything back from you. That you would always know how I felt. That's why I tell you all the time that I love you, because I do, I do so much. You are my world, you are my lover, you are my wife, you are the mother of my child," Emily said kissing JJ's neck as she spoke.

Emily stopped kissing JJ's neck to look her back in the eye, "Jennifer, you are my life."

It was then that Emily saw that JJ had a tear rolling down her temple and into her hair. She wiped JJ's tears away and kissed her again. After that, there was nothing left to say and the two of them then made love to one another.

The two lay wrapped in each other's arms, both spent by their lovemaking. After a short while, JJ sat up a bit and kissed Emily gently. "You do deserve this, Emily. Everyone deserves to be loved, no matter what happened in their past, no matter how guarded their hearts are. Know that I love you, Em and I always will. You are my world too."

JJ kissed Emily and then settled back into her arms. Soon Emily could hear the soft rhythm of JJ's breathing that usually indicated her wife was asleep. She held onto JJ and thanked whatever god led her to this person, her lifeline that had become everything to her. The person that had help slay the demons of her past and had made her life better than she ever imagined it could be.

Just as she was about to fall asleep herself, their son began to cry in the other room. She heard Amanda's door open and, just as she started to drift off, she realized JJ must have asked their nanny to tend to their son that night.

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Emily was pulled from the memory by the very real cries coming from her son. She picked him up before he woke the entire ward.

"Is he okay, Em?" JJ asked sleepily

"Yeah, he's probably just hungry. I'll fix him a bottle."

Henry had calmed down a bit and Emily placed him next to JJ while she quickly fixed him a bottle. She was in the bathroom when the night charge nurse came in to check on them.

"Everything okay?" Natalie Duran asked

"Sorry," Emily said coming out of the bathroom, bottle in hand. "He's fine, he's just hungry."

"Are you going to make him leave?" JJ worried

"No, it's okay," said Natalie as she assessed the situation. "I've got a 11 month old at home. I think I'd want her here with me too."

"Tam knew that didn't she?" Emily asked. "That's why she waited for you to come on shift. Knew you'd empathize."

Natalie smiled and nodded, "She's a smart one."

"Very," Emily replied

Emily picked Henry up and gave him his bottle, which he greedily accepted.

"He's adorable," their night nurse said

"Thanks," both Emily and JJ replied in unison.

Natalie checked JJ's vitals while she was there and made sure the injured agent was comfortable. She left the family alone again once she was done.

After Henry had settled a bit and had stopped crying, Emily burped Henry and then placed him beside JJ again so she could give their son the remainder of his bottle.

As Emily watched the two of them again, she couldn't help but think just how truly blessed she was to have these two angels in her life.

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**Oh in the real world I realize that there is no way Henry would be allowed to stay with JJ but this is my world and I didn't have the heart to separate them. **

**If you liked this chapter, I hope you will take a couple of minutes to let me know.**

**Thank you for reading! **


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